Authoress: Heh, heh... Sorry, guys. Ya know... for not updating.
Luffy: Mmh... That meat was good! Shishishi!
Naruto: Yeah, yeah. Enough with the excuses! Get on with the story!
Authoress: Sheesh. Anyway, one more thing. I don't own One Piece or Naruto... or any other... things that might be in here!
Luffy and Naruto: Aw, man! We forgot! It's all your fault for not updating! *Glares*
Authoress: *Laughs nervously* Yeah, I'm going to be skipping a few scenes n' stuff to make this a little faster. Oh, and my sister wrote some parts. If you guys don't like BL, that wasn't written by me. However, I will take on the flames. I WI' TAKE OWN DA FRAAAMEZ-UH!
And thus, Coby lead the duo to the way to the storage place when he was exploring the kitchen.
"Food, food, foody-foooood!" Luffy sang.
"Luffy, pipe down, will ya? You might attract attention!" warned Naruto.
"H-here we are!" stammered Coby nervously.
Luffy gasped. For a moment, Naruto thought that Coby lead them to a trap.
No, he wouldn't do that. I'm a shinobi and I would know if he was lying or planning something suspicious. Besides, Luffy is probably startled by how much food there is in the storage. That's why he gasped.
"WOW! THERE'S SO MUCH FOOD!" Luffy yelped with joy as he looked around.
Knew it.
However, Coby was thinking something similar. He stayed silent, not knowing if he should warn Alvida about the mysterious duo.
B-but then I would be more of a pirate than a Marine! Uhhh... Not that I am one, Coby corrected himself.
Luffy was already jumping to each crate, chomping and munching, drooling and tasting. Naruto shook his head, amused. But then Naruto noticed something.
Pink-hair seems troubled... Not a characteristic I would expect from a pirate.
"Yo, Pinky—" Naruto called out, however, interrupted.
"It's Coby!" corrected Coby, annoyed by the nickname.
U-uh, no! What if I made him mad?! He'll definitely b-beat me up—Coby's thoughts were halted as something hit his head.
"What the hell, Luffy?!"
"You guys should eat! Definitely you, Naruto!" Luffy chided.
Coby looked at the ground and saw two red apples rolling away from each other.
Apples? thought Coby curiously.
"YOU SHOULD'VE WARNED US FIRST BEFORE YOU THREW THOSE DAMN APPLES!" raged Naruto, who was clearly annoyed.
"But you look so skinny!" Luffy whined.
"That's a weak excuse! Look at yourself!" scoffed Naruto.
Coby stared at the both of them, head whipping right to left as the two strangers argued. Well, one of them gives weak excuses while the other snaps angrily. Coby decides to warn them of the danger of being loud when Alvida is near.
"Y-you guys shouldn't f-f-fight! W-what if A-A-Alv-v—" Coby shudders at the name, clearly scared just saying the name. He continues his warning, "—v-vid-da h-hears us?"
"Nah, he wouldn't hurt me. Uh, 'Alvida' is a guy, right?" Naruto asked nonchalantly.
Coby gasped.
"Hey, what's your problem with this 'Alvida-guy', huh?" asked Luffy curiously, chewing on an apple core.
"Y-you guys d-don't know who A-Alvida is?! She's the most cruelest, ugliest, and scariest of this part of East Blue!" exclaimed Coby.
CRRRAAAAAASHHH!
"COOOOOOBY! JUST WHO'S THE MOST 'CRUELEST, UGLIEST, N' SCARIEST' IN THIS PART OF THE EAST BLUE?! I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TALKING 'BOUT ME! ESPECIALLY THE 'UGLIEST' PAAAAAARRRT!" a voice seethed and growled. Smoke was kicking up and spreading.
"A-Al-l-vi-d-d-da-s-sam-ma!" Coby stammered. Luffy and Naruto were staring into the smoke and debris... until... they saw... a dwarf planet.
They broke into laughter.
"PPPHHHTTTTTT—FAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! THAT CAN'T SERIOUSLY BE THE SCARY N' CRUELEST N'—Well, yes, ugliest. Definitely the ugliest... FAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!" Naruto roared with laughter.
"SH-SHISHISH-SHAHAHAHA-SHISHISHSIHI! A DWARF PLANET! HE WAS SO HEAVY THAT HE FELL THROUGH THE F-FLOOR!" Luffy choked and laughed.
"Y-you sh-shouldn't l—" Coby tried warning the duo but was cut off.
"COOOOOOBY! ANSWER ME!" the voiced grew more angrier by the second.
"A-Alv-vid-da! U-uh... Y-you're th-the m-most—" Coby stammered.
"Kid, Just voice out your thoughts. If a... 'Marine' saw you praising this... dwarf planet-thing, you'd never be a marine then," a voice growled and persuaded.
"—ugliest and fattest hag ever!" roared Coby confidently.
Alvida stood in shock, then hissed, "You dare to insult me? Prepare to lose your head, COBY!"
Alvida swung her iron mace toward Coby, aiming to bash his skull through the wall. Coby shrieked and made a feeble attempt to duck, but then...
TING!
Coby looked up from crouching and saw Luffy blocking the hit.
"W-Waaah?" Coby gasped. However before Luffy could beat her to death, Naruto punched her multiple times but did not kill her. Naruto stopped. Avida lay unconscious on the floor. Luffy blinked. Coby didn't move.
"Whaaat? The dwarf planet was a woman?" asked Luffy confused. Then laughed, "Heh! More like… woMAN! Shishishishi!"
"H-hah... S-so s-strong..." muttered Coby as he stared at Luffy and Naruto.
"So, Coby..." Naruto spoke after a while. Coby yelped in reply.
"You seemed very troubled... Now I know why. You weren't trying to be a pirate... but rather they forced you." Naruto smirked. Luffy snickered.
"H-how did you know?" Coby gasped, embarrassed.
Naruto hummed, not replying properly.
"Nyan~!" Nyan Cat sang happily.
The three new friends were together on the deck, Alvida laying tied up on the floor behind them. The other pirates had jumped ship after seeing their defeated captain. Coby was steering the ship toward an island not far off.
"Hey, since we'll be keeping this ship—at least for a while—we should repaint the sails, shouldn't we?" asked Naruto.
"Yes, yes! I want to do it!" Luffy replied. He jumped up onto the mast and tore off the gaudy mark of the Alvida pirates. He fluttered down to the floor and yanked out a replacement sail from nowhere.
"Hey, where'd that sail come from?" Coby inquired.
"From nowhere, now shut up while I work," Luffy responded while pulling out a mass variety of paints—also from nowhere.
"Hey, I see that open crate behind you. Stop trying to act all mysterious," Naruto rebuked.
"SHISHISHI!" Luffy laughed as he opened the paint bottles. He then dipped a huge brush into the black paint and smeared a huge line onto the formerly blank sail. He continued to paint while the other two watched.
Luffy held up the now-completed sail. "So what do you think?" The sail was covered in blotched and blurry lines forming a shaky skull with a lopsided straw hat on its head. "Now it's a Jolly Roger!"
Naruto just stared for a moment, then he burst out laughing. Coby stood there dumbfounded. "I-it's a very n-nice attempt, Luffy-san," Coby finally managed to say.
"It's ridiculous!" Naruto kept laughing.
"Well, whatever! I'm the captain, so I get to choose what the sail looks like." Luffy climbed to the mast again and hung his new creation proudly.
"Hey, since when are you the captain?" Naruto asked.
"Since I called it."
"Hey, that's not fair!"
"Too late! You can be my first mate~"
I heard Zoro is veeeeery strong person so he's gonna join my crew, too! He's around here somewhere on this island… Luffy thought
"Hey, we're here!" Coby interrupted their argument by announcing that they hit land.
"Really? Awesome!" Luffy leapt from the deck with Alvida's bound form held securely by the rope.
"Ah, fine," Naruto relented and followed his friend off the ship.
"H-hey, wait for me!" Coby tied the ship to the dock and ran behind them, catching up slowly.
"So where is the Marine's base?" Naruto questioned Luffy.
Luffy ignored Naruto and instead focused his attention to a restaurant that emitted the smell of heavenly meat. "Let's go there!" He ran off, not bothering to see if the other two were following him.
"Hey! We still have to turn this thing in!" Naruto shouted at Luffy while waving the loose end of the rope.
Seeing that he wasn't listening, Naruto gave up. "Well, whatever. I'll do it on my own. That idiot will need to pay off the bills somehow, and I know that he doesn't have any money on him." With that said, Naruto walked further into the town, dragging Alvida—still knocked out—on the ground behind him, leaving a noticeable trail on the floor where she displaced the dirt.
Coby hesitated before choosing to follow Naruto, wanting to see the Marine base more than eating.
"More, please!" Luffy ate yet another bowl of food, the dishes piled up next to him as he finished them.
The lady came by with his order, putting it in the only place not taken up by the empty bowls, which was right in front of Luffy.
"Thanks!" he said before diving straight back into eating, small splatters of food splashing out as he messily ate.
The lady hurriedly fled from the voracious customer. The other patrons of the restaurant watched in awe as Luffy downed the bowl in less than twenty seconds.
"Saa~ that was good~" he sighed happily, patting his distended stomach.
"Hey, Luffy, you idiot, how do you plan to pay for all that?" It was Naruto, who had returned from the base.
"Oh hey, where were you?" Luffy asked as he stuffed his mouth.
"Nowhere, you know. Just turning in Alvida so that we could have some money. It's not like money is as important as you eating," Naruto replied sarcastically.
"Hm, really? Good for you. Well, I'm done. Hey, Naruto, you can pay now. We can go explore the island."
Naruto's right eye twitched. "Heheh. Yeah, good for you. Since you seem to think that eating really was more important than getting money, you can find a way to pay for yourself." Without waiting for Luffy to respond, Naruto left.
Realizing his mistake, Luffy panicked and yelled, "AH! WAIT, NARUTO! I CAN'T PAY ON MY OWN!"
"Tch, that annoying bastard." Naruto ignored Luffy's wails for him and walked with Coby trailing behind him.
"Shouldn't you help him?" Coby inquired worriedly.
"Nah, he can help himself."
"Hey, watch it!" There was an odd-looking guy stumbling to catch his footing in front of him. Naruto had bumped into him lightly, but it seemed that it was enough to make him trip. The man in question had blond hair weirdly curling—like a mushroom—at the side of his head, which was oddly shaped as well. A group of Marines stood in formation behind him.
"Hm? Who are you? And what's with your hair?"
"What do you mean? My hair is perfectly fine! See how it curls majestically." The pompous prick flicked his puffy hair proudly. "I am Helmeppo, the son of Axe-Hand Morgan! Bow before me and I won't have you killed."
Naruto stared at him blankly. "Right. I'm leaving now." He made to walk past him, but two of the Marines behind Helmeppo grabbed his arms.
It would be so easy to blast these idiots with my Rasengan… Too bad—wait! Kurama, you made me bloodthirsty! Naruto roared in his mind. He began to quake in comical rage.
Helmeppo saw him shaking and assumed that he was afraid. He then pompously scoffed, "This idiot is such a… a… an idiot!"
Naru stopped, then punched Helmeppo. Helmeppo stood in shock. "I don't care, Mr. Hippo. You can't hurt me, you damn spoiled bastard."
Rage filled Helmeppo's eyes. He raised his ugly hands and missed when he tried to slap him. He ignored the fact that he missed and said,"Oh, really? Let's see about that." He turned and stalked back toward the Marine base.
Naruto stuck his tongue out at the retreating figure. "Maa, he has no power over me. Let's go, Coby."
They walked together, side by side, and passed a house in which a rather loud conversation was taking place.
"H-how could you bring yourself to write such embarrassing stuff?"
"Please stop! Please give those back! They belong to me!"
"Shut up! They're addressed to me, so they're mine! Really, if you wrote all these letters, why didn't you send them out?!"
"Because if I got in contact with you, I'd want to come straight home!"
"Then you should have thrown them away!"
"Your name is on them! I couldn't throw them away!"
"What the hell?!"
"Never mind that! Please just give them back! I'll throw them away now!"
"No! These belong to me!"
The yelling quieted down. Naruto and Coby looked at each other, shrugged, and continued walking with no set direction in mind.
The duo passed a tree where one and a half people lay under its branches-one and a half because one was part cat.
Kitty Ciel curled up against Sebastian's side, seeking warmth. Sebastian cooed at the cuteness, ruffling the hair between the two perked up kitty ears.
"Master, you're so cute~ I just want to play with you all day~"
Ciel purred happily.
Grell stood in the background. "What about me~"
Sebastian sent a full-fledged glare at him. "Go away. You are interrupting my master's rest."
Again, Naruto and Coby disregarded the oddness and continued on their way.
A little while later, they heard the clink of metal from overhead.
"Sofie, where is my cloak?" a male voice yelled out from the flying contraption of metal.
A female voice called back, "You left it draped on the back of the armchair."
"Ah! Found it. Thank you, Sofie!" The man replied.
The door to the odd contraption opened and a black haired man stepped out. Literally out. Like dropped from the flying castle into open air. He was okay, though, because he grew wings and easily caught himself.
Then Naruto and Coby passed yet another house with a strange conversation.
"Usagi-san, let's go there! Ritsu said we have to go back in an hour. We have time, right?" Misaki pleaded.
Usagi-san chuckled. "Sure, Misaki, but you have to do something for me."
Misaki blinked up at him. "What?"
Usagi-san slid an arm around his waist, pulling him against his side firmly. "When we go back to our room, we-"
"USAGI-SAN!"
They looked at each other with confusion then continued on unsurely.
"Maa, all these people here are weird…" Naruto sighed as he put his arms on the back of his head for support.
"Y-you shou-shouldn't judge th-them, Naruto-san," Coby chided nervously as he was looking around.
"I'm just voicing out my opi—Hey! What's that little girl doing there?" Naruto questioned, pointing at a child climbing a ladder over… the walls of the base of the Marines.
Coby gasped. Forgetting Naruto's rude remark, he then said worriedly, "That's dangerous! What if there are killer criminals there?"
But Naruto paid him no mind. He focused his eyes on the ladder… and he said, "Coby, I'm going over there."
"W-what?! E-Even if you're s-strong, th-that's da-dangerous!" exclaimed Coby.
Naruto smirked and chuckled, "What? It looks fun! So I'm gonna go over there and you're not gonna stop me!"
And with that, Naruto ran over to the ladder—because no one was a ninja here, he didn't run very fast—and climbed.
Coby pursed his lips and looked at the ladder hesitantly. He whimpered, "W-wait, Naruto-san!"
"Get out of here! Or else I'll kill you…" a person threatened while he was tied to a wooden cross (yes, a cross) with splintered ropes.
"I don't think you can while you're tied up!" Luffy snickered.
The man tied up growled.
"By the way, are you Roronoa Zoro?" Luffy looked at him curiously.
"So what if I am?" the man—no, Zoro asked, glowering with malicious intent.
Luffy grinned broadly. "Join my crew!"
Silence.
"HAH?! No way! I'm not gonna be some pirate! I have a goal…" Zoro trailed off.
"...Well I reject," Luffy stated.
"What?! What does that mean?" Zoro scowled even more.
"It means I reject your rejection of joining my crew!" Luffy said as he had a serious face on.
"You're not serious," Zoro scoffed disbelievingly.
Luffy giggled, then paused. "Hey, why are you even here?"
Zoro opened his mouth to reply, "It's none of your business!" However, he spotted a little girl—a very familiar little girl jumping down.
"Wha—get out of here!" Zoro growled. He was tired of the visitors. What? Will there be some teen with some animal feature? Or a pink-haired child? He scoffed at the thought.
"Oi~! Little girl! Wat'cha doin' there? Wha—Luffy?! Now what are you doing here?" a voice called out.
Zoro didn't even bother to look.
"W-wait! Naruto-san!" a more weaker voice yelled.
This was getting on Zoro's nerves. He looked up.
He twitched at the sight.
What the hell..? he thought.
There jumped a teen with blonde-hair and whisker marks on his cheeks. Another stumbled as he landed. With pink-hair.
But the little girl didn't pay them any mind. She ran up to Zoro and in her hands were—
"What?! This isn't some party!" an irritatingly familiar, bratty voice shrieked from afar.
" …" Naruto growled.
Yes, it was Mr. Hi—er… it was Helmeppo, who was with many Marine-guards, stomping across the grounds, eyes looking at each one of them, but landed on one person.
"The idiot," the mushroom-haired guy (Helmeppo) hissed.
They had a staring-contest… but was interrupted.
"Oi, how long are you guys going to stand there?" Luffy asked, picking his nose.
Naruto sighed. "God, Luffy. Haven't you heard of drama?"
As they were conversing, the little girl snuck her way to Zoro, who was starving for days. In her hands were wrapped up onigiri (rice-balls). She whispered, "Here, you must be starving!"
Zoro, who thought it looked amazingly tasty, was reluctant to open his mouth and chew.
"Is it good?" she asked quietly, eager to listen to what he thought.
"... It's… delicious…" he said, embarrassed to compliment someone.
"Really? Wow!" she celebrated loudly. Everyone turned their heads. Zoro noticed that they turned their heads and acted as nothing was wrong.
"... The brat was helping the criminal! Throw her out! No, actually… Throw all of them out!" screeched Helmeppo.
Naruto and Luffy scoffed. Then said in unison, "As if that can ever happen."
However, the little girl and Coby wasn't so sure. Coby stammered, "L-let's get out of here, Luffy-san, Naruto-san... and you, too!"
They stood still, not moving, signalling that they weren't going to retreat.
Zoro felt helpless, not able to do anything because he promised that he would not die while being held captive in exchange of the safety of the people—
Bam! Bam!
Shots were being fired and smoke was kicking up from the missed shots. He gritted his teeth and spat, "If only I had my swords…"
Unfortunately, Luffy and Naruto heard this. Luffy grinned and ignored the threats that Helmeppo and the Marines yelled.
"If I get your swords, you're gonna join my crew!" and with that, Luffy took off without Zoro even being able to say a word.
Authoress: UUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I'm finally done! I hope you guys read all of it… and didn't quit the story 'cause of the BL…
Luffy: Whew! That was tiring!
Naruto: Yup, you're totally right…
Authoress: Anyway, I'm tired and I'm going to end here. (The first house scene was directly from Junjou Romantica. You know, the letter ones.)
Luffy and Naruto: Byeee!
