"Kurt?" Dr. Straud asked me for the hundredth time as I just sat there staring at the wall behind her, "it's going to be OK."

"OK? How is this going to be OK?"

"Look this can be managed and there a more cases than you'd expect but in heterosexual men of course it would never… Come to light as it were-"

"Well this has obviously!" I snapped, "what am I supposed to do?" She looked at me sadly with her deep green eyes and I just started crying, she didn't know what to say apart from the medical side of things, which she explained calmly and carefully.

"Child birth is more complicated but we'll know more further into the pre-"

"Further?" I squeaked, "I'm seventeen! I'm a junior! I've only been with my boyfriend for a couple months…" I blushed furiously as I just admitted that we'd pretty much jumped into bed with each, "I mean there was a lot of build up, we're not you know, you know…"

"I'm not judging you Kurt," her voice was cool but it didn't calm me, "I can't help you decide what to do but I can help you when you come to a decision."

"What if," my voice cracked slightly, "what if I don't want it?"

"Then that is your choice but Kurt," she leaned forward, "I would suggest really thinking about this, talk to your parents, your partner, don't rush this and don't think you're alone." I nodded and thanked her, taking the folder full of papers, explanations, doctors' names and everything else to help calm me but it didn't. I felt so awful, I felt so alone and I just wanted the world to eat me up.


Regional's was next week and I didn't have time to be taking my eye off the ball for even a second, I was trying to write a song but I didn't give in anything, I didn't want to put anyone through another 'hair band' experience. Blaine was at sport training and Warbler practice every night so we didn't have much time to talk and I was glad, I had told him all the tests had been negative and thankfully my morning sickness faded out over the next week. Apparently I was seven weeks and that meant; mood swings. Like I didn't have them already! I tried to sit quietly in all my classes so not to get worked up about anything but end of the year was about two weeks away so no one was doing any work and I've already cried at four movies and it's Tuesday.

"So you and posh-boy still going at it like little gay rabbits?" Santana asked casually across the choir room. "I thought they were dolphins?" Brittany interjected but we both ignored her.

"Shut up Santana," I snapped back.

"Touch a nerve there princess?" I took a deep breath, I could feel myself getting angry and she hadn't meant it like that but why was she so fucking annoying!

"No you're just insufferably nosy so get the fuck out of my business," everyone gasped as I swore, I looked up to her and the Latina girl was just as shocked. "Whoa just because he won't screw you don't take it out on me!"

"Are you saying he doesn't want to have sex with me?" I exclaimed suddenly and then thought about it… What if he doesn't? Then I started to cry.

"Holy shit Kurt!" Santana cried and then as Mr. Schue walked in, "it wasn't me, I didn't mean to!" He glared at her and then back at me, no one ever believed that Santana didn't do it.

"Kurt?" Mr. Schue was all up in my face and it was making me nervous.

"I'm fine!" I sat quietly until we rehearsed and I tried giving it all I had but I really didn't have much to give, I just wanted a nice hot bath with jasmine…

"Hey Hummel what's up with the pregnancy moods," Quinn laughed from her locker opposite mine.

"What? I'm not, why would you? Did someone say something?" She gave me the weirdest look.

"Urm… No? It was a joke Kurt; boys can't get pregnant so-" Oh for fuck's sake I was crying again, "what's wrong? You know that's not what Santana meant!"

"How did you decide to keep Beth?" Quinn looked shocked at the question and then curious but answered me.

"I just knew that I couldn't let her go," she smiled fondly.

"Didn't you talk anyone first?"

"Well no, but it wouldn't have changed anything. I couldn't bring myself to kill her, I wouldn't have understood if anyone asked me too; any stick I got because of her couldn't be worse than the feeling I would have had to carry around by not having her y'know?" I nodded and I knew she didn't quite understand why I was asking this but I wouldn't unless it was important so she didn't press the matter.

"Thanks Quinn," I left school feeling more confused, I didn't feel anything for this baby; it didn't even feel real to me. – Does that make me a bad parent? When I got home I picked up my phone and found 6 texts, 2 missed calls, all from Blaine but I didn't read them or call him back I just ran the water and undressed. I examined my stomach in the full-length mirror, I wasn't showing at all but I thought I look bloated and my ab muscles had relaxed slightly. I ran a hand over the skin and tried to imagine having a bump, feeling the baby move, having Blaine hold me and I just couldn't.

"This isn't fair."


"Hello again Kurt," Dr. Straud was way too happy all the time.

"Hi," I said pathetically sitting once again opposite her.

"Have you decided?" I shook my head, "not on anything? What did your boyfriend say?"

"I haven't told him…"

"Kurt you need to talk about this, are you feeling OK? Emotionally I mean?"

"Fine, mood swings are a bitch but-"

"No Kurt do you feel, stable?" I stared at her stable? Did I seem like I was unstable? Am I unstable? Don't cry just answer honestly.

"I don't think so… I think I'm OK, I mean I'm not feeling depressed just I get upset by stuff that's not even that sad but that's not depressed is it?"

"No, not at all, just it wouldn't be surprising if you felt a little, desperate, I just want to know that you're safe and that you're coping well enough," her green eyes weren't as friendly as the first time I had met her but that was probably because they had two layers of emotion to them and it kind of scared me.

"I don't feel anything…" I whispered, "for this… baby. Nothing. I don't even feel like its actually happening, it's like a dream but worse because I just don't feel anything. I don't want to tell Blaine because I'm scared he'll leave me and if I don't even really want it then that's just pointless? But then again what if he wants it and I don't? What if he's excited and happy about being a Dad and I-" I sobbed, "I just don't feel it?"

"Talk to him, trust me it will make everything so much better."


I didn't talk to Blaine though, I left for New York on Thursday without seeing him in person and although I felt guilty (oh GOD so guilty) I knew that I couldn't look him in the eye without telling him and I needed to get my words straight, I needed to prepare myself for the worst. But what was the worst? Him saying he does or doesn't want it?

"Oh Quinn you scared me," I was sitting in the late bar at the hotel with a plate of food in front of me when she touched me shoulder softly and sat down next to me. "What the hell are you eating?"

"Urmm…" I blushed furiously as I looked down at the food, "rice, nutella and gherkins." I wanted to cry.

"Shhh," she put her arms around me, "Kurt what's wrong? And don't say nothing because no one is believing it anymore."

"I can't do this anymore," I tried to swallow my tears but it was so hard, "I don't know what's going to happen to me," I wasn't making any sense but I just couldn't tell her.

"Because we didn't place at regional's? It's not the end Kurt, you're going places, you're going further than anyone else in, not just Glee, but the whole state; you're special." It was so strange hearing Quinn be so nice and supportive, we didn't normally talk and it was nice; she knew (sort of) what I'm going through.

"Quinn… I'm pregnant."

"What?" I just looked at my feet, "what? I mean… What?"

"I don't even know, there's a medical explanation but that doesn't help does it? That doesn't change the fact I'm a boy and I'm pregnant and I'm so young!" I didn't even care what I was saying anymore, we were the only people in the bar and I felt so relieved saying this out loud.

"Wow… Just wow. How long have you known?"

"About 2 weeks, I'm 8 weeks along which is like nothing but my doctor keeps pressuring me to make a decision and I just can't."

"A decision about what?"

"If I'm keeping it…" Quinn's face dropped slightly, "I know how you feel but I don't feel like, I don't feel anything Quinn! I don't feel connected to this baby, I don't feel like it's real, I don't feel like I'm going to be a Dad and that's just a sign I'm going to be a bad parent!"

"Look that's normal! So many people, especially young parents, don't know how they feel when they first find out. You're just feeling sick and eating shit food and you want to cry and laugh at the same time and nothing feels right, you're scared and everything is going to change no matter what you decide to do. Thing is Kurt you're doing the worst thing you can do, you're acting like you have to do this alone and you have so many people that love you and will support you. Please tell me you've talked to Blaine?" I shook my head.

"What if he wants the opposite to what I want?"

"Since when does fear or what other people want hold Kurt Hummel back from doing what he wants to do?"


"Hey," Blaine kissed me deeply when I arrived at Starbucks in Westerville, "here's your coffee," he slid the grande non-fat mocha towards me and I gagged at the smell.

"Urgh, maybe later… Thanks though," I added at his hurt puppy eyes.

"How are you? You guys so had that in the bag!" God he was so public school preppy that I could puke.

"I'm fine, you know I think it was good for us to place so badly, we have so much more to learn you know?"

"You're so smart," he was sitting with his head on his hand looking at me like I was the best thing he had ever seen, "I don't know how I'm so lucky to have you." "Blaine can we talk?" My heart jumped into my throat, my hand went to my stomach but it felt awkward. "I haven't been completely honest with you lately and I just can't lie to you anymore…" Blaine was sitting up straight now, his hands were clasped tightly and the love-struck look had gone from his beautiful eyes. "When I was sick and I told you the results were negative-"

"Kurt please tell me you're OK, please," he reached forward and grabbed my hands in his.

"I'm… not OK but I'm not sick or dying or anything like that," he frowned and his eyebrows practically knitted together.

"Blaine, I'm 8 weeks pregnant."

Just wondering if the chapters are a bit short and I know I move around a lot but I like to include people and I love Quinn/Kurt (Qurt? Fabummel? Humbrey?) Friendship - which obviously makes sense in this story.