Chapter 2

When I awoke the next morning, I was back in my bed. Donnie must have carried me all the way home last night. I let out a happy sigh and rolled on my back. Life was good right now, but I knew sadly that it wouldn't last forever.

I sat up in my bed and gave a good yawn and I stretched my arms in the air. Then I shivered as my room got dreadfully cold.

" Why is it so cold in-" I began to talk to myself but I stopped mid phrase. I knew exactly what was coming. Who I was about to talk too, " Well, I haven't talked to you in a while." I began the conversation this time. Hoping to sound confident when I was actually terrified.

Miss me?

" No, not really." I responded flatly.

Aww, why not?

" Why would I miss talking to my 'inner voice'?"

I dunno, I thought we were friend. My inner voice said sarcastically.

" Let me asked you, why does your voice change?"

What ever do you mean?

" Like you don't know." I huffed, "When I first met you, you called out my name in a deep voice. But then, and now, you sound exactly like me. What gives?"

I can't tell you that.

" What not?"

It'll ruin the secret. It said innocently

" What secret?" I urged on.

Do you not get the meaning of a secret?

I responded with a question, " Why did you all of a sudden start talking to me again? After two months with nothing, you just suddenly appear. Why? It doesn't make sense.

Not everything in this world makes sense my dear. But you know, I got a bit lonely after you betrayed me. I have no one else to talk too. I'm in your head, remember?

"How did I betray you?" I asked.

Remember our little deal?

" Yeah..."

Donatello doesn't hate you, does he?

" I should hope not." I responded, hoping that it wouldn't hear the unsteadiness to my voice. I knew now where it was going with this.

And what about your vision?

" What about it?" I tried to sound innocent and clueless.

Do you want me to make it happen?

" No, of course not! But... I don't see how a voice of my subconscious could make that happen. "

I'm not what you think I am.

" But-" I began but got stopped mid sentence when I heard approaching footsteps. My 'inner voice' must of heard it too because within seconds, my room got warmer again.

" Taylor?" Donnie called from the hallway then appeared in the door frame of my room.

" Yeah?" I said brightly, hopping to cover up any sign of my previous conversation with, myself.

" Um, Sensei wants to see us in the training room." Donnie told me then smiled.

" What?" I asked.

" Thanks for last night, I-I really enjoyed it." Donnie said nervously and rubbed the back of his head.

I got up and walked over to him.

" No problem." I whispered and gave him a quick kiss.

We walked down the hall together and joined the other in the dojo. Splinter was standing in front of the big bonsai tree with Leo, Raph, Mikey and Karai all kneeling down at his feet. Donnie and joined them on the floor.

" Now that we're all here," Splinter began with a nod of his head, " I want to begin our training again. We went far to long without it and we must start up again."

I exchanged glances with everyone, except Donnie. He just kept looking down at the floor, keeping to himself. But regardless of that, in the end, we all seemed to agree that it was a good idea. A few seconds after our glances Splinter continued.

" Very well. We will begin with sparing, to see what you know and what you need to learn." Splinter confirmed then focus on Donnie, " Donatello-" Splinter began but got interrupted.

" I'm fine Sensei." Donnie spat back but refused to look at anyone. We all knew that this was going to be hard for him, " In fact," Donnie continued, " I want to go first."

This time we all exchanged worried glances. Donnie just wanted to prove that he was better, even though we all know that's not 100% true.

" Are you sure?" Splinter asked kindly. His eyes told everyone that he didn't want his son to push himself too hard. But there was no talking Donnie out of this one.

" Hai, Sensei." Donnie finally looked up and determination shone brightly in his brown eyes.

" Very well." Splinter gave Donnie a nod then turned to Leo, " Leonardo, you will be sparing with Donatello."

Leo tensed up but replied, " Hai Sensei."

And with those last words, Leo stood up and Donnie stumbled up after him. They went to centre of the room and faced each other. We all turned around and to watch. Donnie pulled out his staff while Leo hesitantly pulled out his double katanas.

" Donnie, I-" Leo began. He didn't want to spar with his brother that got tortured just six months ago. Anyone could see that.

" Leo, don't." Donnie whispered, " just, don't."

Leo shut his mouth and Splinter said the words to begin the sparing. Leo and Donnie circled around each other for a few moments. No one knew when, how or who would make the first move. Then, when the wall that contained the weapons was behind Donnie, Leo took a chance. Leo ran at Donnie with his katanas raised in the air.

Donnie, his eyes grew wide with fear. He took a few steps back before tripping over his own two feet and sent himself smashing into the wall.

" Stop!" Donnie screamed and threw his arms over his head, letting his staff drop to the floor " Please stop!" He began to shake uncontrollably and a small stream of tears rolled down his face. Leo stopped in front of Donnie and dropped his katanas on the floor, horrified.

My heart grew tight in my chest. I felt bad for Donnie. Nobody could ever imagine what he's been through or going through right now. I wanted to run up and comfort Donnie but Splinter put a hand on my shoulder. Stopping me from running to Donnie's aid. Instead, Splinter went to Donnie's rescue and knelt down in front of him.

Splinter put a hand on Donnie's shoulder and waited for him to calm done. When Donnie stopped shaking, he looked up at his father. Splinter whispered something to him that I couldn't quite make out then, he dismissed us.

" Training is cancelled." Splinter told us and we all walked out of the dojo. Leaving just him and Donnie in there.

" Well that was productive." Karai said sarcastically while walking to the couch of the living room. No one had a reply at this time, so we just ignored her comment.

Raph, Mikey and I sat on the couch next to Karai, but Leo went straight to the punching dummy that was hanging from it's own post in the living room.

" What did I do?!" He shouted and threw an angry punch at the dummy. Raph got up and set a reassuring hand on his older brother.

" You didn't do anything." Raph comforted, " Donnie's just-"

" Just what Raph?! Scared? Hurt? What?" Leo snapped. I had a feeling that Leo blamed himself for what happened in the dojo, " I need to know so I can help him!"

" -just, going through some tough times." Raph finished his sentence carefully.

" I thought the tough times were over." Leo hung his head. He was obviously taking this to heart, " I just want this to be over."

" That's what we all want." Raph spoke this time to everyone in the room rather then just directly to Leo. But, that didn't seem to help Leo any because he just brushed Raph away and dragged his feet to his room.

Raph watched Leo walk away for a little while before coming to join us.

" Now what?" Mikey spoke for the first time today.

" I don't know." Raph shrugged sadly.

" Hey guys?" Mikey asked after a moment of silence past, " Wha-what do you think is wrong, with Donnie?" I could tell that Mikey gathered up all the courage inside of his to ask that question.

" Nothings wrong with him." Raph's voice was shaky, he tried to control himself from not snapping, " He's, just, not himself."

" Why not?" Mikey asked another question.

" I don't know Mikey!" Raph snapped, "I don't know."

" I don't get it." Mikey went on, unharmed by Raph's harshness, " one minute he's super hyper and excited, but the next he's like, scared of every single little thing."

" It's gonna take some time for him to get back to his old self." I pointed out.

Mikey turned his head towards me and spoke, " Yeah but two months? Isn't that like, a really long time?"

I didn't respond right away. I actually have no idea how long it would take. Was two month to long? Or not long enough?

" Well, not that this hasn't been fun." Mikey's voice snapped me back to reality, " I'mma gonna go skateboarding. Later!" Mikey announced and picked up his skateboard on his way out of the lair.

As soon as Mikey left, Donnie came out of the dojo. His head was down and he didn't look or speak to anyone. He just kept walking and barricaded himself in his lab.

" At least one thing is back to normal with him." Raph huffed. I hit across the arm then stood up.

" I'll go talk to him." I told them and walked towards the lab. I didn't bother knocking, I just walked right in, sliding the doors closed behind me.

Donnie's lab was lit up with the big lights that hung from the ceiling. So at least he wasn't sitting in the dark. But there were papers and broken pencils scattered everywhere. I've never seen Donnie's lab so messy before.

I took a few steps forward and seen Donnie sitting in his chair at his desk. His head was tilt back and he looked like he was concentrating really hard.

" Donnie?" I called out to him softly.

" Yeah?" He called back without looking at me. He just stayed in the exact position he was in. Staring up at the ceiling.

" Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. I walked right up to him and sat up on his desk. My legs dangled in the air.

" No." He laughed and shook his head, " How could I be?" Donnie stopped staring up and looked directly at me. I could see confusion and anger glowing deep in the centre of his eyes, " What's wrong with me?" His voice cracked as he spoke.

" I don't know." I told him sadly, " Hey Donnie?"

" What?"

" Why are there papers all over the floor?" I asked glancing around.

Something seemed to click in Donnie's eyes and he began looking around the room frantically, like he was just noticing that they were here.

" Um, no reason." Donnie responded quickly and picked up all the papers in a flash, " They're just... stuff, for inventions." Donnie laughed nervously and stuffed all of the papers in the back of a cupboard.

" Yeah uh huh sure." I looked at him doubtingly, " And the broken pencils?"

" Well, you know me. Going through pencils like there's no tomorrow." Donnie made up an excuse and started to pick up the pencils.

I suppressed a heavy sigh and jumped off his desk to help Donnie pick up the pencils. I figured I would postpone any further questions till later. When I jumped off, I noticed that I was sitting on one last piece of paper.

" Huh?" I mumbled as I picked up the paper and read it.

Get out, Get out, Get out of my head! Go away!

" Donnie?" I called out to him but my eyes stayed glued to the piece of paper in my hands. This is like the one I seen last night in Donnie's lab, " What's this?"

Donnie bent down to pick up a pencil before turning to look at me. He seen the paper I had in my hand and studied for a moment before his eyes grew wide.

" That's...um...uh...it's uh..." Donnie stuttered, looking for the words to form in his head. I stood there waiting for him to response, but it didn't look like I was going to get one.

What is he hiding from me? I thought to myself.

" Donnie," I began gently and walked right up to him. I set a hand on his shoulder before continuing my question, "What are you hiding? You know you can tell me."

" I know." Donnie sighed frustratedly and pushed my hand off of him. He turned his back to me and folded his arms, "But I can't." When Donnie spoke, he turned his head so I could only see the side of his face.

" Why not?" I questioned, I could hear the desperation in my voice. I couldn't help but notice that Donnie had changed over the past few months, and I couldn't help but wonder if it's my fault. I just want things to go back to the way they were, but that's nearly impossible.

" Because, I'm scared." Donnie almost whispered and let his gaze drop to the floor.

" Scared of what?" I cried and fought back the tears that were rising and threatening to come out, " You know no matter what, I will protect against anything. I will always be here for you. But, I can't help you if you don't tell me whats wrong."

" I'm scared, that...that he'll hurt you." Donnie squeezed his eyes shut as he responded.

" Who will hurt me?!" I nearly yelled but Donnie flinched as I did so I calmed myself down, " Who will hurt me?" I asked again more calmly.

" I can't say." Donnie confessed.

" Why?"

" Because if I tell anyone, he'll hurt them. And...I don't want that." Donnie explained but still didn't dare look at me.

I didn't respond right away. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Donnie won't tell me, so how can I help him? I held the piece of paper in front of my face and studied it some more. Get out, what could that mean? Who is he talking about? Question after question kept appearing in my mind. So I stuffed the paper in my pocket. Donnie never said anything, so I figured I could get away with it.

" But, how will 'he' know that you told me?" I urged on, I wasn't ready to give up, not yet.

" He just will! He's always here, watching. He knows everything that happens!" Donnie cried. I could tell he was really shaken by this. I didn't know what he was talking about. Who is he? What's he talking about? Who is watching?

" Donnie." I whispered gently, " I'm sure what ever it is, we can handle it. We can defeat it together."

" No." Donnie shook his head, " It's not like that."

" Well. What is it like?"

" I can't tell you! Don't you get it? For your own safety I can't tell you anything about him!...please Taylor, I-I just need to think for a while."

I knew that that was Donnie's polite way for asking me to leave. I knew he didn't mean any harm by it, so I decided to respect his wish and I left. Before I walked out the door, I turned around slightly and said...

" If ever you can tell me, I'll be right outside." I hushed then walked out the door. I slid it shut. I walked back to the living room and stood just above the couch.

" So?" Raph wondered. At first I was confused, I didn't know what he meant. But then I realized the whole reason why I went in Donnie's lab was to find out what was wrong. But I never did.

" Oh, right, umm..." I stuttered, at lost for words, " He didn't tell me." I responded. I said didn't tell me instead of couldn't because I figured 'couldn't' would just lead to more questions.

" Well, I guess he really did change. He use to tell you everything." Raph huffed angrily.

" Yeah, I guess so." I mumbled sadly as the horrible realization just sunk in. What if Donnie really had changed?

I sighed before heading to my room. I walked down the dimly lite hall with many thoughts in my mind. Then I pushed my curtain aside and took a seat on my bed. I held my knees close to my chest as I let my mind wander.

Has Donnie really changed? I began to think to myself. I guess he had, he did change...a lot. Why did he change? I know he's been through a lot, but what made him change? The memory loss? The torture? Our break up?

I took a sharp breath in as I couldn't help but think if the cause of Donnie's sudden change could be my fault.

Is it my fault? What if it is? Where did we go wrong? I should have never have let him go, we should have never broke up. If we didn't, then would Donnie be the Donnie I use to know? The Donnie I fell in love with?

Is it really our break up that caused him to change? But, it's not my fault, we had to break up. We had to break up, because of my 'inner voice', it's all his, or her's fault!

I sighed as I tried to convince myself that it was my inner voice's fault, even though it's not. I had the choice, but I chose wrong.

Should I have taken the chance and start over with him? But then Donnie would have never got his memory back, if we just started over when he wanted too. I wonder if Donnie thinks the same thing I do, does he feel the break up was his fault? Or the fault of...the thing Donnie can't tell me.

What if the thing Donnie can't tell me. He calls it 'him'. I'm guessing it's a boy, but who is it exactly? Why can't Donnie tell me? Why is he hiding this from me?

I paused and wiped my hands over my face as I thought,

But, I'm hiding something from him. My inner voice. I wish I could tell him, but I can't. Is that the same reason why Donnie can't tell me about his secret? I don't want my 'inner voice' to hurt my family, just like Donnie.

What is going on? I hate this right now. True, life is a bit better since Donnie and I are back together, and that's all I ever wanted. To be with him. But why is life full of secrets. I have a secret, Donnie has a secret, Leo's been acting...angrier, I wonder why that is? Maybe he won't tell us either, that'll add another secret to my list.

I'm getting really tired of my life right now. I mean, I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm just sick and tired of all the secrecy. It's like my life has turned into a series of secrets and questions. And I hate not knowing the answer.


And the inner voice is back! See? I told you that you'd see it in my third story. Ta da! Um...not much happened in this chapter and I must warn you that not much will happen in the next few chapters, but they contain really important information. So, hehe. That's all I really have to say. Hoped you enjoyed and please review! :D