Chapter 4: We Learn The Afterlife Has Gossips

Hermione was tired of doing nothing. She wanted to get out of this airy fairy world and back to the Ministry and to her friends and mostly, to her Severus. She could sit up, but couldn't get off of the bed. With a huff of frustration, she flopped down again.

"Why all the noise, kiddo?" A sultry voice came from Hermione's left.

"Who's there?" Hermione asked, her head whipping toward the noise.

"I asked, why all the noise? You don't seem the type to get all worked up over nothing." The voice was mildly amused and getting closer.

"Who are you?" Hermione squinted to see who it was, and the shape began to define itself. A woman in a form fitting, black satin gown topped with a large, white fur boa, high heels and platinum blond hair appeared before her. The woman was voluptuous and not unlike the woman in the book Hermione had been reading just before she snapped into this ethereal place. "Oh, my God…I am dreaming! You are not Mae West!"

"Then I'd like to know whose body I am in then!"

"I fell and bumped my head….this is all a dream," Hermione mumbled, pinching her arms at the same time.

"Yes, this is all a dream." Mae plumped herself down next to Hermione.

"Then why can't I wake up?"

"I don't know. I think that's why I was sent to talk to you. Something is holding you back. After all, the spell that boy cast is not serious."

"You're a witch?" Hermione gasped.

"Do you think I would have gotten away with everything I did if I hadn't been able to throw a few Obliviates around?" Mae winked.

"This is not real!"

"Not, it's not, but you can't see beyond your nose and need some help getting out. So I am here to help."

"So, what's the spell?"

"It's an old one," Mae began. "You've heard about it in Muggle fairy tales, and if I am not mistaken, your friends and lover will be figuring that out soon, as well. Basically, to wake up from this you just need to kiss your true love."

"Oh, please!" Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes. "True love? Honestly. No one ever has a true love. They have people they love deeply, but true love?"

"All right, but what about tall, dark and handsome? You've been with him two years. My God, his eyes alone stir my blood."

Hermione smiled. "They are gorgeous, aren't they?"

"Do you love him?" Mae asked, twitching her boa in Hermione's face.

"I don't know."

"Aren't you living with him?"

"Yes. Say," Hermione said, sitting up a bit, "how do you know so much about me?"

"The afterlife is full of gossips. I get all my dirt from a wizard named Bumblebee or something like that."

"Tall guy, long beard, twinkly eyes?" Mae shook her head yes.

"Please," Hermione tutted, "he gets all his information from a very alive Headmistress, and when I get my hands on her, I will…hang on, I'm in the afterlife? Am I dead?" Hermione panicked.

Laughing, Mae put her arm around Hermione in a comforting gesture. "No, sweetie, you're not. Get a hold of yourself. You're under a spell, and you got sent to limbo. My job in the afterlife is guide all the poor dears who get hit by accidental simple spells. Be that as it may, what's holding you back?"

"I don't know. I care for Severus very much, and I feel comfortable with him. Everything we do just feels right. I never want to do anything unless I do it with him. We have a fantastic love life."

"So I've heard. You know, you should have your man get rid of that one portrait in his living room. What's his name…Finial? Fivel? Anyway, he reports everything to Bumblebee."

"Everything" Hermione looked at Mae in horror.

She winked and replied, "Ev. Ree. Thing."

"Even…?"

"Especially. I hear you've worked your way nearly through the Kama Sutra. You'll beat even my record."

Hermione blushed spectacularly. "Yes, well."

"But seriously, honey, why don't you think this man is the one for you?"

"I don't know. Isn't there supposed to be a sign or something?"

"A sign?" Mae looked at Hermione curiously.

"You know, to let you know he's the one."

"There ain't so sign, honey!" Mae said, laughing.

"Then how I am supposed to know? What if one of the guys I used to date was the one?"

"If there were signs, I wouldn't have married my first husband," Mae chuckled. "If any of the other boys you dated were 'the one', why are you not still dating them?" Hermione shrugged. "Look, doll, I so happen to know that the spell cast upon you can only be broken by true love's kiss."

"How cliché."

"Hey, you go with a sure thing, you know?"

"Well, can't Severus just kiss me and wake me up then?"

"That's why you're here still. You can't make up your mind; he already has."

"What?"

"Oh yes, he loves you. Madly."

"But he has never said so."

"Think about who you are talking about. The man is afraid of being rejected."

"Yes, well, let's not talk about her."

"You'll be happy to know that in the afterlife, she is a shrew, and James Potter is ruing the day he married her."

"No!"

"Yes!"

The pair giggled helplessly and snuggled a bit closer.

"So, how do we break the spell?"

"Well, with a little help from Bumblebee—which should be happening about now—your friends will find out about a little story that just may have the answer."