AN: This drabble will feature the class representative, Hikari Horaki. I know I'm not using your usual picks for people in these little tales, but main characters are being featured, just they're not necessarily themselves, just another aspect of the person they're talking with.

4. To Open Your Heart, Is To Hurt

She had been running for too long. She'd been sick after running for ten minutes, yet she had still stumbled on. Exhaustion engulfed her and she collapsed into the grass. She may have been by a lake, but she been so focused on getting away… she didn't know.

She passed out. And then things starting getting really weird.

She was in a dark place, and standing there were the three EVA pilots that had been in her class – the quiet girl and boy, Rei and Shinji, and the loud girl, Asuka. They all looked gloomy.

What are you doing here?

Huh, she couldn't speak. Odd. The three children seemed to hear her though.

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka half-heartedly snapped, sighing huffily. Shinji just looked sad, while Rei remained unmoved.

"Asuka…" Shinji mumbled, but the fiery girl smacked him around the head.

"We're aspects of your being! What else did you think we were? You passed out, didn't you?" Asuka said, eyes narrowing.

Hikari Horaki blinked. The girl before her looked like her friend, but she remembered passing out. Everything had become so confusing. Everyone around her was falling apart and she had just run away. What had happened to her sisters? To Toji?

"You feel like you are being forgotten," Rei quietly commented and Hikari looked to Rei standing off to her left. Rei's red eyes met hers and she felt that the Rei standing before her knew things she didn't. Fear began to grip her. Things weren't right.

I need to get out of here, Hikari muttered, standing and looking around. The darkness began to fade to reveal the field again. The three EVA pilots still stood with her. Shinji scuffed his shoe in the grass, head down.

"There's nowhere to go, Horaki. You need to stop and take stock. You have to decide what you're going to do with yourself," Asuka stated, arms folded across her chest. Hikari remained still, taking a shaky breath. She looked at each of them – Asuka looking like she could kill with a look, Rei impassive yet seeming to hold a wealth of knowledge, and Shinji… he wouldn't even look up.

What's wrong, Shinji? she asked, stepping closer.

Shinji raised his head, his eyes filled with distress.

"I don't know what to do!" he cried, his hands grasping his hair. Hikari was taken aback by his outburst, not understanding what was going on.

Who are you really!

Rei gave Asuka a look, which made the redhead shut her already opening mouth and roll her eyes.

"I am your knowledge – the knowledge you are aware of but do not necessarily face up to. Asuka is your passion and common sense. And Shinji is effectively your ego, which is indecisive."

Hikari frowned, confused.

Aren't I my ego? I'm me – he can't be me too.

"He can – we're all in your head," Asuka pointed out and Hikari didn't know what to say, so said nothing. Shinji let his hair go and straightened, his haunted eyes boring into hers.

"We need to decide whether to join the others who evacuated," Shinji explained and Hikari shuddered.

But they were dissolving!

"They were becoming one," said Rei, calling up the memory of the pools of LCL running together in Hikari's mind. She shuddered.

I don't wanna be that!

"You do not know what 'that' is," Rei reminded her and Hikari shook her head.

Do we need to? Dissolving generally isn't a good thing.

"I don't want to die," Shinji murmured, and Hikari couldn't agree more. Asuka tossed her hair and snorted.

"Coward. Fearing the unknown. You should fear what you do know. Reserve your fear until you know what it is first," spat Asuka to Shinji, and the boy frowned, turning away from her.

Then what was is? Hikari demanded, looking at them all.

"Everyone was joining with each other, to be comforted and fill the void within each of us." Hikari watched Rei, waiting for her to tell her what she was saying was just some kind of joke.

Did you just make that up?

"I am making a point as to what we witnessed. Everyone was joining together," confirmed Rei. Hikari felt herself beginning to hyperventilate.

What about my sisters – Nozomi, Kodama… what about Toji! They all… melted and joined together? Her voice began to rise in panic. Shinji's breathing began to increase and he sat on the grass, curling up so his knees were against his chest and his head buried in his knees. His arms were wrapped tightly around his legs.

"You saw," Asuka said, walking away. She disappeared after getting ten feet away. Rei approached Hikari and gave her a nod.

"There is nothing more we can do. You have to decide yourself what to do." And with that, she too walked away and disappeared. Shinji didn't move.

Why haven't you gone?

"I am you," he whispered.

So were they! She argued, but Shinji shrugged.

"They were just parts of you. I'm you."

I don't want to be a pool of stuff!

"That's not good enough. You can't just not want to be something. Sometimes we have to become the things we don't want to be, like when a child grows up and has to be an adult. You need reasons, another purpose to avoid the destination you're heading to."

Hikari didn't want to talk about this anymore.

Why is the other me you? A boy?

Shinji raised his head from his knees.

"Why not? There is male and female in all of us. An aspect of yourself could be male. And why me… because you wouldn't want yourself to be Toji or Kensuke, would you?" Hikari wrinkled her nose at the idea of either of them representing her.

I suppose.

"You're trying to get away from your purpose. You have to choose whether to join everyone or not. You feel the void in your heart. It could be filled if you joined them."

Hikari sat down opposite Shinji, her heart aching. She could feel it in there.

Yeah, but meshing with other people isn't going to make it better. Then I wouldn't be me, would I?

"What do you think?" Blue eyes met brown ones.

If we were all joined together, I wouldn't be me. We'd all be one thing.

"I don't know. We can only speculate."

Why are people doing this! She didn't understand why people would do it, but deep inside her, where the void lay, she could feel the real answer call to her. Hikari didn't want to acknowledge it, but Shinji shook his head.

"You know why. Say it."

People are afraid to be alone. People get hurt when they allow people in, but are painfully alone when they don't let anyone in. To be… joined… would mean no-one is hurt because we'll be as one.

"Do we want that?"

Hikari looked at the imaginary grass, gently pulling tufts up as she thought.

No. I don't want to lose control. I don't want to never get to tell Toji how I feel because I was afraid of getting hurt. People are being stupid. I'm not going to join together with everyone because I was too scared to do anything. I realise this now. Yeah, it can hurt if you let people in, but I'll gladly pay that price to not be alone.

Shinji stood and Hikari joined him.

"We're growing up," he said and Hikari gave a small smile.

I guess this is goodbye.

She hugged him and she felt his slim arms hug her back.

"We made the right choice."

She woke up and was still on grass. She stood and looked around.

There had been a lake, after all.