In which Angeal is pestered by Yuffie, Sephiroth is driven insane by hotel staff, and Genesis' makes sport out of the misery of a certain blonde cadet!
Just some silly out-of-office glimpses into the lives of our favorite SOLDIERS. Enjoy!
Ninjas
Angeal sighed in relief as he flopped down onto a park bench. President Shinra had been working him like a dog for the past few days, because both Sephiroth and Genesis were on the proverbial 'kitchen police,' having rubbed him the wrong way several times. Thusly Angeal had been required to go on three times as many missions. He massaged his temples stressfully, thankful that he could snatch a few minutes of rest before he had to go train that puppy of his. His brow knitted at the thought. Zack really knew how to work his nerves. He was not looking forward to two hours of Zack's carelessness and flippancy. Oh well, I won't think about that now. I'll just relax. He thought. And he did. He leaned back and basked in the afternoon sun. It really was a nice day here in this little town of what's-its-name, east of Midgar. The sun biffed along cheerfully, the birds chirped, the- "Goh!" Angeal gasped painfully as some object hurled from some way off impacted his stomach. "What in blazes?" He looked down to see what it was. "A boomerang?" he asked aloud. He lifted his eyes up angrily to see who had thrown the object. "Sorry mister!" came a sheepish apology. It came from a young girl with short black hair. "I was using my boomerang for shuriken practice, guess I still need some work," she explained, rubbing the back of her head. "I'll say," agreed Angeal. But he wasn't as angry as he sounded. This girl reminded him of Zack somehow. Then again he didn't really want to be reminded of Zack just then. What he wanted was peace and quiet.
Standing, he gave the girl a curt nod and she buzzed off. Breathing deeply the crisp autumn air his eyes wandered over to the pond where several people were feeding ducks. He was intrigued, and soon ventured over. He walked up to a little girl with a bag of bread crumbs and asked her for a few. She smiled up at him and gave him a handful, and he patted her head and wandered over to a nearby tree. He stood under it and started tossing breadcrumbs to the ducks, who greedily gulped down his offerings like they were starving. It feels like I'm working in a soup kitchen. He thought with a smile. Suddenly there was a loud crash from the tree above him, and before he could look up he found himself crashing to the ground as a large object fell onto his back, knocking the breath out of him. This object soon manifested itself as a young human girl as it leapt from his back. "What the devil?" he spluttered between spitting out mouthfuls of dirt. "Oh ha-ha, sorry mister," came the sheepish apology again. "Guess I need a little more work on my stealth skills." Standing, Angeal grunted annoyed in reply, brushing the dirt and loose grass from his battle suit. "But I gotta say," the girl added, "You don't have very good reflexes for a SOLDIER." Angeal sighed. "I wasn't expecting it to rain teenage girls on a clear day." he quipped. The girl shrugged. "Take it from me, the Great Yuffie, you gotta be prepared for everything in this life!" with this she turned and buzzed off. Angeal had not a doubt that she went off to make herself a nuisance to someone. As for him, his nerves were more jangled than ever, and now his back was hurting. That Yuffie might think herself a ninja, but she didn't fall as gracefully as one. She fell like an anvil. With another sigh he began to wonder if a walk in the park on a cool autumn day wasn't actually the best thing for the nerves. As he was thinking this he noticed some children playing in a playground to his left. It was more of a sandlot than a playground, as there was only a slide and a small swing to the far side of it. It was then he remembered hearing something about walking barefoot in the sand being therapeutic. He decided he might as well try it, nothing else seemed to be working. He bent down and removed his regulation boots and regulation-well no his mother had made those socks for him actually,- and moseyed over to there aforementioned sandlot. As soon as his toes hit the sand he knew this was just what the doctor ordered. He closed his eyes and lifted his face sunward as he enjoyed the sensation of his toes squidging in the sand. "Ah yes," he sighed, "This is just-OUCH! BLAST!" He barked suddenly. Some sharp object had just impaled his foot. He looked down and saw- jacks? the toys? He stared blankly down at the small pointy objects, wincing at the growing pain in his foot. "Oh, that's where I left my caltrops," came a horribly familiar voice at his side. Looking over he saw a young girl leaning down to coop up the "caltrops." She looked up at him and grinned. "Oh hey it's you gain!" She chirped. Then she frowned. "You didn't step on these did you?" she asked, noticing that his injured foot was hovering a few inches off the ground. "Yes." he growled. "Gee that musta' hurt! Good thing I'm not allowed to use real caltrops huh?" She said with a grin. Angeal was in no mood to count his blessings. He turned abruptly and limped off, not even bothering to put on his boots. He had to get away from this girl before he lost his mind. Compared to her, Zack would be welcome company.
Housekeeping.
Sephiroth staggered into room 2B of the "Discount Motel," and immediate threw himself onto the dingy looking bed with a groan. He had been awake for the past 48 hours on a grueling mission, burning labs, running from town to town and dealing with the angry citizens, without a moments rest. He was dirty and bloody, and his normally well-conditioned hair was a tangled stringy mess, but that was the least of his concerns, His main-and only- concern at the moment was sleep. Every muscle in his exhausted body cried out for it. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so tired. It was as if all those years of training and conditioning had been spent, leaving a weakened human man.
"Sweet sleep my love how I have missed you," he moaned, closing his eyes and surrendering to the warm blackness that engulfed him. What seemed like two seconds later his senses were aroused to the sound of loud knocking at his door, and a shrill voice saying, "Housekeeping!" He ignored it, hoping that it would go away, and once again began to drift into sweet slumber. Tap. Tap. Tap. "Housekeeping!" came the sound again. With a tremendous effort, Sephiroth pulled one eyelid open, and swiveled the eyeball over to look at the clock that sat on the nightstand next to the bed. 12:03 pm. He had only been asleep for 4 hours. "GO. AWAY." he shouted with some effort. "Must come housekeep room now." came the insistent voice. "You're about to housekeep my sword up your rear in a moment! Come back tonight!" Sephiroth snapped, although in reality he lacked the energy to mutilate anyone. "Housekeeping loose one dollar off paycheck for each room I not do now." The shrill voice complained. Sephiroths eyes, which were already red from sleep and exhaustion, blazed with fury. His mind wanted to leap up and strangle "housekeeping" to death, but his weary body refused to move. There apparently was only one way to get rid of this woman. "FINE COME IN YOU DIPSTICK." he snarled, slamming his eyes shut. With a satisfied sniff, the woman unlocked the door and entered the room. Sephiroth could vaguely hear her clicking around the room as he slowly lost consciousness and oh sweet sleep! Oh blessed slumber! Gratefully he melted way into- "Housekeeping need to do bed now." Slowly he felt his senses returning to him like unwanted ex-girlfriends as sleep drifted away from his loving grasp. "I'm not getting up." He mumbled. "You very lazy. Sleep half the day away. Get up and get life, and let me make stupid bed." Said the woman, equally annoyed. That was the cricket In the mitten for Sephiroth. His bloodshot eyes popped open, and his exhaustion was temporarily forgotten as he soared to a sitting position. "I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS FIGHING OFF ANGRY MOBS, DESTROYING LABS, AND RUNNING MY *expletive* LUNGS OUT. I THINK I DESERVE A FEW HOUSE OF UNINTERUPPTED *expletive* SLEEP! NOW GET OUT BEFORE I MAKE THAT FEATHER DUSTER OF YOURS A PERMANENT PART OF YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS!" He bellowed, and threw his head back onto the pillow and yanked the covers over his head. With a snort, the housekeeping woman carted herself and her supplies out the door. A few moment later Sephiroth heard her outside the door he knew belonged to Genesis saying, "Housekeeping!"
Trick'd
Genesis flopped down on his couch with an exasperated sigh. It was his day off, the only one he had a month. Unlike his colleagues Angeal and Sephiroth, Genesis despised his off day. He much preferred the faster pace of constant missions and office work. If he was ever tired at the job, he would just retreat to the balcony with Loveless, or ask a sweet faced young secretary to lunch, (usually a different one each week.)
It never took him more than an hour to completely recover his strength and pep. When he returned home,
he found his eight hours of sleep were ample. His days off however were unbearably dull. They rarely fell on a day when Angeal or Sephiroth were also off, so he couldn't go drinking with them, and he hated going alone. He supposed he could go out and do something, but Genesis intensely lacked motivation when he had no clear goal in mind. He pulled out his phone and speed-dialed Angeal. after five rings, Angeal's voice came from the other end of the line. "Hello?" he sounded flustered. "'Geal, let's go drinking or something. I'm horribly bored." "Genesis, I'm in the middle of a mission!" "Give it a miss! Come on, you know you can." "No! This is an important mission, besides what kind of an example is that?" "I'll help you find a beautiful female companion…" Genesis coaxed. "A fascinating shapely one at that." He added.
"Genesis, the last beautiful fascinating shapely woman you found for me was a prostitute. Now I told you I'm in the middle of a mission goodbye." And with that Angeal hung up. Genesis pouted to himself but lost no time in dialing Sephiroth's number. "What." unlike Angeal, Sephiroth always answered on the first ring.
"Sephiroth let's do something, I'm fearful bored."
"Off day?"
"Yeesss." Genesis groaned.
"You know Genesis, these off days aren't mandatory. You could just go in to work."
Genesis snorted. "What kind of pathetic lifeless person does that?"
"The same kind of pathetic lifeless person who sneaks into the office at-"
"ANYWAY." Genesis interrupted, "Let's go intimidate some honest working men and steal their wives from them or something."
"As fun as that sounds, and it actually sounds fun, no. I am occupied." Sephiroth answered.
"With WHAT?"
"I'm busy." Sephiroth rarely told his business.
After a loud, long groan of complete exasperation, (which Sephiroth hung up in the middle of,)
Genesis decided to turn on the television. Flipping idly through the channels he stopped on one when he saw the title was 'trick'd'. Genesis enjoyed this show, it made his heart glad to see people put out of their minds with worry and then be told it was all a prank at the end. And then as he watched, he had an epiphany…
Cadet Cloud Strife jumped as his cell phone rang. He was not used to getting cell phone calls. He was even more surprised to see the name on the caller I.D. He had asked Zack for the numbers of the three first class SOLDIERS in the vain hope that he would get a call from one of them. He had had their numbers for over a year and had forgotten he even had them, so imagine his shock when he saw 'Commander Rhapodos' pop up on the screen. His heart skipped a beat, and he fumbled with the pone as he tried to answer.
"Hello?" he squeaked. He cleared his voice and tried again. "Hello?" he squeaked. "Cloud Strife?" Genesis smirked at how suave and authoritative he could make his voice. "Y-yes." Cloud answered, silently cursing his shaky voice. "Welll cadet Strife, I hear from second-class Fair that you have been trying quite hard to make second-class." Genesis rolled each word around on his tongue, enjoying the discomfort he knew he was causing the cadet. Cloud nodded vigorously, and them remembered he was on the phone. "Yes, sir."
he said. "Well cadet, it takes more than training to be a true SOLDIER. I have taken an interest in you. Come to my abode at four, be on time. "With this he hung up, leaving Cloud staring wide eyed into space, the phone still held to his ear.
With a happy sigh Genesis rubbed his hands together. Nothing like frightening a hard working underling to death to perk up an otherwise dull day. Cloud was the only one he could think of" Zack was untrickable, himself being a known prankster. He remembered seeing the spiky blond head boy hanging around the second-class, and knew he would be perfect for the planned mischief. "Augh!" He suddenly started violently in his chair as he realized he had just told the cadet to come over in his best arrogant voice when his apartment was a mess. He jumped up and began speed cleaning, smirking as he thought of the plans he had for the cadet.
Cloud stood on the doorstep taking deep breaths as he gathered up the nerve to knock on the door. He kept having the feeling that he had only imagined the phone call, and Genesis actually had no idea a young cadet was staring on his doorstep. Come on Strife. He told himself. Pull yourself together, this is your chance!
But all he could do was stand clenching and unclenching his fists. Suddenly, the door swung open. "Greetings, cadet." Genesis boomed. Cloud, who had choked on his own inhale, let out a strangled cough.
"Come in, cadet, and allow me to teach you the finer things of life." Five minutes later Cloud found himself sitting in a candle lit living room, (he didn't notice the miscellanea stuffed under the sofa,) holding a small red book in his hands. Everyone in SOLDIER knew of Genesis' obsession with LOVELESS. Every hour or so you could see him out ton the balcony, or reading it to a young secretary under a tree, or reading it while he was eating lunch. Indeed with all the time he spent reading it it was a wonder he ever got any work done at all. "This book," he intoned to Cloud now, "Is over five hundred years old. It is the last known copy of LOVELESS. Hold it with great care cadet. It is more important than your life and the lives of all your peers put together." With that, Genesis walked into the kitchen, muttering something about irresponsibility. The confused Cloud looked down at the book in his hands. Was he supposed to read it? He opened it gingerly and turned the pages. What did reading LOVELESS have to do with being a SOLDIER? Suddenly Cloud's heart stopped. A page of the five hundred year old last known copy of the book LOVESS had just come loose. As he removed his violently shaking hand, another page came apart. For a moment, Cloud was frozen. He blinked once or twice, hoping the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away, along with that dreadful sound of the world crashing around his ears. Then his mind snapped into place as he realized his dire position. Still shaking violently, he looked about for an escape route. He had just decided he would burst the window and run to his apartment to hastily pack for his move to Madagascar, when he decided it would be a much better idea to use the door. But just as he leapt up, Genesis returned. Cloud hastily closed the book, and stammered 'O-o-h you're back."
"Why shouldn't I be?" Genesis asked breezily. Without waiting for an answer he strode over and took the book from Cloud. "And now, Cadet, LOVELESS." he intoned, holding the book with reverence. Cloud was a trembling mass of nerves. His eyes flitted about looking for an escape, but there was none, for Genesis was standing in front of the only exit. He supposed he could break the window, but even if he thought this the best thing to do his body wouldn't move. He couldn't even let out the croak that was in his mouth as Genesis opened the book to about the middle, the same spot he had been reading. Clearing his throat Genesis began. "When the war of the beast brings about-" He stopped. A page had just drifted towards the ground. Both his eyes and Cloud's followed it to the ground, until it landed gracefully. Then their eyes locked. Now Cloud couldn't even tremble he was so paralyzed. The look in Genesis' eyes was terrible.
Then, all of a sudden, Genesis burst out laughing heartily. "The…look….on….your face cadet!" He gasped between outbursts. "It was even more priceless than….when you tore….the page!" with this he clutched at his stomach and continued to guffaw. Cloud stared at him blankly. What? He was laughing? Presently Genesis calmed down enough to explain. "Poor little Cloud," he said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes,
"This was all a set-up. This," he said, holding up the book, "Is not LOVELESS. It's…Aesop's fables or something like that, I don't even know, but it's archaic." he laughed again, but Cloud was still confused.
Then he began to realize it had all been a prank. Oh… "Oh cadet Strife, I owe you my thanks. You have brightened up my day considerably.." Said Genesis, waving a dismissive hand. "Oh!" He said, remembering his duties as a First. Angeal would kill him if he didn't add a moral to maintain his dignity. "The lesson to be learned from all this is: always make sure you know what you're getting into. If you had read the cover you would have known that book was not LOVELESS." He said sternly. "Oh…thank you, sir." said the bewildered Cloud, wandering out the door. Genesis smirked as he watched him go, but then boredom returned to him. But now he had a new pastime. He pulled out his phone and dialed 'Kunsel.'
