If only…

A/N: This chapter was rather difficult to complete since isn't my style of writing, but Guren/Touda/Mokkun's. I tried my best to write the way he would with his thoughts included, so I hope I captured his personality with these words. Enjoy! ^^


Recap: And so, after saving some ungrateful brat by the name of Megumi, I, Guren, was given the task of taking care of her till she was fully recovered from her miasma poisoning. And with that impossible task at hand, I will have to gather up all my patience and self control to keep this rambunctious little 'princess' at bay. I just hope that I don't start to let my guard down around her. If so, the consequences will be devastating.


My eyes slowly scanned the blackened soil beneath my feet in attempt to avoid looking up at the anxious faces of my fellow Shinshou and exorcists that nervously shifted from my still form back to their peers, unsure of how to proceed. They were most probably wondering on how to console me, but I didn't want their pity for I didn't need it. Pity was degrading in every form and in every manner. I didn't need their solace; all I wanted was to be left alone, alone in my own little world. I just needed some time to think, some time to myself. All I ever needed was gone and now I had to find something to take away the pain. The closest thing I could find to take away my pain were my thoughts, though they kept edging back to the past; back to the source of the pain, back to her

۞۞۞

Two Months Ago…

When I awoke the next day to the songs of birds and the fresh morning air, I let out a loud drawn-out yawn, stretching my arms as I slowly got to my feet. As I did so, the wooden floorboards creaked ever so gently under the sudden change of weight, pulling me out of my half conscious state. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes and the stiffness from my neck, I ran my other hand through my disheveled crimson hair, making a mental note to never sleep in an upright position like that again.

Another day to babysit that girl…

My other thoughts trailed off when I remembered that I had fallen asleep after I had been given strict orders not to do so. Oh damn. Casting my gaze towards the futon where she should have been, I uttered a soft curse when I found it empty. Good god, did she seriously runaway in that condition of hers? If so, then damn oh damn oh damn! Surely Seiryuu was not going to let me off with a simple reprimand this time. Dang, that guy really has it in for me. Whenever it came to protecting someone, especially a female, he always acts like he has a stick up his... ahem. Wonder what his problem is...

After mouthing a couple more profanities, I decided to search for the little weasel.

Tsk.

'You should get some rest' she said. 'I promise I won't run away' she said. My ass! How could I have believed her lies? This is the last time I'll trust that no good, lousy, lying daughter of a...

The crude insult which had begun to form in my mind dispersed when the thick, inviting smell of fried omelets and seafood rose to my nose. 'I'll eat after I find that girl,' I told myself as I tried to brush off the heavenly scent. But not long after the smell had hit my senses was a thunderous rumbling noise which echoed throughout Abe no Seimei's household. I couldn't help but wince slightly at the sound of my stomach. After all, I hadn't had any dinner the night before, no wonder I was starving. Although I knew full well what my priorities were, it just smelled so good! 'Well, a little food couldn't hurt I guess.' So with that thought in mind, I carelessly made my way to the dining room hoping for a quick bite before I begin my search for the troublesome little runaway.

Slipping into the dining room, I quickly scanned the perimeter to make sure that Abe no Seimei, Seiryuu or Miyuki-chan weren't there. Surely only they would reprimand me; especially Miyuki-chan. She may seem like an innocent little girl, but hell, she's a little she-devil in sheep's clothing. And the fact that she had her ever so loyal bodyguard, Rikugou, could easily make my life a living hell if I were to upset her, well, let's just say it's not a smart idea to step on her toes. I swear that those two act more like master and servant than lovers.

"Hey Shinshou," a rather bright and lively voice called out as a greeting causing me to whip about to face the person who was obviously inhuman, being able to be so perky at the breaks of dawn; a feat which only a few have ever mastered in the last millennia. I half expected it to be Miyuki-chan and her usual sudden appearances, so I was a little surprised to find that it was only that girl Megumi. Oh, well that makes things a lot easier. Now I didn't have to go out of my way to search for her.

Masking my surprise with a look of irritation, I simply rolled my eyes. So she was preparing breakfast. Dang, got all worked up for nothing... Oh well, at least she hadn't run away...

'Wait a second, why was I worked up in the first place?,'

Shaking my head I quickly told myself that I was just doing my job and that the only reason I was worried was because of the trouble I would be in if she had run away. My feelings are nothing more than professional.

Parting my lips, I hid my worry with words of irritation, "You're so troublesome... Jeez, don't disappear like that again." Obviously I wasn't going to be a sissy and admit to worrying that something might have happened to her. It would've been bad if I had come off as a weirdo to her. I mean, she's not even an adult –I think—while I'm what? I'm already nearing my first century, and who knows if I've died in the past and lost my memories? The fact that that was most probably true was depressing.

I noticed the brunette momentarily avert her gaze to the floor, but she still had a smile on her face, so I guessed she was ok. It seemed a little forced, but someone who smiles and or smirks so much should start feeling the strain from smiling, right? I mean, why would someone smile if they're sad? In fact, a mischievous grin was beginning to play on her lips that very instant. In a tone bordering on the edge of mockery, Megumi spoke, "Sorry for worrying you, Mr. Babysitter."

My eye twitched visibly, but before I could open my mouth to speak, the girl got up from her seat. Except, her manner was not as smooth or as flowing as she had been the other day. In fact, her actions seemed rather halting and sluggish.

'Has she gotten sicker?'

I could feel my eyebrows cross and my mouth form a disapproving line as questions began to form in my mind, but before I could even utter a sentence, she spoke up in a slightly strained tone, "If you excuse me, Miyuki-san has asked for me." That shut me up. It wasn't like I was going to stop her from talking to Miyuki-chan, if I did and if Miyuki-chan found out, I would be in deep trouble.

Seeing that I wouldn't oppose her decision, Megumi smirked slightly before excusing herself from my presence.

All I could do was grit my teeth and clench my fists as I watch her haughtily strut out the door way despite her frail figure. I would have slammed my fist into the nearest wall in order to release my frustration, but the last time I did that, I had to listen to one of Genbu's lectures as I was ordered to fix the hole. And so, I held back.

'Damn it. If she runs away it's out of my hands,'

"Good Morning Guren-san," called a familiar feminine voice which caused me to whip about, coming face to face with Princess Akiko who had her usual charming smile on her face, not forced in the slightest. Seriously, why can't Megumi be like Princess Akiko? That would make my life so much easier. With my assignment to protect Megumi, I could not be by the Princess's side in case I was needed; nor could Abe no Seimei's grandson, with all the escalating demon activity in the area. I bet the boy was still passed out on his futon sleeping the day away.

That's when I noticed one of the four female Shinshou, Kouchin, whose face tinted a slight shade of red which caused me to stare as she averted to gaze to the floor. What was that about? Does she have a fever or something? Well that's not good. If she gets sick now, either Taiin or Genbu would be assigned to protect the princess in her place. Tenitsu, who was the Princess's usual guardian, was back in the other realm being nursed back to health by Suzaku after transferring Masahiro's latest wounds onto herself.

I greeted them, but my voice sounded faraway, even to myself. 'What's wrong with me today? Seriously, get a hold of yourself!' I scolded myself silently, hiding the confusion that I felt. Although the innocent little princess was oblivious to my uncertainty, Kouchin had known me long enough, knew full well that I was hiding something. In any case, even if she had noticed that something about me was definitely off, she didn't say anything about it as she carried the plates of food that rested on the palms of her hands, onto the table. And I was glad she didn't ask, because I truly had no idea what I was hiding in the first place.

After placing the food on the dining table, the princess arranged the plates into perfect order without really meaning to, it really was second nature to her. After all, she's a princess brought up in a palace where she had been taught about proper etiquette. And as she worked, the precious princess asked about Megumi's whereabouts, but all I did was roll my shoulders before informing her that the girl was visiting Miyuki-chan. Those two could be anywhere by now, judging by their personalities.

When I said so, Princess Akiko furrowed her eyebrows as a look of confusion crossed her face. Keeping her voice low, the brunette thought aloud,

"And she'd spent all morning cooking too... Maybe she wasn't hungry anymore..."

Although Akiko's voice was near inaudible, my acute hearing was able to pick up her words. Luckily, through years and years of training, I was able to keep the perplexity that I felt from showing on my face; didn't want to be teased by Kou for being such a worry wart. But still, I couldn't help but wonder what would have caused that girl to leave.

۞۞۞

Present...

'I was so stupid back then...'

That was the bitter thought that repeated itself in my mind like an echo in this hollow shell of a body. Although I looked whole on the outside, I was in pieces, beat, broken and dying inside. As the memory continued on through my mind I couldn't help but bite my lower lip. I didn't want to remember. It hurt too much to even think about the past, but it was agonizing to be apart from her. And so, my memories were all that kept her with me. Those memories are the only things that are keeping her alive. So I would have to continue living, continue remembering, continue hurting so that she would continue to live, maybe not in this world, maybe not with me, but in me.

If I were to forget, then she would surely die.

۞۞۞

One month ago...

It had already been a month since Megumi had come into our 'mundane' lives as Shinshou of the famous exorcist Abe no Seimei and his successor. As much as I'd like to say that the last month had passed by quickly, I cannot tell a lie, so I will be brutally honest when I say that taking care of the girl was like trying to tame hell's flames. It was hard for everyone, but mostly me of course. After all, she would continue to pester me and Masahiro to let her look for the talisman that had been stolen from her by that demon despite the countless times we have firmly shook our heads and said no. Good god. What's so important about an old dusty talisman any way? Seimei could easily get her another one if she just told him what it was made of... But she wouldn't, so Masahiro promised to help her find the god forsaken charm. Really, the kid must be lacking some much needed gray matter if he thinks he can find something like that once it had been stolen by a middle class demon? By now it should have been given up as an offering of some sort to its master. And the fact that it's already been a month since that incident has only strengthened my hunch.

Though it wasn't always her stubborn personality that made Megumi one of the most troublesome guests I have ever been forced to look after. In fact, it was because that every time she was let out to buy groceries or run simple errands with an escort (me), she would suddenly pass out on the streets for no apparent reason. She could look perfectly fine one second –maybe a little pale in the light but still fine—before suddenly turning deathly ill the next. She could be reading a book in a shaded area before collapsing and breaking out in a cold sweat without a moment's notice. And every time that happened, I would always panic. Honest to God.

If something were to happen to her... Miyuki-chan would kill me.

It was only later in the month when we figured out that the cause of her sudden fevers was the miasma which came from ghouls and demons. Apparently, even the slightest amount of that stuff would cause the toxins in her blood to act up again; seems like it would take much longer before she could properly recover.

And to make things worse, there have been a couple break in attempts on the Abe no Seimei household; all of which were carried out by low leveled demons. And that was rather strange, for no low leveled demon in their right mind would even think of setting foot in the home of a famed exorcist who is heavily guarded by the twelve Shinshou. So why were they trying this hard now? Was it because Megumi was such a danger magnet?

I paused.

Wait... If I remember correctly... didn't Miyuki-chan say something strange –even for her— about Megumi the other day? I think it went along the lines of Megumi being a 'trouble seeker'; whatever she had meant by that I had no idea. I mean, it's not that girl's fault that she's being targeted by all those demons. But, Miyuki-chan still seems to have her doubts, even after having Rikugou watch the girl for any suspicious movements.

But lately my opinions about Megumi seemed to have changed over the past month. Who knew the girl was terrified of lightning and thunder? It was only two weeks ago when a thunderstorm had hit sending the usually calm, composed and sarcastic girl cowering into my arms. It took me a couple seconds before I could process what was going on, and when I did, I couldn't help but feel my facial expression soften as I held her close while whispering to her that everything will be fine. And as I held her slender, trembling figure in my arms, I stroked her smooth chestnut hair trying to calm her down. But she continued to fear, she continued to cry. What had caused her to have such a fright towards storms?

When it was all over there was obviously an awkward silence after that but still, at least she seemed grateful. Not only that, she let me sleep on a futon that night! Finally, I didn't have to sleep upright and wake up aching all over. And when I thought that she was done being nice, the next day she made breakfast for me at the early breaks of dawn. She even gave me a hug after I thanked her for the food. And there was one thing I had to admit. Holding her in my arms felt rather... nice.

How could I have known that the barriers which guarded my heart were slowly, but surely, crumbling to pieces, one pebble at a time?

Then that just had to happen. How could I have let my guard down to the point that I hadn't foreseen what would have happened next? I let her get to me. I let her into my world, my heart. How could I have been so stupid to have loved her? Damn my idiocy. Damn my gullibility.

It was a couple nights after the whole thunderstorm incident and Megumi and I have become noticeably close. Even Miyuki-chan felt that it was fun to comment on our growing relationship stating that there was going to be another couple in the Abe no Seimei household. Thanks a lot for the awkwardness Miyuki...

But enough about her, it's time we got back to the story...

۞۞۞

Two weeks ago...

It was another one of those days when Megumi had been bedridden by miasma poisoning. Despite the fact that she'd been trying to reassure everyone she was fine, her body clearly stated otherwise. Her delicate frame was pale and her teeth were chattering to the point where talking required a great deal of effort. This time was definitely worse than all others, but that was mainly because she had two large claw marks that penetrated her shoulders. How did all that happen? Well, it all happened when he had insisted on searching for her talisman saying that she was completely recovered. Since Miyuki-chan was out buying medicinal supplies with Rikugou and Tenitsu, who was to say that she was lying? It's not like I'm a doctor nor did I have the slightest amount of knowledge concerning medicine. And since I was beginning to grow a soft spot for her and her demands, it didn't take much coaxing before I allowed her to leave with me as her escort.

At first everything was fine, the two of us were strolling through the city in search for her precious keepsake. Passed by a couple low leveled demons but she was fine, so I guessed that she really had recovered. But the moment we arrived at the base of Kifune Mountain to ask Takao no Kami for help, everything went from good, to horribly wrong faster than a blink of an eye. It was when I began to let my guard down as we began to enter the safe zone, everything happened so fast. I could've stopped it. I could've defended her like I was supposed to. No matter what, I wasn't supposed to do was let down my guard!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

One second she was standing right beside me, the next she was pinned down by two large talons belonging to an ayakashi—that closely resembled a bloodthirsty lion—hovered over her. Its fork tongue ran over its teeth which glistened with poisonous acid that dripped onto the stone pavement letting out a light hissing noise. Its saw-like tail cut through the air, swishing back and forth dangerously as it readied its fangs, ready to rip Megumi's head off her shoulders.

It took a couple seconds before I was able to process the situation and when it finally got through my thick skull, I realized that my entire body had been on autopilot mode as it charged towards the monster. It was as if my mind had pushed out all the unimportant thoughts and had left only one single command; protect Megumi. In my mind, all I could see was her and the monster that was about to remove her from this world. And the thought of her dying caused such a panic in my stomach that the dizziness I felt had (somehow) sharpened my senses tenfold. Was it the fact that it was my duty that gave me such a desire to protect her? Or was it because, God forbid, I was in love with her? Right now, I wasn't sure, and right now, I didn't have the time to even think about that.

At first I felt the ayakashi's blade-like tail whip around me, cutting into my flesh as it lifted my body off the ground before smashing me into the stone ground, bruising my entire front. My lower lip had been badly cut by the rocks and damn did it sting like hell. I groaned, wincing in pain as I attempted to get to my feet, despite the razor sharp edges cutting into my skin. But before I could even do so, I felt the demon's claws dig into my shoulders causing me to cry out in agony. But at least Megumi was safe, right?

My eyes glanced over in her direction and spotted her frail figure lying in a pool of blood which flowed from her shoulders, mainly from her left shoulder. But the fact that she was groaning meant that she was alive, for now. Better get rid of this thing and get the hell out of here before anything else happens.

Letting my powers gain control of my body, I soon heard the deafening screech as the repulsive smell of burning flesh hit my nose. A soft hissing noise made its way to my ears as its blood bubbled on the inside before its burnt limps tore apart and fell to the ground in clumps of ash, dissipating moments later. Pushing the dissolving remnants off my back, I ignored the searing pain which throbbed continuously as I staggered over to the girl who was lying on her back with blood pooling out from her shoulders.

Although I was the one to open my mouth to speak, it was Megumi who spoke first, uttering the words I had intended to say.

"You okay... Shinshou? You don't look so good," she teasingly said with one of her usual mocking smiles as she gazed up at me from her position on the floor. It was a forced smile which failed at hiding her pain, but a smile nonetheless.

"Wh-what the hell? I should be the one asking you that!" Her words caused me to scoff slightly. Despite the situation, it was a rather funny question coming from someone who was obviously much worse off than me. She was pale, frail and obviously in a horrible condition, and yet she was able to joke about as if she was fine; kind of taking out the urgency of the situation.

The brunette let out another pained laugh as she then said, "Well you're the one who's bleeding all over."

"So are you," I plainly pointed out as I gently lifted her in my arms, careful not to cause her any further discomfort. In spite of the obvious pain she was in, Megumi did pretty well in hiding behind her smile. Typical idiocy. If she's in pain, she should just say so. Not keep quiet and accept things with a phony brave front... Women... They should leave that kind of stuff to us men and be feminine like they're supposed to!

"Hey... at least... I got the... talisman..." she said in a weak tone as she unclenched her fist to show the purplish orb that sat in the middle of her palm. Her smile remained and if she weren't in such a bad shape, I would have slapped her. How is it that all she can think about is that damn talisman? Didn't she know how worried I was and how worried I still am? My concern about her condition caused me to overlook the big question. How did she get that from this ayakashi when it was different from the one that had originally stolen it from her?

I would have rolled my eyes to show her that I didn't buy her mask one bit, but my concern got the better of me causing me to drop the tough act. With a voice that was threatening to break at any second I said, "Just... hang on, ok? I'll get you back and Miyuki-chan can fix you."

"It's not like I'm broken..." The stubborn girl said with a pained laugh.

I shot her a quick glance as was about to state otherwise, but decided against it. She needed all the strength she had. When I felt her grip on my arm begin to slacken and her breath begin to slow, I quickened my pace as I made my way back to the Abe no Seimei household. Throughout the journey I held her close to my chest, almost as if she was a delicate little china doll that could shatter at the slightest touch. Throughout the journey my heart pounded against my ribs over and over again as I prayed to god that she would live. Throughout the journey, there were so many thoughts that ran through my mind at one time. But one of them stood out from all the rest; something that I had finally realized after all this time.

I loved her.

Despite the situation, I was rather surprised with myself. Falling in love within a month and two weeks is a rather quick, right? 'Maybe it isn't love- Oh who am I kidding?' As I rounded a sharp corner, almost missing the turn in my rush, I shook my head as I thought to myself,

'I bet Miyuki-chan will get a kick out of this...'

۞۞۞


A/N:

Although I said that the Guren story would only be a two part, it ended up being split into three because it was too long! I thought that character development and relationships were too speedy and lacking in some aspects, so I decided to lengthen it.

After all, in the Rikugou and Seiryuu story, they already knew the OCs, but in this one the OC is quite new to Guren, so they need more time and depth. (maybe I should add a little MiyukiXRikugou and some Seiryuu too.)

But there will be a final chapter after this one. No matter how long that chapter is, I'll still keep it as one.


Thoughts? Corrections? Comments? Review! Please?

(I really like constructive criticism, or something that shows that people are actually reading)