Chapter* 10
"I don't like jealousy. It's toxic." – Lili Beckett
"I am unlucky in love." – Malcolm Reed
"The objective is, whoever gets the girl first wins." – Travis Mayweather
=/\=
"Jealous?! Of humans?" Q threw back his head and laughed.
"Methinks you doth protest too much," Lili said.
"Nonsense."
"No, no, no!" she grinned broadly and moved closer to him, but her movements were tough and she held her abdomen where the surgical incision was healing, "I do believe I've hit a nerve."
"I have no nerves to hit."
"Don't be so sure. There's always someone who's younger, or more mature. Or taller, or thinner, or has more hair. Or is more muscular, or the bust is bigger, or the butt looks better. Someone is always smarter, or funnier, or has better teeth or whatever."
"She can't do any better," Q insisted.
"Maybe she doesn't want to," Lili said, "Have you got a rival, perhaps, Q?"
"Absolutely not. I am the only logical choice."
"Ah, but that's a qualifier. You're not the only choice, yes? So tell me, about her. And then about your competition."
=/\=
"Too many moths around a golden flame." – Malcolm Reed
"What kind of a man am I if an imperfection or two affects me so? Is my love real if it can be so easily thrown away?" – Malcolm Reed
"What should we do if, erm, one of 'em turns out to be, uh, not so attractive?" – Tripp Tucker
"If you're not interested because I've got an imperfection, I can leave right now." – Pamela Hudson
"I may as well be dressed so I can make a quick getaway when you kick me out." – Pamela Hudson
"So far as they're concerned, I've just got bad taste. But I don't." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
Doug and Malcolm returned downstairs.
"Whew," Melissa said, "What'd ya see?"
"I've got photographs," Malcolm said, "Have a look."
They huddled around the PADD, and Doug passed around the cookies, "Chocolate chunk and there's also a couple of brownies," he said.
"Even when she's away, she's feeding us," Norri said, taking a cookie.
"Do those have any dairy in them?" Malcolm asked.
"Possibly a little," Melissa said, "I'm not so sure that cookies can be made without milk."
"Hmmm. I shall pass then," he said, "Now, here, see the swirls?" he brushed his index finger along the pictures and the slide show advanced, "The weather system appears to be kind of wrapped 'round the property."
"Huh. Weird," Norri said, "Uh, Malcolm?"
"Yes?"
"Come over to the corner with me for a second. And, uh, bring the PADD."
"Mama!" Tommy exclaimed.
"Just a minute," Norri said. In the corner, she said to Malcolm, "I don't want to alarm the kids. But this isn't a normal weather system. I think maybe no more Show and Tell to the kids. The four of us, sure. But put a password on those pictures, okay? And, uh, let's start to think about why they look the way they do."
"Huh. I'll tell Doug. You'll tell Melissa?"
"Yep. We're a team," Norri said, "Let's figure this out."
=/\=
"I have conditions. No one confuses the kids. That means we watch the public displays. I'm not joking about this." – Doug Beckett
"I don't want our sons to grow up with only a little bit of one or the other of us. I don't want to have to divvy up our friends." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
"Kathryn is beautiful, passionate and intelligent," Q said, "She's a Starship Captain."
"Huh, the only female Starship Captain I know of is Erika Hernandez. So what year are we talkin' about?"
"2373."
"Over two hundred years from now, eh? Hmm. And I'm somehow still applicable?"
"Well, your opinions might be. And I say might," Q said, "The jury's still out."
"Oh. Do I disappoint you?"
"Your opinions are just, they come with too many messy feelings attached to them, like barnacles."
"I'm afraid we've all got barnacles. All humans. If you want someone to speak to you without emotions, call T'Pol."
"That's all right," Q said, "Vulcans are so predictable."
"So deal with the things that displease you and – dare I say it? Get over it," she said.
"Very well," he said.
"Tell me more about Kathryn. What does she look like?"
"What does that matter?"
"It doesn't. I just want to hear you describe her," Lili said, "I think that's telling."
=/\=
"She a looker? So I'm shallow. And curious." – Pamela Hudson
"In the dictionary, under awkward, you'll see a photograph of Malcolm Reed, age fifteen. Go ahead and look when you can, if you don't believe me." – Malcolm Reed
"Are you saying my daughter is somehow undesirable?" – Empress Hoshi Sato
"I am so not interested in her, not any more. She was – I mean, I'm a guy. I can't help but to react to her, how she looks, what she wears and all." – Joss Beckett
"You're being thrown over for an older, somewhat plain pregnant woman, if I had to be brutally honest about her appearance. I don't believe it, either." – Malcolm Reed
"My mother was a ghost. I only remember a light grey shadow." – Marie Patrice Beckett (Sato)
"You are as lovely as you always have been. Did you think that your beauty was only confined to your skin?" – Malcolm Reed
"Beautiful white hot flame. I just want to be near it, be in it." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
"Uh, auburn hair."
"What color are her eyes?"
"I'm not sure."
"You don't know, Q?"
"It hardly seems important."
"It means you're not paying attention. Do you look her in the eyes when you have your, uh, what did you call them, stimulating conversations?"
"Huh. Perhaps not. Anyway, uh, shorter than my current appearance."
"Anything else? Does she have, uh, a nice figure?"
He was distracted for a moment, "Q?"
"Oh, uh, blue eyes. And she's has, her body is less massive than yours is."
"I just had a baby. So, uh, you just checked?"
"Why should that surprise you?"
"Interesting. Have you done anything to signal your interest?"
He was distracted again, "Flowers," he said, "Or would candles or lingerie be better?"
=/\=
"Plus the whole flowers thing is the very nadir of predictability. If someone brings over chocolates or perfume then I'll just gag." – Pamela Hudson
"You seem to be able to get going with or without lingerie." – Melissa Madden
"Be a gentleman." – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
"I dunno," Lili said, "This isn't exactly 'one-size-fits-all'. You should realize that."
"I suppose," Q said.
"What is personal? What does she like?"
"Why should that matter?"
"It's everything! Do you wanna get it on with this woman, or not? I mean without forcing her, of course."
He was again distracted, "She didn't seem to like it much when I was lying in a nice bed for her – much nicer than the Starfleet regulation equipment she was given. What I offered was far superior. She was rather nasty and ungrateful about the whole thing," he showed Lili a quick picture of the bed, an image floating in mid-space that soon vanished.
"Sheesh."
=/\=
"Ha, this room still looks like it should be rented by the hour." – Lili Beckett
"You just wanna get some." – Susan Cheshire
"I'm not used to women being so aggressive." – Malcolm Reed
"When I figured he'd be sharing your bed it did give me pause. Even platonically, I did have a pang. I trust him, of course. With my very life. But maybe the word isn't jealousy – envy. Not jealous of sexual contact as I knew there would be none. Just envy that he'd be there and I wouldn't." – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
Travis sat in his quarters. Then he got up, and paced a bit, and then he sat back down again.
"Huh," he finally said, "I can't just sit here."
He took out a PADD, and began typing.
To: Jennifer and Frank Ramirez, Enceladus Colony
From: Ensign Travis Mayweather, Starship Enterprise, NX-01
Dear Jennifer and Frank,
I hope you're both okay. I am well. I know this letter is probably unexpected.
We just heard that Lieutenant Reed is going to become a father! Or maybe he already is by now. Lili is his son's mother. Did she maybe tell you? I hope I'm not giving you stale news.
But of course it got me to think about things. And I don't want to dredge up any bad feelings. It's all in the past.
I did want you to know that I'm really glad that you are in the middle of your happy ending. I guess that gives hope to all of us.
Take care.
– Travis
=/\=
"Doug, if you can't work things out, what kind of hope have I got?" – Jennifer Crossman
"I've sinned and cheated and it's like it's all under false pretenses." – Jennifer Crossman
"I can do things that I bet you've been dreaming of for a while." – Tommy Digiorno-Madden (Sato)
=/\=
"I beg your pardon?"
"You can't just launch into sex without any preliminaries," Lili said.
"You did. With both your husband and the short Brit."
"Is that what this is all about? How to go from zero to Warp Factor Five in five easy seconds?"
"You fell in very easily with both of them."
"With, with Doug, it started off as a dream," Lili explained, "I didn't even know that he was real. For the first time, so far as I was concerned, the whole thing was just a fantasy conjured up out of my subconscious."
"So you feel it was some combination of earlier encounters?"
"It was, and it wasn't. It was definitely better," she said, "And the start was strange. I don't expect to be slammed into a wall and have that turn into lovemaking."
"Should I try that with Kathryn, you think?"
"Uh, no. Really, she's liable to have a Security team in her quarters before you got past the first kiss."
"Their weapons would prove useless."
"Still – I am assuming you are looking for at least willingness? I mean, you don't want to attack her, right?"
"No, no. But you, your initial couplings with the short Brit weren't exactly voluntary ones."
"I was already married – and the size of a house, pregnant with my daughter. And our, uh, couplings, as you put it, they were being forced on us by the Witannen."
"True. But you were the one to tell him that his attentions were welcome. So are you saying that Kathryn could come around? You certainly did."
"I already knew Malcolm. And I already, well, when Doug and I first started up together, I kind of thought that maybe Malcolm was a little interested. But he didn't pursue anything, and I was off and getting married and pregnant, first with Joss. And my life was already set and it was hurtling down a path that didn't have Malcolm in it."
=/\=
"New couples can be so into each other that it's to the exclusion of almost everything else." – Lili O'Day
"I tend to fall for women who are either thoroughly inappropriate for me or wholly unattainable." – Malcolm Reed
"Throughout my life, my life as a lover, that is, I have either pined for the unattainable or held back with the ones I could have, and never truly got close to any of them. With you, though, it is, it has been, well, about testing my limits. About knowing what I could, could tolerate." – Malcolm Reed
"Lili, I saw that look. I know that look. It's the one that says, 'I'm never gonna have this. I'm never gonna be happy – not really. I won't have love and a family and a future.' I saw that look, and I recognized that look because, well, because I used to see that look every single day of my life, whenever I'd look in a mirror." – Doug Beckett
"I imagine the next time your husband sees me alone, he'll break my nose." – Malcolm Reed
"I wanted it to be different with her. Change who I was. Be true." – Doug Beckett
"You didn't stray – that's such an awful word, as if you were a dog – you didn't, didn't do what you did because you wanted to. But it had unintended consequences. And the same thing happened on my end. Unintended effects." – Lili Beckett
"I just don't want it to be some horribly clichéd affair, where we go to sordid motel rooms that are rented by the hour, or we tell him that she's traveling for some reason or another. I don't want it to be a lot of lying." – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
"Some of it was related to your husband being thrown in with Melissa Madden, though, right? He had her, so you felt you could have the short Brit."
"A little bit. I won't deny that. If the parallel hadn't happened, I know I would've felt significantly worse. But those were the cards we were dealt. And my own feelings – I mean, I had them about Malcolm. But at the same time, I was being, well, swept off my feet. So they hit the back burner. And then the Witannen threw them back on the front burner. I have a lot of trouble showing my body to someone, and looking at them, and have us touch each other, and kiss and love each other physically, without it devolving into more."
"Are you saying that sex makes you fall in love?"
"Not necessarily," she said, "But I also sensed that Malcolm had really deep feelings. I picked up on that, and my own feelings, they were super-charged again."
"You had kissed him before."
"Yes, that's right. I guess I teased him, back in '57."
=/\=
"For a moment, I could believe it wasn't me you were kissing off – that it was, that it was him." – Malcolm Reed
"It's not a set of candlesticks that someone bought quickly because they didn't know us. It's not a gift card purchased at the last minute. It's not a tablecloth I'll only use once or twice a year. It's not a book I'll read maybe a few times and then put away on a shelf to gather dust somewhere. It's food and it's a card and it's napkins and canisters and by themselves those really aren't a lot of things. But put it all together and, well, this, uh, the cover story is that this gift was to remind Doug and me of home. And it does. It succeeds there, admirably. But the real hidden meaning is, because the kitchen is my room, my place, my domain, the gift is really to remind me, every day, every single day, of the person who gave it." – Lili Beckett
"It is what I want, it is my, my love, yes, that's the right word – it is my love. It is what I dreamt of, and not just chastely, but for you, it's forcing and it's not you really wanting to do it. As you close your eyes, I imagine you think of, of him. And thathurts so much, so much more. I have waited for, for this. But it's not what I truly desired. The Witannen have perverted it. For so long I've wanted to be close to you. Now all I want to do is crawl away and die." – Malcolm Reed
"I'm getting tired of, of kissing your shoulder, Malcolm. I'd really rather kiss your mouth." – Lili Beckett
=/\=
"And you were – I suppose the word is generous. You allowed it. And then it became more, and you were committed. And your husband and Melissa Madden were committed, and it all evolved into your current arrangement. Isn't that so? But if you had been less accommodating, or had continued to reject the short Brit's advances, or your husband had continued to attempt some measure of birth control, you would have returned to your marriage and been done with things. Right?"
"Right. It was a kind of a Rube Goldberg contraption. But everything is. When I kissed him in '57, do you know what I was thinking? Can you see into that?"
"No."
"Hmm, interesting. In any event, what I was thinking was, I wonder what he's like. I wondered if he would be better, if I got caught up and swept away by the wrong guy. It wasn't that I didn't love Doug, or love him completely. It's that I wondered what would have happened if I had zigged instead of zagged. What if the cross-over from the other side of the pond hadn't worked? Would I have fallen even deeper into dried-up spinsterhood, mourning my lost love? Would I have just married Malcolm?"
"Speculation is useless. Like I said, there's only one timeline to a customer."
"Is there any free will? Or is it all preordained, Q?"
"Big things are decided. Births and deaths, to be sure. Major events do not and cannot change. But small ones can, and do."
"So if I decide on a green jacket instead of a yellow one, that's my choice?" Q nodded, "And if I decide to help a crying child who I don't know, or I choose to leave that brat on the corner, is that my choice, even though it might have a devastating consequence?"
"Sometimes," Q said, "It's decision nodes. The biggest are beyond your control."
"How big do they have to get before they're beyond yourcontrol, Q?"
"We're sliding off-topic."
"The topic is in the next system," Lili said, "You have limits."
"Nonsense."
"Yes, you do. You can't kick off the Big Bang, can you? Then that's a limit. So there are some out there who are taller and stronger and thinner and younger. And they are somehow better. And you, I think you feel a modicum of jealousy."
He was distracted again, "Tattoos," he said absently.
"What of them?" The baby fussed a little so she went over and picked him up, "He needs to be fed again."
"Then feed him."
"I'm breast-feeding him."
"I won't be aroused, if that's your concern."
Lili sat down on the edge of the bed and faced away from Q. She pulled the tab on her hospital shift and again fed Declan, "What do you want to know about tattoos?" she asked as soon as the baby was settled in.
"Are bigger ones better?"
"Not necessarily. Subtlety is nice."
"Hmm," Q said, "Subtlety. So, no huge luxury beds? No large tattoos?"
"You have a rival with a tattoo, eh?"
"A possible rival," he said, "And the, the flowers?"
"Nice, but a little overdone. Think of something more personal. Don't make it so one-sided."
=/\=
"It'll be an awfully funny wedding, you exchanging vows with yourself." – Blair Claymore
"Just because I don't want to make your teeth rattle does not make me a gay man." – An Nguyen
"So girls were a subject of great mystery and fascination." – Malcolm Reed
"It just had to be right." – Will Owen
"There's some other sweetie-darling. No, wait, you don't call her that. You call her something else. You don't call anybody sweetie-darling because she's it. She's the one." – Pamela Hudson
"I hope that my surprises are to your liking." – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
Q was again distracted, "She likes puppies. I got her an Irish Setter."
"Hmm. Okay. But that's another relationship – it's also another bit of bowling over. A bit much, I think."
"She was less than thrilled. She loved the dog, but ..."
"I think you're gonna keep striking out if you continue this way," Lili said.
"What would you suggest? Should I fight for her? Would making a big sacrifice like that matter to her? Would needing her forgiveness get me in with her?"
=/\=
"I don't know very much about what happened as that is to protect the Ensign's privacy. But I want you to know that, if it ends badly, you won't be around long enough to get to the Brig. I'll do it myself." – Malcolm Reed
"Just don't – promise me you won't die for love." – Pamela Hudson
"Doug is a walking male hormone cocktail, he's jumping with it. It's like he was born on steroids." – Lili Beckett
"I thought I could leave it all behind me. Achieve, maybe, some measure of forgiveness. But that's not the main reason. I came here because of you." – Doug Hayes
"Love me. And that will be how you'll be forgiven. Love me. And love our home. And love our friends. And love everything we make together, whether it's a restaurant or a hand to hand class or a pumpkin pie or, or, or a child." – Lili O'Day
=/\=
"Doubtful," Lili said, "Forgiveness isn't easy to provide, or achieve. I think you'd be adding an unnecessary layer of complexity. And what's this 'getting in' business? Do you want it to be anything more than a hook-up?"
"This, this hook-up, as you put it. It's the main purpose. Without it, there's no success."
=/\=
"Pamela and I are, there's an old expression. Our relationship is what's referred to oh so charmingly as 'Friends with Benefits'." – Malcolm Reed
"Don't you, um, want to fall in love?" – Lili Beckett
"You fast worker, you. Yanno, I don't introduce you to my friends just so you can hit on them." – Eleanor Daniels
=/\=
"Understood," Lili said, "But we wouldn't be having this conversation if it wasn't, at least, a little bit about love. Yes? It's about the deed, to be sure. But if it was only about the deed, you wouldn't bother getting advice. Hell, you'd already be done. So something in your apparently vastly superior noggin is telling you that just going ahead and burning up the sheets is not enough. You're not going to be Zeus and some maiden – Leda and the swan, as it were. It's not just about getting naked. Am I right?" She put the baby back into the bassinette and turned around to face him again, "Even in the tiniest way, it's about love. Right?"
=/\=
"The first time I saw a girl naked, I was four years old." – Doug Beckett
"There are plenty of variations that are possible with human males. I could sketch some for you." – Pamela Hudson
"Might wanna bottle that technique so's we can repeat it later." – Tripp Tucker
"I suppose I'll just improvise a bit." – Malcolm Reed
"But we're here to explore and to, to take risks. And I don't think this is a foolish one." – Tripp Tucker
Chapter* 11
"When the good-time girl's over fifty, it's time for a new good-time girl." – Tommy Digiorno-Madden (Sato)
"I do trust her, you know." – Doug Hayes
"Help a girl out." – Pamela Hudson
"See what you do to me?" – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
"Back to love, then, are we? Tell me about it. And while you're at it – all this breeding. Other than perpetuating the species, it seems, you have a lot of fun doing it," Q said.
"If you were a human or, really, most species, you'd get that part more easily than anything."
=/\=
"I mean, when I realized that, well, that there was a real possibility that we could be, uh, becomin' parents, I realized how much, well, that I love you. And, and you could, you could learn to love me, too. At, at some point. I mean, we're good friends, right? And that's a good three-quarters of the way there, isn't it? We know we're good together. We both knowthis." – Tripp Tucker
"We're not in the same place, you 'n me. And that happens. And that's, uh, that's all right. I love you enough to, to not push it. But I just want you to know. Just, just say the word. And not about, about gittin' married but about just, well, just giving this another chance. Just say the word. Any time, any place." – Tripp Tucker
=/\=
"Whaddaya got there, Jenn?" Frank asked.
"It's a letter from Travis Mayweather," Jennifer said.
"Huh," he said, looking out the window. Their home had a view of Saturn, but then again, all homes on Enceladus did. "Is, uh, everything okay?"
"He mentioned Lili and Malcolm. I guess he didn't realize she and I've been in touch."
"Is that all?"
"He also, uh, he said he was glad that we had a happy ending, Frank."
"Well, we did – uh, do," he said, coming over and kissing her.
"Even though –?"
"Even with that," he said, "I have no problems with us, no negatives. I guess that's bad grammar, but you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I guess so. I am so lucky," she said.
"Me, too. And, uh, don't worry about how long it's taking for us to become parents. We will. I can feel it."
"I suppose I should just be patient," she said.
"Practicing and trying is kinda fun, though."
"Whaddaya mean, kinda?" she said playfully.
"Oh?" he kissed her, "I, uh, you're not ovulating right now, right?"
"Nope. This is just for fun."
"I can go along with that," he said.
=/\=
"I don't want to do it out of a sense of any sort of obligation, or to try to entice you to do the same for me later. I just want to do this, right now, for you." – Lili O'Day
"It's difficult for me to, to concentrate while you're, you're doing that." – Malcolm Reed
"Tell me what to do." – Susan Cheshire
"I think you'll understand why I'm not so thrilled to have a chaperone right now." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"Interesting," Q waved his hand, "All right, I'm human for a while. Let's do it."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Hold on, I have something that I understand is foolproof."
Music began to play.
=/\=
"Yanno, love songs – they really, really stink when you're getting over someone. They just make you feel ten times worse." – Chandler (Chip) Masterson
"A little mood music to get us goin'." – Tripp Tucker
"And you, you strike me as a guy who's not listening. Who's busy playing gimme, got it and gimme more." – Pamela Hudson
=/\=
Lili laughed, "I know this song. It's old."
"And it's foolproof."
"If both parties are interested, then, yeah, I suppose it is. But when one isn't, well, you can forget about it. I'm not swayed by such things. I'm still upset about Doug and all."
"Why? You know he will die at some point in time. As will you, as will your children, as will everything."
"Still, I'd rather not be reminded of such things. It's all rather fresh in my mind."
"Ah, hmm. Well, this should change your mind. I can sweeten the pot," A slight nod and her surgical incision was healed, and gone. It was as if it had never happened. She went back to the bassinette. Declan was still in there, as before, sleeping. It was only her abdomen that had changed.
"My belly feels better," she allowed.
"Hmm, more?" he asked.
"More what?"
"More sweetening. Let's see," he nodded again and she felt another change, "Go look."
She went into the room's little adjoining bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror, "Twenty-two or so, eh? So you just nod a bit and thirty years are gone. And a few kilos gone as well – that's a bit thoughtful of you, I suppose."
"You said I should be thoughtful."
"Still, you think you're gonna bribe me into not feeling awful?"
"Like I said, death accompanies life. You're aware of this every time your husband or the short Brit touches you and it leads further."
"Never mind that," she said, "And what makes you think, despite your presents, that I'd want to, well, cheat on them with you? Wouldn't it just be the betrayal of all of that? My life – and our arrangement – it's strong but I don't really want to test it and, and mess with it."
"Very well," he said, "But this is the main crux of the biscuit – human love. And it goes along with mating, and with kissing. All of your cultures do some form of it. I want to know why, and what it means to you, and, well, whether being any good at it will help me with Kathryn."
"I still don't want to do any of this. You cannot force me. And God knows I don't want my son witnessing a primal scene – even if he is only a day old. I don't want to take the chance that he'd remember any of it."
"Hmm. Well, how about this? You show me a small piece of it and we'll call it square."
"How small?"
"The initial advance," he said, "The icebreaker, if you will. The remainder, well, I can get that from looking at your history."
"All you need to do is check a good, comprehensive erotica collection," Lili said.
"Later," he said, "Just show me this one thing."
"A kiss," she said, "Nothing more."
"A kiss it is," he said. He began changing before her eyes. He was Doug, he was Malcolm, and then he was Paul Mayer, a boyfriend from over two and a half decades before. He was Captain Archer, he was Travis Mayweather, he was José Torres, he was Andrew Miller, and then he was Aidan MacKenzie. He was every guy she'd ever found attractive, ever, scrolling along and along in a seemingly infinite loop of desire.
"Stop it!"
He stopped, settling on Tripp Tucker, "Something wrong?"
"Go back to what you were."
"I thought this would be thoughtful."
"No – I can't wrap my head around it," she said.
"So my appearance – what I came to you as – that's all right?" He changed back and was again brown-haired, taller and about Doug's age or so.
"Sure. It's fine," she said.
"Good to know. Let's, uh ..."
"Hang on," she said, "I got conditions. Your hands will go either on my face or around my waist. You will not explore anywhere on my body in any manner."
"You're lactating. Why the devil would I want to touch that? It'd be awfully messy."
=/\=
"Oh, c'mon, not that old ploy. I know what that's gonna turn into." – Lili Beckett
"Y'know, we never actually had a proper first kiss. Where you don't know which side to put your nose on and you're afraid that the kiss won't be welcome or you'll click teeth or something." – Lili O'Day
"Holding hands seems too personal. As does kissing." – Melissa Madden
"Maybe a kiss will be a thrill for her. It's just one kiss. Hey, you never know." – Travis Mayweather
=/\=
She smiled, "Well, many human males would find that to be a necessary component of the experience. Anyway, we're clear on that, good. Oh, and when you put that music back on, we're gonna dance."
"Dance?"
"Yep. Doug doesn't dance unless he's had a few, and Malcolm's too self-conscious. So, we'll dance."
"I hardly think ..."
"Dance, cowboy."
=/\=
"Well, dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. Or am I the only one who knows that?" – Pamela Hudson
"'Course if we dance it might turn into something else." – Tripp Tucker
"You should see me when I'm not pregnant. I can move better." – Lili Beckett
=/\=
The music started back up, and Marvin Gaye began to sing.
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo, let's get it on
Ah, babe, let's get it on
Let's love, baby
Let's get it on, sugar
Let's get it on
She put his hand on her waist and took the other one in hers. He stared at her so she started leading.
She broke away from his hand on her waist and twirled herself around.
We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we got to be
Let's live
I love you
She smiled at him and came closer again.
=/\=
"All I want to do is please you." – Lili O'Day
"And, at the very least, you can say you were loved a little bit." – Malcolm Reed
"You make me feel like I'm younger than I am, like I don't always have to be so responsible all the time." – Jonathan Archer
=/\=
There's nothin' wrong
with me lovin' you
Baby, no, no
and givin' yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true
She took his hand again and moved him in a different direction, then came closer, cheek to cheek.
Don't you know
how sweet and wonderful life can be?
She smiled against the side of his face so that he could feel it and then took his hand and put it on the side of her face, "Feel that," she said softly.
I'm askin' you, baby
To get it on with me
=/\=
"I feel so much with you. And I don't mean the physicality of it although that is certainly a part of it. It's everything." – Malcolm Reed
"Just let me believe a little longer." – Deborah Haddon
"I never get a chance to say or do anything noble. So just, just be quiet for a little bit and, and let me be noble for once." – Pamela Hudson
=/\=
I ain't gonna worry, I ain't gonna push
Won't push you, baby
So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush, hey
She moved her head back again and looked him in the eye, smiling, "Smile back, Q," she said, "This isn't a root canal."
Let's get it on,
Let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout
Come on, baby, hey, hey
Let your love come out
If you believe in love
Let's get it on, baby
This minute, oh yeah
Let's get it on
Please, please, get it on
Hey, hey
I know you know
What I've been dreamin' of
Don't you, baby?
My whole body is in love
=/\=
"I wanna hear about your sixteen-year-old moves." – Lili Beckett
"I was terrified that anyone would find out. So it was all rather quick and jolting." – Malcolm Reed
"I don't share a bed with anyone I'm not on a first names basis with." – Tripp Tucker
"I love you. I want to please you. And I want to be a part of you feeling good." – Lili O'Day
=/\=
I ain't gonna worry, no, I ain't gonna push
I won't push you, baby,
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, darlin'
Stop beatin' 'round the bush, hey
Gonna get it on
Beggin' you, baby, I want to get it on
You don't have to worry that it's wrong
If the spirit moves you, let me groove you good
Let your love come down
If you believe in love let's get it on
Oh, get it on, come on, baby
"You seem to be going through a lot of preliminaries," he said as they continued moving.
"I like a little romance," she said, "Be patient."
=/\=
"And my husband and my lover are very jealous men." – Lili Beckett
"Let's, let's have tonight together. No matter how fast or slow it all goes. No matter how good it even is. But let's at least have it." – Malcolm Reed
"He won't marry me or anyone else. I can tell. I don't know if that helps things or not. I just believe that people should have all the information." – Pamela Hudson
"We had a thing. It was a long time ago." – Doug Beckett
"I still want you. I cannot, cannot stop wanting you." – Malcolm Reed
"I'm tempted to find out just what sex with you would be like." – Treve
=/\=
Do you know I mean it?
I've been sanctified
Hey, hey
Girl, you give me good feelings, so good
Nothin' wrong with love
If you want to love me
Just let yourself go
Oh, baby
Let's get it on
The music stopped, and she grabbed his arm to stop him from moving. She put her hands on his face and brought it down to hers, "Close your eyes," she said.
"Why?"
"It's just nicer that way."
She touched his mouth with hers, lightly, then again, "Open your mouth a little," she whispered.
"Why?"
"You'll see."
=/\=
"All I can tell you is, breathe through your nose, concentrate on what you're doing and, and think positively." – Lili Beckett
"Now, just concentrate on how this makes you feel." – Pamela Hudson
"Am I gonna feel good?" – Izo (Mayweather) Sato
=/\=
He complied, and she pressed down harder with her lips.
Several minutes later, she opened her eyes and looked up at him, and smiled.
=/\=
"Well, it wasn't exactly fireworks but it wasn't horrible." – Melissa Madden
"Don't, um, don't tell anyone we did that." – Lili Beckett
"Nice touch. You've, um, got potential." – Pamela Hudson
=/\=
"Well?" she finally asked.
"Fascinating," he said, "And this leads to other things?"
"It can. Or it can just be a kiss."
=/\=
"We shoulda done that earlier. Now we should sleep together." – Yimar
"Scraps from her table. They will have to be enough." – Malcolm Reed
"I say 'I love you' far too fast. I stay in relationships that aren't working way too long." – Pamela Hudson
=/\=
"I see," he said, mulling it over, "And Kathryn will like this if I do it?"
"With some preliminaries, I don't see why not. You're a quick study. But, uh, don't just go planting one on her or anything. Remember – subtlety. Otherwise you're bound to just get slapped."
"Hmm. What's the deal with the tongue?"
=/\=
"She threw you a softball. You so shoulda hit that one outta the park." – Lili Beckett
"I never have to see you again, and I never have to talk to you." – Blair Claymore
"I'm not the one." – Pamela Hudson
"I want to believe that someone believes in love, still." – Jennifer Ramirez
"We should sleep together some time." – Yimar
Chapter* 12
"If you were my sister, I would not want you to be hurt." – Malcolm Reed
=/\=
"Oh, huh, well it's more stimulus. And it's tasting. I mean, working with food and all, it's about flavor," she said, "There's presentation, to be sure, and feeling, but it's also taste."
"You don't mean, um –" Q asked.
"Not really," she said, reddening, "But, I mean, look at Declan. His main experiences so far have been that the bad stuff is being wet or cold or not being able to find me. But he's had a lot of good experiences today as well."
"He's an infant. I hardly think that ..."
"Hear me out. His positives are the sound of my voice, the smells that he's learning to associate with me, too. And there's also being dry and warm and comfortable, of course. But it's also about how milk tastes. For him, it's the most amazing thing, ever. Yanno, when he was small, I once nursed Tommy, to see what he would do. And he fussed a little – after all, Melissa and I smell differently. But he settled in soon enough. Huh, I bet we could do that again, with Dec here and Neil when he arrives."
"But what does that have to do with things?"
"Well, it's primal. I mean, I don't expect a lover to compare my kisses to mother's milk – and I'd be put off awfully quickly if he did. But I do hope that I taste good, and loving and comfortable at times, and sexy and hot and urgent at other times."
"Not every human culture does that."
"I understand that," she said, "I'm just speaking for myself. Don't forget, you're going for a billionth opinion and all, right?"
=/\=
"I want your playfulness. I want your spirit. I want your strength. I want your kindness – yes, you have it. I want your thoughtfulness. I want your risk-taking. I want your ambition. I want your joy. I want your, your everything. And in return I give you mine." – Lili O'Day
=/\=
Jonathan sat in his Ready Room. T'Pol came in, "Mister Harris reports that there is still some navigational drift."
"Huh, so it's not pilot distraction?"
"Perhaps a little, but there is some other cause."
"Have they run a diagnostic?"
"Yes," she said, "Shall I contact Commander Tucker?"
"Definitely," he said, "Thanks," she left.
He got up and walked around the small room a little, "Good thing this ship's just about ready to go into dry dock," he said to Porthos.
He looked out the window and then said, "Computer: dictation mode.
To: Erika Hernandez, Captain, USS Columbia, NX-02
From: Jonathan Archer, Captain, USS Enterprise, NX-01
Dear Captain Hernandez:
I trust this note finds you well. The crew is looking forward to getting back to Earth in a few months for the Alliance ceremony.
I am also looking forward to this as I hope we can spend some time together.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Archer
No, wait," he said, "Computer, erase the entire letter. Dictation mode.
To: Erika Hernandez, Captain, USS Columbia, NX-02
From: Jonathan Archer, Captain, USS Enterprise, NX-01
Dear Erika,
I trust this note finds you well. I am looking forward to getting back to Earth in a few months for the Alliance ceremony.
I hope we can spend some time together.
Sincerely,
Jon
No, that won't work, either," he said, "Computer, erase the entire letter. Dictation mode.
To: Erika Hernandez, Captain, USS Columbia, NX-02
From: Jonathan Archer, Captain, USS Enterprise, NX-01
Dear Erika,
I trust this note finds you well. I am looking forward to getting back to Earth in a few months for the Alliance ceremony.
I want to apologize for not calling. I know it has been a while. That was wrong of me.
I hope we can spend some time together, but I can understand if you would rather not.
Take care,
Jon
No, that won't do, either. Computer, erase the entire note."
He stared out the window, then picked up the dog and set him on his lap, "Yanno, Porthos, this is futile. I should have called. I should have written. I didn't, and I have no right to assume that she would want anything to do with me other than the usual coworker pleasantries. She doesn't deserve that – someone who forgets to call for a few years and then waltzes back into her life, expecting forgiveness. That ship has not only sailed, it's in the Andromeda Galaxy. It's useless for me to speculate, and foolish of me to even ask. And it's not fair to her, being my fallback. She does not deserve that. She deserves to be someone's original go-to. I think we all do. Right, buddy?" he said, "Computer, exit dictation mode."
=/\=
"This is all I've got. What you see in front of you." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"Anything else you want from me?" Lili asked.
"I can show you some more things. Major events – these would mainly be the sorts of things that cannot be changed within the timeline. We can talk during that. It'll be one hand washing the other, as it were. I suspect that you can provide some information with a little assistance. Your reactions and observations might prove useful."
"Just negatives?"
"Let's call them main events. The highlights, if you will."
"You're the kinda guy who fast-forwards to the chase scenes in movies, I can tell."
"Just watch."
=/\=
"Whoever you are, and whatever you want, I won't let you hurt the Captain!" – Deborah Haddon
"You can still be a soldier. You'll sleep a lot better if you become an honorable one." – Lili Beckett
=/\=
The scene changed. It was Doug and a bunch of recruits. The planet was unfamiliar, with rough terrain, but the same familiar four stars were illuminating the day, so Lili knew they were somewhere within the Lafa System.
"Which planet is this?" she asked.
"Lafa III," Q said.
"Date?"
"December ninth, 2172."
"Huh. So Doug is seventy," she said, "What's going on?"
"Just watch."
Doug was marching the recruits. Quick formations, elaborate turns and presenting arms, then back again. Some poor Calafan, a coppery fellow from the other side of the pond, wasn't doing so well, and ended up doing push-ups.
"This is a highlight?" Lili asked.
"You're the one counseling patience," Q reminded her.
"Oh, yes. Sorry."
There was a communicator chime, and Doug clicked his open, "Yeah? Beckett here."
The voice on the other end was a bit desperate, "Captain, you're still on Lafa III?"
"Yes, Commander Lloyd. We're near the South side of Enne City," he leaned away from the communicator for a second, "Aliwev, get them in line. Thanks," Back to the communicator, he said, "Sorry. You were saying?"
"We have a situation."
"Oh?"
"Yes," said the voice, "There's a human male at the Unemployment Office in Enne City. He's got himself a phase rifle and an old-fashioned gun and has taken hostages."
"Huh, my men stand ready, but isn't that a police matter for the Calafan authorities?"
"He says he won't talk to a Calafan. He's demanding to talk to a human."
"I'm no hostage negotiator," Doug pointed out.
"Never said you were. But he's threatening to start killing hostages unless he can talk to a human, and soon. You and your men are the closest. You're elected."
"You better be sending over someone who can really do negotiating," Doug said, "God knows that's not my background."
"Just do your best. Keep the hostages alive. Lloyd out."
"All right, men, listen up! We are going to Enne City, double time. I don't wanna see any stragglers. Now!" Doug yelled.
=/\=
"I don't want to make war any more." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
The scene changed to Enne City, which was more industrial-looking than Fep City on Lafa II, which was where Lili, Q and Declan really were. Then again, they were really there over eleven years previously.
A Calafan woman was running around, and seemed to be in charge of something. She finally stopped and said to Doug, "Try the frequency now."
He clicked open his communicator again, "Hang on, have we got contact?" he asked. He was standing outside the Unemployment Office. His troops were nearby but hidden. The Calafan police were close as well, but Doug was the only one out in the open. The street was roped off.
"Yeah," came a voice on the other end, in lilting accented speech, "Lemme see you."
"Here, right here," Doug said, "I'm unarmed."
"Is Doug hurt here?" Lili asked.
"Just watch," Q said.
"Good," responded the voice with the lilting accent.
"What's, uh, what's your name?" Doug asked, "I, uh, if we're gonna talk, it would be good for us to trade names."
"Badawi Uhura," Came the reply, "And you are?"
"Beckett. Doug Beckett. Mister, uh, Uhura, don't do this."
"I dunno 'bout that, Becks," Uhura responded, "The way I see it, I got nothin' to lose."
"Why, uh, why are you doing this?"
"I've been coming here for two years," Uhura said, "And they got no job for me."
"What, uh, what do you do? Uh, did you do?"
"Giraffe keeper at the zoological park on Lafa IX," Uhura said.
"Oh," Doug said, "Uh, my kids love that place."
"Everyone's children do," Uhura said, "But their parents, they don't bring them enough. So they make budget cuts. And I lose my job."
"Can't you, uh, do something else?"
"It's what I want."
"I, uh, I understand that," Doug said, "But these things happen. Maybe you could, uh, care for different animals?"
"No," Uhura said, "Quit stallin', Becks."
=/\=
"I think it was more a case of, everyone's blind, but my blindness is just slightly less bad as everyone else's." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"Stalling?" Doug asked, "Uh, what do you hope to accomplish by doing this?"
"See, no one likes this sort of a thing happening, Becks. So I figure, this is a way to get to the front of the line. And get listened to. Smearing a few of the silver ones against a wall or somethin', it gets attention."
"You really think this'll get you your old job back?"
"I'm not gettin' my old job back, Becks," Uhura said, "I'm not walkin' outta this one."
=/\=
"I should hate me, for succumbing to this. I shoulda been stronger. I'm supposed to be strong, dammit. I'm supposed to be able to get past such things." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
"Tell me, uh, tell me about the hostages. How many are there? That sorta thing," Doug said. He was still standing in the middle of the cordoned-off street.
"He looks so vulnerable," Lili said. Q just directed her attention back.
"Fourteen – no, fifteen," Uhura said, "One women, fourteen guys."
"Are they human, Calafan, Vulcan, what?" Doug asked.
"Two humans. The rest are the two color natives."
"Huh. Well, um, can I talk to them? Maybe to a representative?"
"No," Uhura said, "You're stallin' again, Becks."
"I just wanna know what's going on."
"Simple. I do this and you all listen. Then I get to take out as many of 'em as possible when I finally go up in smoke. 'Cause either you'll do it to me or the cops will, or troops will. I saw 'em, you know."
"And your death accomplishes what?" Doug asked.
"My children get my pension," Uhura said, "That motive enough for you, Becks?"
=/\=
"I have to, I have to shout this, because, well, because this has been quiet for too long and it needs to be shouted." – Pamela Hudson
=/\=
"But you could, uh, you could do that without, uh, without hurting any hostages," Doug pointed out.
"They kill me, you kill me, my children get more money than if I just kill myself."
"Uh, I see," Doug said, "But it could be less than, uh, fifteen, right?"
=/\=
"I'm married to a killer of fourteen men. Nothing you've ever said or done is going to shock me in the least." – Lili Beckett
=/\=
"Don't try to talk me outta this, Becks."
"I'm, uh, I'm not. Just, it could be fourteen, right? Or thirteen?" Doug asked, "Those two humans. You got something against them?"
"They're painters, Becks. There's money to paint these stupid offices yet another shade of depressing industrial grey, but no money for someone to take care of big, beautiful animals."
"Well, but they're just guys, right? Like you and me?"
"Humans, Becks."
"Yeah," Doug said, "And they got up this morning, and they kissed their wives and they said to them something like, 'I'll pick up takeout tonight.' It wasn't, like them kissing them goodbye for the last time, right, Uhura? You gonna make two widows because they were just painting an office building?"
"At least they got someone."
"You, you said you have children. Uh, how many?" Doug asked. He glanced over at the woman who'd set up communications. She gave him a thumbs-up but he looked a little lost.
"He's in out of his depth," Lili said, "This is so not his skill set."
"Patience, little Earth mother."
"Three. I got me three," Uhura said.
"Boys? Girls?"
"One boy, two girls."
"I, uh, I got five," Doug said, "Four boys, one girl. Maybe, uh, our kids might like each other."
"Don't be fixing up my children with yours. My daughters are only eight and eleven, Becks. My son is twelve."
"Oh. Well, my oldest is fourteen. The two littlest boys are eleven. So, they're close."
"You still got a wife, Becks?"
"Yeah. She's, uh, I forgot to call her before I called you. She's, uh, I bet she's wondering what's going on."
"You got someone to care about whether you come home at night, Becks. Must be nice."
"Your children care if you come home tonight, Uhura."
"They live with their mother. She took them when I lose my job."
"Would she, uh, come back if you got another job?"
"Who's gonna hire me now, Becks?"
"Give it up," Doug said, "And you can salvage this."
"I don't think so, Becks," There was a shot in the background.
"Wait! Wait! What the hell was that?" Doug barked into the communicator, "I thought we were talkin', Uhura."
"We are talkin', Becks," Uhura said, "Stupid copper ones, sneakin' around behind."
"Is anybody hurt?"
"Whaddaya think, Becks? I was sharpshooter in the army."
"Anybody dead?" Doug asked, cringing.
"No," Uhura said, "But they could be. So quit messin' 'round."
"What do you really want?"
"To talk to Elewev."
"Who's, uh, who's Elewev?"
"Big silver coward. He's the Zoo Director, Becks."
"So he's the one who, uh, let you go?"
"You're perceptive, Becks. Get him or you'll hear more shots. I got no qualms 'bout hurting people."
=/\=
"And, when Lili and I first made love, I really hurt her. She almost bled to death. If she had, we wouldn't be having this conversation – I'd be in jail for second degree homicide." – Doug Beckett
"He can't put a lasso around his own strength, even with me." – Lili Beckett
=/\=
The scene shifted, and it was darker.
"What just happened?" Lili asked.
"The whole thing drags on for a while. No sense in witnessing every single detail of getting the Zoo Director to the site," Q replied.
"Thanks for that," Doug said into the communicator as two human males and a wounded copper Calafan were allowed out, "He's on his way."
"I keep my promises, Becks. And you'll let me talk to Penda, Samara and Andikan?"
"Yes. I swear I will do that."
"You will want a trade, though."
"Of course," Doug said, "Four more out."
"Four? I only got three children, Becks."
"Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying."
"I guess not. You always a soldier, Becks?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"I see your face. You're an old man, Becks."
"I just hit seventy," Doug said, "And you? I can't see your face."
"Forty-two," Uhura said.
"You should have a lotta time with your kids, then."
"No, Becks. I'll be done today."
"I thought we talked about that."
"We did. But I still know what I gotta do. A man can't provide for the family, he's no kinda man."
=/\=
"I got here and I thought I'd be happy. And it's good here. I'm not unhappy." – Doug Beckett
"Because you, you can't escape it. You can't just reverse it away and pretend like it never happened." – Lili O'Day
=/\=
"When my oldest was born, I was a househusband," Doug admitted, "I changed a lotta diapers. My wife went out and worked."
"And that didn't bother you, Becks?"
"It did a bit. But I, you know, you become a parent and you just do what needs to be done."
"How long you been living here?"
"Uh, fifteen years. Holy cow."
"Nobody's been here that long, Becks!"
"My wife and I have. We, uh, we got here in 2157. Got married a few months after that and had our first son months after that. We were the only three humans here for a while."
"Huh. Just you and the silver and the copper, eh, Becks?"
"Yeah. We, uh, they're good people, Uhura."
"They're not humans."
"Do they have to be?" Doug asked.
"I don't know, Becks. But they don't understand us. They got their spares and stuff. Not like we live. They got no morality."
"Well, it's, uh, it's different. And there are humans who live like they do."
"They got no self-control," Uhura complained, "I see a little girl, she comes in and we would let the regulars, if they were really quiet, they could pet a giraffe named Katy. And she was one of them. One day, she comes in with a man, he's not her father. I've seen her father, and he's not it. So I call Security. It looks like kidnapping, right? And she's with, it's she says he's her mother's nighttime fellow. They involved the little girl! She didn't need to know about that."
"Maybe you're right," Doug said, "But it's their lives, right? And they've been doing that for a long time. And, uh, there are humans who do that, too. And they just, uh, make sure the kids aren't confused or, or hurt."
"You know this personally, Becks?"
"Yeah. I, uh, I do," he admitted.
"I don't know, should I keep talking to you, Becks? You look like a human but you're taking on the mantle of this place, becoming one of them."
"Is that so, so wrong?" Doug asked.
"Tell me, Becks, you got a silver girl or a copper one? Your boys, they like her? Your daughter, she okay with that? 'Cause I think she'd be growing up, thinking she's never gonna be good enough if she just wants a regular marriage. Your sons think it's okay to get some on the side?"
"It's not, uh, not like that," Doug said, "I, uh, I can't tell you what's in my daughter's head. But we've never told her that she wasn't good enough. This, uh, it didn't happen because someone wasn't good enough."
=/\=
"I have to wash this all away. … I know it's not really gone, the guilt and all. But I want it to go away for a little while, and, and be with you, now." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"These tangents aren't doing anyone any good," Lili said, "It was good that he got those three out, but he's got another twelve to go."
"Let's forward through some of that."
"Why?"
"It's dull. More talking. Uh, here."
The scene changed, and it was night.
"You missing seeing your nightfall hottie, Becks?"
"She'll, um, she's probably talked to my wife by now, and knows what's going on."
"Man, Becks! It's all rather convenient. And for those who have no one – aren't you taking someone off the market by doing this?"
"It's, uh, it's all by choice," he said, "She, uh, she wasn't looking for anyone anyway."
"Eh, it's all a mystery anyway, like Vulcans and their suppressions. They will never understand us, Becks."
=/\=
"You all dream, you all meet your dream lovers and have your dreamy affairs with people in the other universe, and it's all dandy for you. But it isn't for me. We have different values. We just, I just, I can't do it." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
There was a light above, "Looks like a shuttle's landing," Doug said, "It must be Elewev. You ready to give me some hostages for this?"
"Uh, two."
"I thought we said four."
"You said four, Becks."
"Three, then."
"Two," Uhura insisted.
"Look, this is my first time doing this," Doug said, "Don't make me look bad, okay?"
"Huh. Three."
"Thanks," Doug said, "How many does that leave?"
"Uh, five."
=/\=
"I hate this damned system." – Empress Hoshi Sato
=/\=
"I got him here," Doug said, "Let me close the connection for a sec and talk to him, okay?"
"Not too long, Becks."
"'K. Be right back."
Elewev was a short, officious Calafan, "I understand you're the negotiator," he said to Doug.
"I'm no professional."
"But there are, what, eight left?"
"Five," Doug said.
"Even better. Now, what am I here for?"
"You fired this man two years ago."
"There were budget cuts. The zoo isn't made of money, you know."
"I'm sure he realizes that as well. Who, uh, who is taking care of the giraffes these days?"
"Assistant keepers."
"Junior people – I take it they're cheaper?"
"Like I said, the zoo isn't made of money."
"Can't you give him anything?" Doug asked, "He's still willing to hurt people, and he wants to die. He doesn't think he has any options."
"We couldn't hire him back even if we wanted to. He shot a man today. We cannot have that."
"So you can't give him anything at all? And he's just done, forever?"
"These are our rules."
Doug shook his head, clicking the communicator open again, "You there?"
"Yeah, Becks. Elewev's a real pain, eh?"
"He's, uh, right here. He, uh, he says that he can't hire you back."
"I know, Becks. I just want him to know I'm here. I am here, Elewev. If I die, my children won't go hungry."
"Our government can take care of them, I understand," said the Calafan.
"Huh. Governments," Uhura said, "You hear that, Becks?"
"Do you, uh, have anything you really need to say to Elewev?"
"No. He's here. He can see this."
"No! No! Wait! Wait!" Doug yelled.
"Wait for what, Becks? You got him here. You got me my kids on the line. You got the humans out, and the Calafan jobseekers. The five left work here in this godforsaken office."
"So they just got up today and went to their jobs, right? And they thought today maybe they'd have soup for lunch instead of salad, and they ended up here for the last however many hours."
"Hah, you hungry, Becks?"
"'Course I am. My wife, she's got dinner, I bet."
"I got no one making me dinner, Becks."
=/\=
"It's the little whiles that matter." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"I – yeah – I'm sorry. I don't mean to remind you. Just, look, you do this, let's say you mess up, and you end up living. Then you'll be living with guilt. And trust me, that is not a good emotion to be living with."
"What do you know about guilt, Becks?"
"I got it every day of my life. I did bad things when I was younger. I was a soldier, yeah. I was a mercenary, Uhura. And for the last fifteen years I've been working off that guilt."
=/\=
"I despise what I have done, and what I have become." – Malcolm Reed
"The ultimate sign of weakness is, it's having a conscience. It's feeling guilt." – Doug Hayes
=/\=
"I ain't gonna live, Becks."
"Then your children will inherit the guilt. It won't just pass by into nothingness. Someone will feel it. And you, you can take it. But they can't. Look, I am no negotiator. I am no talker. I just got roped into this. But I am here, and I am going the distance because I think your children don't deserve to have their father just commit suicide by committing murder. I got, lemme tell ya, my eldest? He wants to become a veterinarian."
"They already got vets at the zoo, Becks."
"Well, sure. Joss is just fourteen. But he, uh, he's gonna need people like you. People who really know the animals. He's just gonna see them sick, or hurt. But you, you see them every single day. You know what they like to eat. You know the ones that are gentle, and the ones that are shy. You know this. And it's worth something. And it's worth more than whatever pension your kids will get from your death. It's worth you living."
"I'll be in prison."
"Lots of people are. That's nothing to write home about. But they'll still have you."
"But no money."
"And no guilt that you took out five Calafans, who were guilty of nothing more than working in the wrong place and on the wrong shift. You shot a guy, and you've held people hostage. These aren't small things, but they won't put you away for life for that, at least I don't think they will. And you'll get out, and maybe things are all the way over with your wife, but at least your children will know that you loved them enough to not do this. To, to be a better person, and give them, maybe not a happy ending, but a better ending."
=/\=
"I'm not really Jay. I grew up without a sister. And, I'm sure, without his values. I'm an imitation. Not really your brother at all. Not back from the dead, for sure. But, I hope you'll take this day in the spirit in which it was intended. Because, uh, I just want to know who that guy was, and what made him tick. And, and who loved him and all of that. Because he shouldn't be forgotten." – Doug Beckett
"I, uh, my life isn't the continuation of his story. I don't give him a happy ending. And I probably don't give myself one, either. But at least it's not a story that ended six years ago." – Doug Beckett
=/\=
"So he appeals to the man's responsibility to his family, and that works," Q said.
"It does?"
"It does. The remainder, the actual freeing of the last five hostages, it's the end of the story."
"But that bores you?"
"It's more talking. In any event, my question to you is – responsibility is a burdensome thing. A lot of people don't like it."
"And having children is a big responsibility," Lili said.
"My thoughts exactly. So if I am to convince Kathryn that taking on that responsibility is worthwhile, this day, this event, it would seem to indicate that larger gestures do work – despite how much you've been telling me to dial it back."
"Big gestures can work. I don't dispute that. But little things work, too. I know that my car will always be in running order. I depend upon that, but I am also confident in it. And that's because Doug takes care of that. I also never buy peanut butter, because Malcolm sends it. I always know a good book to read because Norri tells me – she always knows. And Melissa always is up for things like picking out curtains – things that Doug would hate. I'm not even so sure she likes to do that, by the way, but she does it. These are little things, but they work. The big gestures that Doug did, and the big things he said – he's right, he's not much of a speaker. But he was also quite literally under the gun. Kathryn won't be, right? So I'd take this scenario as a kind of counterexample, but not wholly. Doug getting that man's kids on the line – that was key. It was probably the biggest thing he did. You mentioned before, that more of his time is spent destroying life than creating it. And I know that's true. But he also preserved it – and here was a shining example. I think his accounts are a bit more balanced out than an initial inspection would indicate, yes?"
A photograph was taken of Doug and his recruits – Lili recognized it, it was the picture she'd seen on the video wall when Q had showed her Kevin. Then the scene vanished.
=/\=
"I know that you've got a past. But I think you – we – have got a future." – Lili O'Day
