4-Hearts of Glass
"Knowing Ash was always a hassle. He's annoying, weird, obstinate, argumentative, dense, immature, brash, irresponsible, compassionate, caring, sympathetic, brave, cute...mmm... wait, what?"
-Misty Waterflower
School is a bitch.
Alright, I realize that that isn't a particularly insightful comment, but at least it's succinct. And accurate. I'm sitting in the back row idly wondering how long a human brain can go without oxygen. Up front Mr. Tokiwa is describing the illicit pleasures to be found in doing tensor calculus. Exactly what this has to do with catching wild beasts in little balls and training them to smite our enemies is left unclear. I prefer learning about berries and plant care with Ms. Tamamushi, or advanced battle tactics with Blaine and the Lieutenant. Ms. Tamamushi is pleasant and calming even when talking about what poisons we're likely to die from. Blaine and the Lt. are... well they're insane, but in a good way. Advanced battle tactics sounds hard, but all you have to do is ask them which one of them is stronger, and then sit back and watch the show.
Misty is up front doing the whole "good student" thing. Gary appears to be paying attention, but with a micrometer and a lot of patience you could probably see that he is entirely focused on Marina. He's slowly-
"Ketchum!" Tokiwa yells at me.
Ah, shit.
"Yes?"
"I'm sure that whatever you're thinking about is interesting, but why don't you come to the front and give us all a good laugh by solving this problem?"
The class laughs. The class likes to laugh at me. I sigh, stand up, and approach the board. I wasn't paying attention, but the problem doesn't look so bad... I could probably solve it, by why bother? Tokiwa already has me pegged as an idiot, and I learned long ago that challenging an adult's view of the world doesn't accomplish anything. Besides, the punishment for failing here isn't so great, but if I succeed he'll try to trip me up later. I reach the board and decide the best way to handle this is to wing it. I start drawing a smiley face where the answer should go.
Tokiwa makes a big deal out of frowning, but if you watch his eyes you can see that he's pleased. I'm a moron; the world works the way it should. Hallelujah.
"If you're ignorance is too great for you to understand basic math, all you have to do is say so Ketchum."
"Just give me a little more time sir- I think I'm close."
Having said this, I painstakingly draw an equal sign next to the smiley face and then draw a sad face.
"You know Ketchum, I don't think you're being completely serious about tensor calculus."
"My apologies sir. I'm not feeling very tense today."
Again the class laughs nervously and I'm told to go stand outside. I couldn't care less about what Tokiwa thinks of me, but I curse silently as I walk past Misty's desk and catch a glimpse of the look she's giving me. Because of the hospital stay I'm overdue for the "wasting your life" speech.
Sure enough, when the lunch bell goes Misty heads straight for me. I look for aid from Gary but he won't meet my eyes, the coward. Misty slams her lunch down on my desk, pulls out a seat and sits down. Those in close proximity to us flee.
She looks at me, and takes a breath. I know I have to act now before she gets a good head of steam up.
"Drop it." I say quietly. She looks at me as if I'm crazy.
"Ash, you're-"
"Wasting my life. I know. I could have solved the problem. I could buckle up, improve my grades, get a haircut, stop swearing, get a low paying job out of pity, work my ass off for the next fifty years, and die." I turn to her. "Drop it Misty. Please. I'm not worth it."
She explodes at me. Tells me about all the great things I'm missing by being a dick. Security, wealth, a future, children... things that life never meant for me to have. Damn it all, I do not want to get into this!
"...and a family! You could be a dad someday- isn't that worth working for Ash?" She risks a small smile.
I'm not sure if horror or anger dominates my face. "Sweet Arceus no! Mew Misty, one of me is bad enough, and you want me to fuck up whatever poor bastard has the bad luck to be my kid? The hell with family! I'm better off alone."
For just a second she looks really, really hurt. As much as I fight with Misty I hate it when I actually manage to hurt her. Usually it involves a side of me I'm not proud of. This time though I have no idea what I've said that's so wrong. I'm about to say something, anything, to make this better, but Misty finds her voice first.
"Fine!" She yells and storms off.
Well, guess that shuts me up.
Gary slinks back in after Misty walks off. He keeps looking over his shoulder as if he's terrified of her coming back.
"Dude, you are the freaking maestro of her emotions. What the hell did you say?"
"I wish I knew." I sigh and let my head fall to the desk in front of me. "I do not understand girls in the slightest."
Class starts up again. Misty comes back in just before the bell rings, proving how pissed she is. Normally she'd be here early to prepare. I just rest my head against my arms and try to sleep.
Are you two always like this? It's better than cable.
"Shut the hell up, you. I almost thought I'd just hallucinated you."
Mmm, no such luck my friend. I'm with you until death do us part. Or at least until significant dismemberment does you part- if I can find a way to leave during that bit I will.
"Maybe I'll call Riley so he can shove the Aura equivalent of a spike up your ass. There's got to be some way to do a 'Fucked-up voice in my head'-ectomy."
Riley. The voice hisses. Be wary of that one. He holds much we can use but... he has his own agenda.
"Everyone does. I don't need to be told to be careful, but I need to understand what's happening to me. The weird dreams, the pulses, you- what is all this?"
Don't lie to yourself Ash. You merely wish to go to Riley so that you can learn what everyone has always looked down on you for not having. You want to hurt everyone who's wronged you. Said Kaelus, neatly dodging the question.
"Wanting to be able to protect myself isn't a crime. This aura thing is apparently rare, and rare things attract curiosity. From good people and from bad."
You would know. How many years have you been attacked and made fun of for being "rare"? And what makes you think you can trust Riley anyway? He was hiding something.
"So was I. And I don't trust him... I just think I need him. Anyone as connected as he seems to be can get me answers."
He's using you.
"Yeah, well it's nice that someone finally thinks I'm worth using. Now get back in my subconscious."
Fine! Going. Nice work with the red-head by the way- you really don't get it do you? You're so perceptive elsewhere, and yet she is one big, beautiful blind spot. I'm sure she feels real appreciated when you ignore the hints she practically vomits at you.
"What do you mean?"
Nope! Can't stay. Getting back to the subconscious now!
And with that he was gone. What was his problem? I appreciate the hell out of Misty. It's just that she keeps trying to get involved with my personal life, which was an emotional minefield if ever there was one. Maybe she-
"Ash?"
I'm startled out of my reverie by a prod from Gary.
"Are you Okay? You looked... lost."
"I'm fine." I lie. "What is it?"
"School is over. Everyone's gone."
I look around and see that he's right. Misty hasn't waited for me either... another bad sign. I pack up my things and leave. On the walk back I think about Misty and Kaelus and Riley. I'm so lost in thought that I don't see the people waiting for me until it's too late.
"Evening Ketchum."
It's that shithead Richie and some of his cronies. Richie is a mean, weak, effeminate piece of trash, but he's rich and his dad can afford to buy a lot of loyalty. He's had it in for me ever since I managed to make him look stupid in front of most of our grade. I never did know when to shut up.
There are five of them in total, which is actually good for my purposes. We're in a fairly cramped alley downtown (I always have had a weakness for short-cuts) and they won't be able to use flashy Ki moves without hitting each other. If I can just get them in each other's way, then I can run. I slow my breathing and let my muscles relax. I widen my stance a bit and let my shoulders slide back. I know I'm not getting out of this without a fight, so I've got nothing to lose by making him a little angry. Trust me, it clouds the judgement.
"What up, shithead. Shouldn't you be at home so daddy can protect you? Or is he too busy whoring out your mom?"
Well, if the plan was to get him angry, I had succeeded. He orders his idiots to attack.
I'd heard one of them trying to sneak up behind me, so instead of countering the first rush at me, I merely sidestep. The guy who rushed me ended up crashing into the guy behind me. Ritchie and the other two are a little smarter. One comes at me, but stays out of my range, just trying to distract me. Richie and the other one- you know, let's just call him Goon- are getting ready to summon some form of Ki.
I lunge and grab the guy trying to distract me. I decide to put him to good use, and toss him into Richie, just as Richie was releasing his Ki. It was some sort of fire manifestation, and it detonates on the henchmen, catching him and Ritchie in the blast. I hit the ground as whatever Goon was throwing at me slices into the wall- probably a wind technique.
I get up fast and manage to catch Goon unaware. I kick him hard in the kneecap, and shove his head into the wall. He slumps, and I think he's out of the fight for now. I turn around and see that Richie has gotten up, although his three companions are still on the ground dazed- they probably didn't think that one guy who couldn't use Ki would put up a fight. I know that Richie is serious now, and if I don't end this here he's going to dump a whole load of Ki fuelled pain onto me. He underestimated me, and he isn't going to make that mistake twice. I close the distance between us and ram my fist into his gut-
Hard.
Much too hard.
I have that same feeling I got when saving Misty, the feeling that the world was not quite right. I hear something in Richie's abdomen break- I think it was a rib- and he vomits blood down my shirt. I'm shocked that whatever I did worked so well, but I'm also a little horrified. The street fighter in me can't resist an opportunity however, and I knee him in the balls before running. I don't think that there's a cop on earth who'd believe that I just beat five Ki users with my bare hands (and a little creative knee work) but at least three of them were still basically okay, and I did not want to be there when they remembered that they could just back off and blast me from a distance.
I end up in one of the parks. Pallet is filled with them, because it's easier to call it a park than to try to actually rebuild on it. This park is one of the less populated ones- I'm covered in blood and I don't want questions right now. Misty and I visit this park a lot when we need quiet, and I think I deserve a little quiet after that.
Something was up with that blow Richie took. I may just be confused about my accident, and Kaelus I could pass off as a mental disorder or something, but I had hit Ritchie way harder than I had meant to- way harder than I thought I was capable of. I keep myself in fairly decent shape considering how little I get to eat, but no human should be able to hit that hard without Ki... or aura.
My train of thought is disrupted as I hear someone else walking along the path. I glance up, thinking for a second that maybe Ritchie's group had managed to follow me after all. It isn't Ritchie though, it's Misty. She's ambling along with her head down, and she looks really sad. I would love nothing more at this moment than to hide in the bushes and hope she passes by, but I can't seem to ignore the look on her face. Steeling myself, I greet her.
"Hey Mist."
She looks up in surprise, then anger.
"Oh. It's you."
Crap. This is going to be worse than I thought.
"Have a seat?"
She sits down, but doesn't say anything.
"Look, Misty, whatever it is I've done this time, I'm sorry. I just get... tired sometimes. Tired and angry. I attract cruelty and ignorance because of something I was born lacking, and then you tell me I can have all the things I know I'll never get... and I just sort of snapped okay? I'm sorry."
She remains quiet for a few seconds and then asks me "Did you mean it when you said you'd be better off without me?"
"I didn't say that."
"You said you were better off alone."
"I meant that it's better for everyone if I'm alone. Face it Mist, I'm not the greatest friend."
She rounds on me angrily.
"That isn't true! Don't you already have enough people putting you down? Why can't you just believe in yourself for once? Why can't you-" Her Eyes go wide "Ash, what happened?"
Oh right, the blood.
"Ritchie."
"Are you-"
"I'm fine. One of the morons following him probably has a concussion, and I think I broke one of Richie's ribs. I'm fine. They underestimated me." I catch the look she's giving me. "I didn't start it okay? I never start these things."
She sighs.
"I know. Just... try and be happy for once? Please? Stop the fighting and the anger and just enjoy yourself for once. You deserve it."
"I'll try Mist. I'll try."
She looks doubtful but decides to let it go. I realize that it's getting late, and Misty tells me that she has to get back to dorms. But before she goes she decides to try one last time to get through to me. She turns and demands I look her in the eyes. They're a surprisingly vivid sea-green, and as I stand there waiting they scan my face, attempting to read me.
"There are things" she begins "worth living for, Ash Ketchum. There are things worth fighting for, and I don't mean the fists and blood type of fight. You'll have to face them one day. Please", she whispers now, "please make it soon. It hurts like hell seeing you live this way."
With me made to feel sufficiently like shit, she turns around and walks off. Gary did describe me as the catalyst behind Misty's emotions, but that cuts both ways. I seem to be at my angriest, happiest or saddest when she's around, and right now I don't think I could get much lower. I walk home quickly, barely looking where I was going. All I get for the blood on my clothes is a disapproving "hmmph" noise and an "I hope you won" from Michael. I hit up the communal bathroom to wash off, and then head to bed. It's too early for sleep, but I have a lot to think about.
"There are things worth fighting for."
I guess there were at that. I get by alright in life... well, I manage anyway. But I've never really been content. I guess I just sort of fell into a rut- people expected me to act like an asshole and I obliged because it was easier than trying to change. Easier than trying to be what I wanted to be. For me, sleep had always been simpler than dreams.
"You'll have to face them one day... it hurts like hell to see you live this way."
I pick up the phone Riley had given me. I'm not sure if this is the right choice, but right now any choice seems better than nothing. There's only one number in the thing. I hit it and the phone starts to ring. On ring four he picks up.
"Hello?"
"This is Ash. You said you could teach me how to fight?"
"That is correct."
I gather more courage than I thought I had. I'm not used to coming out of my shell, but this time I think I need to. It's either now or never.
"When do we begin?"
