Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…
The car ride home is comfortable, quiet. Until Ben breaks the silence.
"So, how was your…date?" He asks without really looking at her. He's not really sure if he can, if he's allowed to, after what he's put her through.
She nods slightly, keeping her attention set to the road, "It was good."
Good?
"Yeah," She says, slightly put off. "He's nice. I mean, he hasn't called me, but I'm sure he'll get back to me."
Ben looks at her, realizing he said what he thought out loud. Crap. "How long was I out for?"
"About two days," Adrian answers easily as she comes to a stop light.
"And he hasn't called you?" Ben asks incredulously.
"What, do you care?" Adrian asks, looking at him.
"No," Ben says abruptly without thinking. Adrian faces forward again with an annoyed huff and Ben tries to quickly correct himself, "I mean, that's not what I meant, I do care."
"Just save it, Ben," Adrian shakes her head and resumes driving when the light turns green. Her hands tighten on the steering wheel until her knuckles whiten and Ben internally curses himself.
"I'm an idiot, Adrian. If last night was any indication, that's what I am." Ben says morosely. "I always say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing and I just don't want us to go back to the condo mad at each other."
"Oh, I'm not mad," Adrian says. "I'm so over with being mad."
"Then how do you feel now?" Ben murmurs, not knowing what to expect.
"I don't know," Adrian answers honestly after a long moment in silence. "I mean, I get it. You'd rather not live in the condo with me. But all I was asking for was a few months, just a few because believe it or not, your presence is calming to me." She takes a left turn into their neighborhood. "It's not like I'm saying that we need to be romantically involved anymore, so I don't understand why you decided to drink, and then drink and drive! If you felt you really needed to do it, fine, but you could've called me-"
"You were on a date," Ben interrupts.
"And I would've left to come and pick you up, don't you know that?" Adrian questions. "Just like when I came to the hospital when you got hurt. I know you don't want me as your wife, but I'm still you friend, and if you ever need me, just ask." Her voice cracks and it's only then that Ben realizes how much he's affected her by his stupidity. Ben looks over at her to apologize, but just as quickly as her vulnerability came onto her face, it was gone. She blinked the glassiness away from her eyes and she cleared her throat. "Let's just forget it, okay? You promised me you wouldn't drink again and let's just leave it at that," She murmurs resolutely.
Ben nods and Adrian parks in the lot beside their condo. They both leave the car quietly, Adrian a bit sour and Ben feeling like an ass, and she unlocks the door to the condo just a little bit too roughly and shuts the door to the point of a slam.
And if he didn't think she was upset before, he pretty much knows it now.
"So, New York?"
Adrian exhales, wide-eyed and unprepared for Ben's assessment, and Ben's appraisal, and Ben's approval. He should be telling her that she's insane and that she doesn't have to go away for a good education and that even if she did have to go away from school, he would be more than willing to follow her. That's what he should be saying. What he should be doing.
She wants to keep him.
But it looks like he doesn't want to keep her.
"…I think it's a great idea; you should definitely do it!" Ben exclaims finally with a smile and relieved breath.
Relieved. Not worried that his wife would be possible making the biggest mistake of her life by pursuing something she had never even considered before, but relieved.
"You know," Ben begins, not noticing the distinct frown forming on Adrian's face, or the glare she's directing his way. "I think I'll have another brownie, I'll go get it."
"No, no," Adrian insists, forcing a smile on her face. "I'll get the brownies."
"Okay," Ben says, relaxing back in his seat and oblivious to Adrian's change in demeanor.
Inside the condo, Adrian fumes. She separates a brownie from another and taps the brunt end of a knife against the counter. He doesn't want to keep her, he wants out. He wants out, he wants out, he wants out. She doesn't know how to function under that thought and under those words.
She thinks she wants to try to make him happy. Because if he was happy, then he wouldn't want out. And no one runs away from a good thing. So, she follows more of Betty's advice. She takes a long hot shower and goes out for a walk in the morning. She cooks breakfast for him and decides to clean out the nursery while he's away at school and work because he says he gets depressed by the sight of it each and every day. Later, when the quaint nursery is just a bare room, she looks out the window, satisfied and hoping for something better when Ben gets home.
And instead, gets the tongue lashing of her life.
"She was my daughter, too!" Ben bellows, "You had no right to give away those items! How could you be so selfish, Adrian?"
Wide-eyed and shocked by the turn of events, she tries to explain. Explain that she just wanted him to be happy and to make things better. "I-"
"Don't." Ben states with bloodshot eyes. "Not another word. It was your idea to cheat on Ricky and Amy! And it was your idea to take down the nursery! And when you love someone, you don't do things like that –you don't get back at people and you don't do things without talking to the person you're with!"
A tear streaks down her cheek, "I-"
"You don't love me," Ben shakes his head. "You don't love anyone, but yourself."
Adrian shakes her head, tears glistening on her lashes, but Ben doesn't see or hear her. He spouts out more hateful phrases of their harsh reality –that this was a forced marriage, that he never wanted to marry her, that he didn't want to be a father, that he loved Amy, that he still loved Amy.
That Mercy deserved to die.
Ben leaves the room, lost in his destructive thoughts, leaving a broken Adrian in his wake. At first, she's speechless. No one, not even her mother, has ever spoken to her like that. It sets her off because she's never felt so angry at someone, fuming with rage. She clenches her fist, fingernails biting into her palm, and strikes at the wall closest to her. The pain the shoots up her arm is numbed as she pulls on her hair and she punches a hole through the drywall again. And again.
She does this 21 times throughout the evening. The same of number of times as the title of Adele's new CD as Rolling in the Deep plays endlessly on repeat.
She sits on the floor, swaying side to side with a cloth of ice over her reddened hand and her life, at eighteen years old, is already in a down whirl spiraling out of control. Experimentally, she tries moving her hand, but it's stuck in place, pulsating in agony.
She holds her bruised hand in her other hand gingerly. She maneuvers herself in holding her keys and then locks the door once she gets outside. Then she gets in her car, rests her bruised hand on the steering wheel as she starts the car and backs out.
Adrian drives out of the neighborhood, and into Leo's, and she knows her husband so well it's devastating because when she goes to the door and rings the doorbell, Leo is surprised. He looks surly and disappointed and she knows he must have seen Ben. "Adrian…you don't want to see him right now."
"I want to see him. Right now," She says dryly. She knows that as her father-in law, he's probably trying to protect her. The sentiment is sweet, but the damage was done long before he could've done anything to prevent it.
Leo nods in understanding. Leading her up the steps, he says, "He came into the restaurant drunk, and then he passed out. I don't even know where he could've gotten the alcohol."
"Ben had a fake ID made," Adrian says stoically, liveliness devoid from her voice. "When he was 15, he had one made to marry Amy." The words out of her mouth don't hurt, they just depress even more. Ben had married Amy once. Adrian attended the wedding. Nothing is right anymore.
Leo looks at Adrian carefully, eyes puffy and lifeless from crying, and then he looks down at her swollen hand. "What did he do to you?" The older man inquires, underlying anger in his voice.
Adrian shrugs, eyes cast downward. "Nothing- he just told me the truth. The truth hurts."
"And what version of the truth did he tell you?" Leo huffs.
"That he doesn't love me. That he never loved me." Adrian says tonelessly. She grabs Leo's arm before he can enter the room in a rage, "Do you know what? I don't believe him though." She lets out a small smile, "He'll be home by tomorrow, I think I'll let him sleep this off." She opens the door and Ben is snuggled on one side of his old bed with a teddy bear in his arms; Mr. Bear, she presumes. It's sad and kinda cute all at the same time. "Yeah, I think I'll let him sleep it off; I'll see him tomorrow," Adrian says softly as she and Leo watch Ben sleep curled around his childhood toy.
"Aren't you mad at him, Adrian?" Leo whispers in awe.
"I was mad, but not really at him. He was mad and he deserved to be. I've never had anyone speak to me like that before."
Misinterpreting her words to be insulting, Leo gruffly asks again, "What did he say to you?"
"Just the truth," Adrian calmly says again. She smiles, a determined glint enamored with thoughts of marriage and pregnancy and forever with Ben and her smile grows. She looks over to Leo genuinely, "Thank you for watching over him, Mr. Boykewich. Can you just tell him to come home tomorrow?"
"Of course, Adrian," Leo agrees, a bit flustered by Adrian's calm demeanor.
She gives him one final smile and Ben one more look with softened eyes before she leaves.
She goes to her parent's house instead of back to the condo. Her mom is in the kitchen is in the kitchen when she gets there and with the brightest smile she can muster, she says hi, despite it being so late, and asks for help.
"Help?" Cindy asks back, brushing a strand of Adrian's hair behind her ear.
"Mmhmm," Adrian hums. "I'm going back to school tomorrow and I need a really fierce outfit, and maybe you could help me with my makeup?"
And Cindy knows her daughter. She may not have always been there, but she knows her daughter hates asking for help. But she wants to go back to school, and she is here and if her daughter wants her assistance in something as simple as clothing and makeup, she'll be more than glad to help. "Of course, mija. Are you hungry?"
Adrian's lips quirk. "A little."
Cindy smiles, "Me too. So how about you go upstairs and put on some pajamas and I'll bring up some food for us and we can talk. That sound good?"
Adrian nods with a bright hum and she does what her mother says. She still has a few of her clothes over here, only a few, and they're the ones that were too snug on her while she was pregnant. She puts on a tank top and some shorts, and she has a little bit of a tummy but she thinks it's kind of cute. And then she goes to her closet to pick out an outfit for tomorrow; some of her tops happen to be too tight, even for her taste, but then she spots a blue blouse with a few cute cutoffs and she thinks it'll work, especially since Ben's favorite color is blue.
Cindy comes up holding a tray with a bowl of fruit, a couple of sandwiches, and two cups of juice and Adrian emerges from the closet, holding up a pair of skinny blue jeans. "Mamí, you think I can still fit this? I mean, I know I've gotten bigger but…"
Cindy chuckles, and sits the tray down on the duvet. She securitizes the jeans and then Adrian's curvy figure and pulls at the material, "There's a little bit of a stretch in them, so yeah." She cocks her head toward the bed, "But we can decide that in the morning; let's go eat."
Adrian hangs the jeans back in the closet and joins her mom on her bed, sinking her teeth into one of the ham sandwiches she made. She hasn't eaten in a few hours and she didn't realize how ravenous her appetite was until she took that first bite.
Cindy looks at her with a quirked brow as Adrian tears into the sandwich. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I would think you hadn't eaten in days."
Adrian sheepishly swallows the amount she has in her mouth and puts it down, plucking a grape from the bowl and eating that instead.
"What's wrong Adrian?" Cindy asks cautiously.
Adrian shrugs. "Ben doesn't really want to be married to me anymore," She reveals quietly. "But I love him," She says, looking straight into her mother's eyes.
"Did he tell you that?" Cindy's brow furrows.
"In so many words. He hasn't really had a chance to grieve and I think it's because he wanted to let me grieve, but it's time for me to get back in the swing of things. I want to graduate this year and with my grades, I should be able to even graduate with honors." Adrian says with a small smile. "I want to do that, for myself."
"And Ben?" Cindy inquires.
Adrian's smile grows wider. "I think in his heart of hearts, he wants that for me too."
But. "Did he say that, Adrian?"
"He means well," Adrian defends. "He always has. And I appreciate that we've gotten to a level in our relationship where we can be honest with each other. And I want to always have that because it's the first time I've ever really had that."
And she wants it back. She wants it the way it was, she wants him back. And in order to do that, she needs to attract Ben's attention in the biggest way. So the next day, she gets up early and takes a nice long shower and blow dries her hair straight and slides her feet in some heels for the first time in a few months. She drives to school, nice and slow, and before getting out, she reapplies her lip-gloss with a smirk in her rear view mirror.
She struts across the parking lot in her knee-high back boots, through the double doors, and smiles brightly as Ben is the first thing she sees down the hallway. His jaw slacks momentarily as he meets her halfway and she wraps her hands around his neck, bringing it down with a tilt of her head and melting in his kiss in the middle of the hallway. "Good morning, Ben. How'd you sleep?"
"Adrian?" Ben questions incredulously. "Wha-How…What are you doing back in school?"
Her dark eyes glitter as she answers. "What we spoke about. Getting my education and what better way to spend my time than to be here, with you?"
Ben is at a loss of words. "Adrian, I packed my bags this morning, I left."
She nods, "I know."
"Then, if you know, why?..."
She leans up to him close, her breath whispering on his lips. "Because we're married. I'm not going to just let you go. I love you." She seals her statement with another kiss, nice and slow, and unravels herself from him, smirking and waving to various students in the hallway. He stares at her as she struts confidently with her head held high and a swagger in her step, and suddenly she's that girl again.
The one he fell for.
And he couldn't stop thinking about her as he sat through Pre-Cal and he couldn't walk through the hallway without hearing her name and at lunch he found himself looking for her because he hadn't seen her almost all day, even though he knew she was there in school. Alice and Henry sat down opposite of him, as usual, and he felt…hollow somehow.
"What's wrong Ben?" Alice asks inquisitively.
"Looking for something?" Henry follows with a shadow of a smirk on his face.
Ben opens his mouth, but closes it again when he realizes he can't verbalize exactly what he's feeling. He's lost and confused and he doesn't really know the reason why.
He feels her before he sees her; soft supple pink lips on his and it nearly takes his breath away as she deepens the kiss. She backs away with a bright smile and sits by his left side, swiping a fry from his plate and biting into the middle. Alice and Henry stare, stunned by the Latina's unique greeting, but Alice recovers first. "Hi, Adrian," She says cautiously with a half-smile.
Ben looks at Adrian as she directs herself at Alice seamlessly, without missing a beat. "Hey Alice!" She beams, "Henry," She greets with a nod of her head.
"Uh, how are you?" Henry asks in lieu of a greeting as Adrian dips the remainder of the fry in Ben's ketchup. Ben continues to quietly survey her as she pops the fry in her mouth.
"Pretty good," She says with a shrug. "A bit boring because I had to get my schedule reorganized, but I can still graduate this summer."
Alice face brightens. "So, you decided to come back to school?"
Adrian nods, "Yeah." She looks at to her right with a sidelong smile, "Thanks to Ben."
Alice and Henry exchange glances as Adrian bats her eyes flirtatiously at Ben and hooks her foot around his ankle underneath the table. She scoots closer to him, looking in his eyes, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," Ben breathes out, somehow relieved. "What about you?" He asks as his almond eyes soften.
"Good," She reiterates softly. She takes another fry from his plate, dipping it in ketchup. "Just a little bored," She reveals with her eyes downcast, but he knows her enough to know there's more to that.
And he also knows that she wouldn't want to discuss it in front of other people.
He looks at Alice and Henry quickly. "Would you guys mind giving us some privacy?"
The two shake their heads and gather their trays; "We're just going to head in the lunchroom," Alice says in parting as she and Henry leave and Ben turns back to Adrian, who's looking at him through her lashes.
"I'm sorry," Ben apologizes immediately. "I'm really sorry for what I put you through yesterday."
She decides not to answer him on that point. "I miss you," She says instead.
His gaze wanes. "I left, Adrian."
She answers that with another kiss, hooking her fingers behind her ear. "You could always come back," She says, her nose touching his.
"It's not that simple," Ben shakes his head.
Adrian backs up, "But it could be." She continues looking at him, "Is it Amy?" She whispers.
What? Ben shakes his head. "No, it's not. It's…me, essentially."
Adrian laughs. "That's an old break-up line."
Before Ben can answer, the bell rings loudly over the promenade. "I have to get back," Ben says and Adrian nods, standing up and giving him a beaming smile with a kiss to his forehead.
"Okay," She chirps. "See you later?"
No. "Sure," He agrees.
She leaves his side with a bounce in her step and he exhales. How can he see her later, if he's left and all of his stuff is in a duffle bag in his truck? It's not like he's going back. He's not going back. He left and he's not going back and nothing is going to change that.
Except it changes when he sees her again that afternoon. Adrian holds a girl in the hallway by her forearm with her eyes incensed and nostrils flared and defending him even when he couldn't find the words to do so himself and he kind of loves her in that moment of time. She is who she is and he loves her for it.
"…and you're an ass." Adrian says between gritted teeth. "And I would wish you'd lose your baby when you have one, but I don't wish that on anyone." The girl flees, almost in tears, Ben notes, and Adrian looks at him and in the blink of an eye, she's bouncing up to him gleefully. He apologizes again because he knows he was wrong and feels even worse when she says she understands why he did it. That she doesn't blame him for acting that way. He really doesn't deserve her.
"I was hoping," She says in a small voice, "that you'd come home. And we don't even have to live as a married couple, but as friends." For two people who were never really friends, they agree to friendship every time they have a disagreement.
"I don't think we'll ever be friends at this point, Adrian." Ben says knowingly, and her face falls.
"It's all I really want," She says with shining eyes. "Please. All I want is for you to walk out that door with me, holding my hand, like you did when Amy came back to school."
And she looks so small, and he can't say no. He doesn't know if it'd because he's too much of a coward or…if it's because he wants to walk out those doors holding her hand too, but he extends his hand without another thought and he smile grows so wide, it reaches her eyes and her hand rests in his and clasps as they walk down the hallway, ignorant of any eyes that fell on them.
The doorbell rings later and Ben, just about to enter the kitchen, veers off course to answer the door with his spare arm. Ever since Adrian's brought him home, everything's been quite. She sequestered herself in her room for the remainder of the day and Ben, interpreting that as her being upset with him, left her to her own devices.
He twists that handle and on the other side is a guy with dark caramel skin in a slim fitting polo and his hands shoved in his pockets. He raises his head, scrutinizing. "So, you must be the ex," He says with a smirk.
"And you must be the jerk that didn't call Adrian back," Ben accuses with a bite in his tone.
The guy laughs, "Wrong brother, man." His eyes focus behind Ben and Ben turns around to see Adrian in a red low-cut dress with matching heels, holding a clutch. The man at the door lets out a low whistle and Ben grits his teeth behind his lips. She looks gorgeous.
She walks up slowly and stands beside Ben in the doorway, surveying the guy with approving eyes. "Hello, Omar," She says, lingering on his name with a smirk on her lips.
'Omar' looks from her honeyed eyes and down to her pedicured toes, scanning a few areas of her outfit a little longer than he should, causing Ben to subconsciously stand closer to Adrian's side. "Hey babe."
"I'm not your babe," Adrian says as a sassy retort with a quirk of her lips and Ben smiles approvingly.
"Yet." Omar states confidently.
"We'll see," Adrian bats her eyes, her long lashes sweeping her cheeks as she steps out into the hallway and Omar grins in responds, his eyes falling to her full ass when her back is turned. Ben's grip on the door handle tightens until his knuckles turn white and Adrian turns back to Ben with a small smile. "Don't wait up for me, okay?"
Ben nods tightly, eyes softened as he looks at her and hard when he glares at Omar, who nods his head at him as his arm slips around Adrian's waist.
He shuts the door to the point of a slam.
And he guesses that if she didn't know he was upset, she knows it now.
Thank you for reading and reviewing everyone! After Flip Flop, it's so apparent that these two are endgame, it's almost scary. Call Adrian crazy all you like, but Ben is the one who wants her, so who's the real crazy one in this situation? I hope you continue to enjoy, feel free to drop a review and tell me how I'm doing :)
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