They were back in the big house. Chiron had brought Annabeth and Mary there to question them further about the attack. Dionysus was supposed to be helping with the interrogating, but instead he was lazily flipping through a wine catalogue. The fire crackled in the background – nobody was sure why they had a fire going on in the middle of the summer, but it always seemed to be alight. So far, Chiron had already asked a range of questions – from what Mary's Kik was to exactly how tall Annabeth was.

"Mary, you need to go see the Oracle," Chiron said.

"Like, why?" Mary said, chewing on a piece of gum.

"Well, the Hellhound was obviously sent by Hades-"

"How do you know that?" Annabeth asked, cleaning her nails with her dagger.

"I just do. And since Zeus thinks you stole his Master Bolt, even if you didn't, Hades obviously stole it."

"How do you know that?"

"Shut up, Annabeth. Nobody likes a know-it-all."

"Point taken."

"Now, Mary," Chiron said, turning back to the girl in question. "Like I said, you need to go see the Oracle. She's up in the attic. Have fun."

"But, I, like, don't wanna." Mary complained.

"Go."

"Kawaii!"

Opening Theme

"Hello? Like, Miss Oracle lady?" Mary called as she climbed up the rickety ladder to the attic.

Stepping into the space, Mary's face turned in disgust. It was super dusty, which wasn't good for her skin. Random, well, things decorated the room. There was a jar of eyeballs in one corner, a giant – was that a leg? – hung from the ceiling. A whole suit case full of talons and claws was on a table, along with more odds and ends everywhere. And, smack dab in the middle of the room, was a mummified hippy.

It was small and wrinkly – almost Annabeth's size. All sorts of tacky jewelry hung from her neck and arm, and her faded tie-dye shirt was enough for Mary to want to kill the mummy to put it out of its poor, unfashionable misery. Mary walked up to it, carefully trying not to step on any of the weird junk.

Hesitantly, Mary asked, "…Oracle?"

Sup Brah.

"SON OF A MONKEY'S UNCLE!" Mary shrieked, jumping away from the mummy, narrowly avoiding stepping on a battle axe.

Chill out, bruh. It's just me, your friendly neighborhood stoner – I mean Oracle. A voice spoke in Mary's head. Which, unfortunately, did sound like a twelve year-old stoner chick.

"Aren't you, like, give me a prophecy, or something?" Mary said, walking very cautiously back to the mummified girl.

I dunno. I'm, like, not that good at rhyming. I can just tell you what to do though.

'Kawaii!" Mary shouted, stepping closer to the girl. "What do I need to do?"

Go to, like, west. Sort of California area. Some dude will probably betray you when you thought they were a friend. Going to the Underworld would probably be helpful, but it's your life, you know? Do whatever you want. I ain't the government. Go live your life to the fullest.

"Thanks Stoner Oracle Mummy Girl!" Mary Sue said over her shoulder, skipping out of the room.

Anytime bruh. Hey – Want some weed for the road?

"Like, totally."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Your oracle is, like, awesome. She gave me some weed. Do you all want some?" Mary yelled to the three waiting for her, inhaling a puff of smoke.

"Oh, I'll take one!" Dionysus said, looking up from his wine catalogue for the first time that evening.

"Give me that," Chiron muttered, taking all the smokes out of Mary's hand and mouth.

"Man, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud right now," Mary reminisced, flopping down into the seat next to Annabeth.

"How much of that did you smoke?" Annabeth asked, incredulous.

"Um, a lot. DO YOU SEE THAT KITTEN ANNABETH!? IT'S SHOOTING LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!" Mary yelled, stroking an imaginary giant cat. Darn it, kids these days and their drugs and hallucinations. Annabeth restrained the Mary as she crawled over her to pet the hallucination.

"Mary, focus – what did the oracle tell you? She usually speaks in riddles, so it's okay if you didn't understand all of i-"

"She said to go west, probably Cali, and that a friend might betray us. Idk what that means. The Oracle also said to go to the underworld, but she also told me that she wasn't in charge of me and it's my own life." Mary said matter of factly, sitting up straight.

"Oh. Okay. She usually isn't that to the point," Chiron said, impressed.

"Well, we smoked some week after too, so…"

"Dear Gaea what is wrong with you?"

"Kawaii!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Mary, meet Grover. Grover, Mary. He's going to be coming with us on our quest," Annabeth told Mary.

"H-H-H-H-Hi," Grover stuttered.

"You stutter."

"It's a co-con-con-condition."

"It's, like, annoying."

"Sc-sc-sc-screw you."

"Grover was the Satyr who brought me to camp, along with one of my friends a long time ago," Annabeth said.

They were at the Mess Hall, where they were given permission to sit together to discuss their quest. They would leave early tomorrow, so Annabeth decided they should lay out a game plan.

"Why, does, like, stutter-face have to come? Why not the hot dude with the scar from Hermes?" Mary said, jutting her head in the Hermes kid's general area.

"Because I've had a crush on him for years and he's going to be our secret antagonist," Annabeth explained, taking a bite of her salad.

"M-M-M-M-Makes sense."

"Shut up, Matsuda."

"S-s-s-s-s-sorry, Mary."

"Anyways –" Annabeth said, not bothering to tell Mary off for being a perfect jerk. "Argus – the dude with eyes all over him – will be taking us into New York, and we'll be supplied with money, but that's it. How do you think we can get to Cali?"

"W-w-w-w-we could take a plane." Grover suggested, biting into his Pepsi Can.

"I said to shut up, didn't I Matsuda?"

"W-w-w-who is Matsuda?"

"Just, like, shut up Matsuda. You aren't kawaii."

Annabeth snapped her fingers. "I know! We could hitchhike there!"

"That's a kawaii idea Annabeth!" Mary shouted, hugging her.

"Daw, no, your kawaii."

"I never said you're kawaii. Just the idea," Mary corrected Annabeth.

"A-a-aren't you a child of Athena, Annabeth?" Grover said nervously, playing with his curly hair, his gross wispy stoner beard fluffing in the wind.

"Yeah, why?" Annabeth asked, tilting her head.

"Then why are you so stupid?" Grover said, voice gaining confidence.

Mary threw her plate at Grover. "Shut up, Matsuda. Senpai is right. Hitchhiking is always the best way to go, no matter where your trying to go."

"I-i-i-i-I'm with a bunch of idiots."

"Kawaii! Oh, wait – you seem like the kind of person who'd enjoy some weed. The Oracle gave me some earlier. Wanna go walk on some clouds together?" Mary said, suddenly on the other side of the table and stroking Grover's hair.

"Oh my Lanta what is wrong – actually, some pot sounds pretty nice right now." Grover said.

"KAWAII!" Mary shouted, pulling a lighter and some weed out of her back pocket.

Disclaimer: Get this – I still don't own this franchise, darn it.

AN: Yo. Nothing today – expect for an update tomorrow, the four people who are following this fic (Who are mostly my friends). The quest will begin. Possibly some backstory – Idk yet. And, as always, I self-beta'd this, so any mistakes – just yell at me in the reviews. Also – PLEASE review. I know I sound a little beggy (which, I, you know, am), but it really help when people tell me what they did and didn't like about it. That way I can fix it and make it not suck. (Also, I swear I wasn't smoking any weed. I'm not ever sure how that came up.)

Definition Of The Chapter: A Mary Sue is an original character in fan fiction, usually but not always female, who for one reason or another is deemed undesirable by fan critics. A character may be judged Mary Sue if she is competent in too many areas, is physically attractive, and/or is viewed as admirable by other sympathetic characters.

So, our Mary isn't quite the perfect Mary Sue we thought she was. Oh well.

/FondueIsDaBest13 2k15