AN: Greetings everyone! It took quite a long time for me to update since I'm beginning to get real busy here, so I guess I'll have to warn you then, it'll probably take 7 days at most for me to update from now on. Sigh, college…things are pretty much hard to be done at the same time, especially since I'm not very good at multi-tasking…But please people, bear with me! Don't give up, I promise to finish this fic since I just LOVE Tactics! Pretty obvious, isn't it? So please just stay tuned, and you won't regret it. Enjoy reading! And once again, as persistent as ever, I'll ask you people to review. Please review!
To the kind souls who reviewed, jadedj8, youkai of hearts, aisu-sakura and MintyFlake, thank you very much! Hope to see you again in the next chapters to come!
Disclaimer: Tactics isn't and won't ever be my property…
Chapter 4: Insomnia
"The legendary ogre-eating tengu…I want to meet him…"
"That will be kind of impossible at the moment Kan-chan…Since he was sealed somewhere. But then again, if it'll be you, I bet you could release him from that seal!"
"N-no, I don't think so…That'll be quite hard…"
"Kan-chan! Believe in yourself! We trust if there's anyone who can do it, you can!"
"I…I can?"
'I can…I can…I can…'
Ichinomiya Kantarou, lying on his futon with one hand holding his forehead, liquid auburn eyes staring at the ceiling, recalled his childhood memories. Yes, those were some of his youkai friends who believe in his strength and of what he can do. Strength, did he really gain such? Was he any different now compared before? Meeting Haruka and Suzu-chan…Did they really make him stronger?
'Suzu-chan…It was all thanks to you back then that allowed me to have the strength to see Haruka…Sorry if we were unable to…'
The folklorist's thoughts trailed off as he felt himself unable to continue, his hand sliding down to shield his eyes as if it would somehow prevent his tears from falling. Six months. That can't be considered long enough yet. Long enough for him to forget about the pain brought about by the loss of a certain person who sacrificed herself for their welfare. Regret, such an unpleasant feeling. Kantarou made a vow never to do something that would cause him regret in the future, or more like never to be afraid to try doing something so as not to regret not doing so upon looking back. Yes, he's had enough tragedies.
Great, and now he can't even bring himself to go to sleep. Perhaps it would be better if he just take advantage of the moment to continue one of his manuscripts to make Reiko happy for a change. And so, seeing as it was far too useless to continue lying awake on his futon, he decided to focus on his manuscript instead. Oh well, typical Kantarou who can't even face his very own thoughts.
--
"Haruka-san…Are you still thinking you shouldn't have been awakened instead?"
"S-suzu…"
"Please refrain from thinking of such…I have told you before, but then again I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you again…That if you hadn't been awakened, I never would have met you…And if that is so, my life would…would have been meaningless…But you know, I'm truly glad that I met you…I do…I am…and I forever will be…Even in the after life…The memories we have, I will forever treasure it…"
"S-suzu…Please don't say anything anymore…"
"Haruka-san why?"
"I…I wouldn't want to be reminded, I wouldn't want to feel regretful…"
And just like that, the image of Suzu gradually vanished, as if a figure made entirely of powder that was being blown away…Yes, it seemed like both Haruka and Kantarou were being plagued by regret, not to mention guilt. Why was it being brought back anyway?
The next thing Haruka knew, he was hearing his own voice, as if being spoken by someone else, dominating the silence throughout his room. The words being repetitively said stirred his already locked away emotions.
"I tried to kill you Kantarou!"
"I am not the person you think I am!"
"My instincts immediately felt aggressive towards you. That is why, if I somehow regain my memories, I would probably attempt to kill you again…Kantarou…"
"Kantarou!"
Haruka is not liking this. How come he was suddenly remembering that day? That day when they fought against Minamoto Raikou, that day he felt most lost and confused, that day a certain silver-haired folklorist confessed his weakness of being unable to find the strength to break the name bonding, that day a certain person told him he was the most important person for…Kantarou…Kantarou himself…
Painful. The ogre-eating tengu's head was throbbing, he was gasping, two hands grabbing his head as if the gesture would somehow silence the noise attacking him. His dark eyes began to constrict, his nails turning into long sharp-edged claws. What? What could be prompting the sudden transformation?
Helpless. Haruka felt helpless at the moment that he was forced to surrender. With one last view of the bright and perfectly round moon, he lost consciousness, as everything turned pitch black.
--
"Waaah!! Umph!"
The unfocused folklorist clamped a hand on his mouth to prevent himself from screaming any further as he realized for the past few minutes of scribbling madly as if there's no tomorrow, looking down at what his hand had unconsciously written, spoke of him and his mind drifting to thoughts of…Who else?
Spring flower.
It was written everywhere in his papers! What else could it mean? Of course, Haruka's name. Yes, the silver-haired lad wasn't aware of his growing obsession over Haruka. Not to worry though, the said obsession can still fall under mild lovesickness and can't be considered an act of schizophrenia yet. Even so, for someone as 'intelligent' as Ichinomiya Kantarou, getting caught dead writing a certain someone's name a million times without even noticing it earlier, was indeed mortifying!
Clumsily grabbing the pages containing his absolute mortification, he crumpled them all together and hurriedly dumped it on the trash can. Suddenly feeling alarmed, he made a mental note for him to throw it first thing in the morning tomorrow before somebody will be given a chance to snoop around his room and to find the dreadful, embarrassing thing. Really, Kantarou practically felt himself melting in shame on the spot. What could've possessed him to do such a—what would you call it—impulsive and bold act as a manifestation of his growing obsession over—alright stop! Who said he's getting obsessed over Haruka?
Moving on, Kantarou thought he heard a peculiar sound coming from Haruka's room. He might as well check it out, for caution's sake and for his concern too. He figured his conscience won't let him rest unless he sees for himself that his beloved Haruka is fine. Sighing heavily as he was once again defeated by his emotions, he stood up and proceeded to the ogre-eating tengu's room.
"Haruka?"
The folklorist called softly, hesitating to open the door, but as he reached out to do so, he suddenly felt the familiar pain in his chest, indeed his scar was throbbing painfully, which meant there is an evil presence of a youkai nearby. Was it really that or—
"Haruka!"
Upon managing to slide the door open, what he saw almost took his breath away. Just as what he feared, Haruka fully regaining his memories, Haruka with his instincts instructing him to kill his very own master, Haruka losing his trust on Kantarou again, Haruka…being gone…forever…
'No! I won't allow that!'
Hands in position, clutching his Buddhist rosary, the exorcist closed his eyes and concentrated hard, risking vulnerability since any moment, Haruka might attack the defenseless lad.
'Haruka…I won't let you be separated away from me again…not ever…'
With this thought in mind and with only one goal, which is to keep Haruka by his side, he began to murmur spells rapidly, hands entwined, as he continued to emit a yellow light.
Haruka meanwhile, made no move to attack the exorcist yet. Since apparently, the tengu was busy dealing with his own internal battle, instincts versus emotions.
"Ha!"
Kantarou's eyes flung open as he directed his palms towards Haruka, the steady yellow light hitting the tengu's body. But as expected, Kantarou isn't strong enough to prevent Haruka's transformation or to even counter it. The only thing he could do now is to create a shield to defend himself in case the tengu attacks him.
"Haruka! Don't submit, don't surrender! Haruka!"
The anxious exorcist remained focused to the suffering ogre-eating tengu in front of him, while the latter continued to resist his beastly side, with Kantarou's voice, he was given enough strength to fight it. Kantarou…his master…his companion…his…Yes, before Haruka creates any real damage such as physically harming his master, his transformation has to be stopped now!
"Kan...ta...rou.."
As soon as the silver-haired exorcist heard this, memories of the day they fought against Raikou came rushing back to him. Kantarou could still see clearly, himself standing very close to Haruka, telling him if the latter would wish to claim his life then and there, he wouldn't mind, and was very surprised upon seeing the tengu struggle, until eventually, Haruka returned, speaking his name like he was doing now.
'Kan…ta…rou…'
On the contrary, the black-winged tengu can still feel the diabolical force fighting its way to dominate his sanity that he only saw one choice left, and that is to use his power on himself. Determined, Haruka spread his black wings wide on either side, as if breaking free from the unseen enemy's hold over him, then clutching his staff tightly, he did what he have to, in order to put an end to his suffering.
Kantarou saw through the tengu's gestures that he didn't hold back from stopping Haruka.
"No! Don't do it! Haruka!"
In one swift motion, Haruka raised his staff over him and called forth his power, which is lightning, to strike him without any hesitation at all.
"Haruka!!"
That was the last he heard before losing consciousness and this time, he fell to the ground, motionless.
--
Haruka carefully opened his eyes as his slumber was disturbed by an unfamiliar laughter coming from a certain woman. The sound of laughter gently flowed to his ears, invading his mind and almost hypnotizing him that he found his body moving on his own. He sat upright, dark eyes examining his location. Apparently, it seemed as though he was transported to some kind of…paradise? No, not to an ogre-eating tengu like him. Waking up without any recollection of what happened to him only to be met by countless purple roses was definitely annoying. Purple roses rob him of his strength which makes it his weakness. So maybe paradise, no, but paraDIES, yes.
Anyway, what's more surprising was the fact that despite finding himself spread on a purple-roses covered ground, it didn't seem to affect him at all, which could probably mean only one thing. This place isn't real, he was either getting delusional or somebody did take him to a place made entirely out of illusion. Perhaps the second one is more correct. But if that is so, then who might've been powerful enough to bring him here?
"I see you are awake now, black-winged one."
Haruka blinked once, as if to confirm that the materialization in front of him was real. Was she the woman whom he heard laughing a while ago? Or better yet, was she the person who brought him here?
"You were probably wondering how you suddenly woke up remembering nothing. You see, you're free now! Aren't you glad? Shouldn't you rejoice? You got your freedom at long last! And pretty soon your past memories would return as well! Isn't it just splendid?"
The woman, with her bright amber eyes, looked back at him expectantly, waiting for a favorable reaction. But upon receiving none, she proceeded to laugh as if in merriment instead, twirling and twirling around as if she enjoyed seeing her skirt fly around her. This woman, reminded Haruka of someone. She can't be the 'big-breasted gorgeous lady' the other day since this woman here appeared gentler, not to mention younger. Not only that, there's also a huge difference with their body. The person standing here in front of him gleefully gliding with a childish smile plastered on her face, doesn't have a voluptuous body compared with the 'big-breasted gorgeous lady'. Well, not that the tengu cared anyway. So what if she's sexy or not? He could care less about such petty matters. What he was concerned with now is seeing…wait, seeing who exactly? It seemed as though he was forgetting someone important…Great, now he's even having memory gaps. Could his brain be any more deliberate in making him see the obvious, which is him and his eons of existence already, meaning there's a tendency for him to be forgetful?
Straying from the topic again, perhaps the direct approach just might work. Why not ask the twirling, dancing woman in front of him instead?
"Where am I? What do you mean by that? Freedom…I am…free?"
"Yes! Yes you are! You see, claiming your master's life definitely set you free!'
"Master?"
Now Haruka was far from confused.
Freedom?
Master?
What the hell is going on?
And if he remembered it correctly, if his master somehow died without canceling the name bonding, then he would forever remain as he was, with his memories and his true power still sealed.
So, what was this woman saying?
Master, who was his master again?
"I thought so, we are just the same black-winged one. Pardon me if I keep calling you that, you see, upon your master's death, he broke the contract which therefore sets you free. And now, just like me, you became a wonderer…nameless and owned by no one…Splendid, isn't it?"
Death. His master was dead?
No, that can't be!
Is she saying he killed his very own master with his very own hands?
What crap is she talking about?
He can't ever do that! He can't and he won't!
"Oh so you're refusing to admit your own deed, well face it black-winged one. Your master is gone, you're free now, and you don't have a name to restrain yourself from becoming what you truly are!"
Fine, he got it now.
You don't have to rub it on his face!
But still, Haruka can't believe it.
As far as he knew, he could never…
"Still in denial, black-winged one? I'll show you then!"
As if finally revealing her true colors, the previously gentle and delicate girl's pretty features was replaced by a rather ugly one as she appeared greatly irritated and out of patience.
Haruka though, was unable to study her any further with the next scene that unfolded before him.
"H-Haruka…will no longer…b-be…your name…I…cancel…the contract…as your master…from me…to you…H-Hear this…I-I…"
"Yamero!(Stop!)"
Haruka shut his eyes tight, not wishing to stare at the bloody scene of his master, Kantarou lying on the ground, weak, helpless and rapidly losing his life, on the very brink of death, death that he, Haruka, brought forth. Those watery auburn eyes of his, the tender and soft smile on his thin pink lips, the gentle and sweet expression on his pale, pale face, amiable and sincere, pure and innocent…
'Kantarou…Kantarou…'
"Haruka…I-I.."
With one last breath and smile, Kantarou's eyelids gradually closed, his pale hands dropped to his side, its slender white fingers no longer moving.
So this is how it's like to witness an important person's death before your very eyes, especially if it was your fault the person died in the first place. Haruka inexplicably felt life itself leaving his very own body, he was paralyzed, unable to gulp or to even blink, his face held no kind of expression, nor did it show any emotions. He simply felt…empty…
"Haruka!...ne Haruka! Are you alright? Please, open your eyes! Say something! Haruka!"
Haruka's eyes shot open, he abruptly sat upright, gasping for breath, his hand clutching his chest. Upon hearing Kantarou's worried voice, he faced him as if to confirm that his master really was still alive and much to the ogre-eating tengu's relief, Kantarou is indeed, alive. This made him to somehow relax a bit. Now he was back to his usual cool and composed state. Thank God it was just a bad dream! Yes, a mere bad dream.
"Haruka!"
The silver-haired lad was unable to resist as he threw himself to Haruka, his hands gripping the latter's shoulders while his head buried itself to the unmoving man's chest.
"I-I'm glad you're fine. You really got me worried there! I thought that you—that you—"
As usual, Haruka made no move to return the affectionate gesture, his face only softened to indicate his response.
"Kantarou…"
'I won't let that happen…I will not claim your life…Kantarou…'
Finally, Kantarou managed to overcome his anxiety that he removed his hold on Haruka. He then turned to examine the tengu for any sign of injuries.
"It's good that you weren't hurt. Back then, I was really aghast that you did that for me. Thank you Haruka…"
Kantarou was fervently staring at the ebony-haired man, his liquid auburn eyes expressing his fiercely burning feelings that it almost set Haruka on fire, literally, with just the mere staring of the folklorist!
"Don't get carried away, I only did what I have to…It doesn't necessarily mean I did that for your sake…"
Not wanting to get too intimate, Haruka turned away from his master and resumed his usual cool expression, with Kantarou still beaming at him. He wasn't offended in the least, he knew Haruka was just being Haruka. He could still remember the Raikou-incident, at that time as they stood face to face ignoring the burning temple behind them, Kantarou felt his feelings overflowing that he practically wanted to hug Haruka. But still, they both remained glued on their spot, neither ready to openly show gestures of affection. At that time, Haruka only offered his hand to help Kantarou to stand on his feet since apparently, the latter endured three days of working nonstop without eating at all, due to Haruka's disappearance, which explained why he nearly collapsed back then. And so, Kantarou was happy enough to take the tengu's hand, the symbol of their reunion. Haruka and Kantarou, reunited once again.
"Finally! I suppose we could go to sleep now? Oh but it's almost sunrise!"
Kantarou pouted as he continued to whine like a 3-year-old upon getting separated from his to-die-for toy.
"Haruka…what'll we do? We're supposed to find a job today and yet, how can we do that if our bodies are too—Haruka? Hey no fair!"
Kantarou was about to shake the already asleep tengu but upon seeing his peaceful face and the steady breathing indicating deep sleep, the silver-haired lad decided to join him instead.
"I hope you won't mind if I sleep beside you, here in your majestic sparkling room Haruka…"
'Just this once…' was his last thought before falling asleep himself, with a satisfied smile on his face.
--
"You're a lot tougher than I thought…Very well, next time, I shall resort to a much higher degree of action. This time, prepare for an actual devastating damage…"
With that, the shapeless figure vanished into thin air, not wanting to prolong its stay as the sun might cause it an 'actual devastating damage' instead, now that would be ironic, wouldn't it?
