Three (or how to play two games at once)
Brian was out. It was down to four people: Peter Griffin, who was better at Charades than anyone really expected; Glen Quagmire, who couldn't have said much even if he wanted to, thanks to Stewie and his toddler size four shoe; Cleveland Brown, who was more interested in making sure everyone else was quiet; and Joe Swanson, who was so compelled to win that he barely moved.
Meg, at this moment, pulled out a board game – Monopoly Sailor Moon edition – and walked in front of the television. Meg wasn't interested in making the guys talk; rather, none of the girls wanted to play Sailor Moon Monopoly and Brian nearly decapitated the Sailor Mercury mover after losing the game one time. (And those were collectible pewter movers, too!)
"Do you guys want to play Monopoly?" Meg asked.
Joe nodded. His hands were falling asleep.
Peter nodded. He enjoyed Monopoly – it was so easy for him to spend real money, so fake money was even EASIER to spend.
Cleveland nodded. He liked Monopoly.
Quagmire nodded. He liked Meg.
(Simply because she was female and human. Hey, this guy isn't hard to figure out, all right? What was that about continuity? Oh go away. Since when did we care about continuity? Stupid analysts.)
All four of them moved to where Meg was setting up the game. "Okay, does anyone care if I'm Sailor Mini Moon?"
Meg put the pewter Mini Moon figure on the Go space. Meg looked up. Peter had shrugged; Joe was trying to choose between Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Pluto; Quagmire shook his head very slowly (guess what he's doing); and Cleveland shrugged as well.
A few minutes later, Quagmire had picked the Sailor Uranus figure, Peter had chosen Sailor Jupiter, Cleveland was Sailor Venus, and Joe was Sailor Pluto.
Brian scooted up to the game. "Oh, this game. Isn't this the one with the stupid income tax?"
"All Monopoly games have an income tax space," Stewie said, now coming over to watch. "If only one could have unlimited access to the Chance cards."
"Like you tried to do while playing Monopoly last time?" Brian asked.
Stewie picked up the Chance cards and threw down the go directly to jail card in front of Lois.
"Go to jail you skeez!" Stewie had yelled before turning to Chris, who had the most property – and many hotels.
"Hah! Pay $40 dollars for each house, $200 for each hotel!"
"Hey, one can try," Stewie retorted.
"Indeed," Brian agreed sarcastically.
Meg handed the two crystal-colored dice over to Peter. "Roll to see who goes first."
Peter rolled the dice, getting a two. Peter mimicked a sigh, passing the dice to which he thought was Quagmire, but was really Cleveland.
Peter cocked his head. Where'd Quagmire go?
(Quagmire had opted to sit next to Meg.)
Cleveland rolled an eight, Joe rolled a nine, Quagmire rolled an eleven, and Meg rolled a two.
"Okay, we're going counterclockwise from Quagmire," Meg explained, passing the dice to Quagmire. "You go first."
Quagmire, after getting over the fact that Meg was the only girl playing, rolled the dice. He got a three, landing on one of the two cheapest properties in the game: Watch Communicator, 60 yen, and a purple property.
Quagmire sent three twenty-yen bills over to Joe (who was the only one determined trustworthy enough to hold the money) and was given a property card for Watch Communicator by Peter (who was the only one determined stupid enough to be able to botch up counting money).
The game went on in similar fashion. Meg was often left to explain what certain things were (like a Rainbow Crystal, or the Crystal Bell), but even so, she hung in there with a few good properties, a monopoly (the three pink properties: the Kisenian blossom, the Snow Queen Kaguya meteor crystal, and the Dream Coffin), and a decent sum of money. She was probably in third place. Peter had a hodgepodge of different properties (including the cheap Transformation Pen, the second purple property, and the very expensive blue property, Silver Imperial Crystal) and some money, Joe was winning with the green (Jupiter Crystal, Oak Branch, and Jupiter Roses) and red (Mars Crystal, Phobos and Deimos Crystal, and Mars Arrow) monopolies, and Quagmire had all of the transportation spaces (the Moon-cycle, Sailor Planet Power, Sailor Teleport, and the Prayer Tower). Cleveland was barely hanging on with just two properties and about 150 yen. (He had been sent to jail five times, landed on Income Tax twice, landed on luxury tax three times, and had to pay Quagmire 200 yen for his transportation fee three times. Needless to say, Cleveland had only been to Go once the entire game.)
Brian mixed himself another martini and sat with Stewie, watching.
"Why did they make a Sailor Moon Monopoly, do you wonder?" Brian asked Stewie as Cleveland landed on Joe's green monopoly with two houses on each space.
"Why did they make a Simpsons Clue?" Stewie retorted. "It's all about mass marketing."
"I'd say more, but I'd have the censors on my ass," Brian sighed.
"As always."
"As always."
Cleveland got wiped out by Joe and went back to sitting on the couch. Not one person had broken the silent rule for the entire game, but, as Stewie observed, Joe was getting very close to celebrating his victory, and Peter was very close to breaking into a form of musical number about this board game, as he often did at times.
Meg was totally oblivious to the fact that Quagmire was practically drooling, waiting for her to let her guard down long enough to get her into his arms. She was, in fact, reading aloud a chance card she got stating that she had won a beauty contest and had gotten 10 yen. (Whoop-de-doo.) Joe handed Meg a 10-yen bill, and the dice were passed to Quagmire, who desperately tried not to linger on touching Meg's hands so much. He wasn't so good at holding this in.
"Quagmire looks slightly… agitated," Brian noticed.
Stewie raised an eyebrow. "Agitated? The guy's completely red and sweaty."
"Do
you think he's going to lose…?"
"More than likely."
Brian paused. "Do you really care about who wins, Stewie?"
"Not in the slightest," Stewie smirked evilly. "Leave the idiots to their own precariously faulted designs."
Brian shook his head. Stewie just wanted to keep the cash to finance some off-color experiment that would just as soon fail as every other venture he'd tried.
A four. Quagmire moved his Sailor Scout slowly, because his vulgarities were overcoming him in a wave. He couldn't be silent. He forgot all about Monopoly – and about the other players - for the fraction of a second that his brain told him to act.
Quagmire touched Meg's hand lightly, almost unconsciously.
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, Meg, Brian, and Stewie all looked at the flustered ladies' man simultaneously, each with a different expression of dull misunderstanding on their face (save Brian and Stewie, who were shocked, and Meg, who was infuriated).
Meg whacked Quagmire over the head with the instruction manual for the game, storming off without a word.
Stewie stared at Quagmire for a very long while.
"Do you think he wants…?"
"I don't want to think about it," Brian interrupted. "Not at all."
Joe looked at the game board for a second. Quagmire looked at his hands, as if they were the devil itself. Then that emotion went away in two seconds.
Brian looked at the game. "I guess they're done playing Monopoly…"
A/N: Why did I stick this chapter in here, you ask? Well, if you remember the episode 'Petarded', you remember that everyone on Spooner Street quite enjoys playing games. And I wanted to write a chapter with something completely random like this that allows for a Stewie flashback (something we don't see often enough, even though most of the time they're hilarious, like the one in 'Model Misbehavior' with Brian in drag and Stewie wanting a graham cracker). And, yes, this has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the story. Who cares, anyway?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Family Guy or Sailor Moon or Monopoly or whatever else is in here.
