Olivia had agreed to go with Brian to see Cooper. He'd seemed so surprised, almost astonished. She didn't know why he was so shocked. Had he expected her to run? Maybe he had. Truth be told, she didn't know how she was supposed to react. She'd wanted to be a mother for so long, and Brian having a son wasn't the worst thing to happen to them. They'd been through so, so much worse. But, as far as Olivia was concerned, the timing couldn't possibly be worse.
She felt awful for Cooper. He was in the midst of losing his mother. He clearly needed attention and love, and Olivia wasn't sure if she was capable of giving Cooper the sole attention he needed. She had her job… her role as designated baby-sitter of the Special Victims Unit. She had to make sure everything was in order. But that wasn't her biggest concern.
The fact that a living being was growing inside her womb still seemed so surreal. It hadn't set in, and with Brian's news, she had pushed it to the back of her mind. She knew it needed attention, but she couldn't bring herself to focus on it. She was beyond the years that most women were childbearing. She was at an age many women her age were becoming grandmothers. The fact that she was pregnant without fertility treatments was a sheer miracle. A rarity. Some might say it was impossible.
Of course, she hadn't even seen a doctor yet. What if it was a false positive? Although rare, they still happened. And with that, she figured it was important to be absolutely positive she was pregnant before sharing the news with Brian. The last thing she wanted was to get him all worked up for nothing. He already had enough on his plate with Cooper.
The ride upstate consisted primarily of Brian filling Olivia on everything about Cooper. He was nine years old and had been born on December 19, 2004. Like his father, his favorite color was black. He also shared his father's interest in sports. His favorite baseball team was the Mets. His favorite basketball team was the Knicks. His favorite football team was the Giants. All teams favorites he shared with his father.
He hated reading, but he was good in math and science. He and his mom used to have a bunch of farm animals, but they had to get rid of them when she got sick. He missed his horse, Nikki, the most. A nearby farmer bought her, though, and he visited her often. He was able to keep his golden retriever, Rocket, though, as long as he continued to take care of him.
Cooper was a bit of a loner. He considered his dog his best friend. The other kids teased him because he small and quiet. He had a stutter, that he'd been seeing a speech therapist for since second grade. According to his mother, it was getting better, but he still struggled, especially around strangers. Brian said he'd noticed Cooper's stutter decrease immensely since he'd first met him.
He loved playing baseball and basketball. Brian told Olivia that he and Cooper had gotten in trouble by the nurses for playing catch in the hospital halls.
"You're supposed to be a good role model for him," Olivia chewed Brian out, exhaling slowly, then added sternly, "Not be a nine-year-old too."
"Sorry," Brian sighed. "This whole parenting thing is new to me. I'm still a kid at heart."
Olivia exhaled slowly. Maybe this is a good thing, she thought, momentarily imagining Brian holding their newborn baby in his arms. There was a huge difference between a nine-year-old and a newborn. Cooper already had developed a personality of his own. He'd been nurtured by his mother. He seemed like a good kid.
Infants are a lot needier, and there's no room for messing up. One wrong move and they could screw up their child's entire future. Olivia read in a book once that the first five years of a child's life were the most vital. Those nurturing years determined a child's personality. Determined who he or she would become. During the first five years of a child's life, his or her brain is constantly developing at a more rapid pace than it is at any other stage of life.
It couldn't hurt to practice parenting on a child whose brain had already stabilized.
And Olivia was reminded of Calvin. He'd been not much older than Cooper when he'd stayed with her. The idea of getting attached to another child only to have him ripped from her arms again was terrifying.
What if Cooper's mother died and then child services told Brian and her that they weren't fit to keep Cooper? They only had a one bedroom apartment, and their lease wasn't up until September. Sure, they could break the lease, and pay the penalty, but could they really afford that plus the price of a larger apartment or home? Especially if Brian lost his job. Even with her sergeant's raise, she wasn't if it was monetarily possible, especially if they were going to add an infant to their family. A nine-year-old and a baby? It was a lot to take on. She and Brian had a lot to talk about, though she wasn't prepared to discuss it yet.
The ride also consisted of them stopping at practically every rest area.
"It's been a while since I've traveled with a woman. I forgot how weak your bladders are," Brian teased, and Olivia half-smiled, trying not to take offense. Her bladder wasn't normally so weak. She would rather Brian assume it was the "female bladder," though, so she bit her lip.
Brian said they were about twenty minutes from the hospital when Olivia's phone buzzed in her pocket. She saw Amaro's name flash across the screen. "Oh shit," she muttered and answered the phone. "Benson."
"Hey, Liv, we have a twenty-one-year-old female at Mercy who says she was raped at a frat party."
Great, she thought and took a deep breath. She noticed Brian give her a quick glance. She exhaled. "Okay, well, you know the drill. Get her statement. Have Fin and Rollins start interviewing people at the party."
"You're not going to meet me at the hospital?"
"I can't, sorry. I'm out of town right now. Besides, you don't need me. You've got this," Olivia said. She saw Brian breathe a sigh of relief.
"You're out of town? Where are you?"
"It doesn't matter, Nick. You can handle the case, right?" she asked sternly.
"I've got it," Nick replied assuredly.
"If there's an emergency call me, but I think you'll just be fine. Tell Fin he's in charge," Olivia said.
"Gotcha, Serge!"
"Good." She disconnected and turned to Brian, who looked completely stunned.
"I was worried there for a moment," Brian admitted. "Thought I'd have to turn around and drive all the way back to New York City. That must have been hard for you."
"Huh?"
"Letting others do the detective work. It's not your cup of tea. You like to be there first hand."
She knew Brian was right. It hadn't been easy, to tell Nick that he, Fin, and Amanda would have to handle the investigation on their own. And truth be told, she was anxious about the whole situation. The idea of her detectives managing an investigation on their own was frightening. She trusted Fin. She'd worked with him the longest, so she knew he'd get the work done. Nick and Amanda – she wasn't so sure about. They'd both been a handful lately, and she knew they had plenty going on in their personal lives. Amanda had been a late a lot lately, and she wasn't sure what Nick's deal was anymore. She thought he was trying to patch his relationship up with Maria, but now she wasn't sure.
She shook her head and brushed her hair out of her face. It wasn't her concern. Whatever was going down in her detective's personal lives didn't matter as long as they were able to get the job done, and she knew Fin would see to it that they did. If they didn't, she knew she would hear about it. She hoped that phone call didn't happen, though, because she had her own life to deal with for a chance. Something she'd never done.
"We're here," Brian said as he pulled into hospital parking lot. The hospital was about half the size of any hospital in New York City.
