A/N: Sorry for the delay! BTW the tenses in the lyrics have been changed to make it more applicable to the story. Please review, thanks.
"I'm sorry ma'am, that's all we have." An elderly woman flicked through the pages of an ancient looking diary.
Ronnie looked to Danielle, who looked tired, worried and determined not to return the gesture. "What do you wanna do Danielle?"
The shorter blonde responded by clearing her throat, wiping her eyes and looking up to the receptionist. "Um… sorry…" She successfully attracted the attention of the woman across the desk. "Would you know if Ms McMintish would be open at this hour?"
"Sorry love, her B'n'B closed down over a month ago. Dears, I really need to close up, do you want the room?"
Ronnie watched as Danielle weighed up her choices, "Would you mind?" She finally looked to Ronnie with more than a hint of fear in her eyes.
"Not at all, we'll take it." Ronnie smiled, patted Danielle's hand and followed the receptionist to their single bedroom, trying her best to destroy the fright she formed within the girl.
"I've got my camping gear in here so we should be okay…" Danielle whispered, taking her rucksack onto her shoulder. She somewhat felt she was betraying herself. Only hours ago had she promised herself how she would no longer pine over Ronnie or let her cause her anymore pain. What was she letting herself into with this? How were things going to play out, was she prepared to do this to herself?
Before she could ponder for too long, she followed Ronnie into a small, dark room. The first thing she noticed was the upper divisions of the walls. They were slapped with grimy, dull and cheap wallpaper. The lower partition was panelled with dark mahogany wood, the end of which seemed to be rotting. A single lamp hanging feebly from the ceiling was failing miserably at creating a contrast between the dark outside and bringing the rest of their overnight accommodation into comfortable view. The centre of the room was occupied by a king-sized bed, on which lay two mustard coloured towels. Ronnie's nose twitched at the invading scent of cheap air freshener in the air as she noticed the small bedside clock offending the uncomfortable silence repeatedly every second.
Danielle dropped her bag to the floor, remaining rigid in the corner she had inhabited since their arrival. She was relieved to see a grey armchair in the corner; at least she wouldn't be sleeping on this floor.
Ronnie couldn't tare her eyes away from the young lady, how her hair fell onto her face, how her cheeks coloured at certain parts, how her hands attempted to brush strands of hair out of her eyes, but most of all how her eyes hid a melancholy deep within, one which Ronnie knew she held most of the responsibility for.
"You can take the bed if you want, I'll be alright here," Danielle walked over to the chair and took a seat, burying her head into her hands as she sighed heavily.
Ronnie followed the girl with her eyes, unsure what to do or say. "Look it's huge, why don't we share it?" It was clear how Danielle's earlier confidence had faded. Maybe this meant she did care, just maybe she also thought they had a chance.
Danielle lifted her head running a hand through her hair, from which Ronnie concluded she had been to forward. "Okay, well…" She waited for the younger girl to react, to look at her, to just do something. Instead, the same girl remained hunched in a forward position, her eyes fixed at a spot on the floor with both hands tangled in her hair and over some of her face. "Okay why don't you take the bed, I'd prefer the chair to be honest."
Danielle lifted herself, adamant that her eyes should not meet any part of Ronnie's figure. She moved over to the bed and resumed her previous position with her hands consuming her face, turning it slightly as the bed sunk a little due to Ronnie's weight being applied to the end furthest from her daughter. Danielle smiled, but let it fade before she spoke. "This wasn't how it was meant to be."
Ronnie returned the smile, but Danielle's drained form only boosted Ronnie's need to grab hold of her girl and never let go.
"How did it come to this eh? I never imagined this…" Danielle faded off, keeping her eyes set on the pillow to Ronnie's side.
Ronnie felt a lump forming in her throat, "I'm sorry…" She swallowed hard, gulping as the lump got larger.
Her roommate nodded in acknowledgement. Ronnie had repeated the word countless times tonight, but for Danielle, it didn't ease the pain, wipe away her doubts or lessen her fear that Ronnie was waiting to pounce. Her mother's actions tonight had done one thing though. Danielle felt it becoming easier to just maybe consider breaking the promises she had made earlier. At the same time, she didn't want to be one of those people who thought 'what if…' She could imagine kicking herself a month or two down the line, asking the question, 'why didn't I just run? Run away from her when I had the chance?' She pondered on how she would think in the future if she had followed a different path, but soon understood whatever she did, there would always be the opening to think 'what if…?'
I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your nose a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Danielle dabbed her eyes with a tissue, "I um…" She coughed quietly before looking down again, as if wanting Ronnie to discard the sentence.
The mother was not prepared to do so as she lowered her head and smiled,
"Go on, tell me." She smiled at her daughter's shyness, adamant that whatever Danielle said, anger was something she could never feel again for the girl seated before her.
In return, the girl looked up, displaying the widest grin seen all night on her tear-struck face. "No, it's stupid…" She looked to Ronnie who sat on the bed crossed-leg, still beaming in her direction, obviously not going to let it drop.
Danielle sighed, "I used to think about how I would find you, drive Stacey mad I did." She giggled at a distant memory; Ronnie frantically wanting to know what was going on in that mind of hers. "Every night, I used to walk the long way back home, just so I could pass your flat…" Danielle looked up to Ronnie, who surprisingly had a tear streaming down her cheek, washing away some of the dried mascara which previous cries had caused.
Ronnie wiped it away quickly. "I used to see you." She smiled as she shifted her eyes to meet Danielle's. "I know you won't believe me, but I felt drawn to you…"
Danielle grabbed another tissue as she broke eye contact with Ronnie's face and by doing so, created new tension in the room.
"I…" Ronnie dropped her gaze to the floor, "It angered me Danielle. I didn't like the fact I'd taken to you," she noticed Danielle move slightly, resulting in the distance between the two lodgers increasing. Ronnie softened her voice further, unintentionally lowering her volume. "I just wish I hadn't taken that anger out on you. Daughter or not, it wasn't your fault, it was mine and I accept that." She looked up and noticed her daughter staring right back at her. The upset within her eyes pushed Ronnie to continue, to explain her rage. "I couldn't do with being too attached to another person, to be ready for them to explore my life, let them hear about my happy times, my bad ones…" her eyes narrowed as she thought for a moment, "… my father did it to me once and I swore it wouldn't happen ever again."
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
"For some reason I couldn't keep you out. We just kept meeting, every time I tired to forget and you popped up from nowhere." Ronnie was in deep concentration, reliving her feelings, wanting to revive her thoughts at the time as if they would justify her actions.
Danielle felt a little hurt at the comment, but the modest addition to the massive mountain of pain seemed negligible.
"At the wedding, I thought it was happening all over again. I felt you were trying to hurt me, punish me for giving away my baby, punching my heart as you explored my weaknesses." Ronnie looked up, this time not taking the time to wipe her tears as her hands had something more important to do: She took Danielle's in her own, pleased at the acceptance. "Thank you. They do say blessings come disguised," she whispered just as Danielle decided to reclaim her hand.
"I used to watch you from my window." Danielle's eyes shot up, her face dropped and she started to tremble, "I wasn't spying or anything, it's just…" Again Danielle thought it best her words went unspoken until Ronnie persisted. "You used to tap all your milk bottles before you took them in," Danielle grinned at the recollection, shifting her eyes to the duvet as she started picking on the loose strands. "Mum used to do the same, but she never told me why…"
Ronnie didn't know what to say. Danielle had mentioned her mother before, but now it seemed different. She didn't want to hear about Danielle's mother as it pained her to consider all the things she had missed out in her girl's life and yet, she craved to hear about Danielle's past. Everything seemed so unreal right now and she wanted to take notice of every single detail before she woke up and this surreal dream ended. Ronnie's eyes began to well up; she sniffed causing Danielle to look her way. It was amazing how she managed to talk with such a broken and squeaky voice. "I can't believe it…" Ronnie started crying heavily, making the younger woman feel very uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry to disappoint…" Danielle was abruptly interrupted.
"Never! You're all I've ever wanted, every single day of my life…"
Danielle had never seen the almighty Veronica in such a state. Then again, she was the daughter of Archie; a despiteful, evil – and according to Ronnie – a complete control freak. Such a good actor… "So much has happened; I don't know what I want anymore." The girl's voice was soft and quiet.
Ronnie couldn't expect everything to be perfect like she had dreamt. "You have to listen to your heart Danielle; the past won't have changed what's their. I know exactly what I want."
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
Danielle looked into her mother's eyes. 'She truly is Archie's daughter,' she thought. This was it, make or break after seven eye-opening months. One more question, she only hoped she was given a truthful answer "What's that then?"
Ronnie couldn't help but smile, "I want to spend the rest of my days with you."
The smile was returned, albeit a little reluctantly.
"You can't just say soppy lines like that Ronnie, you've said so many things to me, things that came straight from your heart…" The teen wiped her eyes again, determined not to let tears fall.
"Yes I can, I know I've done some terrible things, I wanted to drive you away Danielle, but that doesn't change what I'm feeling right now. I know I can't make you believe me, but it's their," she lifted her hand to her chest. "It's never left me, I promise you. If you want, you and I can spend so much time together. The time of our lives…"
And I want to tell you so much, I love you...
…but she couldn't. Danielle took Ronnie's advice. She tried to think of what she truly wanted, but her thoughts, wishes and dreams were all rolled into one. There wasn't one clear answer that would enchantingly fix everything.
"How can you say that? I've come here and dropped this on you, how can you be so sure?" Danielle gave a questioning look to her mother, who in return sat shaking her head gently.
I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know
"Because it's been here for the last twenty years. I dreamt up scenarios as well Danielle," Ronnie took Danielle's soft, warm palm again; wishing this time it would reside there for a while longer. "I just want to be with you…" She started crying, unwillingly removing her hand to wipe her eyes. "There must have been a reason for you to come find me. Remember that please." She was past pleading.
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
An hour later, Danielle sat closer to Ronnie, telling her stories about her childhood.
"Mum always told me I was special, but I guess it's just mums you know?"
Ronnie was listening intently, not making a sound in-case she missed something. "She was right though." She and Danielle were laying side-by-side on the bed, fully dressed and heads propped up against the head-rest.
'Who would want a daughter like you?' The words replayed in Danielle's mind. They claimed something different, something as far from special as possible. It was almost like Ronnie felt obliged to be here…
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...
Would it be all too soon to hold her girl and utter the words she longed to declare?
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Danielle turned her body to face Ronnie. "Do you really think this can work?" For whatever reasons, Ronnie was determined to give it a shot, but who was most likely to get hurt in all of this. Danielle really did have nothing…
"It will, 'coz you're my girl, I'll make it…" Determination filled Danielle's ears.
That was the confirmation she was looking for; her mother willing to make an effort into correcting her wrongs. Whether Danielle was making the right decision, she was unconfident, but she had found what Ronnie had meant. The one thing in her mind that she was completely sure about: If she turned her back now, she would never forgive herself.
Although her heart still undecided.
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
"Maybe tomorrow you could show me around properly? You know, in daylight preferablyif that's okay with you?" She was relieved to see she had made her daughter giggle despite her fatigue. "I want to see where you grew up, where you lived…"
Were you somewhere feeling lonely or was someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
Another half hour, Ronnie sat up so she could see Danielle off to sleep whilst stroking her hair. If Danielle minded the action, she was too tired to stop Ronnie, so she continued.
Her daughter's eyes opened and then dropped every so often as she tried her best to stay awake.
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you
Just as Ronnie was about to lie down, she arched over Danielle's resting body once more, now only inches seperating their faces, but still scared that she was about to awake from a blissful dream and have to loose her daughter all over again.
"I do love …" The lady, still in her leather jacket was interrupted by her sleeping beauty as she sneezed, spraying Ronnie's face. She then sniffed and returned to her peaceful slumber, a certain innocence across her visage, unaware of her unconscious sternutation.
Ronnie grabbed a tissue from the bedside, face dampened with drops, but knowing that if she needed the Kleenex for any further tears tonight, they would be happy and content ones.
Long, constructive reviews welcome
