I wasnt planning on updating today but in despite of it being Edward Cullen's birthday today i decided to update :) Thanks so much for getting me over 50 reviews guys/gals!
I DONT OWN ANYTHING,
Chapter 4
Edward's POV
I walked over to the desk and pulled out the year 1 letter from Tanya ripping it open and looking at it,
My dearest Carter,
You wont ever remember me when you get older if I have passed on but these letters will guide you along in life. I love you….remember that. I never abandoned you by baby boy, I cant wait for you to read these on your own when you are older and you don't have to worry about your daddy reading them for you *giggles*.
You are now a year old and I watch over you every single day making sure you are fine in life. I love you so so much Carter Logan Masen, my baby boy.
Happy Birthday Baby, I love you.
-Mommy
The letters probably got longer as he got older, and it made me emotional, because Tanya knew….she knew she was going to die on Carter and I….why would she write these letters if she didn't know or think she was not going to live? It pissed me off once again. Why couldn't Tanya tell me what she was thinking woul happen to her during childbirth?
I pulled a new envelope out of the drawer and put the letter in it putting '1 year' on it like Tanya had. I bet Tanya was sitting up there in heaven watching me closely wanting to smack me for looking at Carter's letter early. Reading these letters made me think of when Tanya told me she was pregnant.
Flashback
I parked my car in the garage noticing Tanya's car was still in the same place it was that morning. It made me frown, she either didn't go into work or came home early sick from work, it didn't matter which one it bothered me. I got out of my car locking it before walking into the living room and seeing Tanya no where in sight.
"Tanya?" I called out
"Bathroom!" I heard a muffled yell from Tanya
I set down my bag going for the bathroom where I saw my wife holding her long blonde hair up with her hand pucking her guts out. I walked over and kneeled down to where she was sitting on her knees taking her hair making her release her hand from it going to the toilet.
"Baby what's wrong with you? You've been sick since this morning" I said
"I….I don't know" she said before pucking again
Being an OB/YGN I see a lot of women come through pucking there guts out….wait a minute.
"Baby when was your last period?" I asked
"Edward!" she cried out
"Tanya…..just tell me please." I said
She sat next to the tub calculating in her head when her last period was,
"Oh no" she whimpered
"Tanya" I said
"I'm late" she whimpered
She whimpered and wrapped her arms around herself. The last time she had gotten pregnant was with Jake's child who she gave up for adoption. Lacy had been an adorable baby, but Tanya wasn't ready to be a mother at the time.
"Baby, all we need to know is if you are pregnant or not. It'll be a wonderful thing baby" I said
"I….I can't be pregnant again, we're not ready Edward! We're still in college" she said
"Well like I said, we need to know for sure baby." I said
She wrapped her arms around my neck giving me a kiss
"I love you" she said
"I love you too Tanya" I said
End of flashback
Lacy…..geez that flashback made me think of her. I remember being there the whole time when Tanya was in labor, and the doctor suspected I was the daddy but I denied it. when they told me I had to leave Tanya begged them to let me stay and I did. She gave birth to Lacy and refused to look at her but I saw what she looked like a little bit.
She was pale like her mother, and had her mother's blonde hair but I guessed she would get his eyes. We never saw Lacy again. What shocked me is how Tanya went through labor for Lacy and survived but when she gave birth to Carter she didn't survive. Maybe she was meant to survive Lacy's birth but not Carter's….it makes me wonder. I remember after Lacy's birth when Tanya had to sign her birth certificate even though Lacy was being adopted, and the doctors asked her about her choice.
Every mother who gives up their child has 30 days to change their mind but when the doctor told her about her 30 days to change her mind about the adoption she stopped him mid-sentence. She told him she was a 17 year old girl not having enough strength or knowledge to take care of a child and wouldn't even dare try to take the baby back.
He still told her about her 30 days no matter how much she protested and when he left giving the adoptive couple their authority to her child, she cried for a few hours. She knew it was the best thing for Lacy but she didn't think she could do it without crying and she didn't. I remember that day like it was yesterday
Flashback
"Come on Tanya" I said
She cried holding the bed,
"I can't leave Edward" she said crying her eyes out like a little baby
"Tanya we have to go, Lacy is gone. She has her new family now, her new mom and dad. You said you weren't ready" I said
She whimpered crawling back onto tehe bed curling up into a ball sobbing.
"Tanya….." I said
"I don't want to lose my baby" she cried
"Remember what the doctor said Tanya? You have 30 days to change your mind about giving Lacy up for adoption" I said
"I can't….i can't give up my baby Edward! She' mine!" she cried
"Tanya you're not fit to be a mother, you're 17 not 20 something. You're not old enough to take care of Lacy" I said
"I….." she said
"Tanya you cant take care of Lacy by yourself and Jake is in jail for raping you, you don't need him getting his hands on you" I said
She whimpered and took my hand,
"I'm sorry" she said
"You have nothing to be sorry for Tanya, you just gave up your daughter. You should feel this way" I said
She slightly smiled.
"Take me home Edward" she said
I smiled at her.
End of flashback
A/N- Next….Bella's POV! I know this may be confusing to people about Lacy but it'll be explained later on. Lacy will have a part in this story, she will have a big-ish part. I want to tell you this, Lacy would be 10 now….she is 10. She is Tanya and Jacob's daughter both which are dead (Jake will be explained later to). I want to inform you for next chapter, Edward&Alice&Emmett are all Masen's, Bella is a Cullen….no relation at all! Please review for me you lovely readers =)
