WARNING: This chapter deals with severe child abuse.
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EPOV
I stood there unable to move as I watched this scene unfold before me. Sookie was crouched in a corner crying and begging not to be hurt again. Amelia walked very slowly towards Sookie. She stopped a few feet from her and stooped down.
"Sookie?" Amelia said very quietly.
Sookie looked up at Amelia with no recognition at all on her face. "Who…who are you? How do you know my name?" she asked timidly.
"I'm Amelia. I'm a friend of your Gran's," Amelia said carefully.
"You need to get out of here, Miss Amelia. He's going to be back and he'll hurt you if he sees you here," Sookie said. What the hell?
"Sweetheart," Amelia started while holding her hand out to Sookie, "come here to me and I'll keep you safe. I won't let him hurt you."
"But…he…"
"No, Sookie. He's gone and won't ever hurt you again, okay. Now come here and I'll get you some chocolate milk and we'll get you to bed. You like chocolate milk, don't you?"
"Ye…yes," Sookie said quietly.
"Okay then sweetie, come here and we'll get that chocolate milk for you."
"O….kay." Sookie held her hand out to Amelia and they both stood up slowly. Amelia pulled Sookie close to her for a moment before leading her to the kitchen. She gave Sookie a small glass of chocolate milk. Sookie gulped it down quickly and the wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Amelia led Sookie back to the bedroom. I followed quietly, still shocked by what I was witnessing. Sookie laid down and closed her eyes and Amelia pulled the covers up and tucked her in. Sookie was asleep already. I went back to the living room and sat on the sofa. What the fuck just happened? Was this what I heard going on all those months ago when Sookie was screaming? I looked up when Amelia came back into the living room. She was talking on the phone.
"Linda, its Amelia. It happened again," Amelia said quietly. "She was accosted by some drunk guy while walking home after that asshole you guys forced her to go out with pawed on her all night. I'm pretty sure it's triggered it." Pause while she was listening to whatever Linda was saying. "No, no. She is back in bed now. I doubt she'll remember it in the morning." Pause to listen. "Okay. I'll see you in a few hours." Amelia hung up and was staring down at the floor quietly.
"Amelia, please tell me what's going on with Sookie," I said almost whispering. "I need to know what to do here."
Amelia took in and let out a deep breath, sat down on the chair across from me folding her leg under her, and looked at me for a long moment.
"Sookie was abused as a child," she began. "I'm not talking a slap here and there or even just a punch. She was very severely abused for several years. These…night terrors, or sleep walking episodes are a remnant of what she went through. They had decreased over the years and she didn't have one in nearly a year before she moved in here. When you heard her screaming a few months back that's what was happening. I think the stress of moving into this place by herself may have triggered that one and it was minor. Obviously her being attacked tonight was the trigger for this and even this episode was pretty minor compared to some. It's not my story to tell so that's really all I'm going to say at this point. Sookie won't remember anything about it when she wakes up. Her Aunt Linda and Gran will be here in the morning."
"Fuck," I said. That explained the fear that I sensed and her jumpiness. Who the fuck would hurt a child?
"Yeah, fuck," Amelia responded.
"Will it happen again tonight?"
"It could, but it's rare that she has more than one episode in a night." Amelia looked at me and asked "So, what are you going to do, Eric?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, are you going to avoid her now?"
"What? No! Why would I avoid her?"
"That's what most people do when they witness this firsthand or even when they just hear about what happened to her. They feel uncomfortable around her so they just avoid her."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere. This is just a part of her. She is so much more than this. She has clearly overcome quite a bit and I'm just amazed. I care a great deal for her and I just want to be here for her," I said honestly.
Pam, who had been quiet up until this point said "We're both here for her. I don't like a lot of people, but Sookie is definitely one of the good ones."
"Alright then, we should all try to get some sleep. Linda and Gran will be here in the morning and Sookie will be embarrassed when she finds out you guys saw her like that," Amelia said with a sigh.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
SPOV
I woke the next more feeling drained. Ugh. I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom to start my day. Once I was showered and dressed I decided to head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. Only when I got to the kitchen I found Eric. He was still in the same clothes he had on last night. His hair was sticking up every which way. Damn he was sexy in the morning.
"Good morning!" He said holding out a cup of coffee for me.
"Thank you," I said taking the cup from him. "Good morning. What are you doing here?"
He looked a little sheepish. "I talked Amelia into letting me stay here on the sofa last night. I was worried about you."
"Oh," I didn't know what to say. "You really didn't have to do that. I'm okay, really."
"Well, it made me feel better being here, then. I'm just finishing up some French toast, would you like some?" he asked.
"That sounds great. Let me help you."
"No! I've got this, Sook. Go sit and relax with your coffee."
"Eric, I swear I'm okay. You don't have to wait on me."
"Maybe I want to wait on you. Have you thought of that? So, go sit down before I'm forced to carry you to the sofa myself."
I laughed. "Okay. Yes sir!"
I sat down and Eric brought my plate of French toast a couple of minutes later. He sat next to me with his own plate.
"Where's Amelia?" I asked.
"She and Pam went out shopping or something. Honestly, I didn't really listen when they told me. Sorry. I was still half asleep."
I laughed. We ate mostly in silence. Clearly we both enjoyed quiet mornings. When I was finished I got up to bring my plate to the kitchen and Eric jumped up and grabbed it from me.
"Sit down, Sook. I've got this."
"Eric, please don't treat me like I'm helpless. I was shaken up last night, but I'm really okay right now. I don't need you treating me any differently, okay?" I tell him.
"I'm sorry Sookie. I just want to…take care of you."
"I don't need anyone to take care of me! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"
"No! I didn't mean it like that. I know you can take care of yourself. I meant that I just wanted to pamper you a bit. You are always taking care of me and Pam and Amelia and pretty much everyone else. Let me take care of you for a change. That's all I meant, Sookie."
"I…uhhh…oh God, I'm sorry, Eric," I said putting my face in my hands. Why was I so hostile? "I'm just not used to it."
Eric smiled. "Well, Miss Stackhouse, get used to it. Just suck it up or I'll get Pam to take you shopping…and she is hardcore." He said knowing full well that I despise the whole shopping experience.
"Ugh! You don't play fair! Fine, but I won't like it!" I said folding my arms and stomping my foot like a child making Eric laugh.
"You act like I'm forcing you to eat raw liver or something. Sookie, you do so much for everyone around you, it's time that you get spoiled for a change. Now…sit down and relax. Watch some TV. Read a book. Sit on the patio. Take a long hot bath. Whatever. Just relax."
Eric went into the kitchen and washed the breakfast dishes. As he was finishing up, there was a knock on the door. I started to get it and Eric practically ran into the living room saying "I got it!"
He opened the door to reveal Aunt Linda and Gran. Eric let them in and gave them each a hug. Aunt Linda and Gran came over to me and I stood to greet them and hug them both. I saw Aunt Linda give Eric a look and he nodded.
"Hey, Sookie. I'm going to go over to my place and take a shower and get changed. I'll be back over in a little bit, okay?"
"Sure, Eric. I'll see you. Thanks again for breakfast," I told him. He nodded and me and walked out the door right as Amelia and Pam were returning. Amelia came in and Pam told her that she was going to go unload her purchases and would get together with us later.
Amelia came into the living room and sat down. Aunt Linda, Gran, and Amelia all sat and got really quiet. They were giving each other looks.
"Okay. That's it. Somebody tell me what's going on. First I find Eric here making me breakfast clearly having spent the night here and wanting to 'take care of me' and now you three are acting weird. Somebody spill."
"Sookie, we're just concerned about you," Aunt Linda started. "Amelia told us what happened with Quinn last night and then when you walked home. We just wanted to come check on you ourselves. We thought we'd stay with you for a day or two, if that's okay."
"You two are always welcome here. You know that. But you don't need to baby sit me," I tell them.
"Sookie, you had another episode last night," Amelia said.
"Oh. Well, it's not great, but you know, it's understandable given the events of last night. It was bound to bring back memories or whatever," I said. Amelia was watching me closely and seemed really hesitant. That's when it dawned on me. Eric stayed here last night. ".GOD! Amelia why did you let Eric stay here last night? He…he…he saw me like that?" I jumped to my feet and started pacing.
"Sookie! Eric really cares about you and he was worried after seeing you when you got home last night. He didn't want to leave. I didn't really know what to do. I…"
"Just great! If he didn't think I was a complete nut job before, he certainly does now. No wonder he was treating me like a delicate piece of glass. Oh my God!" I was in a panic.
"Susannah Stackhouse!" Gran yelled and I froze and turned to look at her. She got up and came over to me and put her hands on my shoulders. "Listen to me young lady! You are not a nut job. No one thinks that. That young man cares for you and he certainly doesn't think any less of you. Now you sit yourself down there and let's talk."
I sat down on the sofa next to Gran and took several deep breaths to calm myself.
"Is there anything else I should know, Amelia?"
"Umm…"
"Just spit it out!" I yelled.
"Susannah, you stop all that yelling," Gran said putting her hand on mine.
"Sorry, Amelia"
"That's okay, Sook. But, actually I ended up having to tell Eric and Pam about your past. I was as vague as possible and certainly didn't give them any specifics, but they are aware that you went through a serious trauma. I'm sorry Sookie, but I didn't know what else to do. They were here and heard you screaming and watched you crouch into a ball in the corner and I had to coax you out and you called me 'Miss Amelia' and I had to give them some kind of explanation," Amelia babbled.
I sat there quietly. I didn't know what to say just then. I stood up and excused myself and went to sit on the patio for a little while to try to just reign in my emotions. There were only a few people that knew about my past. I mean the sordid details about it. Now I'm faced with the prospect of having to go over it again with Eric. Just the little bit he already knows has made him treat me differently. I sit getting completely lost in my thoughts for a while looking out at the lake.
"Sookie?"
I turn to see Eric coming to sit next to me.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
EPOV
After I showered and felt human again, I wandered back over to Sookie's. I knocked lightly. I didn't know exactly when I should come back over, but I was feeling like I really needed to be there with her. Amelia opened the door and stood back to let me in. I went into the living room and saw Linda and Adele there, but Sookie wasn't with them. I looked out the sliding glass door and saw her sitting on the patio by herself. Just sitting there looking out over the lake.
"Is she okay?" I asked.
"She will be," Adele told me. "Listen, Eric, what exactly do you plan on doing with what you've learned?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you going to stick around? Are you going to treat her any differently? What are you going to do?"
"As far as I'm concerned, Adele, she's exactly the same person. The only difference is that I know a bit more."
"Good. She's been through a lot in her young life. She's lost so much and she's fought so hard to just survive. How she's managed to not just survive those times, but to become as successful as she has is just one of life's miracles to me. But, she spends so much time focusing on the business, the children's center, and others that she doesn't allow herself to just be. I worry about her ending up alone because she doesn't want to open up to people. I may be old fashioned, but I really think that she needs a strong man in her life. Oh, I don't mean she needs a man to take care of her financially or any of that foolishness, but she needs that emotional connection. She needs to fall in love and just let herself…be. She has so much to offer and she needs a strong man in her life to hold her in his arms, to catch her when she stumbles, to love her and to protect her…not necessarily from the evils of this world because that's next to impossible, but to protect her from herself. She pushes most people away. Especially when she really likes someone. I can tell you that my granddaughter really likes you, more than she is willing to admit. If you do care for her like I think you do, and I'm pretty certain that you more than just care for her, don't let her push you away and don't let her run from you." Adele gave me a serious look as she finished.
"Adele, I really do like Sookie. I have been trying to give her the space she needed when she made it clear that she didn't want to date. She's never given me any reason to think that she was interested in anything more than friendship. I didn't want to push her into anything. I'm glad I didn't now that I understand her a little better."
"Eric, I know my granddaughter. She talks to me about things that she doesn't usually talk about with others, even her closest friends. I know that child inside and out. She needs a push every now and then."
I was thinking about what Adele told me. I know that I have been drawn to Sookie since the first time I laid eyes on her. But, do I want to go down this road with her? Clearly she's had a traumatic past and while she's moved on, it will probably always be there. I needed to decide what I wanted to do here. I looked at her through the window. She was just staring out at the lake, lost in her own thoughts. Even as sad as she looked right now, she was still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I want to put my arms around her and hold her and make everything alright for her. I want to kiss her. I want to…oh. Oh! Well, damn. Adele was right. I more than just care for her. I more than just like her. I already saw myself as Sookie's. She had me. Now I had to work to make her mine.
I turned to see Linda and Adele working in the kitchen. Amelia was just sitting in the chair watching me.
"I was wrong about you, Eric," Amelia said. "I'm sorry about what I said to you a few months ago."
"It's okay. You were just looking out for Sookie," I said moving towards the patio doors.
I stepped out onto the patio and closed the door behind me. I watched Sookie for a moment before I finally walked over and sat down next to her.
"Sookie?"
"Hi," she said quietly.
"You wanna get out of here for a bit? Maybe see a movie. That Planet of the Apes movie starts in like 45 minutes. We have enough time to get there and grab a giant box of popcorn and a couple of bladder busting cokes."
"Gran and Aunt Linda are here. I can't just leave them. That would be rude," she tells me.
"Oh, I think they'll be fine. They're fussing around the kitchen with Amelia working on a big meal for tonight."
"I should probably get in there and help them."
"Sookie, don't you think four people in the kitchen is a bit of overkill? It's not Christmas or anything. Trust me. They've got this. We'll go see some apes get smart and we'll gorge on junk food."
She smiled. A genuine smile. She said "You know, that actually sounds wonderful right now."
"Great! Now get your ass up and go put on your shoes so we can go. And for fuck sake, bring a sweater," I tell her and she laughs. I love that sound.
We get up and head inside. Sookie goes to her room to grab her shoes, purse, and hopefully a damn sweater…seriously, she gets cold just thinking about air conditioning.
I go to the kitchen to tell her aunt and grandmother our plans.
"Ladies, Sookie and I are going to a movie. We'll be back in a couple of hours," I tell them. Sookie comes down the hall ready to go.
"Alright, you kids have fun," Adele says.
"What you guys going to see?" Linda asks.
"That Planet of the Apes movie," I answer.
"Well, have fun," Linda says while stirring what looks like pasta sauce.
Sookie and I head for the door. In the hallway, I hold my arm out and she hooks her arm through mine without hesitation and we walk to the elevator. We walk out to my car, I open the car door for her and once she's inside, I walk around and get in my side. It's blisteringly hot outside. Summers in southern Louisiana are just fucking miserable. I crank the ac up and start toward the movie theater. Sookie is still pretty quiet. I start talking to her about previews I've seen for movies that will be coming out over the next couple of months and she responds. We chat pretty easily. We make it to the theater in just a few minutes. I park, hop out and run around to open her door and hold my hand out to help her out of the car. She looks up at me and smiles again. I think I'm getting addicted to that smile. We get our tickets, buy a huge bag of popcorn, candy for each of us, and ridiculously large cokes.
We spend the next couple of hours just getting lost in the movie.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
SPOV
The movie was just the distraction I needed. It was surprisingly easy to be with Eric. I thought for sure that he was going try to get me to explain last night or my past, but he didn't even bring it up. When the movie ended I realized that my hand was in Eric's large hand. When the hell did that happen? It didn't feel weird or awkward or anything and he didn't seem to be uncomfortable with it so I just left it there. We walk hand in hand back to the car chatting about the movie.
"I always knew James Franco would be the reason the world as we know it ends," Eric said and I couldn't help but laugh. We get to the car and he opens my door and I get in.
"It's still pretty early, Sookie. I know it's pretty hot, but would you like to take a walk along the river front?"
"That sounds nice. It's a beautiful day."
We get to the river front and we walk and chat about all kinds of stuff. It's so easy to talk to Eric. He tells me about some of the places he's traveled. France, Spain, Sweden, Italy, Japan. It all sounded so fascinating.
"Which of those places is your favorite?" I asked him.
"Sweden," he answered without hesitation.
"Why?"
"It's a beautiful country. Everyone is so friendly. The weather in the summer is perfect. But, I've been there in the winter, too and it was every bit as incredible. The skiing is killer."
"You've been skiing? I'm jealous," I tell him.
"Sookie, you have plenty of money and you can take a vacation whenever you want. Why don't you travel more if you are so interested? You don't have to go around the world to ski. You could go as close as Tennessee for that. You need to take some time to enjoy your life. All work and no play makes Sookie a dull girl," he said and I laughed.
"Nice Shining reference there Northman."
"You caught that, did you? Well, it's true. You'll get bored. We'll all get bored with you. You'll end up chasing us around an abandoned hotel or something. It would just be a pity when you could just take some time off and go play every now and then," Eric said smiling.
"I know you're right. I don't know. I guess I'm just…afraid. Of what, I have no clue."
"If you could leave say….next week...and go anywhere in the world for your first big trip, where would you go?" he asked me.
"Hmmm..." I looked out at the river while I thought about it, "okay, you're going to think I'm silly, but I've always wanted to go to Disney World."
He chuckled before saying "I don't think you're silly at all. I think Disney would be a perfect first vacation. So whaddya say?"
"About what?"
"Let's go to Disney World next week."
"What? Eric I can't go to Disney next week. I have 2 meetings and I have commitments to the center. I can't just pick up and go on vacation!" I tell him.
"Okay, maybe not next week. How about this? When we get home, we'll go through our calendars and schedule a Disney trip sometime in the next 2 months. That way we both have time to clear a week or so to just go have some fun."
I stared at him trying to figure out if I could do this. I have always been afraid to go too far from home. But, I found that I trusted Eric more than I've trusted anyone in a really long time and if I was going to do this at all, why not with him?
"I could do that," I said with a big smile. "Oh my gosh!"
"What?" he asked.
"I'm going to Disney World!" I said jumping up and down and squealing like a little school girl.
"Yep, you are. And so am I!" He said jumping up and down. We were both cracking up laughing then.
We stop to get sno-balls near the aquarium and we sit on a bench along the river. We sit quietly for a couple of minutes. In that moment I felt relaxed and happy so I made a decision. I'm going to tell him everything.
"Eric?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For the movie. For making me laugh. For making me feel normal for a few hours. For the temporary escape from my life."
"Sookie, you are normal. Everyone has rough times. Sometimes we all need to step away from our problems for a little while in order to get a little perspective. Honestly, though, I'm just being selfish. I wanted to spend some time with you and you fell for my evil little plan. Muwahhahaha."
I laughed again.
We got quiet again and I begin to tell him what I've been keeping hidden from the world.
"So about last night…" I say looking down at the ground.
"Hey," Eric said pulling my face up so I can look at him, "you don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with, okay?"
"That's just it, though, Eric, I want to tell you. I need to tell you and I just hope that you are still willing to stick around after you hear it all. But, if you don't want to hear it, I understand. Believe me, I'll understand. It's not pretty. In fact, it's really far from pretty and I'm afraid you'll see me differently, but I think there is something here," I motion to him and then me, "and for the first time in my life I want someone to know me. Really know me…the good, the bad, and the really fucked up."
"Sookie, you're right. There is something here and I will listen to anything you have to tell me."
"Okay, then. Here goes….my dad died in a car accident when I was two. Actually, mom, dad, Jason, and I were all in the car when it was swept off a bridge during a flash flood. Mom and Jason got out. Dad stayed behind to get me out of my car seat. He managed to get me free and pushed me out of the window to my mother just before a strong current came and flipped the car with him still trapped in it. The police found his body 3 days later about a mile downstream." I paused to take a breath. "Mom sort of went crazy. She was so in love with my father and his death just broke her. I was too young to really remember, but she started drinking and a few months after dad died, she met someone…Bart. Less than a year after my dad died, mom married Bart and we moved in with him and his 3 sons. Jason was like 7 or something when we moved in with them. I have no memory of this period of my life. This is all based on what I was told later." Eric and I were walking back to his car at this point. He was holding my hand and I found it really comforting.
"My first memory was when I was around 4 years old. I had misbehaved in some way and my punishment was having my hand held in scalding hot water for a few seconds. I remember screaming and telling Bart I was sorry and that I'd never do whatever it was again. Bart's sons were all older than Jason. When mom and Bart would take the boys out and didn't want to deal with dragging me along, they locked me in a closet. It apparently worked so well the first time that they started doing it all the time. It was dark and I was scared. I wouldn't have anything to eat or drink. I remember being so hungry that I starting tearing up a paper bag that was in there and eating it in small pieces. Bart's kids had a huge dog…huge. Well, they had a big cage for this dog and they thought it would be great fun to lock me in this cage. So, they did and I was like a toy or something. Mom found me in the cage one day and asked what I was doing in there. I told her the boys put me in there and wouldn't let me out. She just laughed and walked off saying 'boys will be boys.'"
Eric was quiet as he drove us home listening to me recount my childhood. I'd look over at him occasionally and see his face had morphed from the happy relaxed gorgeous face I'd been with all day into this one that showed extreme anger.
"Are you okay, Eric?"
"I'm okay. Are YOU okay?"
"Ummm…as difficult as this all is to talk about, I'm feeling surprisingly okay with telling you all of this. Like I said, though, if you don't think you can hear it, I'll stop."
"No, Sookie, I'm okay."
At this point we had made it back to our building. We sat in the car for a few minutes as I continued.
"I had cigarettes put out on me. I had scalding water used on me many times. I had my fingers slammed in doors and broken for even minor infractions. I was beaten so often that it just became a daily thing for me. If anyone at school ever saw the marks or bruises, they never said anything. I was able to visit gran from time to time. Mom would decide that she couldn't deal with me so she'd leave me with gran for weeks at a time only to show up in the middle of the night and drag me back. Gran was so sweet to me. She taught me to read. She tried to get me away from them, you know…Child Services would call ahead to notify mom and Bart that they were coming on a certain day and the house would be cleaned up and everyone was on their best behavior and I was put in a cute little outfit and given candy and we'd have a family dinner around the dinner table and all Child Protective Services would see was a happy blended family with nothing out of the ordinary taking place. The CPS agent would ask me questions about whether I like living there and if everyone was nice to me and stuff…but she would ask me these questions in front of mom and Bart and you know, as a child all I could think of was that if I told this person all of these bad things and they didn't believe me or they just left me in the house, I'd have to deal with more of Bart's anger and I was just scared. So, of course I told the CPS agent that everything was good and I liked living there. After CPS would leave, things would get worse. I was kicked. At one point Bart choked me and smashed my head on the floor repeatedly until I lost consciousness."
"We should probably go inside. I'm sure they're going to have dinner ready soon," I tell Eric. He gets out and comes around to open my door. We walk into the building hand in hand. We walked into my place. Aunt Linda and gran were watching a movie and Amelia had gone out with Pam.
"Oh hey! How was the movie?" Aunt Linda asked us.
"It was good," we both said.
"Dinner will be in about an hour," Gran told us.
"Do you guys mind if Sookie and I go across the hall to my place until dinner?" Eric asked.
Both women waved us off without even taking their eyes off the TV screen. Eric and I went to his place and he offered me some tea as I sat down on his big comfy sofa. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my knees up to my chest. Eric gave me my tea and sat on the opposite side of the sofa and pulled my feet into his lap and started massaging my feet. I may have let my eyes roll back while moaning a bit at how good it felt.
"So, how could no one see what was going on, Sookie?"
"I don't know. I really don't. I felt hopeless. It got so I would try to hide from everyone to avoid pissing anyone off. Bart's sons Johnny, Pete, and Henry were just as awful to me as Bart was. They would throw stones at me, or lock me in the cage and poke me with sticks, they rubbed my face in every bit of disgusting foulness they could find and try to make me eat whatever it was. They forced all kinds of things down my throat. Once they thought it would be fun to give me several different cuts on my arm and pour different things into the wounds to see which would make me scream the loudest."
I took a huge swallow of tea and Eric switched to rubbing my other foot.
"When Bart came out to see what all the noise was about, the boys made up something about me screeching at them because they wouldn't let me join in whatever game they were playing…so then I got in trouble for disturbing Bart. He made me strip down to my underwear and he beat me with the buckle of his belt until I was bloody and no longer able to stand. I had screamed until I lost my voice." I felt a tear roll down my face as I remembered that beating.
"Sookie, you can stop if you want. I don't want you to have to relive this."
"No, Eric. I'm okay. I'm almost finished anyway. Funny how I can sum up 8 or 9 years in a couple of hours, huh. Anyway, Jason turned out to be really good at sports so they all just loved him. He was always at practice or a game or a friend's house or something. If he was aware of what went on, he never said anything about it…even to this day. I don't recall him ever being around when any of this was going on and if he asked about my injuries they'd tell him that I was just accident prone and he believed them. When I was 7 or so my mother was institutionalized for a few days. When Bart got back from depositing my mother in the hospital he told me to come into his bedroom. I followed him in and he closed and locked the door. I knew that wasn't a good sign. When he unbuttoned his pants, I turned away and he just got pissed off. That was the first time that things turned…um…sexual. He made me…ummm….you know…go down on him. He kept pushing my head down and I was gagging and crying."
At this point, Eric put my foot down and reached over and pulled me into him with my back to his front. We stretched our legs across the sofa and he wrapped his arms around me. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and closed my eyes. Despite reliving my hell, I was able to relax into him. It was as if he was sending me strength and reassurance.
"For the next few years I was used for that. When I was 9 and my mother went away again, Bart upped the ante and I was…he…" I stopped unable to say those words.
"…raped you?" Eric finished for me while pulling me closer to him.
"Yes," I whispered.
"It was awful and I begged him to stop. I cried and it hurt and I just sort of gave up at that point. I knew I'd never get away and if they killed me, then at least I wouldn't have to hurt anymore. This became a regular occurrence. His sons were teens then and he passed me around to them. Bart's fucked up friends would come by and I was passed around to them. This went on for a little over a year. My mother was home from the mental hospital for about two months. She realized that I had missed my period during that time. She had me take a pregnancy test and yep…I was pregnant…at eleven years old. Mom told Bart. They argued. Mom slapped me and punched me and yelled that 'it wasn't enough that you had to kill your father, now you have to fuck up my second marriage!'" She blamed me for my father's death. Mom killed herself 3 days later. Right after her funeral Bart decided to deal with me and my pregnancy in his own way. He couldn't have anyone finding out about it because this was something he wouldn't be able to explain away. I was outside just laying in the grass staring up at the sky. It was chilly, but it wasn't fully dark yet so I wasn't too cold. Bart came outside with Pete and Johnny. Pete grabbed me and Bart and Johnny started punching me and kicking me especially in the stomach. This went on until I passed out. They figured they'd done what they set on doing. They left me outside figuring I would be too weak to move or that I'd just die out there and be hauled off by some animal. When I woke it was dark. As much pain as I was in, as soon as I was sure they weren't coming back outside, I started pushing myself to get up. I crawled, I limped as much as I could. I just kept going until I made it to Gran's. I don't really know how I got there or how long it took, but I know that's where I ended up because that's what I've been told. I woke up in a hospital 4 days later. I found out later that I had a severe concussion, several broken ribs, my right arm was broken in 3 places, my left wrist was broken, my right leg was broken in two places, my spleen had been ruptured, I had a ruptured ear drum, my eyes were swollen almost shut, and internal bleeding. And, yes, I lost the baby. I was told then, or rather, I overheard the doctors tell Gran and Aunt Linda that it was unlikely that I would be able to have children due to the damage that caused the pregnancy loss and from other scar tissue."
I stopped at this point and I realized that I was wrapped so tightly in Eric's arms I couldn't have moved if I wanted to. He hadn't said a word.
"Eric?"
In America, if you know or suspect a child is being abused, click the link below to find out how to help them. Each state has its own laws or guidlines.
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