Chapter Three

"Yes." His tone was secure and his eyes didn't blink for a moment. Carter took a step back and folded his arms across his chest.

"What about you? I want the truth, Serena. Whatever it may be."

"It's totally up to me?"

"In a way it is."

Serena spoke to Carter as well as to herself:"I want to be with you, Carter. And I couldn't be more together with you than having this baby."

Rubbing his lips with one finger, Carter reached out and snagged Serena's hand pulling her smoothly back into his embrace. "Let's make it happen." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Pulling back to look into his eyes, she asked:"Are we crazy?"

Reaching out he captured a tendril of hair and twirled it around his finger. "Most certainly we are; so I think we'll be fine."

Serena laughed. They had been defying all odds since the moment they had met; somehow this didn't look so crazy looking back at their history together.

"Did you have a chance to eat yet?" Carter asked.

"No, not yet."

"How about Thai?" At her nod her grabbed his cell phone and ordered an array of dishes.

Carter took her hand and pulled her down onto the couch with him. Swinging his legs up onto the couch, he settled Serena between them comfortably, her back braced against his chest. "Since we have forty-five minutes until the food arrives why don't you introduce me to our baby? Do you have a sonogram?"

"Not yet." She grabbed his hand and guided it to her belly. "I still can't feel it, but there's this growing feeling of warmth in my body." Carter interlaced his fingers with hers and they both shared a moment of silence as if they stopped talking they would be able to connect with the tiny little being that was growing inside of her.

"You and I, we've always demanded attention from the other and now we're committing ourselves to give full attention to another person; it's scary" he whispered softly.

Glancing over at Carter she found him smiling gently. "Why are you smiling? I thought you were saying this is scary."

"It is... but it's thrilling too. I feel we can do this Serena. Something huge like this had to happen to make us stop running."

Serena shifted her body slightly so that she could face Carter.

"Let's stop running then, come home with me."

"Serena, I can't go to NYC now; I'm working here, I can't leave just like that."

"Carter, you don't have to be here; you're just being stubborn and proud."

"Yes, my pride; it's all I have left because I messed up so much. And I'll do it, for us. Let me Serena."

"Carter, we've decided to have this child, but you don't owe me anything, you don't, you don't have to take care of me."

"But I want to. You can't deny me that. I want to be part of your lives, both of your lives."

"So, what are we going to do?"

"We'll have to figure out something..." Carter sighed in frustration.

"We need to decide how we're going to make this. Now! Do you have any idea the hell it will be when we tell our families, our friends? If we're both sure we want this child we need a plan to face them."

"I don't care what they think, this is between us. I know right now I don't have many options Serena; that's why it would be good if you could move here..."

"And live here Carter? In this apartment with a child? With you working all day? What would I do? We need help, we have to go back to NYC and ask for help. That's what we have to do; if you want to take responsibility, if you want to be a part of your child's life that's what you have to do."

Sliding his body from beneath Serena's, he stood and paced the living room. "It'll be a cold day in hell if you think I'm going to ask my father or any of your friends for help."

Serena stormed after him. "Well, I'm not willing to live here, away from everybody until you pay your debt! How long will it take? Years? God Carter, it's not just about you anymore! Listen to you, you say you want to do the right thing, yet you refuse to see that we need help if we're going to have this child. I surely need; I'm living at Eleanor's, I have no job and I'm pregnant Carter!" Serena cried.

Carter came close to her and hugged her tight in his arms even when she tried to pull away from him. He soothed her hair and tried to calm her down.

"I can't go to NYC and beg your mother or Chuck for a job. I'll find a way but on my own terms."

"And what will that be? You're going to gamble for a job, a house? Is that your way, Carter?"

"I haven't gambled since I left NY and I do have a job and a house!" he spat clenching his teeth together.

Serena sighed tired and frustrated. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to say that." She escaped from his embrace to face him:"Let me help Carter. Don't push me away."

"Serena, I'm not going to beg your mother or Chuck for a job. I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"I know. But there's someone I know who could help us."

The next day Carter went to the headquarters of the oil company for a meeting. As soon as he left the office, the man at the desk flipped opens his cell phone and dialled a number. "Hello, Mr. Baizen. Your son is on his way to NYC to care for some private issue. He didn't specify, but it's probably related to a blond girl that has been with him for the last week. You'll be receiving the pictures of them and the PI report."

***

"Serena." She looked up to see Carter walking to her. His face was shadowed and his blue eyes were tense.

As they walked on the busy street, Carter's hand was tightly in Serena's, their fingers twisted together. They're back in New York.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She looked at him for a couple of seconds.

She felt his hand clasping hers and intertwined her fingers between his as tightly as she could. It's going to work, she thinks. She could feel his thumb rubbing hers like some private language; like his skin was talking to hers.

"You're right. We need some help to start this new phase. I just wanted you to know that."

Serena nodded, her expression guarded. She felt this was probably the most difficult thing he had ever done for her, for them. Serena knew that after the shock, after they tried to make her rationalize and convince her how bad this decision was, she'd have the people who love her around her, but Carter was in this alone, he only had her. There's this sense of fragility around him that she hadn't noticed before.

Serena leaned forward and suddenly the urge to hug him was there. "I don't know Carter…" she whispered. "Ask me again why we're doing this." She squeezed him tight.

Carter squeezed her back. "I'm scared too Serena; But sometimes we don't need to know the big picture. We just need to know what we're going to do next."

"Yeah…" Serena's arms come round his waist. "Let's go, let's see my mother."

***

Minutes later they were stepping out the elevator of Lily's penthouse, holding hands in a visible show of unity. Her mother's voice immediately greeted them from the kitchen where she was pouring herself a coffee.

"Serena! Where have…" she trailed off when she saw Carter next to her daughter. "And Carter! I guess this answers my question."

"Why are you two here together? Carter, hadn't you left months ago? Weren't you broken up? I'm confused." Lily looked from one to the other demanding an explanation. "Were you with Carter all this time?"

"Yes, can we sit?"

"Let's go to the library. Something tells me this will be a long conversation." Carter and Serena looked at each other and followed Lily.

"I'm all ears." Lily leaned back on her chair and waited for them to talk.

"Lily…"

"Mom…" they said at the same time. Serena looked at Carter and with her eyes she told him she would do the talk.

"Mom, Carter and I have something to tell you." There's a brief pause when her eyes met Lily's. "We're expecting a child and we've decided that we want to keep it."

The silence came into the room and it lasted until Serena broke it with a whisper: "Please, say something…"

Lily covered her face with both hands and let out a deep sigh before she talked. "I won't ask you how this happened, but you go from broken up to wanting to have a child in months? And how you both think keeping this child is the right thing to do or how you plan to do it. Are you out of your mind?" Lily cried dramatically.

"One minute you're together, the other minute Carter disappears, then you disappear and finally you come back together and you're pregnant! Serena, when I think there isn't anything you can do to surprise me anymore, there is!" By now she was standing in front of them, her hands sitting on her hips.

Serena rolled her eyes. "You should be proud I kept the family tradition, only, I'm keeping this baby!" Her eyes shot daggers at her mother in a silent accusation. "We only came to tell you; the issue is not up for discussion." Serena said in defiance, rising from her chair, but Carter pulled her down. "Serena calm down."

He stood up and was now facing Lily. "We weren't expecting a different reaction; however you have to accept our decision. We want to have this baby and we're committed to raising it."

"Oh really, Carter? And can you tell me how?" she laughed ironically.

"We'll discuss that later. I'll be here for Serena and I'll make sure…"

Lilly's puzzled expression interrupted Carter: "Just explain to me what kind of relationship you two have or had because I frankly can't keep up with you. You pop in and out of each other's lives; it's been like this for years. I can't even tell how it started or how you're planning to…"

"Lily, I'll be most pleased to tell you our story over coffee, but not now. We're here to tell you of our plans. Serena would be very happy if she could have your support."

Lily remembered the similar situation she was in when she was Serena's age. How she got pregnant and how Cece played a role in her Rufus and Scott's future. She lost twenty years of her son's life. Although she was exasperated with the situation, she didn't want to cause Serena the same cause of suffering.

"I want you to tell me that this is what you really want, from your heart. If you say yes, you'll have my support, although not unconditionally. We'll have to fix this."

"Fix this?" Serena asked exasperated.

"How long do you think you'll keep this a secret? You'll be on the cover of every tabloid! We have our position to defend. And I'm sure the Baizens will think the same. Do your parents know, Carter?"

"You're the first person to know; we'll tell them the news next."

"Good, as soon as they know we'll have to have a family meeting and discuss the repercussions and what we're going to do."

"You won't do anything!"

"Serena, I want to speak to Carter alone. Will you give us a moment, please?"

"No!"

"Serena", Lily cut her off. "I'll call you back when we finish our conversation."

"It's all right, Serena. Let us talk."

Wasting no time, as soon as Serena left the room, Lily charged ahead.

"May I speak plain?"

"Please." Carter sat on the couch.

Sighing Lily spoke softly but firmly: "I know what happened, I know why you left, I know what happened with Beth. I've always liked you Carter, but this is my daughter. I've lost control of Serena too many times, but this time I won't let her destroy her life, her future. Is this just an opportunity for you?"

Though he wasn't surprised with the question, he was still surprised that Lily knew about Beth and the Buckley family. But surprised or not his words were sure. "I've loved Serena for a very long time; I know I haven't been aware of this until very recently. I want to make things right. This isn't a completely selfish act, no. I'm doing it for me too because this is the best chance I'll ever had to show her that I want nothing more than to make her happy. It will take time and I know she's been hurt before, so I'm taking it slow. To profess my feelings for her now would only make it look like it's something I had to do due the circumstances."

"I'll be watching you. You hurt my daughter and this unborn child and the wrath of the Buckleys will be nothing compared to mine."

"You won't have to worry," Carter said and left the library to meet Serena.

***

Serena asked Carter to speak to her brother alone first and then all three of them would talk together. He understood how close she and her brother were, but let her know that he didn't want to be left out of this important conversation.

Eric was sitting on the bed leaning against the headboard, reading a book when Serena entered the room.

Eric blinked at her. "Serena!" He stood up and held his arms open offering an embrace. "Where have you been?"

Serena hugged him back. "I've been taking care of some… issues."

"How are you?"

"I'm good. A little bored though. I never thought I would say this, but I miss Jenny."

Serena laughed at the frown on her brother's face. "I'm sure she's taking full advantage of her internship with Eleanor."

"I'm not sure. She's complaining Eleanor was driving her crazy. But what about you, where were you?"

"I was with Carter."

"Carter?" he looked confused. "Weren't you broken up?"

"Yes, but I had to seen him…Eric, I'm pregnant. Carter and I are having a child."

Eric's eyes widened and his lips formed a perfect O. He walked slowly to the plush sofa and took a seat.

"Does mom know?" he began.

"Yes, we've just told her."

"When are you due?"

"Early June."

Eric took a deep breath. His gaze held hers firmly. "You do realize that Carter left you; you do realize that your story together is far from stellar. In fact I don't know what your story is."

"Yes, I know Eric, it wasn't only his fault though" Serena said somewhat defiantly. "But he's here now with me and we want to do this. Besides, things just happened…we had two options and we've…" she trailed off.

"Serena, this is me. These things don't just happen with you." Eric's look was as inquiring as she'd ever seen it.

"What are you saying? That I got pregnant on purpose? Have you lost your mind?" Serena looked incredulous at him.

"Have I Serena? You've always been very careful, you've always known very well how to avoid something like this to happen and now you're pregnant with a baby from the guy you begged to stay?"

"You know what Eric? Forget I came to talk to you. Forget that I was expecting a really hard time from everybody, but not from you!"

She was about to leave his room when he grabbed her by the arm. "Wait, Serena!"

"Before you say anything…" she paused and sighed. "I just can't explain, Eric. He fits me. We fit. We want to make things right for both of us; we think it's time and maybe this is what had to happen for us to take that step. It's like this is a major piece of the puzzle that is our story. We have many others to figure out, but we've figured out this one, we want to do this…"

Eric took a deep breath. She'd never spoken about anyone like this before.

"Are you in love with him, Serena?" He asked softly.

Serena looked up into his eyes, the mirror of hers. "Yes, I think I am." Serena's held her breath when she realized what she had just admitted to Eric and most importantly, to herself.

"Well, where's the proud father-to-be?"

"Thank you, Eric. It would hurt a lot not to have you by my side."

She grabbed his hand to lead him to the room where Carter was waiting.

"Serena?" he halted her.

"Yes?"

"You'll be an excellent mother." Serena chuckled: "Because I know everything about what shouldn't be done?"

"That can help too" he smiled.