Broken Hills: Ghouls, Calves, Sponge Baths and Butt Love! Part 2
Well, it could be worse. Ah, hell, what's the matter with you? It can't be worse! You grumble to yourself as you hobble back to the first part of town, trekking the streets back to the town jail. Well, another fluff job, and you have a blow-up doll. And if the old ghoul tries to get you to get something else from Rickie, he can tell you where the treasure is, or you can blow his rotting head off, simple as that. You open the door to the jail, and find a minigun in your face. "Human come back. Human leave now." You sigh. "I'm sorry, I thought I was done. Please, last time, I swear, then I won't be coming back. I need to get something else from Rickie. Last time, really." With a grunt, the mutant prison guard lowers his gun.
You walk up to Rickie's cell, who grins when he sees you. "Back again, eh mate? What you need from Rickie now?" "I heard you have a blow-up doll?" He shakes his head. "This, I won't part with. I need this a lot." "Please, I really, really need it. I'll do...that thing from before again." Rickie shook his head again. "This little treasure ain't worth that." "I'll do anything, please Rickie, I need that doll." He shakes his head, pauses, and thinks it over. Then a grin lights his face. "Awright, I'll give you the blow-up doll. But you gotta do somethin' else this time." He beckons you, and then he whispers in your ear. Your eyes widen, and you whimper. "Oh...oh, goddamn it." Rickie pulls you into the cell, and takes his clothes off. Somewhere, Barry White begins to play...
An hour later, your hobbling out of the jail in a much different way. Your butt aches and you wonder if you'll ever be able to walk normally again. And the most disturbing thing is you kind of liked it. Marcus gives you a knowing grin as you pass and head back to the second part of town. You make your way up to Typhon, and hand him the blow-up doll, who eyes it lustfully. "Give me a few hours, kid." Six hours later, he comes out, smiling. "I'm sure plum-tuckered out. If you could get me a Rot Gut, then we can talk business." "And I suppose Rickie has one?" "I dunno about that, but you could try the bar, hee hee hee." Cursing bastard ghouls, you make your way yet again to the first part of town, and then back with a Rot Gut, handing it to him. "Thanks kid. Now, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I remember putting my treasure somewhere that wasn't likely to be demolished or plowed over." You stare at him. "You sent me running back and forth, for a bout with stomach sickness and a big plug up my butt for that?! I hope you lose your balls and someone steps on them, you rotting old piece of leather."
Grumbling, you make your way back to the first part of town, glancing around. Nothing you see is giving you any ideas. There's a midget scratching his nethers, but that's not interesting. Mmm...Rickie. "Ah! Damn it, what's wrong with me?! Think!" You sit on the town well, thinking of a place that would be unlikely to be demolished or plowed over. You think on it for over five hours, wondering what it could possibly be. You don't even notice the midget as he walks up to you, until he pokes you. You look down at him. "What?" "The treasure is in the well, you dumbass." He walks away. "And don't throw the brick down the well, just haul it up." Scratching you head, you decide to take his advice. You move the boards from the well and peer inside. A brick is jutting out. "Hello, baby!" You reach in and grab it, pulling it out. You see a rope tied to it, and begin to pull it up. The bag it's tied to is freakin' heavy. "Daddy's gonna be rich tonight." You pull the bag up, and slowly open the bag, savoring the moment. You smile widely as you open the bag to reveal...
10,000 bottlecaps. "What the fuck?!" You hear the midget snickering at you. "That goddamned old ghoul! He tricked me!" The midget is roaring with laughter now. Fuming, you walk over to him, swing the bag up, and swipe it into his head, knocking him unconscious, and then pitching him down the well. "Here, go play with the kobolds, you asshole." You almost walk away, when you see something else, something real shiny. You reach down and pick it up. It's a real Bawls bottlecap! Regular caps are worth less than nothing these days, but a Bawls is still worth quite a bit. You shuffle down the street, peering around, and hiding your treasure, making sure nobody lays a hand on your Bawls. You make your way into the bar, and hold it out to the ghoul bartender, who peers at it, then gasps. "Is that a real Bawls bottlecap? Give it here!" He takes it from you, examining it, and rubbing it with his fingers. "Hey, quit fondling my Bawls old man." Grinning, the ghoul takes out a large number of chips and sets them in a bag, handing them to you. "Here. Three hundred chips. Now, go away." Grinning, you leave the bar. "Who knew my Bawls were so valuable?" Enough with the Bawls jokes, you perv. You set the bag in your pack, grinning. Three hundred chips to go. One last thing...oh, yeah. Reev, the mutant, needs a sponge bath. You shudder. Oh well, best stop dawdling. You make your way over to Marcus, who is grinning now. "Need something, stranger?"
"Can you tell me where Reev is?" He nods, and moves aside, letting you inside the hotel. He points you into the first door, and you walk inside. You see a very large, very stupid, and very dirty mutant, sitting naked in the biggest damn tub you've ever seen, waiting. "Little man come to wash Reev?" He must be so stupid, he's unable to comprehend the function of moving a cloth over his nasty, bumpy green skin. Nodding, you pick up a cloth, and stretch your arm forward to wash off the large mutant. At first, it's not so bad. Especially with your gloves. In fact, you seem to find a strange kind of enjoyment from washing the old mutant, which is just disgusting in all ways. And finally, the only part left is his nethers. Reluctantly, you move your hand down, and in horror, you feel something awaken! You look up into Reev's face, trembling, as the big mutant grabs you, a shine in his eyes. "Reev like you." You begin to sob uncontrollably...
You definitely have a problem walking down, and you feel a horrible burning that just won't go away. You wonder if your going to start leaking soon. Life just kind of hates you right now, doesn't it? Well, at least Reev paid you. Five hundred chips, actually. You make your way down to the caravan driver, and you pay him for the caravan ride as he assigns you several guards, and two brahmin and a cart, for your hurt leg. Even so, you don't think you could stand to walk another damn second.
Next morning, as you set yourself in the empty caravan, the brahmin begin to walk. The guards surround the caravan in a formation, and every once in awhile, they give you strange looks. You are glad to leave the town as everybody starts to laugh at you when you do. As you leave Broken Hills, you resolve to never, ever set foot in the town again.
And later, you would find the town of Broken Hills would find a way to remember you for a long time coming. A statue was erected in your honor, with a plaque on the base in big letters for all to see. It read:
John Stone, the man who was loved by man, beast and mutant.
