Episode 4: Mortal Kombat the Movie

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved with this parody

We see Airnaruto aka the Classic Critic sitting at his desk once more but this time he's in a martial arts gi. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic. I remember it so you're not required to." He says before turning to a very familiar guest co-reviewer. "Today is yet another guest co-review but this time I'm doing it with my good friend The Digital Critic aka Darkmagicianmon." Airnaruto says.

"Hey Classic nice to see you again." Dark says as they touch knuckles.

"Also making her debut is Kayla aka MisstressoftheDawn aka The Irate Werewolf" Airnaruto says as he turned to a girl who had feral wolf-like qualities about her.

"So why am I here?" Mistress asks Dark.

"He's reviewing a movie based on a video game and he thought it would be appropriate to have you along after all you're parodying the Irate gamer." Dark explains.

"Good point hello folks." Dawn says.

"Today we're going to discuss a movie genre that nine times out of tem usually bombs at the box office. Live-action movies based on video games or more specifically films based fighting video games." Airnaruto explains as we see posters from films like; Both Street fighter movies, Dead or Alive (A/N: Yes it did get its own Live action film but it was released in select theatres only in 2007), and the posters for the upcoming King of Fighters, and Tekken films.

"This is truly a poorly done genre in cinema, in fact movies based on video games in general usually suck because they get it wrong with either the plot, the actors, the effects, or the fight scenes it's reasons like these why video game based movies that are animated have much more luck than their live action counter parts." Dark explains as we also see the posters for the Double Dragon and Super Mario Bros. movies.

"Tell me about it, but at the time most people were in the arcades throughout the early to mid 90s why simple fighting games by the dozen." Dawn explains before continuing, "And in 1991 CAPCOM gaming company hit the big time in arcades with Street fighter 2 which is probably considered their crowning achievement but it was a year later that Midway games, threw their hat into the ring with what is critically acclaimed to be the most controversial fighting franchise in video game history." Dawn explains before letting Airnaruto take over.

"What some don't realize is that two years after Midway threw it's hat into the arcades, CAPCOM decided to turn their fighting franchise into a live action movie the film Street Fighter which starred Jean Claude Van Damme was huge a bomb at the box office and brought a lot of scrutiny onto the franchise." Airnaruto explains before saying something else, "Not that the prequel was any better blech!" He says before finishing the intro, "Eight months later, the creators of Street Fighter's competition decided take their shot at the silver screen allowing New Line Cinema the same studio that produced the live action Lord of the Rings trilogy to do the filming and production of their film, and what they got was pretty much the black sheep of Live action video game based movies but this one earns this moniker in a good way, which also the subject of this review today. Cue the music!" Airnaruto says before the screen starts show a fire surrounding a stone with a dragon carved in the middle of a circle and techno music is played in the background. "Released in North America on August 18, 1995 the film is…you guessed it MORTAL KOMBAT!" Airnaruto says as he screams the last part.

"The film opens with a nightmare where at a Shoalin temple a young boy is confronted by the evil Sorcerer and main antagonist in the film Shang Tsung portrayed by Japanese-American performer Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and while the boy fights gallantly, he can't land a single blow on Shang Tsung and is quickly defeated him, but before the nightmare ends Shang Tsung sends a very serious threat to the dreamer." Dark says

Shang Tsung; Your brother's soul is mine. You will be next!

"Shang then proceeds to kill the boy thus ending the nightmare. This causes one of our main heroes Liu Kang portrayed by Hong Kong film actor Robin Shou, to wake up from his nightmare, and decides to head back to the temple of the order of light after receiving a message from his grandfather that his brother who was the young boy who got killed in the nightmare had been murdered." Airnaruto explains.

"Well that pretty much clears up who that kid who tried to beat Shang Tsung was." Dawn mumbles.

"Meanwhile in Hong Kong, a team of US Special Forces agents led by Lieutenant Sonya Blade and her partner Major Jackson Briggs or for short Jax are tracking down a ruthless murder named Kano. Sonya is portrayed by Bridgette Wilson while Jax is played by the late Gregory McKinney." Dark says before Dawn cuts him off.

"Hold on a second!" Dawn says.

"What?" Airnaruto asks.

"Why is Bridgette Wilson an actress who was pretty stiff during her peak in this film?" Dawn asks.

"I don't know?" Dark replies.

"Well I do, you see Dawn the producers originally had in mind to have Cameron Diaz play the role of Sonya but during production she ended up breaking her wrist." Air explains.

"I see continue." Dawn says satisfied.

"Anyway, they crash a dance club armed to the teeth, searching for Kano played by the late Trevor Goddard best known for his role as Commander Brumby on JAG. We soon find out that, Kano was responsible for the murder of Sonya's old partner and that he's under the employment of Shang Tsung who for some reason wants Sonya to be on the boat for the tournament but while Kano escapes, he has some sexual fantasy of what he'd do once Sonya gets on the boat, Shang sends him very real warning." Dark says.

Shang Tsung: If you so much as touch her Kano… (Reveals a knife blade) you're going to need a Seeing Eye dog.

"What the hell is wrong with Shang? I mean isn't he twice the age of Sonya or something?" Air screams.

"I think he was at the time of the films release but let's get back on topic." Dark says.

"The scene then changes to Los Angeles where we meet our third protagonist Johnny Cage, a Hollywood action movie star and martial artist who's hit a bit of rough spot because the press believes that some of his moves are just editing effects, he's played by Linden Ashby." Airnaruto explains as we see the where Johnny knocks over three stuntmen but the fourth one after taking a beating doesn't fall.

Johnny to stunt guy: This is where you fall down.

(Stunt guy falls)

Johnny: Where do you get these guys?

"My question exactly." Dawn mutters before continuing "After Johnny receives his invite to the tournament, from who looks like to be one of his old martial arts teacher but really turns out to be Shang Tsung in disguise, we return to Liu Kang consulting his grandfather after returning to the temple of the order of light, his grandfather then explains what Liu's brother had been doing while he was in America. While Liu thinks it's ridiculous that the fate of the world should rest on the outcome of a tournament Liu decides that he should represent the temple at the tournament partially out of guilt and partially out of revenge against Shang Tsung." Dawn explains.

"However he is rebuked by the entrance of Raiden, the god of thunder and protector of Earth realm played by Christopher Lambert." Airnaruto says as Liu gets beat by Raiden and then storms off.

"Moving on our three heroes end up at the tournament which takes place on an island that separates the realm of Earth from a forsaken realm called Outworld, as they arrive at the island Liu Kang sees and falls head over heels for Princess Kitana the stepdaughter of the emperor of Outworld played by Talisa Soto later that night they attend a banquet for all the fighters in the tournament who are given a demonstration of what they may have to deal with in the tournament courtesy of Sub Zero a warrior from a clan of Chinese ninjas known as the Lin Kuei who has the power of cyromancy or ice magic as shown when he freezes one of the guards and shatters the body into pieces." Dawn says.

Shang Tsung: Flawless victory.

"Later that night Sonya goes off to try and find Kano while Liu seeks out Kitana but while Liu's search ends up being fruitless, Sonya finds her target stuffing himself at a buffet table while talking with Shang Tsung's right hand man or beast the undefeated champion of Mortal Kombat over the past nine tournaments Goro prince of the Shokan race, a species of half man half dragon people who have four arms and are known for their brutality in battle throughout Outworld. Goro is played by Kevin Michael Richardson. Shang Tsung explains to Goro that not only does Liu Kang concern him mostly because of the fact that Liu is the descendant of the last warrior from Earthrealm to win the tournament the Great Kung Lao but he's also concerned that Kitana might help the Earth warriors but soon our heroes are discovered and soon begin fighting several guards." Dark says as we see the fight play out.

"After the fight Raiden shows up sarcastically clapping his hands at there performance." Airnaruto says.

Raiden: Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Now why don't you show me what you plan to do about them?

(Points to more guards but just as they're about to attack)

Raiden: uh-uh. I don't think so (Chuckles) (Lightning comes off of his fingertips)

"The next day the tournament begins with Liu Kang fighting some Jamaican dude and eventually winning but not long after the victory, Shang Tsung consumes the soul of Liu's opponent." Dawn says.

Shang Tsung: Your soul is mine.

Warrior: NO!

Shang Tsung: Fatality

"Later Sonya gets her fight with Kano who resorts to cheating by trying to cut Sonya open with a knife and then throwing sand in her eyes but in the end, she manages to avenge her old partner with perhaps one of the funniest exchanges in the film." Airnaruto says as we see Sonya have Kano caught in a head scissors.

Kano: Come on baby give me a break.

Sonya: Okay

(Sound of Kano's neck breaking)

"Well he said to give him a break." Dark says before adding "and she did, a broken neck that is" Dark added for a punch line.

(Rim shot)

"Horrible pun, anyway Johnny is arranged to battle with Scorpion a ninja specter who's out for vengeance against Sub-Zero for killing him two years earlier but has to work for Shang Tsung in order to get a chance at revenge and of course we get the two classic lines from Scorpion who while portrayed physically by some other guy whose name I can't remember but he's actually voiced by none other than Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon." Dawn exclaims.

Scorpion: GET OVER HERE! COME HERE!

"After a long fight that even goes as far as the depths of Hell, Johnny manages to beat Scorpion by slicing him in half, Liu gets set to fight Kitana, who while trying to make the fight look convincing, decides to give Liu Kang a few a little tips for his battle against Sub-Zero." Airnaruto says.

Kitana: If you want to win your next match, use the element that brings life.

"After defeating Kitana, Liu is pitted against Sub-Zero who has the upper hand against him for most of the fight until Liu grabs a hold of …a bucket of water? Which results in Sub-Zero's attack backfiring on him pinning him to a wall and killing him?" Dark says in confusion before blowing up and asking "WHAT KIND OF ENDING IS THAT?"

"Element that brings life Dark, what brings more life than water?" Dawn explains.

"I suppose you bring up a good point." Dark replies as Airnaruto takes over from there.

"Well eventually Shang Tsung permits Goro to enter the tournament and well it's a guitar solo of beaten foes and broken bodies." Airnaruto says as we now see a montage of fighters who get thrown around like rags by Goro.

(Guitar riff)

"After that Goro faces off against Art Lean a fighter who Johnny had met in Hong Kong before boarding the ship to the island and needless to say that while Art puts up a better fight than the previous opponents he still gets massacred and then his soul gets consumed by Shang Tsung." Dawn says as we see the scene play out.

Shang Tsung: Finish him

Goro to Art: Time to die!

Shang Tsung: Flawless Victory, your soul is mine.

"After the fight Raiden tells them that can beat Goro and Shang Tsung but the only thing stopping them is their own fear, Raiden then tells the trio what they fear the most. Johnny's fear is that people will think he's a fake so he rushes head first into a fight just to prove that he's not but he will ultimately get beaten, he further explains that Sonya has difficulty coming to grips with the fact that sometimes even she needs help, while Liu is afraid of his own destiny and when he fled it by going to America it brought him guilt for the death of his brother." Air says.

"The next night, Johnny tells Sonya that he has a plan. His plan is to challenge Goro himself? Johnny are you crazy?" Dark asks.

"Shang Tsung accepts Johnny's request for the fight and in exchange Shang Tsung gets to challenge the winner or another of his choosing and the location of the final battle of the tournament Raiden tries to stop the transaction but it's too late when Raiden confronts Johnny he's given the simplest answer Johnny can give.

Johnny Cage: This our tournament remember? Mortal Kombat we fight it.

"While originally pissed, Raiden secretly is glad that one of his three chosen warriors has understood; soon the fight between Johnny and Goro is set after Goro crushes Johnny's sunglasses Johnny delivers a familiar one-liner." Dawn says.

Johnny to Goro: All right let's dance.

"Dark then proceeds to punch Goro right where it hurts the most and then run off trying to trick Goro into following him. So Johnny how did that feel?" Dawn asks.

Johnny: Damn! That hurt.

"Sure enough Goro takes the bait by following Johnny only to find no sign of him, until he turns around." Airnaruto says.

Johnny: Those were $500 sunglasses asshole

"Johnny manages to easily defeat Goro sending him off the edge of the mountain but not before Shang Tsung kidnaps Sonya and takes her to Outworld to fulfill his end of the deal. Liu and Johnny then enter the portal to Outworld and meet up with Kitana who further explains what had become of the realm. Now I have a quick gripe with this part, that being Kitana is supposed to be from the realm of Edenia and technically only her father was murdered by the emperor of Outworld her mother committed suicide but that's just me knit picking." Dark says as we return to Outworld where Liu comes across the beast known as Reptile whose humanoid form is portrayed by Keith Cooke, Liu manages to beat Reptile and meet back up with Kitana and Johnny." Dark finishes.

"Just as Shang Tsung is about to fight a chained Sonya, Kitana, Liu and Johnny arrive Kitana reminds Shang Tsung, that the tournament can only be won through combat not through treachery, left with no other option Shang is about to challenge Johnny Cage but Liu Kang beats Shang Tsung to punch and Liu's choice of opponent Shang Tsung. Shang Tsung accepts and the battle is on. Shang tries to use the souls of warriors he had beaten in the past but it does not help deter Liu Kang. After they split the first two rounds of the fight it all comes down to the final round where Shang then tries to shape shift into Liu's little brother claiming that he forgives Liu for letting him die but Liu understands now that every person is responsible for his own destiny and proclaims that it was Shang Tsung that killed his brother. Liu then soundly defeats Shang Tsung by shooting a fireball at him sending him falling to a pit of spikes below thus killing Shang Tsung." Airnaruto explains.

Liu: Flawless victory.

"With Shang Tsung pierced open, the thousands of souls Shang had consumed spew forth and swirl around the tower Liu gets to see the soul of his brother who tells him they will meet each other again. Everyone then returns to the temple of the order of light where Raiden waits to congratulate them but a lass the celebration doesn't last long as the sky darkens and a huge tower appears Raiden knows this could only be one thing." Dark says.

Raiden: The emperor.

"That's right it's the emperor of Outworld Shao Kahn." Dawn says

Captain Kirk (Star Trek wrath of khan): KHAN!

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Airnaruto yells.

"The Earth Warriors soon get ready for another fight." Dark explains as the film ends.

"Now this movie in my opinion was very good because as I mentioned earlier it was close to the source detail as possible, the casting was pretty good for it's time and the graphics were just tremendous as were the fight scenes." Airnaruto explains.

"That may be true Airnaruto but critics gave the film a lot of mixed reviews, though the late Gene Siskel's review of the film at the time of it's release was overwhelmingly positive, in fact the movie was so successful that it managed the second highest ticket sales amount for the month of August all-time and managed to rake in nearly 6 times it's original 24 million dollar budget." Dark says.

"Dawn perhaps but my main gripe is the PG-13 rating the film got and the fact that the fatalities were nowhere near as gruesome as in the games." Dawn says.

"Overall Mortal Kombat the movie is the prime example of what people should try to aim for in terms of making live-action movie adaptations of video games and please don't ask me to review the sequel because it sucked. If you like fighting video games or the MK franchise in general this one is for you, together the three of us gives this film 3 and half stars out of 5." Airnaruto explains.

"Well that's it for this review tune in next time when I do my reviw of the one film that the Nostalgia critic couldn't finish his review on yes the infamous Sesame Street movie: Follow that Bird. Thanks for showing up guys." Airnaruto says.

"Anytime remember folks I'm the Digital critic and I review them just for you." Dark says before leaving.

"I'm the Irate Werewolf and I'm pissed off." Dawn says before crashing through a window as an exit.

"And I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says as he leaves.

Mortal Kombat movie recap:

Pros: Close to source detail, interesting casting choices, and very good use of computer animation for Reptile.

Cons: The PG-13 rating, no gory fatalities, and too many one liners

Final rating (out of 5 stars): ***1/2

A/N: Well that' does it for this chapter/episode see you next time and remember to read and review.