Part 4
Maria stood there unable to move, unable to tear her gaze away from the Baronesses. She hadn't meant to do this, hadn't meant to hurt anyone but he had been so alluring it was as if he were her oxygen and without him she could not breathe.
She watched with bated breath as the Baroness put her hand to her forehead and breathed in slowly, briefly closing her eyes as if she were in pain.
Maria frowned and a rush of motherly concerned washed over her "Baroness are you alright?" she said stepping hesitantly forward but Elsa quickly held up her hand, stopping the girl from coming any closer.
"I am fine! I just need a drink" she said before walking over to the drinks cabinet.
Maria followed her movements. She knew there was nothing she could do, she had been in the wrong and all she could do now was listen and bear what the Baroness had to say. It was the right and moral thing to do.
Elsa whom didn't know whether she was coming or going decided she needed something strong and quickly located the vodka. Finding a glass she poured herself a small glass and sickly downed it. She filled it up again but this time she found another glass and poured some of the liquid in that glass too.
"Maria, drink this" she said her voice commanding yet soft at the same time.
Maria's eyes widened at the slightly taller woman "Baroness I ca…"
"Drink it" she persisted.
Maria still did not move and Elsa sighed "Don't test my patience"
Hesitantly Maria approached a few steps but then stopped and shook her head "I can't, It would be wrong and if th…"
The Baroness looked at her this time her anger growing "Don't you dare start proclaiming what is right or wrong Maria! You past the right and wrong barrier when you decided to tell Georg and I what to do and what not to do last night!" she said forcefully and guilt washed over Maria in thick waves as she hung her head "Now come here and drink this with me, I fear without it neither of us will have any bottle to say we are about to discuss" she said her voice no longer the usual clipped and proud one she always used but a soft and almost caring one.
Maria looked into the woman's eyes and saw the vulnerability in them and knew she was not alone. She smiled a small smile and took the drink from the Baroness with hesitant hands.
The Baroness saw and smiled "Don't be shy, you certainly weren't with Georg" she said as she played with her glass.
"Oh Baroness I didn't mean…"
Once again Elsa cut her off though "Sssh. Drink with me" she said looking at the young postulant "On three. One, two, three" and with that they quickly swallowed the strong liquid, once again Maria coughing a little making the Baroness laugh.
Maria handed her glass back as the burning started to subside and the Baroness quickly refilled them before repeating the process. After their fourth glass Maria felt a little numb and a little too happy. The Baroness who was a little more used to it saw signs on her face and took her glass "Okay, enough for you but maybe I'll just have another one" she said quickly drinking another before slamming the glass back down.
Maria put her hand to her head and squeezed her eye's shut, almost feeling a little queasy "Why do I feel… light headed?" she said as her other hand gripped the edge of the cabinet.
Elsa laughed and gently took the girls arm, taking them over to the couch "That would be the alcohol my dear" she replied as they collapsed down on the couch.
The Baroness sat at one side as Maria quickly shuffled herself to the other so they could face each other. For minutes no one said anything as the alcohol eased their senses and took over, then suddenly Maria's face crumbled and tears spilled down her cheeks as she covered her face with her hands "Oh Baroness I am so sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't want, I, I am sorry" she sobbed, tears covering her hands and knees as she pulled them up to her face.
Elsa sighed and her heart broke for the young girl. Maria was so inexperienced it was almost sweet, how was she supposed to know how attractive she was? Or how to stop herself for falling someone as kind as Georg? Admittedly before she came he had been closed off, so sombre and detached from the world he was almost cold. But her kind nature and free spirit had opened him up, finally showing his true and beautiful qualities in abundance. How was she supposed to be mean and cruel and ruthless to a woman who could do that? To a man whom everyone else had thought a hopeless case since his wife had died?
True that he had told her that it was she who had saved him but they both knew it was not true, she had tried, even made him at the least talkable but it was Maria who had shown him the meaning of life again. She had shown him his children again and shown him how to move on and for that well… what could she do?
Leaning on her hand she smiled and reached out with other gently stroking the girls knee in comfort "Elsa, please call me Elsa"
Maria sniffled and looked up with red and tear stained eyes "Forgive me if I seem forward or rude but why are you being nice to me?" she whispered.
Elsa laughed and scooted forward "Me? nice? Impossible, I am simply being tolerable. And because whether you believe it or not I have been where you are" she said looking at her sympathetically.
"How could you, when I myself don't even know where I am" she said her voice pained.
Elsa smiled "Because whether you know it or not you are…" she hesitated. Should she tell her? It was so obvious to even her, but to tell her would be to cause serious waves and was Maria ready to hear or accept that she was in love yet?
Maria saw her hesitation and looked away. She needed to say something, explain somehow and so carefully and quietly Maria started to speak "I, I feel… I feel things, such amazing yet painful things" she said looking at Elsa. Elsa just watching with understanding eyes "When I'm near him, I think I can feel my heart beat faster and my stomach flips and my cheeks… they heat up and flush like no tomorrow. Oh Elsa I don't understand it. I know it's wrong to think and feel these things yet here I am feeling them and yet somewhere inside of me it tells me it's not wrong. How can that be? There are times, times when he looks… oh he looks at me and I can hardly breathe!" she said with desperation as she stood, walking over to the big Chester draws where it held the photos.
Elsa followed with her eyes letting the girl vent, it's what they both needed, Elsa needed to listen and try to understand and Maria needed to find herself, find and understand what she was feeling.
"And when he sang i…" she stopped.
Elsa leant forward watching her from the couch "You what?" she said gently.
"I don't know" she whispered "I felt tingly, like I was the only person in the room. Oh why is this happening? I thought I had found the path that I was to lead for the rest of my life. God was my life, is my life. So why do I feel so lost?" Maria whispered.
Elsa sat up "Maybe you were supposed to come here I mean whether you know it or not you saved him" she said gently.
Maria looked at her with innocent eyes and shook her head "No that was you, I merely showed him his children again"
"Oh Maria you're more attractive than you think"
"Looks don't have anything to do with it!" Maria protested.
Elsa raised an eyebrow "Don't they?"
Maria turned away again her gaze landing on a picture of him "They don't Baroness and you know it. When I…" she trailed off.
"When what Maria, you keep doing that, starting a sentence and then stopping it, it's becoming quite frustrating. Now what were you going to say?" she pressed.
"Nothing"
"Maria tell me"
"I cannot, please stop. All I know is that I feel and… oh I'm so confused" she whispered as she hung her head.
Elsa looked over her for a moment giving her a second to calm "What do you think it all means Maria?" she said softly as she watched Maria stroke some of the pictures.
Maria shook her head "I don't… no, I can't…"
Elsa sighed "Maria…"
Maria spun around with fresh tears in her eyes "What do you want me to say Elsa?" she shouted.
Elsa stood firmly "Admit it!" she shouted back, motioning with a strong wave of her hand towards Maria.
"Admit what?" Maria sobbed.
Elsa swallowed watching as the girl literally crumbled in front of her "Don't play coy with me! You know exactly what, you literally just poured your heart out to me yet there you stand, insisting that you can't tell me that you don't know what all of those things mean!"
Maria covered her face with her hands for a moment "Because I don't!" she cried "I, I can't. I can't admit what I think it is because if I do then I will have to leave" she finally confessed "I cannot leave, not yet, those children mean too much to me, so please, please, please don't make me say it, not yet" Maria pleaded as she cried.
By now Elsa had tears streaming down her face but unlike Maria she was trying not to crumble, trying to at least keep some of her façade in place. Quickly wiping her tears away she walked over to the drinks cabinet but this time instead of pouring a glass she grabbed the bottle and just drank from it.
"You say it as though your heart hurts" she said not looking at Maria.
Maria closed her eyes and a tear spilled down her cheek "Because it does"
Elsa, past understanding, laughed.
Maria's eyes opened and looked over to Elsa whom had her back to her, occasionally taking a swig of the alcohol in her hand "You want me to be happy about what I feel? Want me to flaunt it like I have won some prize? I have not won a prize Elsa, far from. My heart feels like its breaking for I know that Georg's devotion and love to you overpowers everything that… do not think for one moment that I am happy Baroness, it is quite the opposite. The things that two months ago I stood for are crumbling around me and you want me to be happy?" she screamed at the end her heart feeling like it was tearing in two.
Elsa spun round "Me? Love for me? Oh Maria you stupid naïve girl!" she screamed as she threw the bottle down on the floor, it smashing and pouring all over the floor.
Maria flinched but stood her ground as best as she could "You know it's true" she said.
Elsa bit her lip, whether he loved her or not Elsa knew that Georg would not leave her, he was too much of a gentleman.
Maria shook her head her lips trembling "The children, me, I did not mean to cause this commotion. And for that I am very sorry, I am sorry for the pain I have caused you but don't for a second think that my heart is leaping and bouncing for joy" she whispered "You have everything Baroness"
"Not everything" she whispered back as she turned away and Maria's heart stopped "What if I told you to go 'sing' with him?" she said looking back at her "I'm sure Georg would not object"
"That's not true" Maria said back her heart and soul sinking, she was tire and hurt and for the life of her almost wished she had never come here, never have met him.
"Oh and how would you know?" Elsa spat
Maria wiped the tears from her face "Because though the children asked he let me go. And I also said that of what the children asked was impossible"
The Baroness spun round her eyes wide "So you didn't, but you were about t…" she trailed off.
Maria frowned and realisation hit her "We didn't do anything Elsa"
"But when I came in you were so close!" Elsa exclaimed.
Maria closed her eyes, her head staring to pound "Nothing happened his kissed my neck and we parted" she said, the thought and memories still filling her stomach with butterflies.
Elsa's eyes narrowed "So something did happen" she said turning away from her again.
Maria "My neck Elsa, not my lips, he did not take anything. It is you who he…"
"Leave" Elsa said, her voice cold.
Maria stepped forward "Elsa we didn't do anything!" she tried to explain.
Elsa turned and looked at the small frightened woman "I know, we don't need to talk anymore, just go" she said quietly. She wanted to be mad but how could she? One could not stop themselves from falling in love and certainly not Maria, she was as innocent and as kind as they came.
Maria bit her lip her eyes brimming with tears "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so so sorry"
The Baroness laughed not quite kind but not in spite either "Stop. Just go before I truly lose my temper"
Confused but needing to leave Maria ran out but just as she opened the door she ran straight into Georg, his hands gripping her arms just before she fell.
Gaining her footing Maria looked down unable to look into his eyes "I'm sorry" she whispered before pushing past him quickly and running into the older girl's room. She shut the door and closed her eyes resting her head against the door, trying desperately to contain her sobs as she cried silently. She couldn't go back to her own room at the moment, she couldn't be alone, and she needed to be with the children, even asleep they seemed to calm her.
"Fraulien Maria?" a quiet voice called out quietly as her body shook.
Calming slightly her eyes opened wide recognising the voice to be Marta's, but why was she here? Turning slowly, she saw all seven children, the quilts and pillows on the floor, obviously sleeping all in one room tonight.
Wiping her tears away quickly she spoke "What are you all doing here?" she asked trying to compose herself.
"Why are you crying?" Brigitta said sadly.
And with that Gretl quickly got up and ran over to her, Maria quickly picking her up and holding her tight as the tears came back anew.
"I'm not crying" she sobbed.
Leisl shifted up in her bed looking at her Fraulien more fully "You are. What happened?" she said with concern.
Maria who was indeed sobbing felt Gretl grip her tighter and she was grateful "Nothing Leisl nothing at all my dears" she said as she kissed Gretl's head "Now snuggle back down" she said as she walked over to where all the blankets and pillows lay on the floor.
"Why didn't you sing?" Gretl said as they walked.
Maria stopped and looked at all of them "Why were you so adamant that we did?" she said confused.
Louisa sighed "Well, we didn't mean to upset you we just thought that if you did 'sing' with father then you would stay forever"
"And why would I stay forever?" she said still not seeing it.
Gretl smiled "Because you would have a baby and then you would have to stay!" she proclaimed.
Maria's eye opened wide "Oh I see"
"You aren't going to leave are you?" Kurt said.
Maria smiled "Don't you worry about that now, I'm not leaving yet. Now sleep" she said
She put Gretl back in her sheets and kissed them all but Leisl still sat up not at all comforted by Maria's words "Stay with us Fraulien Maria, please. The night gown you gave me is still in my draw so you can change into that" she said almost knowing that Maria would not want to go back to her won room tonight.
Maria smiled "That would be much appreciated" she replied with love in her voice and Leisl smiled before jumping out of bed quickly and taking out the night gown she had borrowed.
Maria took it and smiled before the young girl enveloped her in a hug and in return Maria kissed the top of her head. Stepping back she stroked the girls cheek "Your mother would be very proud of you" she said and Leisl beamed.
"Truly?" she replied
Maria smiled and nodded "Truly" she replied "Now get into bed while I change"
After a few minutes Maria came out of the connecting bathroom in her gown smiling at the sleeping children, even Liesl seemed to have dropped off. Carefully she took a place at the end next to Gretl, who snuggled up to her immediately. She was thankful for the warmth and security the children gave her she thought as she put the quilt over her.
Thinking back over the conversation she and the Baroness had she was confused. She wasn't sure if Elsa had been happy, sad, angry or understanding, all of them it seemed. And it had made the fact that she was in love with Georg hit her that much harder. And oh how it hurt.
Casting her thoughts aside she snuggled closer to the children and let exhaustion and sleep claim her.
-SOM-
After Elsa had kicked him out of his room he had not left his spot by the door. He had stayed listening intently to the two women's conversation. Parts had been too quiet to hear but the shouting he had most definitely heard right up to where Maria had ran out and straight into him.
After Maria had ran off, in obvious distress he and Elsa had not talked instead he had reprimanded her for: one; wasting a good bottle of vodka, two; telling him to get out of his room and three; for reprimanding Maria when there had been no reason for it before sending her off to her room, knowing she was in no state of mind to talk anymore with the amount of alcohol she had consumed.
Instead he walked along the banisters contemplating whether to go see Maria or not. No it would do no good he thought but was she ok? Had Elsa harmed her in anyway? No she would be fine he thought and decided to go check on his children. But upon entering the youngest room he found no one, frowning and panicking slightly he checked the boys but they weren't there either. But as he entered the oldest room his heart calmed, finding three in beds of their own and four on the floor
He went in and smiled looking at each and every one of his precious children, he got right down to Gretl and then… Maria? His heart stopped as he saw her. There right on the end cuddled up next to Gretl was Maria, fast asleep. Walking forward quietly he observed her in the dim light. She looked so calm and peaceful, far from what she had been when he had last seen her rushing out the door.
Sitting down on the floor next to her and the bed that Louisa slept on, he watched her. What if she had sung with him? Oh these thoughts filled his head and consumed him. He imagined kissing her soft lips and caressing her breasts. He shook his head, no he couldn't go there. But as he looked at her it was as if he were drawn to her and gently he stroked her head, brushing away the blond strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes.
She shifted slightly and he stopped watching as her eyes opened slowly. Maria came to slowly when she felt a gentle and loving stroking just above her eyes. When they opened the sight that greeted her made her heart stop and the desire and lust that she had thought and hoped and prayed had gone came flooding back. They didn't smile at each other didn't make a movement they just looked at each other, their body's flushing and tingling with love and lust.
She blinked a few times and swallowed watching as his hand came back to the side of her head stroking it again as her eyes slipped closed. She leant into his palm slightly and slowly opened her eyes, her blue irises sparkling in the dim light.
Gently Maria took his hand and pulled him down beside her. Georg didn't object and lay beside her in his shirt and trousers as she tried to fit some blanket over him. Maria knew what she was doing was wrong but she was still a little tipsy and very tired.
Turning to face him Georg smiled and watched as her eyes closed but instinctively knowing she was still awake.
"What are you doing here?" she whispered her eyes still shut.
Georg shifted closer and stroked her hair "I came to check on my children and instead found them all piled in here with you. What are you doing here?"
Maria chuckled softly and opened her eyes "The children calm me"
Georg nodded "Me too" he whispered back.
Maria felt compelled and without hesitation lifted her arm out of the bedcovers and touched his face trailing her fingers across his cheek until she came to his lips. She stroked them with her thumb and felt a jolt of pleasure shoot straight to her core when he took the tip of her thumb in his mouth, his tongue twirling around it and tickling the tip. When he let go she felt his hand go under the cover and skim over her hip as he drew her closer, the sensation making her gasp slightly. But from there he didn't do anything else, he just held her, his hand idly stroking her hip. It was she who hesitantly put her leg over his, entangling their limbs as they wrapped their arms around each other, finding sweet comfort. With her head resting on his chest she breathed in and finally felt peace, finally felt where she belonged.
Stroking the nape of her neck gently Georg whispered "I will leave early in the morning"
Knowing it was for the best Maria nodded "Okay"
Leaving her neck he trailed up and down her exposed arm making Maria sigh quietly in appreciation. What he wouldn't give to make love to her, to see the look of pleasure on her face and then the undoing and complete and total surrender as the peak of ecstasy over took her. But knowing it would never happen he settled for the small gasps and sigh's she gave as he touched her gently.
In small return she stroked up and down his chest occasionally trailing to his hip as her own leg slipped further up his. Georg retrained a moan as he nuzzled her head and neck.
Leisl whom had woken up the instant her father had walked in the room smiled at the two cuddling figure. She just hoped that things wouldn't get too heated but then she remembered Gretl. Ever since Gretl was born while she slept she had to move at least every 15 minutes it was an unconscious ritual she never broke. It had been at least 15 minutes she thought as her father whispered something to Fraulien Maria making her laugh quietly. And then like clockwork Gretl rolled over towards Maria making the two adults still.
Maria had felt Gretl roll and they both stilled. After a few minutes Georg whispered "She asleep?"
Maria nodded "I think so"
Georg sighed. He knew he should leave, knew he should stop but he didn't move, couldn't bring himself too. He felt so safe there Maria in his strong loving arms.
Maria too was having similar thoughts. Oh what would sister Berth say if she knew! Probably make her kiss the floor for all eternity she thought. And the Reverend Mother? What would she think? would she accept the love she felt and tell her to follow her heart? Or would she turn her away and tell her she had sinned dreadfully.
Maria had never felt more scared or confused in her life. Her head told her this was wrong that she should be ashamed of herself but her heart told her the opposite and right now in his arms she had never felt so at home, so accepted or loved. Was that so bad?
Then another thought struck her. But did he truly love her? The questions and thoughts of last night came back into her mind. Did her love her or was he just trying to get into her bed? Tears brimmed in her eyes and slowly she let go of him, turning away from him as she stroked Gretl's hair trying to distract herself, trying to not feel pain at the loss of his touch.
Georg frowned as she turned away from him. Had he done something wrong? Had he hurt her?
"Maria?" he whispered as he moved closer to her again.
"What is it Captain?" she whispered trying to put back the barriers that had fallen between them.
Georg sighed "I'm not going to hurt you Maria"
"I know" she said quietly.
He waited confused by her actions "Do you wish me to leave?"
When no reply came after a few minutes he went to leave, but just as he sat up…
"No, please" she whispered looking over at him "Stay" she whispered finally, their eyes connecting and the deep emotion they held inside came to the surface of each other's eyes.
He smiled gently and lay back down wrapping his arms over her waist as he spooned up against her.
Looking down at his hand Maria hesitantly took his hand in hers and interlinked their fingers, Georg smiled and gently kissed the side of her head making Maria shiver before they started to let sleep claim them. And then as if they were awake all the children even the ones in the beds seemed to snuggle and move closer to them.
-SOM-
Suddenly as the Reverend Mother lay there reading her bible in the dim light of her room her body shivered, a delightful wave of air washing over her like a sweet gust of wind on a beautiful summers day. She smiled and took the sign god gave her. Whether it was now or in a few weeks' time something good would happen, she knew it, god had told her and somewhere deep in her bones she had a feeling it would be something to do with Maria.
Authors note: I hope this chapter was to all of your likings! Not sure if I should write more or wrap it up, so please please comment to tell us what you think and to tell us whether I should keep going a bit longer! And i am soooo sorry for my previous grammar mistakes and if there were any in this chapter, i try to spell check it but i sometimes miss a few as i try to get the chapters up as fast i can. Also A HUGE! Thank you! to all who have reviewed so far it's much appreciated! Your comments have all been delightful and keep me going so THANKYOU! :D
