A/N: I know I'm taking so long getting into the story but I want all of you to feel what I felt as I wrote this oh so long ago. I want you to feel the darkness and the despair that these couples would feel. Both the agents and their other halves took a long time to find that 'someone' and I want their dread of the situation to be felt. I want you to feel the pain from Hetty and Sam at what could be a mission gone bad. I need you to feel the reason this story took so long to write and while it still gives me frets.

Thank you,

BlackBear53

Chapter 4

At 0400 hours there came a faint knock at the front door to our home. I didn't surprise me though, I'd expected it. I opened the door a crack and there stood Sam, just as I knew he would be. I let him in and he embraced me in one of his huge man hugs. He has a way of making them incredibly emotional and not only to those receiving but those who catch sight of them as well. Receiving one is can be quite an awe inspiring experience, if not bone crushing, as I can tell you. This one was no exception. I felt my eyes begin to well up with all the emotions I'd been feeling.

Sara slipped down the hall to see who had come to the door. She gave Sam a quiet hello and in turn received one of those hugs from Sam.

"Sara, go with G this morning. You know, to bring home the car." There he was giving her a larger than life wink and a grin on his face that said to her: go with him.

I already knew she'd go but being married to me for the last few years, she's learned to play Sam's game. "Who will watch the kids?" She asked the question as part of the game. Sara looked into my eyes as she asked that but she already knew the answer. She just needed Sam to say it. It, too, was part of the game. It would make both of us feel safer to know that Sam was watching over our family.

He gave her a larger than life grin and another wink. "That's why Michelle sent me." He pulled back and gave Sara his 'he's so hurt' look. "What I'm not good enough now?" He put his hands to his chest and gave the pretense of pouting. Sam pouting is not a pretty picture at anytime. I chuckled as he did it and Sam laughed and Sara turned around, laughing quietly to herself and went to finish getting dressed. I watched her as she moved down the hall and felt my heart yearn for her and I hadn't left yet.

"Thanks man, for doing this." I shook Sam's hand and went for coffee that Sara set up and started earlier. I offered Sam a cup. He nodded and took the mug into his big hands.

"No problem. I want to do this. I want you to be prepared when you go in. You can bet Deeks will be there this morning and you'll get a lecture on keeping Kensi safe. I can hear him telling you to keep her safe. Don't let the Taliban catch her again…blah, blah, blah." Sam laughed while saying it but he seriously meant every word as gospel and I knew it would happen just that way from Deek's point of view. I could see Deek's face in my mind's eye. I also knew that I planned to ask Deeks to do the same thing just maybe without all the blah, blah, blah. I chuckled at the thought of asking Deeks to look after my family. I'd never have trusted him or even asked him in the past but I've since learned a new respect for the beach boy cop who we hoped would someday turn to a full-fledged agent.

Then a light glinting off a pane of glass made me look out the kitchen door. In the light from the porch I could see the bench that Sara and I had met on so long ago. Hetty had purchased it and gave it to us for a wedding present. Her giving it to both of us meant the world to me. It brought a lump to my throat but with that lump came a searing ache to the pit of my stomach. All my worries hit, forcefully, at once. How would Sara deal with this if it went on too long? Would my children know me when I come home? What if I didn't come home? Who would take care of them then? Oh I knew that Hetty would watch over them and help where needed. The house had come to me fully paid for. All I needed to do was pay the taxes every year and I did buy the realtor that bottle of Grange that Hetty promised him as payment and a thank you. Until that point in my life I'd lived rather frugally as Hetty once said. I felt the life go out of me as if I already wouldn't return.

Sam grimaced noting the sudden change in my mood. "What's going on G?"

I shook my head and tried to get back to where I was before the seeing the bench, emotionally. The feeling of dread just wouldn't pass. "This mission doesn't feel right and I'm positive Kensi felt it too. Oh, hell, even Hetty doesn't like it. It was evident by the way she handled telling Kensi and me. I'm sure we're being fed half the information, if even that. I'm sure there are things that Vance didn't inform Hetty of either. He wants us to go in uninfluenced by what she could tell us. I got that, but we'll be walking in there blind and I've got a really bad feeling about this mission, really bad." I looked away from Sam and back out to the bench as if it could mean a new beginning for me or an ending that I wouldn't like.

Sam told me that my face began to look haggard and he could see the worry in my eyes that he rarely sees. He reached out to touch my shoulder and squeezed it. "G, be careful over there. Know that if you two need Deeks and me, we will be there. Don't be afraid to call.

I knew I had support from him and that he would watch out for my family as well. I didn't even have to ask it of him and for that I am grateful.

Sara came back into the room at that moment, dressed and ready to go. She noticed the quiet conversation between Sam and me. I'm pretty sure it did nothing to make her feel better about the mission. She began wondering what I hadn't told her and she wondered what else Kensi and I should know about it. I wondered about that too.