Beth,
We only have five days left together now, and I think I'm starting to feel something for you. You're special and unique and for the moment, you're all mine. I watch you roll around in your sleep and I feel a sort of pride for you. Puck's attached to you, he's in here day and night so you're never alone for one moment. You have three people who love you very much. I think your daddy would keep you if he could, but he can't. If he asked me I'd let him bring you up on your own, but he's really just a kid still, we all are, he wouldn't know the first thing how to care for you – heck he can barely even care for himself! But what I want for you Beth is to be surrounded by love and warmth all your life – you deserve that. I can't believe half the stuff I'm writing to you, who would have thought it, me – Quinn Fabray getting all maternal. But you've inspired me Beth – I'm going to buckle down and get my grades so I can have a good career and then one day, when I'm ready I'll be able to provide for my children. And when that day comes I will be ready and they'll be made with love and the father will be my true love. Your father's great, he really is, he's fiddling with your hat now as I write this but he's not my true love – he's Puck and we'll always be friends but nothing more than that.
You did the strangest thing the other day Beth. I was quietly contemplating my thoughts about you when you rolled over on your tiny belly and I swear to God you smiled at me. When you smile Beth it lights up the room. I have to force myself to look away and think about other things but I can't help glancing occasionally and catching sight of it.
Shelby came in a few hours ago to see you – she's in love with you already and you'll be lucky to have her as a mum, she'll be far better to you than I could have ever been. But anyway she suggested some middle names for you. She liked Annabelle, Susan or Elizabeth to go with Bethany. Of course using Elizabeth would be my middle name and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. I do want to be a part of your life in some way; even when we're not physically together any more but what if it turns out after reading these that you hate me? I don't want you to be lumbered with my name if that's the case. It'll be interesting what name I decide on because as you read this you'll already know what's coming. Although I pray to God that you'll never hate me. I never thought that I'd feel this way about you Beth. I'm going to be honest with you, always so here it goes... when you were inside I just put up with you. You were something that had to be endured, you were the thing responsible for ending my relationship with Finn, you were my child and I hated you for it. But now...now you're here with me my feelings have changed completely. I don't feel any of that now. I realise now that none of this was your fault. It was all my fault and I'm sorry I ever blamed you for that.
The nurses are coming round with bottles now and it's time for your feed so I'm going to stop now. Wherever you are, whoever you are, however old you are when you read these Beth just remember who you are and stay true to that. You'll get through whatever life chucks at you, I know you will because I always do.
Quinn x
