Rachel snuggled Molly against her chest. A wintry Saturday morning was upon them, just a week after Finn and Marley's funeral. Normally, Rachel would be fast asleep in her flat, snuggled in her thick white blankets. That particular Saturday, she was wide awake, snuggling a baby and watching children's TV. What show? She had no idea. She opened the listings to check and Molly made a very disgruntled noise before whimpering - and immediately quieted when Rachel closed the guide and her show reappeared. The show was The Backyardigans. God knew what a "Backyardigan" was. It sounded like a Native American group of some sort, but the characters on screen were assorted mutli-colored animals, apparently in space suits. Although she could've sworn just an episode ago they were all pirates ...
Before she could get too into her internal debate, Quinn burst through the front door behind the pair. "I'm home!" She called out, an upbeat tone in her voice. "Rach? Molly?"
"Out here!" Rachel replied as she heard the thump of the grocery bags hitting the counter. The blond appeared on the couch and scooped the baby up, making her giggle wildly.
"Hello love! Well, aren't we beautiful today! What a great job Rachie did on your hair!" Rachel blushed at the nickname - why, she didn't know - before coming to her senses and arguing about Molly's hair.
"It's not my fault! Molly wouldn't stay still. She insisted on thrashing around and shaking her head and she even resorted to putting the hairbrush in her mouth!" The brunette insisted, running a hand through her own hair, suddenly self-conscious of her fresh-out-of-bed look.
Quinn smiled, pulling the barrette out of Molly's scarce curls. "She is active, to be fair. Still, a monkey could've done a better job. Why on earth would you pin her bangs back across the top of her head? What's with this bump? She's not Snooki, you know."
Rachel crossed her arms, storming away. "Fine, you do it. I'm taking a shower."
"I hope you're not planning to do your hair, too!" Quinn called after her. Rachel grinned, but slammed the door. Quinn would know she was kidding.
xx
Rachel glanced in the mirror, her body wrapped tightly in a towel. Despite her makeup and hair being done, she looked terrible. Her eyes were red and droopy, black circles above her cheekbones highlighting the exhaustion that was her life. Her skin looked colorless and dead, her hair just thrown up in a bun - she'd quickly learned that leaving her hair down meant getting it spit up on. As far as clothing went, she'd probably wear yoga pants and a sweater. She never had time for looking nice anymore. Rachel Berry looked exactly how she felt - like a train wreck.
She sat down on the closed toilet seat, holding her head in her hand. She'd never admit it, since so many people needed her here, but she missed New York. Before she'd even been there, she knew it was her real home. Ohio was just a place her parents lived. Sure it was nice to see her old friends, her family, her dads ... but what about her new friends? Her job? Her apartment, the stage? She felt like a fish out of water back in Ohio, which was unusual for Rachel. But here there was no stage, no busy street, no cozy apartment. In Ohio there was nothing but the big, empty house and people who she barely knew anymore. Worst of all, there was her past. There was no escaping it, not when she was around the people who'd watched her live it. In New York, she could reinvent herself. All her mistakes and embarrassments could be wiped away there.
"Midnight, not a sound -" Rachel's phone begins her ringtone for Brody. He'd never confess his secret love for the song, but he'd set it in Rachel's 0 and everyone else's - phone as his ringer.
"Hey, what's up?" She answered, trying to cover up the sadness in her voice.
Brody paused, and she was sure she's been caught. "Not much. How are you doing, star?"
The brunette smiled at the nickname and wiped her eyes. "Alright. Just really stressed.
"I can imagine." Brody hummed softly for a moment. "Listen, I just got a call for you."
Rachel stiffened. Brody had become her manager not long after she graduated NYADA. Although they stopped dating in her sophomore year, he never moved out, and they'd remained extremely close friends. He'd been her best boyfriend, anyway - they had so much in common and he was kind with her. Usually a call would've been so exciting, but now? She couldn't leave Quinn and Molly for a job. Could she? But she couldn't give up a job for her old nemesis and her ex-boyfriend's baby.
"I understand if you don't want to hear about it -" Brody continued until Rachel cut him off.
"What was the call?" She asked, taking a deep breath.
Brody cleared his throat. "Remember your Evita audition?" Rachel murmured to show she did. "You advanced to the next round of auditions for Eva."
Rachel jumped up then fell to the floor. "Eva?! Brody, you're kidding -"
"I'm not! But hey, it's okay, I'll just explain the situation, alright? No big deal." He tried to sound comforting, knowing Rachel would be extremely disappointed about having to miss out.
"No, Brody, please just - just don't do anything yet. Okay? I'll get back to you really soon." She couldn't miss this chance. She just couldn't.
Brody took a sharp breath, preparing for a battle. "Rachel, you can't leave. That's your family now, I mean -"
"Goodbye, Brody!" The brunette hung up on her manager. She'd have to talk to Quinn, she just had to audition.
xxx
Quinn and Rachel laid on the bed in the guest room together, the TV flickering in front of them. Molly had a hard time falling asleep and both girls were exhausted. "Quinn?" Rachel asked softly without turning to look at the blond. Quinn grunted in response, Rachel smiled. "Why are you here? I mean, last I heard, you were at Yale. You had big dreams. Now you're here, doing ... what, exactly?"
Quinn laughed, sitting up a little. "I'm editing. Books. I went to Yale, I got my degrees, and I came back." She paused, an odd look in her eyes. "Well, not immediately. I stayed in Connecticut for a while, living with this guy, editing for Scholastic. Then I learned some things about myself, and I decided to come home. I lived with Finn and Marley at first, and Finn gave me a job ... and after a few years, I established myself as a book agent, and got my own place. I felt like I had a family with these two, I took care of Molly with Marley, and well, yeah. This was my life. Now it's gone."
The blond bit her lip, laying back down as Rachel responded, "What did you realize about yourself? What changed that brought you back to Ohio?"
Rachel stared at Quinn, but she avoided the brown eyes and stood up. "Things, Rachel. That's all."
After a moment, Quinn turned and left, but Rachel wasn't ending the conversation that easily. "Quinn! If we're going to be a family, we can't keep hiding things from each other! I was going to lay something out on the table for you but if you're not willing to do the same for me -"
"I'm gay!" Quinn screamed back. The whole world seemed to stop for a moment. Quinn sank back into a living room chair and Rachel took a step back. "I'm gay." She repeated, more softly this time. "I'm gay."
Rachel stumbled again. "Uhm, oh. Okay. I'm going to leave you to your thoughts now, you know where to find me if you need me, uhm, bye."
"Wait!" Quinn called after her weakly. "What were you going to tell me?"
Rachel shuffled one foot meekly. "Well, I just ... I got this audition. Back in New York. For Eva, you know, in Evita. That's all."
Quinn's eyes popped out of her head. "But you can't go, you're here with us -" she paused at the look on Rachel's face. "You're going. Of course you are. No one ever stays, right?" She laughed ironically. "Go, Rachel, before I say something I'll regret. Oh, right, too late."
The brunette turned sadly and left. Maybe, just maybe, she shouldn't have said anything. Maybe this 'family' was more important than Broadway.
