Sorry this took so long everyone. My sister had a baby last Monday (Her and the baby live with us btw) so between helping her with the baby, catching up on sleep, and reading Lady Midnight (which by the way keeps breaking my heart!) I was very busy.


It's Still Complicated Chapter Four: Magnus's Complicated Decision

Magnus Pov- I stood next to our bed watching as Alec had his back turned to me. It has been three days since I called Child Services and got the baby taken away. He hasn't spoken a word to me or moved from this spot once since that night. "Alexander you have to talk to me at some point."

He just stayed silent not moving an inch. "Come on Alec you can't stay mad at me forever. The baby wasn't yours to take even if the mother gave him to you. You could have been arrested for kidnapping."

Again silence. Alec has been mad at me many times for many reasons but he has never given me cold shoulder this bad. "right… well I'm going to lunch with friends. Isabelle is in the living room to keep an eye on you."

I was hoping he would at least stop shunning me long enough to tell me he didn't need a babysitter but I still ended up getting nothing. "okay… well I'm heading out then. Text me if you need anything." I watched him a few seconds longer before walking out, closing the door behind me.

"Did he talk to you today" Isabelle asked walking up to me. I shook my head no moving over to the couch to grab my jacket hanging over the back. Isabelle frowned sitting on the couch "Magnus, Alec knows how to hold a grudge. He stopped talking to Jace and I for a year and a half." "I can't handle a year and a half of seeing his back to me."

She shrugged frowning at me "why did you have to call Childs Services? You could have sat Alec down and calmly talked to him about putting the baby in the system." I put on my jacket sighing "I tried to talk to him but he was so excited and wasn't really listening to me." "You could have kept the child for at least one night and tried to talk to him in the morning."

I sighed again, heading to the door "you saw him that night Isabelle. There was no talking him out of it." I looked at her "does he talk to you and Jace?" She nodded "yes… well actually he sits there and curses at you in Spanish. I guess he learned it from Raphael."

"Right. Well I'm late for lunch with my friends so while I'm gone I would appreciate it if you could try to talk Alec into speaking to me. I don't care if he screams at me in Spanish, English, whatever. I just want to hear his voice again and have him forgive me." She shrugged "I'll do what I can but I may not be able to do much."

I nodded and walked out heading to Catarina's house. Every Sunday my friends and I get together for lunch switching which home we do it at every week. This week was supposed to be at my place but with how Alec's been feeling I decided against it.

I walked into Catarina's house where she, Ragnor, Tessa, Will and Jem were sitting in her living room talking to each other. The moment I walked in they all went deadly quiet, looking at me. "Um… hey sorry I'm late. Why are you all so quiet?"

Catarina moved over on the couch and made a spot between her and Ragnor "have a seat Magnus." I looked around at everyone confused before walking over to the couch and sitting where she told me to. "What is this all about?" "Magnus we heard about the child Alec saved at the party the other night."

I frowned looking at her "what about it?" Ragnor looked at me "I for one am against everything about to be brought up here today. I don't think you should have a child ever but the others disagree." "Well actually-" I started saying but Tessa cut me off "I think Magnus would make an amazing dad."

"It's true Magnus has taken great care of Tessa, Jem and I" Will said putting his arm around Tessa. "The thing about the baby is-" I was cut off again this time by Ragnor. "Oh please, Magnus is immature and has no experience with children. Raising a child is harder than dealing with a boy who acts like a child."

I opened my mouth to speak but Catarina spoke first "Magnus we are all here for support. We will help you as much as you need with the child if you need it. I would have liked you to get married before having a child but this might help both you and Alec head down a good path." "We didn't keep the baby" I said loudly before anyone else could interrupt me.

Tessa frowned looking up at me from the floor where she was sitting with Will and Jem. "What do you mean you didn't keep the baby? Why not?" I sighed rubbing my eyes tiredly "keeping that baby would have been illegal. Am I the only one who grasped that?"

Ragnor put his hand on my shoulder "Magnus, I don't say this very often but I'm proud of you. You just got your fashion business off the ground so a baby would be an unneeded distraction." Tessa smacked Ragnors leg before looking at me again "tell us what happened." I sighed "Alec wanted the baby but it needed to be put in the system. He made me promise not to call the cops so I called Child Services instead and they took the baby away."

Jem frowned "poor Alec. How is he taking all this?" I frowned looking at my hands in my lap "he hasn't spoken to me in three days. He just lays in bed looking at the wall in a depressed daze."

"Well why wouldn't he? He thought he was going to raise a baby and you practically ripped it out of his hands. With all the crap you already did to him this won't help gain his trust" said Will. "Yeah I know but we couldn't have kept this baby" I sighed.

"'we' couldn't keep the baby or you couldn't keep the baby" Tessa asked simply. I blinked confused "what are you implying?" Jem shrugged "well Magnus you aren't really close with your parents. You grew up with nannies and servants right?"

"What does that have to do with having an illegal child?" "dude, the way Alec got that child has nothing to do with this. That was just your excuse to get rid of him" Will said crossing his arms. "Why would I want to get rid of the child" I asked looking at him.

He rolled his eyes as if I was missing something obvious "you were scared Magnus. You have no experience with kids, family, love. You were afraid of everything that comes with having a kid. You're just getting the hang of being in a serious relationship which, by the way, you are doing horrible at."

"How am I doing horrible" I asked glaring at him. "You seriously can't see it? You are constantly breathing down Alec's neck, you wouldn't let him do anything sexual to you, and now you took his most likely only chance to have a baby." I looked at Tessa shocked "you told him about that?"

"Magnus I tell Will and Jem everything you know that." Catarina looked at me "you never really explained to us why you couldn't be intimate with Alec that night." "Do we really need to talk about this now in front of everyone?" Ragnor nodded "I agree; I rather not hear about Magnus's sex life."

"More like lack of sex life" Will joked smirking. I kicked him before looking at Catarina "we really don't have to talk about any of this. Let's have lunch instead and talk about your problems and not mine." "Nope, we are not eating until you tell us why you didn't want to get hot and dirty with Alec" Will said still smirking at me.

I glared down at him "I don't like that mouth of yours William." Jem looked at me "but seriously Magnus. What did Alec do to make you reject him?" "Alec didn't do anything, it's me okay. I just… I really don't want to talk about this."

"Too bad because we are talking about this" Catarina said watching me. I sighed again "it's just… I feel inferior to the other guys Alec's been with. Sure most of them were just old creeps but he said a long time ago that he's had great guys. What if I can't compete with all those people. I won't be able to help but wonder if he's comparing me to someone else."

"Oh wow… yeah that's a lot to think about" Will said no longer making fun of me. I nodded "I don't look down on Alec for what he used to do. I swore to him that I would never let his old life effect our new life together but I can't help but think about it. He slept with a lot of people from uptown and I can't help but wonder when I'm talking to people if they slept with him."

"Do you trust Alec to be faithful to you" Ragnor asked giving up on not having this talk. "I trust Alec with my life. He would never cheat on me." "Then you should trust that Alec would never find you inferior to anyone else" Jem said smiling up at me.

I looked around at all of them frowning "how is it you all have more faith in me than I do myself?" Tessa rolled her eyes smiling "because we're your best friends." Ragnor held up his finger "I would like to point out that I do not have faith in you at all." Will smirked at him "oh yes you do Mr. Serious."

I crossed my arms slouching into the couch "okay so we have confidence that I make a great lover. I feel like a small pep talk isn't enough to convince me to adopt a baby. I don't have great parents and neither does Alec. What makes him think we would make good parents?"

"Because you know what not to do when it comes to parenting. You would see him all the time unlike your parents did with you and you would accept him unlike Alec's did with him" Will said in an obvious voice. Jem looked at me "take it from someone who had horrible parents. Sometimes having bad parents make you into the best parents."

Jem had horrible parents. I remember when I first met him he was… well I guess you could say he was like Alec. He used to have a huge drug problem and would always be either super emotional or just be in a daze. The only people who could get through to him were Will and Tessa.

Jem went to rehab and thankfully had a better experience than Alec. He got better and so far he has stayed clean… or at least as far as we all know he has. Everyone hated that Jem had the drug addiction but I selfishly thanked god for it. Jem being here and knowing what Alec is going through helps me know someone understands him.

"So that settles it. You will apply to adopt the baby, you and Alec will raise it and live happily ever after" Tessa said smiling. I looked at her "I didn't agree to any of that." Catarina rolled her eyes "Magnus you have comfort zones. I'm telling you right now that if you want to be with Alec, you need to burst out of those zones."

Ragnor nodded "I have to agree with that. You and Alec are complete opposites. If you two want to make it work, then you need to work around each other. You need to stop thinking only of yourself and Alec needs to learn to communicate."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you all were therapists" I said sarcastically. "Magnus we're serious. If you and Alec keep down this road, then your relationship will fail. Do you want to lose Alec, Magnus?"

I frowned shaking my head no "I never want to lose Alec again. It was so hard without him the first time." Catarina nodded "that in itself tells you that you need to change something. On your way home really think about what you can do to make Alec happy again."

"You can't think 'what do I do?' You have to think 'what should Alec and I do'" Tessa said smiling. I looked at her before looking around at everyone else. They all made good points, if I wanted my relationship with Alec to last then I had to put in some effort to make him happy.

I stood up "I hear you all I really do. You have given me plenty to think about. Now can we please have lunch before I die of hunger? I have been so worried about Alec that I didn't eat breakfast this morning." Catarina nodded standing up with everyone else "lunch does sound nice let's head to the dining room."

When I returned back to the flat I was disappointed to see that Alec was still cooped up in our bedroom. Isabelle was sitting on the couch putting a finishing coat on her newly applied nail polish. "that was a pretty long lunch" she said before blowing on her nails to dry them. "I was forced into an intervention before I was allowed to eat" I sighed taking off my jacket.

"An intervention on what" she asked moving over to give me room on the couch. I sat next to her leaning back "about how Alec and I need to start acting more like a couple. I guess I only think about myself and Alec doesn't trust anyone. We need to change that."

"How do you plan on changing that" she asked curiously. "Well that's something Alec and I will be discussing ourselves." She nodded standing up "I get the hint. I'll be leaving now then."

I got up walking her to the door "I'll keep you informed on my progress with Alec." She nodded "Jace and I both like being kept in the loop." She walked out and I went to the kitchen making some hot chocolate just the way Alec liked it before carrying the mugs into the bedroom. "Alec I'm home."

He once again didn't answer me and kept his back to me. I put the mugs on our bedside table before sitting next to him and rubbing his back "Alec please talk to me. I talked to my friends and they agree that we both need to start talking and listening to each other. Please tell me how you're feeling."

There was more silence making me think that he wasn't going to answer me again. Suddenly his horse sore voice broke through the silence "I feel betrayed… which is nothing new when it comes to you. You're always doing things behind my back." I frowned going back to rubbing his back "I don't mean to betray you Alec."

"Then why do you do it" he asked softly. "I'm not used to having to think about other people Alec. My parents were never around and it has always been just me. I looked out for myself and didn't have to consider other people's feelings."

"That's not how relationships work Magnus." "Oh, and adopting a child without talking to me is how relationships work Alec?" He sat up and quickly turned to glare at me. His eyes were blood shot red from crying so much.

"Magnus I have never been in a relationship before. You are my first boyfriend and I don't know what I'm doing. I realize that trying to keep the baby like that was wrong but It may have been my only chance to have a kid. What adoption agency would willingly give me a child?"

I frowned "Alec all the stuff you did is in the past. You're remaking your life and trying to better yourself." He shrugged "that doesn't mean they'll forgive my past sins." I searched his sad face wondering what I should do.

Alec was hurting and it was all my fault. I'm just as bad as his parents, taking so much from him and not giving him anything in return. He needed hope to hold on to and it seemed that our relationship wasn't hope enough. What could I do to make him happy though?

I reached out my hand touching his cheek "Alexander I swear that the system will give us a baby. They will see how you are now and see the amount of money I make. Money usually helps win people over so maybe that will apply here." Alecs' eyes widened "are you saying we're going to try to adopt Max?"

I cursed in my head. That wasn't what I was applying at all. I was just saying that maybe someday we could adopt a child, not right now. I opened my mouth going to clarify what I meant but Alec's hopeful blue eyes silenced me. He wanted to adopt this baby more than anything and I foolishly planted a seed of hope in him. If I say 'no I didn't mean it' that would just hurt him more.

"Yeah… yeah that is what I'm saying. You and I are going to apply to adopt the baby and we won't stop until we have him here with us. We'll adopt him the right way so he can never be taken from us again." Alec stared at me for a long moment before throwing himself at me wrapping his arms around my neck "thank you so much Magnus."

I wrapped my arms around him frowning "I'll do anything for you Alec." Alec pulled back looking up at me smiling "are you excited to be a father?" I nodded faking a smile "yeah, you and I will make a great parenting team." Honestly I thought we were the last people who needed to be parents but this was all for Alecs' happiness.

Alec Pov- "This is going to be a lot of work Alec" Michael Wayland said looking over the paper work I got from the adoption agency. I nodded "I know but Magnus and I are willing to put in the work. I want to get Max back at all costs." He looked at me looking like he wanted to say something but was thinking against it.

"Come on Michael, let me have it." He looked back at the paper work "are you sure you want to do this Alec? It could take as long as a year to complete the adoption and there's so many steps. Home studies, Pre-service training, being approved. It may be too much for the two of you to take on right now."

I leaned back in the couch sighing "Michael… I am hanging by a thread being here Uptown. I went to that party a few nights ago and my past was just staring me in the face. So many people I've slept with were there. One of the guys investing in Magnus slept with me regularly."

"When I'm in the apartment doing nothing all I can think about is getting high. I have been clean for nine months now but the withdraw symptoms still hit me sometimes. They come out of nowhere and make me want to just end my life. Having Magnus helps but I want more than that. I want to have the little baby from my dreams."

Michael nodded "I understand that but having a child won't change any of that. You will still think about getting high, even more so with all the stresses of taking care of a baby. Then there are the withdraws, what if you have a withdraw symptom while holding the baby? He could get hurt really bad."

"Believe me Michael if I have this baby then I will have something to distract me from all of that. Magnus will be busy with work so I won't have anyone really there to help me. Sure Isabelle and Jace come over but it doesn't help me to talk to them." "But you shouldn't use this child to hide from all your issues."

"I won't be using the child to ignore all of my issues. That would be horrible to do as a father. I have always wanted a child of my own someday. I thought being gay and living downtown I wouldn't get the chance. This may be the only time I can do it."

"May I be honest with you Alec" Michael asked picking up his cup of tea. I nodded watching him "I would appreciate honesty." "If you really want to get this child then there is one huge flaw that both you and Magnus need to get over. You both can be very selfish and when you have children you can't afford to be selfish."

"I want to change that about us as well. Magnus and I are working on talking to each other and thinking of each other. I'm sure by time we get Max we will have it under control." Michael shrugged sipping his tea "I really hope you mean that Alec. You and Magnus both know what it's like to have selfish parents."

I clenched my fists into my lap "I will never let Max grow up the way Magnus and I have. I want to show him all the love in the world." Michael smiled nodding "that's what every good parent wants. I will support you and Magnus as much as I can."

I smiled at him before standing up "I should get home. I'm shocked that Magnus actually let me come here by myself. I should get home before he gets worried about me." Michael stood up walking me to the front door "can I give you one more piece of advice?"

I opened the door half way before looking back at him "what is it?" He crossed his arms looking me in the eye "when you and Magnus fight you need to be more mature about it. Don't lock yourself in your room or give him the cold shoulder. You need to talk things out when you fight so you can make it better."

I listened to him frowning before nodding "I am trying really hard to better myself." He nodded "I know you are Alexander. I know you will show us all what Alec Lightwood is made of. Don't let anyone stop you from being a better man."

I nodded saying my goodbyes before walking out, shutting the door behind me. I stood on his porch for a few seconds thinking over all the things we just talked about. I will have to do a lot of growing up in the next year but it will all be worth it to have Max in my arms again. Magnus and I will both be able to do this, no problem.

I made my way off the porch and headed down the street turning the corner that would lead me to my apartment. The entire street was blocked with construction, a pile up car crash happened in the time that I was with Michael. "Why do people bother driving in New York" I mumbled looking around for an opening to get passed the wreckage and get home. There was no opening so I looked around for a new way to go.

I spotted an alley way a little bit away looking like it cut through to one of the streets I take for home. "Perfect, a shortcut" I said running across the street and going down the alley way. The Alley was surprisingly long and wasn't dark since the sun was shining down. I looked ahead of me as I walked and froze in place when I noticed I wasn't the only one in the alley.

Two men stood in front of me, one leaning on the wall and the other standing in front of him handing him a wade of money. The man leaning on the wall took the money before handing the other a small baggie of white powder. I stared at the powder, feeling my blood buzz under my skin. The dealer looked over at me and smiled "well if it isn't Alexander Lightwood?"

The boy buying the drugs turned to look at me and I gasped seeing it was Jem. "Jem… what are you doing?" He frowned stuffing the baggie of drugs into his jean pocket "why are you here Alec?" "I was taking a short cut because of the construction."

The dealer turned to me holding out another baggie "you want in? I'll give you your first hit free." I stared at the white powder my heart pounding in my ears. My hand reached out to grab the bag from him with a shaky hand but suddenly flashes of faces came into my mind. Magnus and Max, the two people who I want to get better for.

My hand dropped to my side "no… I don't want it." The dealer scowled, turning toward me "why not? This is free, I'm making you a generous offer." I ignored him looking over at Jem "what about Will and Tessa, Jem? How would they feel if they knew you were here right now?"

Jem frowned glancing away from me "they won't find out." I clenched my fists "they will if I tell them." He looked back at me frowning "why would you do that to me Alec?" "Because you're my friend and you worked so hard to get clean."

He frowned watching me silently and a voice behind us coldly asked "what's going on here?" I turned and Will Herondale was standing there crossing his arms. "William… what are you doing here?" Will glanced at the dealer before looking at Jem "I could ask you the same thing James."

The dealer rolled his eyes and put the drugs he was holding out to me back into his pocket "whatever, I'm out of here." He turned in the opposite direction and went down the alleyway. I watched him till he was out of sight before looking back at Will. "Are either of you going to tell me what you're doing here?"

Jem bit his lip glancing away and I got in front of him blocking him from Wills' sight. "I was about to take drugs from that dealer but Jem stopped me. He saw me as he was passing by and came to help me." Will looked at me before looking at Jem "is this true?"

"It is true" I said not giving Jem the chance to answer. I knew he wouldn't be able to look Will in the eye and lie. "All this stuff with Magnus has been stressing me out and I was about to make a really bad choice. Jem helped me though so everything is fine now."

Will watched us thinking before looking at Jem "let's head to Tessa's then." "Can I talk to Jem really quick" I asked facing Will. He hesitated before turning and walking out of the alley. I turned looking at Jem, holding out my hand to him "give me those drugs Jem. We need to get rid of them before you're tempted to take them."

He frowned reaching into his jean pocket and pulling out the little baggie of white powder. "have you bought or taken any drugs before this, please be honest with me" I asked taking the drugs out of his hand. He looked me in the eyes saying "no this was my first attempt."

I frowned reaching up to touch his shoulder "Jem, what made you want to do this? Is something going on at home?" He sighed running his hand through his silver hair "I'm just a little stressed. William and Tessa got together while I was in rehab and my feelings for her haven't really gone away."

I frowned not knowing what to say to that. I've never loved someone I couldn't have before. You could say I had that with Jace but that really wasn't love other than brotherly love. "I'm sorry you're going through this but drugs aren't what will get you through it."

He searched my eyes frowning "It's just really hard to stop." I nodded "I know it is. I still get withdraw symptoms randomly and they hurt like hell. You need to stay strong though and find something healthy to distract you. Promise me you'll come to me the next time you feel like this."

He frowned looking over my face before nodding "I'll come to you." Will walked back into the alley "are you two done?" I quickly stuffed the baggie of drugs into my pocket without thinking about it and I turned to Will "yeah we're done. Please don't tell Magnus I was here, I won't do it again."

He looked at me like he was considering going to Magnus right now and telling him. "Fine… I won't tell him this time but if I catch you like this again I won't hesitate to tell him." I nodded "I completely understand." I turned meeting Jem's eyes again before leaving going down the Alley way and heading home.


Magnus wants to make Alec happy but is pretending to want a kid really the right way to do it? Oh well, at least he's trying.