I'll be honest, I'm not really sure what the boys are gonna say to Major Monogram. On a normal day, they'd probably be all polite and tell him thanks but no thanks. But like I said before, things have gotten out of hand, and maybe there's more to this than even Monogram and that Carl guy know.


Episode 4: Sort of like an Important Choice


Phineas and Ferb sat on the couch along with Buford, while Isabella took up position on the floor in front of Phineas, and Baljeet sat cross-legged on the other end. Perry was sitting in between the brothers, still wearing his fedora. They had just finished listening to Major Monogram's summary of the situation, and he waited for them to process their thoughts.

"Sounds like a standard issue alien invasion to me," Buford mused. "I say we punch them until they go away."

"Not all of life's problems can be solved by punching, Buford" Baljeet replied.

"Yeah? Then you're not punching hard enough." He flexed his right arm. "Sometimes you gotta use some of your shoulder, too."

Major Monogram cleared his throat. "Well, in a certain broad sense, that's sort of what we're thinking of doing."

"Good man, Monogram," Buford said with a grin.

Phineas raised a hand. "Just what exactly ARE you thinking of doing? I mean, one robot was hard enough to stop."

"And are these guys all robots?" Isabella added. "Because if that whole fleet is more of these robot guys, I think we might be in trouble."

"From what we understand," the major began, "and I'll admit, we don't understand much, their entire civilization is mechanical."

"So the whole fleet is made up of machines, but probably not the same sort that crashed downtown?"

Carl nodded. "Exactly, young lady. From what we gathered, the FFR signal number on the robot that crashed into Doofenshmirtz's building was 117,943, so I don't think there's a shortage of that particular model out there."

Linda interrupted. "FFR?"

"Friend or Foe Recognition. Militaries use them to determine if what they're shooting at is on the same side as them or not."

"Sounds convenient."

"Oh, it is!" Carl replied enthusiastically. "We installed them in all of our vehicles after we accidentally blasted… erm, sorry sir. I know I promised never to speak of that again."

"Just get on with it, Carl."

"Yes sir." Carl cleared his throat. "Anyway, some of the details are still fuzzy, but what we do know is that the fleet out there has orders to conquer the Earth and enslave the population."

Major Monogram continued. "We're not really sure exactly why they want to do that yet, but needless to say it would be very bad news for us."

"Yeah, I could see that being a bit of a downer," Buford said.

The major nodded. "So what we need from you two young men is a spaceship."

Phineas smiled. "Well, normally we don't take requests, but if the fate of the world is at stake I think we can make an exception. Besides, we're pretty good at spaceships. What do you need?"

"We need something that's strong enough to resist the weaponry the robot was carrying and probably even stronger attacks that we don't even know about yet."

"No problem! Ferb and I are good at expecting the unexpected. Just give us what you know about the aliens and we'll get you what you need."

Linda frowned. "Not so fast, young man."

"What is it, mom?"

"I just found out today that you and your brother are miracle workers, and now you want to go off and help the army fight aliens! It's one thing to build restaurants, roller coasters, and ancient world wonders in my backyard—which apparently you've been doing all this time—but it's quite another to become hired mercenaries!"

Major Monogram leaned forward. "We're not the army. We're the O.W.C.A., the-"

"I know, I know. Organization With a Crummy Alias." She turned back to her son. "I can't agree to this!"

"But mom-"

"No buts. You're children, not soldiers."

"What about Perry?" Phineas asked. "He works for Major Monogram and has never had to do anything he didn't like."

"Perry's a grown-up… platypus… a grown-up platypus. He can make his own decisions. And I'm sure he's had to deal with the consequences of his actions."

Phineas hung his head. "I guess so."

"Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher,' Major Monogram said, "think of the rest of the human race. We could all be in grave danger!"

"Well I don't see why whatever solution you come up with has to involve my children." She crossed her arms.

"Believe me, we wouldn't have come here if we could go anywhere else."

"Surely you have scientists that could do what my kids can do."

Major Monogram looked down. "Given enough time, maybe. Certainly in a few years. But we need that ship immediately."

"Even with my sons helping, wouldn't building a battleship like that take months even with plans already drawn up? The technology for something like that is hundreds of years off."

The major smiled. "How many hours did it take for them to build a marble garden in your backyard that dwarfs your house?"

"Okay, fair point. Time is obviously not a factor here. What about the technology?"

Candace waved a hand. "They're way ahead of you on that. You should have seen the cell phone they made me. Actually, I tried to get you to see it, but we all know how well THAT always goes."

Linda crossed her arms. "Regardless of how true all of this is, I'm not okay with it." She looked at Isabella, then to Buford and Baljeet. "And I know I speak for everyone's parents. You three can't go either."

"Eh, I wasn't gonna do anything even if I DID go," Buford said with a shrug.

Major Monogram rubbed his chin. "Hmm. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but we have no choice." He stood up and began pacing. "Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, let's make a deal."

"Okay. How about you leave now and I don't start hitting you with my rolling pin?"

"Heh heh, very humorous, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher."

Linda stood up and moved towards the kitchen. "I wasn't kidding. My mother-in-law gave me a good strong wooden one when I married Lawrence."

Major Monogram waved his hands defensively. "Okay, sorry. Anyway, here's what I propose. Agent P's cover has been blown, and by all rights this is a serious breach of O.W.C.A. security. According to protocol, I would have to take Perry away from you and transplant him to a new host family. Either that or erase everyone's memory again."

Everyone chorused, "Again?" The major cleared his throat and continued.

"However, if I could borrow your sons for a day, just long enough for them to build a ship complete with drive system and shielding, they'll be home none the worse for wear. I don't even need them to arm the ship."

"Oh?" Linda leaned forward menacingly. "Now that's an interesting change of tone. Where are you going to get your weapons?"

Major Monogram glanced at Perry, then back to Linda. "Agent P's nemesis is a completely incompetent mad genius. It's sort of a delicate balance."

"I'm sure."

"But those times where his mad genius outweighs his complete incompetence, he's very good at what he does. Luckily we have Agent P to stop him when he gets things right."

Phineas raised a hand. "Major Monogram, where are you going with this?"

Carl looked nervously at his boss, then at Phineas. "Our backup plan is to have Dr. Doofenshmirtz build weapons for the ship. He's actually the one who made that Rust-inator that destroyed the first robot."

Major Monogram chuckled. "Luckily he only made that so he could make his robot manservant terrified of him. Can you imagine if he actually used that for evil?"

"He sounds like a jerk," Isabella muttered.

"Indeed." Major Monogram turned back towards Linda. "So what do you say? We turn a blind eye to Agent P's cover being blown and you allow us to utilize your children and their vast intellect."

Linda put a hand to her chin. A few seconds later she said, "Nope." Major Monogram slapped his forehead, and Carl let his head drop.

"I guess that's it then, Carl." Major Monogram started walking toward the door. "Do you think we could trust Doofenshmirtz to build a spaceship too?"

"One that won't blow up as soon as it reached orbit? No."

Phineas jumped off the couch and shouted, "Wait!"

Major Monogram turned around. "What is it, young man?"

"You two have been arguing back and forth all afternoon, but neither one of you has really listened to what WE think." He gestured towards his brother and friends. "If the world is in danger, don't you think we should do everything in our power to save it?"

Linda sighed. "Of course I do. But aren't you all a little young to be saving the world?"

This time Ferb spoke up. "Yes. Yes we are. But we CAN do it."

"We believe so too," Major Monogram replied. "That's why we came straight here."

Perry chattered, drawing everyone's gaze toward him. He then nodded his agreement.

"See, mom? Even Perry knows we can do it!"

"This isn't open for debate. It's too dangerous."

Candace stood up. "Okay, I didn't want to say anything here, but I think the twerps are right."

Linda put her hand against her head. "Oh, not you too."

"Yes, me too." Candace crossed her arms. "You never listened to me about all this building stuff, but maybe you'll listen to me about this."

"Fine. Go ahead."

"All summer long I've been trying to bust my brothers because everything they were doing was dangerous and insane. But even though I wanted to bust them more than anything, even I have to recognize that what they've been doing…" she paused and took a deep breath, "…has been AWESOME! You should've seen it, mom! My head was on Mt. Rushmore, and then there was the time I was fifty feet all, and the giant backyard fort, and the ninja suits!"

Linda raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like you had lots of fun."

"Well no. I almost never let myself be seduced by the coolness." She blew on her fingernails. "It's a gift, I know."

"Okay…"

"The point is, these two are miracle workers, and if Mr. Mustache-"

"That's Major Monogram."

"- thinks that they can save the world then I do too. I mean, it's not like it'd be the first time."

"Candace, this is completely different."

"Is it?" She crossed her arms and turned around. "If you're so worried, why don't you let them build the ship in the backyard? It's where they do most of their best work anyway."

Major Monogram glanced at Carl, then back to the group. "It would be a bit inconvenient, but I'm sure we could work around that if it met with your approval, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher."

"I… I don't…"

Candace slid up next to her mother and put an arm around her. "Come on, mom. And if anything goes wrong, I'll be right there. To bust them!" she started laughing maniacally, and Linda took a step away from her.

"Alright, fine." Linda threw her arms up. "But I'm going to be there to bust YOU TWO if anything goes wrong." She pointed to Major Monogram and Carl. "Plus, nothing underhanded. You get the ship and leave."

"Can do, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher," Carl stated.

Phineas smiled and clasped his hands together. "Well, it looks like we have work to do!" He looked up at Major Monogram. "And we certainly can't do it without our team."

Major Monogram looked to the side. "Erm, well, their parents-"

"Don't even have to know," Candace interrupted. "It'll just be an average day in the Flynn-Fletcher backyard."

"Very good then," the major said, saluting. "We'll be back tomorrow with Doofenshmirtz in tow. Then the real work begins. Come on, Carl. It's time for my bubble bath." The duo showed themselves out, leaving the kids excited and Linda with her head in her hands.

"I bet Mrs. Johnson doesn't have to put up with this sort of thing," she muttered.

Phineas, on the other hand, was in high spirits. "Maybe we should start planning tonight! We're gonna have a lot on our plates tomorrow, and the quicker we get this ship put together, the quicker we can save the world!" The group cheered, and they started to move towards the sliding door.

"Oh no you don't," Linda called after them. They stopped and turned towards her. "If you're going to do this, you're going to do it right. Dinner first. Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford, you call your parents while I whip up some more of these sandwiches. Food gets the juices flowing, after all."

"Yes, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher," the trio replied. Isabella led the way to the phone, while Phineas, Ferb, and Candace started to set the table.

"You guys know I'm the greatest mother ever, right?"

"I don't think there was ever a question of that," Phineas replied. "I'm just sorry you didn't know about our projects sooner. I bet you would've loved them!"

"You might be right about that, boys," Linda replied. "But don't forget, even as I warm to this little idea, your father still has no clue."

"Oh, I think dad knows. He went with us on our magic carpet ride."

"Now I understand what they mean when they say 'The last one to the party gets stuck with the check.'" She sighed. "Oh well. How many parents get to say their children saved the world?"


Next Time:

The fateful meeting between Dr. Doofenshmirtz and the Flynn-Fletcher family goes off without a hitch. Construction must be accelerated, however, as the mysterious fleet hails the planet and delivers a declaration to the human race.

The next episode of Protection of the Cosmos: The Committee for the Protection of the Cosmos