--
John's breathing began to slow enough for him to be able to think. He stared up at the ceiling above him and blinked over at her beside him. Their legs were still tangled together where they had fallen at the foot of the stairs. He lay on his back still panting, whilst she lay mostly on her front beside him, her forehead against the rug that covered the floor.
He couldn't believe what had just happened! How had that happened? The pent up anger and near fury he had felt before felt completely alien to him now, his body buzzing and softening with tiredness. He turned his head as much as he could to see her still panting beside him, her eyes closed. He recalled his very harsh words to her and regretted his behaviour, well right up until he had kissed her, after that he was pretty happy with his behaviour. She hadn't appeared too unhappy either, but it was far from the ideal way to express your affection for a woman; to ravish her on a staircase. He struggled with what he should say to her now; would she regret her actions? Should he apologise?
He opened his mouth and oddly the first thing he said was "I'm sorry what I said about Lucas."
Whilst he was trying to work out where those words had come from, she opened her eyes and turned her head towards him, her cheek now pressed against the carpet.
"That is what you are apologising for?" She said in a breathy laugh. He hoped that meant she wasn't mad at him. But, he wasn't sure what else she wanted him to apologise for, as he sure as hell didn't want to say he was sorry for what had just happened. She had come so powerfully along with him, surely she couldn't regret it. Could she?
"Should I apologise for more?" He asked seriously, his mouth apparently now attached to his heart.
She regarded him through the firelight, her breathing slower now. He began to feel panicked under her scrutiny, but he didn't look away from her.
"No." She said with a soft smile.
Relief burst through him and he had to look away, back up to the ceiling and he allowed himself to smile. "Thank God." He admitted out loud.
She chuckled beside him as she began to struggle up from the floor. She closed her shirt around herself and pulled her legs out from his. Her skirts had been lying over both their legs and she sat up briefly enough to rearrange them around her and then slumped back down on the floor on her back beside him. John tucked himself back into his trousers and pulled his shirt back down.
"I suppose now would be the time to mention I've had kind of a major crush on you for awhile?" He said amused at himself.
She laughed again and he looked round at her. Her cheeks were rosy and her lips full as she looked over at him. "Then I should admit the same."
"Thank God again for that." He muttered, his body feeling ever so heavy now. "I guess we should talk." He rubbed one hand over his face, stubble grazing his palm. He needed to sleep, but he knew women needed to talk things out, and this was all new territory with her and he wasn't entirely sure where he stood now.
Teyla struggled up into a sitting position. "I need to get cleaned up and out of these day clothes first."
Her comment had been innocent enough, but his mind now saw the other more interesting take to her words. She apparently noticed his raised interested eyebrow and she swatted him on the leg as she clambered to her feet. He felt oddly smug that her legs were a little unstable under her.
"Okay." He offered rather sleepily as he sat up slowly. His knee was aching considerably and he took his time standing as well. She disappeared up stairs so he headed out to the washroom next to the kitchen.
Cleaned up a bit he headed back into the lounge and sat down on the soft comfortable cushions by the fire. He couldn't resist lying back against them for a bit, his body aching from the day's activities and from the wonderful release he had just enjoyed.
--
Teyla stared at herself in the tiny murky mirror over the wash basin and couldn't help but be amused at her shocked expression. She could barely believe what had just happened. And it had been so very good.
All those years of longing for John Sheppard had not been in vain as she had previously resigned herself to. He not only returned her sentiments, but had apparently been feeling the same for awhile as well. She shook her head at the bizarreness of it all. Yet, she wasn't sure how to handle him now. He wanted to talk and some part of her did as well, yet she feared what he may say. What if he wanted nothing more than something casual; she would never want that. When she loved she loved fully and deeply. Had she just used the word 'love'? She stared at herself again in the mirror, another shocked expression looking back. Well, she was going to have to make sure not to say that to him; that would be a sure way to frighten him off. Never one to really express himself, she was going to have to tread carefully here.
Yet, hadn't she always wanted this; a proper relationship with John? To enjoy him in everyway she had fantasised about before? The face in the mirror began to flush red; there was no need to go down that road. She had just experienced the real thing and never had she expected it to have been so very powerful. She realised she wasn't sure how long she had been in the washroom, and that he may be concerned about her. So she finished up and headed out of the room into the kitchen, her night robe held tightly around her against the night chill.
She spied John on the cushions by the dying fire still in his day clothes, but as she approached she could clearly see that he was in fact in a deep sleep. He lay flat on his back, his head to one side and one hand over his chest. She stood over him and took in the handsome sight. A very affectionate caring emotion moved through her then. She walked the short distance to his bed and pulled his blankets free. Kneeling down beside him she arranged them over him, covering him right up to his chin and she stayed by him studying him. She allowed herself to really look at him now; his hair, his features, his dark eyelashes lying against his cheeks and his very full lips. Lips she had been kissing not that long ago. She reached out and stroked light fingertips down one of his cheeks. Oh, she was in trouble with him. She had always known it really, and had even been warned about it by several friends, but she knew it was hopeless. Sometime, long ago, perhaps even during that first encounter back on Athos, some part of her had seriously softened in regards to his man. Some part of her loved him intensely and though she knew that meant there was the potential for deep hurt, that she had been enduring for the past years, it also help deep promise.
He stirred slightly under her touch, grunting and murmuring, but he remained undisturbed. She decided then to stay next to him, so she pulled up one side of the blankets and tucked herself in beside him. He may not want a deep and long lasting relationship like her, but she could at least enjoy tonight. Enjoy being against him, within his warmth and to draw in his scent, now mixed with her own.
--
John was feeling good again, despite being right out in the cold again today tending the stupid little cabbages. His fingers were chilled even through the thick gloves, but he didn't really notice. Not after what happened last night. His mind was on over drive, running through what had happened over and over again, which helped to warm him somewhat against the cold.
He had woken this morning to the chimes of the hall bells announcing the start of the day. He had slept all night in the lounge against the cushions in a deep sleep of oblivion and he had felt much rested for it. What had especially made his morning was looking over to find Teyla beside him, not a foot away like before, but pressed up to his side this time. She had looked equally as rested and sleepy.
"We are late for chores." She had muttered, but had made no real attempt to move.
John had contemplated various moves he could have made then, but he had still been in his clothes from yesterday and his back had begun to cease up. He needed to get up and shower before someone came looking for them. And oddly he had felt inclined to actually have a conversation with her following last night first. But, he didn't want to miss the opportunity so he had sat up and then leant down over her. Her sleepy eyes had greeted him with a smile and he felt encouraged enough to press his lips to hers in a morning kiss. She had returned the touch briefly and then sighed out a murmur as she settled back against the cushions. The pleasurable murmur had almost undone his resolve not to make a move then and there, but she would hardly want him all over her when he was still all grubby from yesterday. So he had taken one last kiss and stood up.
"Come on then sleeping beauty, we both need to get up." He had announced as he had pulled the blankets up off her. She had grunted in protest, but he had enjoyed the view of her partially bared legs and belly from under her night clothes.
She had glared up at him and then rather grudgingly begun to get up as well. After they had both gotten ready for work they met in the kitchen for a quick breakfast. Sitting down at the table together the atmosphere had suddenly changed into expectation. It had worried him, as he really wasn't sure what to say. He had cleared his throat around his porridge and taken the first step of sorts.
"So, I'm gonna go apologise to Lucas this morning."
She licked porridge from her lips and looked up at him amused. "Alright."
That hadn't given him much to start with, so he decided to push it a little and see if he could get a rise out of her. "He really is a little young anyway."
She frowned at him, but he could tell she knew what he was trying to do; to break the tension a bit and ease into this conversation.
"Are you saying I'm not supposed to attract younger men?" She asked rather playfully.
"Teyla, most of the male population of Atlantis are attracted to you, regardless of age." He replied honestly, but then wanted to take back what he had said. "Not that I count myself as just one of them." Okay, that didn't sound right. "I mean I do find you attractive, obviously." He inclined his head back towards the stairs, the site of last night's actions. "But, it's different to them; what they feel."
She put her spoon down into her now empty bowl and leant on an elbow towards him. "How is it different?"
Okay, he had walked right into that one. She perched her chin in her palm, watching with obvious amusement. Why was it women took such delight in watching men dig themselves deeper into such holes?
He struggled to work out the best reply to that. "I mean they don't know you like I do. They don't work with you or spend as much time with you to get to know you properly."
"I have gotten to know several male members of Atlantis very well, outside those on our team." She said, still enjoying him squirm.
"Who?" He demanded. "Is it that marine, Jones or whatever his name is?"
She smiled at him then, taking further pleasure in his abrupt burst of jealousy. "I have been training with many of the marines. Especially lately."
That had changed the tone of the conversation. He hadn't trained with her for a long time. What with her pregnancy and then his rather resentful feelings over Kanaan, he had stayed away from her once she had restarted training.
She dropped her chin from her hand and crossed her arms over one another on the edge of the table. "I love my son, John. I would never want to change anything that brought him into existence."
"I know. I kind of like the little guy myself." Their eyes both drifted over to the photo of Tagan John had brought with him. It was up on the wall by the table, where she could see it all the time.
"I love him, but I did not plan to have him." She confessed quietly. "Kanaan and I were old friends and we spent much time together whilst I was living on New Athos."
John shifted in his seat, he didn't really like hearing about Kanaan, but he was also glad she was sharing with him.
"And you showed no apparent interest." She continued.
John looked back at her from the photo of the smiling Tagan with their team mates. He had always been bitter about Kanaan, and it did not help to hear that in a way he had helped to push her into the man's arms.
"You know I'm not all that good at expressing myself, Teyla." He said eventually, his eyes on the table before him. "I didn't want to risk the team or…. You know…"
She rescued him by reaching out and laying a hand over his. "You do not need to explain yourself."
"But you just did." He replied. "And after last night…" he took a breath. "I'm sorry about how I have behaved. Not just lately, but since I heard you were pregnant." He confessed in a rush. He looked up at her, imploring her to understand him, as she so often seemed to do. "It was difficult for me."
She nodded and squeezed his hand. Then came a polite knock at their door.
"We are very late for chores." She said as she stood up and away from him heading towards the door.
It had been Merryweather concerned that something had happened. Apparently many people had been too ill after last night's excessive drinking to get to the chores and they needed all hands on deck as it were.
So here he was elbow deep in cabbages and his mind lingering on last night and this morning. They hadn't really cleared anything up between them, but at least they had talked. He still wasn't sure where he stood with her, but he guessed he would find out soon.
He had however taken one of his earlier breaks to go check on the Jumper. It had been nicely concealed and had he not been actively looking for it in the right place he doubted anyone would have been able to spot it. He had taken the opportunity to also slip inside to dig through the supplies within. Behind the main first aid kit was a small box of spare bandages and where everyone knew a box of condoms was kept. No one mentioned it, but everyone knew they were there. The unspoken rule was to replace what you took. John pushed aside all the vacuum packed sterile bandages and dressings until he located the box. It was a completely full new box, which said to John that someone else had been using quite a lot lately. Not that he was complaining. After a moment's consideration he pocketed the entire box and set about clearing everything back into place, making a mental note to replace it if he needed to in the future. Not that he was sure he was going to need them, but better safe than sorry and he didn't want to have to trek out to the Jumper again for more.
It was just after he and the other two workers had had their lunch break later that Lucas had appeared.
"I heard you were looking for me?" The younger man called out as he approached John.
John turned, pulling aside his face protector. He wasn't sure but he got the feeling that Lucas was a little intimidated by him. The poor guy obviously had a major crush on Teyla and John suddenly felt a connection with him.
"Hi, yes. You got a minute?" John asked. Lucas nodded and came to a rest next to John. Little snow was falling today, as it was almost too cold for anything other than a few flurries to fall against their faces. "I wanted to apologise if I was rude to you last night. I'd had a long hard day and took it out on you."
Lucas looked surprised for a moment. "Did you take it out on Teyla as well?" He asked frowning.
John understood what the guy was worried about and he respected the guy slightly more for it. Not that it didn't annoy him as well.
"No. Teyla and I are… very good friends. She has forgiven me for being such an ass."
Lucas obviously didn't understand the saying, but he got the gist. He nodded. "Then no harm has been done. I accept your apology."
"Great. Glad we cleared that up." John replied. But Lucas didn't move to leave instead pursed his lips thinking and John had a burst of insight as to what Lucas was about to ask.
"So you and Teyla; you are just good friends? Or are you more than that? Because last night you seemed pretty… territorial."
The word surprised John, as he had never really associated himself with that kind of behaviour, but he guessed it was pretty close to the mark. He wasn't sure how to answer the question anyway. What were he and Teyla? Lovers now? Did one time count? Would she want him as a lover? Why couldn't he stop thinking the word 'lover'? It felt nice to associate her with that word, but it was far too pale for what he really wanted.
He turned to Lucas and with an honest smile he said, "In truth I'm not sure what we are, but I would like more." It felt odd admitting these personal things to someone he barely knew, but it a way it was easier and more liberating. Lucas nodded with clear understanding and turned to go.
"I wish you two well. You take care of her and get her home to her son." He said as he turned and walked off through the light snowfall.
"I will." John promised quietly as he watched the rather sad young man walk away. It brought John's mood down slightly as well. He wasn't that far away from Lucas. One word of rejection from Teyla and he would be as sad and lonely looking as Lucas was right now. But, whereas Lucas was a young man with a life full of willing women in his future, John's was quite different. He was not a youthful kid barely out of his teen years, full of hormones and staring wide eyed at the world. He knew what horrors there were out there, and the joys. And Teyla was very much part of the joy category; one that he had not been willing to pursue up until now. With that thought he turned back to his cabbage tending, willing away the cold and went back to pondering Teyla some more.
--
Teyla had spent the day preparing the meeting hall for the festivities tonight. It was a festival in honour of the new spring, but Teyla had seen no obvious, or even vague, indications of such a seasonal change. But, then this was another world and perhaps she just did not recognise the signs. She tied the last banner in place and stepped down and back to contemplate the decorations. They were bright enough, but considering the tinsel and lavish colours Earth people used to celebrate their holidays, this display was rather dull. But, it did not change the importance of the event.
She turned to the window, stretching her neck to see the small area of cabbage beds near the hall. John was working the plots today, the team would work their way around the settlement through all the beds. But, it appeared they had still not reached the beds near the hall. She thought on the matter for only a moment and headed towards the doorway. Calling out to her fellow workers that she would be back in a few minutes she pulled her coat on over her shoulders like a cloak, keeping her arms deep within the warmth as she stepped out into the day's brutal cold.
There was barely any snow in the air, but the large amount that had fallen these past days had frozen solidly over the paths and it made traversing the settlement rather tedious and slow. Yet, she worked her way slowly and easily enough out to the highest point of the settlement and looked out over the buildings, her eyes scanning the cabbage beds. Then she spied Lucas heading away from one set and she strained further to see the cabbage team hard at work nearby.
With a sense of growing pleasure she made her way down towards those beds. It was a lesser populated area of the settlement, so the beds were wider and took longer to work. John was on the nearest end, the others spread out further away. Good, he was by himself, so she didn't feel so conspicuous going to see him. Not that she wasn't allowed, people regularly visited those tending the cabbages as it was the most unpleasant and demanding of jobs in this weather.
It was difficult to make out much of his features beneath his heavy coat, gloves and face protector, but she would recognise the way he moved anywhere. Not only had they been watching each others' backs in the team for years, but she had been so much more aware of him than of other men. And now, since last night even, that awareness had grown. This morning whilst preparing breakfast together and sitting at the table she had been so vividly conscious of him; of how he moved, how he tilted his head, the little unique gestures and form of his body that made him; him. That uniqueness of him was obvious to her even through such heavy layers of protective clothing. As she neared she realised she had an overwhelming urge to strip him of those layers and enjoy the warm man beneath.
She arrived at the edge of the cabbage beds and approached him. He stood up from his work and was jigging about on the spot. She knew that dance well; it was against the cold. He had spent all day out here when it was especially cold and after spending all day yesterday out in the deep snow by himself. She wondered what kind of mood he would be in.
He finally noticed her approaching and the jigging stopped as he headed over towards her, climbing out and down from the bed to meet her on the path. He pulled his face protector down and his smiling face appeared.
"Hey, Teyla." He greeted obviously happy to see her.
She stepped up close to him, hugging the edges of the coat to her. "How is it going?" She asked, looking over the lines of cabbages with a growing skilled eye.
"Not bad, bit cold though." He began to jig about a bit again. She got the impression he wanted to step closer, perhaps to touch her.
"How's it going in Beowulf's hall then?" He asked, touching her on the arm briefly through her coat.
She laughed at the name. "When we are back in Atlantis you will have to show me this story."
"We'll watch the movie. Well movies actually, there have been various versions. I like the latest animated one." He commented, smiling broadly at her, his eyes shining.
"In answer to your question; we have just finished the decorations. I wanted to remind you that we should attend the festival. It starts just after the chore shift, so everyone can be there."
He groaned slightly at that. "I was hoping to get home and get some hot food before the festival."
"There is some of that stew you made left over from yesterday. I will heat it up and bring some out and we can eat it before the festival." She offered.
His smile returned. "That would be great." He then stepped closer leaning in and whispered conspiratorially "As long as there's no cabbage in it."
She laughed with him. He stayed close to her, and she felt his indecision. So she made the move. She reached out from under her coat, reaching up to his neck, readjusting his scarf for him. He angled his neck aside for her as she pulled the fabric about, whilst he held her coat around her, stopping it from falling from her shoulders.
"Do you want me to bring you out something warmer?" She asked. She worked on the scarf and then pulled open his coat and set about tucking the ends of the scarf down against his chest, adding further protection on the inside of his coat fastenings when it would be closed.
"No, I'll be fine." He said, his voice a little deeper than normal, indicating he wasn't unaffected by her standing so close and playing him such attention.
Happy the scarf was correctly adjusted she flatted one hand against his chest and slid the other around him beneath his coat and she lifted up towards his mouth. She caught the flash of pleasure in his eyes just before he dipped his head and his lips pressed against hers. His tongue begged for entrance almost immediately and she willingly allowed it, kissing him back with just enough passion to make it clear to him that she remembered last night. His arms came up around her more fully, pulling her closer as he re-angled his head to kiss her deeper. She pulled back then, not wanting them to lose themselves to kissing in public view. As they parted she licked his lower lip once, hoping to sooth his slight disappointment. He grunted in pleasure as they parted, and she saw his eyes were considerably darker than before. His gaze immediately fell to her lips and she smiled up at him.
"Warmer?" She asked, as she set about closing his coat for him, but kept her body close, his arms still around her back.
"Yep." He muttered. "Though, I do need my blood in my extremities out here in the cold really."
She laughed briefly at him as she secured his coat and scarf one last time and stood back from him. He pouted with disappointment, his arms reluctantly falling from her as she stepped back.
"I will see you for our picnic before the festival." She said as she moved away.
As she walked back up the path towards the hall, she was sure he was watching her leave; the back of her neck warm under his eyes. As she headed back amongst the building and soon to be blocked from his view she turned and looked back over her shoulder towards him and sure enough he was watching her. She smiled and moved on. John Sheppard liked her a lot.
--
TBC tomorrow…
