Lincoln found himself face down on a stone surface. Slowly picking himself off the ground, he saw dream Donald staring off into the scenery.
"Uh, Donald, where are we?" He asked, noticing that they were on a rather big stone wall.
"Lincoln, my friend, we are in one of the most despicable, heartless, and evil places in the known world."
"Really? We're in school?"
"Even worse. We're in...CHINA!" he said in his signature voice as his eyes narrowed.
"Wait. Why exactly is China bad?"
"Lincoln, are you kidding me? China has been a horrible trade partner with the US for the past 40 years, probably the worst trade partner in the history of trade partners! And besides, they always get my order wrong at the official Trump Tower Chinese Restaurant! I ORDER THE SESAME CHICKEN, NOT GENERAL TSOS! GET IT RIGHT!" He shouted off the side of the Great Wall of China.
"Ok...so why are we here?"
"Oh, yeah! Step 6, read it."
"Ok, step 6 is..."Enhance your Location."
"Perfect! Ok, you're seeing all of this, right?"
"I do have eyes, in fact, Donald."
"Great, Lincoln...see, this may not look like it, but China is a big spot for industry. Like, YUGE. These chinese guys can work at over maximum capacity and be charged just a little over what I would pay Mexico for the border wall! That's about zero dollars, by the way."
"I got you. But why are the jobs here? Why not in the USA? Wasn't that a campaign promise of yours, in fact? To keep jobs in America?"
"Linc, bud, do you legitimately believe I would pay someone 15 DOLLARS AN HOUR for work they do? I mean, my son Barron could do chores for less than that! Of course, he doesn't really need to work at all, but hard work gets you places, kid!"
"Uh, what does this step have to do with my buisness?"
"Hmm...well, seeing that you aren't expanding into Kazakhstan anytime soon, I say you can forget about that one for now. Step 7!"
"Step 7: Get the Word Out."
"Walk with me, kid," Donald said, motioning for Lincoln to walk besides him on the top of the wall. He fell in step with the billionaire, walking a ways before they resumed talking.
"Lincoln, who is the most gossipy person you know? Like, the person that gets the word out about everything?"
"Umm...in my house, I guess that would be Leni."
"Ah, Leni. You know, if I wasn't a figment of your imagination, Lincoln, I would probably try to woo her."
"Ok, that is actually disgusting. How old are you, 60?!"
"Actually, I'm 70, But that's beside the point. The point is, you need to get a team of Lenis together."
"A team of LENIS?" He asked, imagining a group of entirely his older sister.
"Not a team of Lenis as in Leni herself... Just a bunch of people to get the word out too. THEN you tell them to spread the word, and BOOM! You have customers. And profit!"
"Well, that's common sense, isn't it? I mean, people give good reviews and then they buy?"
"Exactly! Step 8!"
"Step 8: "Fight Back."
"Yep! Ok, say you're running a Lemonade stand with Clyde. Then, he turns on you! What do you do?"
"Uh, um..."
"Actually, I have a better idea. I'll show you!" He said as they were suddenly at the fair.
"Woah! How did you... never mind. It's a dream."
"Thank me later, kid. Now, see Clyde over there, counting his profits that should be yours?"
"Uh, kind of? There's a big guy in front of me..."
"Ok, it's go time, Lincoln! Go tell Clyde what's going on!"
"Huh?"
"You know, the money distribution and stuff! You deserve the moolah too, right?"
"Yeah, I guess..."
"Great! Go get em, tiger!" The billionaire said as Lincoln went to get his cash.
"Uh, I don't really know what to do..." Lincoln said to himself as he walked up to the dream Clyde.
"Clyde? Uh, do I get any money?"
He glanced up to see his friend standing over him.
"Oh, hey Lincoln! Yeah, here's your share!" He said, handing him a thin stack of bills. At least, slimmer than Clydes stack of bills...
"Hey, aren't we splitting the profit 50-50?"
"Oh, yeah, about that... I was the one who supplied the lemons! And the sugar! I think I deserve more than you!"
"What? No way! I did work, too!"
"Yeah? Not enough, though! maybe you could contribute more to-OOF!" Clyde said as he was hit in the stomach by a fist.
"DONALD!" Lincoln yelled as the old man stooped down to grab Clydes share of the cash, rubbing his fist as he did.
"What? I was getting you the money you deserved!" He said as people began to notice the two.
"Hey, that old guy is stealing from that kid!"
"AFTER HIM!"
"Uh, oh... Lincoln, come here! We're going back to China!" Donald said as he glanced around, trying to see what sides the angry mob was coming from.
"Ah! Ok!" He said as he grabbed onto Trumps hand. Instantly, they were on the wall.
"OK, Lincoln, next time you decide to get your fair share, make sure I don't get murdered in the process," Donald said as he began to count the stolen money.
"Donald, WHY did you punch Clyde?!"
"That? Kid, don't ever expect a businessman to punch anyone. But I guess you could consider that right there a metaphor."
"A METAPHOR?! You punched a 5th grader in the stomach for 20 dollars!"
"Well, I saw it as an example of fighting for your share of profits! If you contribute to the operation, you get the same amount as everyone else. Remember that."
"Right...soooo, do you want me to go to the 9th step, now?" He asked, slightly miffed at the buisnessman.
"Oh, yeah! "Deliver the goods!"
"So are we gonna teleport anywhere for this one?"
"Nah. I'll explain it to you here. Lincoln, if you want to be the absolute best at something, like me, then you need to deliver. If you're selling lemonade, don't give your customers water mixed with powder! You need real lemons! Real sugar!"
"But, isn't all that expensive?"
"Well, I guess a little more expensive than the powder mix... but what do you care about more, the price or the quality?"
"Umm...I guess the quality?"
"Lincoln, with an attitude like that, you aren't going anywhere in the world of buisness."
"B-but you just said-"
"Step 10! Read it!"
"Geez, this is confusing...Uhh, Step 10: Contain the Costs."
"Lincoln, have you ever seen in a store the insane prices they charge people for average, everyday goods? Like how the milk is 2.50 a gallon?"
"Yeah? I hear my parents complain about stuff like that all the time."
"Well, that's an example of exactly what NOT to do. You need to make sure that your merchandise is at a reasonable price for people to buy it! If you significantly lower the price, than the people will love you!"
"Well, I guess that's common sense and all..."
"Lincoln, if you want to be successful, then you need to also follow the most important step of-"
"HEY!" Someone suddenly screamed in the distance. "THERE'S THAT GUY THAT HATES CHINA! GET HIM!"
Over the horizon, Lincoln managed to make out the outline of a group of tourists. Obviously, they did not look pleased. At all.
"Uh, Lincoln, I think that we should go now..." Donald said as he slowly backed up to Lincoln.
"I'm a step ahead of you, Donald. Let's go home!"
He grabbed onto Trump's hand, and they were suddenly back in Lincoln bedroom.
"Woah. Lincoln, next time you go to China, don't say my name. You're gonna get killed."
"I can see why...you trash talk the country every time you get on TV."
"Yep. Well, Lincoln, it's almost 7:30 A.M. This is where I leave you to try and sucees on your own."
"Uh, didn't you say there were 11 steps, Donald? You said something before the mob ran us out..."
"Oh, yeah. Step 11. "Have Fun."
"Have Fun?"
"Lincoln, no matter what you do, the other 10 steps would be irrelevant without step 11. If you don't have fun while running the buisness, then it really doesn't matter how hard you work or how much money you rake in. You're still not gonna be successful if you don't have a blast doing it."
"Do you have fun running your buisnesses?" Lincoln asked.
"Oh, yeah! If I had to restart my life, but choose anything that I wanted to do, I wouldn't change anything. I enjoy doing what I do, Lincoln. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I do."
"Wow, Donald. That's the most profound thing you've said all night..."
"I know, right? I say a lot of great stuff, but that line always brings them home. Now, when you wake up, Lincoln, there's gonna be a copy of my book on your nightstand. Use the steps to-"
"Wait, how did it get on my nightstand? We've been sleeping this whole time, right?"
"Lincoln, you may not have noticed before, but you're a really bad sleepwalker. And the bookshelf may have a slight indent of your face on it, too."
"Oh, boy..."
"But anyways, if you use the steps in the book, and you follow them, then YI think, no, I KNOW that you're going to get that video game. Goodbye, Lincoln."
"Goodbye, Donald," Lincoln said as they shook hands.
"Ok, now, I have to leave. Where's the front door?"
"Uh, down the hall and to the left?"
"Perfect. Thanks," he said as he left the room. Lincoln heard him walk down the stairs, then stop, then quickly run back UP the stairs as he burst into the room again.
"Right! I almost forgot! I need to wake you up."
"How do you do that?"
"Ok, are you ready for this? I've been practicing all night for this moment!"
"Um, ok? Go ahead."
"Ok, ok," he said, rubbing his hands together. His face suddenly became a grimace, and he pointed at Lincoln as he said the line.
"Lincoln Loud, YOU'RE FIRED!"
The room swirled around him, a flash of light, and Lincoln sat up in bed as his alarm clock went off.
"Woah..." he said as he held his head. He wasn't too sure if what had happened was dealt a dream, but reality.
"The book!" He said out loud as he looked at the nightstand. Sure enough, there sat Trump's signature book, face down on the table.
"Ok, time to get more in depth here..." He said, picking up the book.
"Ok, what page are they on? Wait..."
Nestled between the front of the book and the first page was a photo. He looked at it, and immediately recognized the two people in it.
"Donald Trump and...DAD?" he said shocked. Noticing that there was a note, he quickly read through it.
My rather new friend, Lynn...
I want to again say congratulations on the newest member of your young family. I bet that Lori, I think her name was, will be your pride and joy, like my children have been to me. Here's a copy of my book, just in case you decide to quit your desk job and get on my career path. Again, congratulations on the girl. I hope there's many more children in your life to give you more joy.
From Your Good Friend,
Donald J. Trump.
"Umm...I'll ask questions later," Lincoln said as he read through the note for a third time. "But that isn't important right now!
He picked up his walkie talkie and communicated with his partner.
"Clyde, come in!"
"I read you, Linc! You ready to get that new video game?"
"Oh, I think I'm pretty ready. Actually, I don't think so..."
"Really? You don't think so?"
"No...I KNOW I am!"
"Alright, Lincoln! Town square, here we come!"
