Leaning against the cold shower wall and the hot, steamy water pouring on my skin, it burns… just like my lips. I kissed Gamzee but I thought about John or at least that's what I thought I did. I don't know. I'm just so confused. Was yesterday even real? Maybe Gamzee was right. Maybe I was just too drunk too realize that it was all not… real.
I closed the shower and my body immediately shivers in the cold room. I could feel the goose bumps growing on me. I glanced at my mirror image and I noticed how skinny I am. Right, I don't really eat as much as I used to ever since John left. Wrapping the towel around my small figure, my tears happened to slip down my cheeks. And then I sobbed. John breaks my heart but I still love him. I'm just a heartsick fool.
I sat on my desk chair and went on my computer. Someone pestered me. That's... strange.
terminallyCapricious started pestering carcinoGeneticist
TC: HeY mOtHeRfUcKeR
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS
TC: i'M gAmZeE
TC: AnD wHaT dO pEoPlE cAlL yOu
CG: kARKAT
TC: wOaH i MeT a SiS nAmEd KaRkAt
CG: YEAH I'M THE SAME PERSON FUCKASS
TC: I kNeW tHaT
TC: aRe YoU fEeLiNg OkAy
CG: YEAH I'M TOTALLY FUCKING FINE
CG: MY HEAD HURTS A LITTLE BUT I'M OKAY
CG: WHAT ABOUT YOU
TC: i'M aLl MoThErFuCkInG sAd
For some unknown reason, I felt sad when Gamzee said that. I hope it wasn't something serious.
CG: WHAT'S WRONG
TC: I'm AlL mIsSiNg YoU
At this point I'm speechless and motionless. My cheeks are burning, dammit Gamzee!
TC: ArE YoU dOiNg AnYtHiNg
CG: NO ACTUALLY I JUST TOOK A SHOWER AND I'M WAITING FOR MY HAIR TO DRY
CG: THIS FUCKING SUCKS
CG: WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN WITH LONG HAIR
CG: IT GETS IN THE FUCKING WAY
TC: you should cut it if you motherfucking want to
CG: YOU CHANGED YOUR QUIRK
TC: yeah does it bother you
CG: NO THE EXACT OPPOSITE REALLY
TC: sO yOu LiKe It WhEn I dOn'T uSe My QuIrK
CG: I DIDN'T SAY THAT DIPSHIT
CG: IT BOTHERS ME LESS
CG: I COULD ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
TC: YoU dO lIkE iT tHeN
CG: YOU'RE DOING THAT ON PURPOSE
TC: how about you
CG:WHAT ABOUT ME
TC: do you always type like that
CG: Yeah pretty much
CG: Does it bother you
TC: nah, it just makes me feel like you're yelling at me
CG: I'M SORRY
TC: could we video chat
TC: i wanna see your face especially when you blush
TC: it's so motherfucking precious
CG: you're being delusional
I switched to my webcam and a second later I see Gamzee staring back at me.
"Hey, sis." He says with a smile and a wave.
He's sitting on a chair and his hair was slightly wet. He wasn't wearing the make-up, I like it. I think he was in the shower. His bed was far behind him and there was a painting on the wall. It wasn't making an image, it was just a concoction of colors. The color that stood out most was candy red.
"Hey, fuckass." I said.
"Kiss." He says.
"What?" I blushed.
"There's chocolate kisses on behind you." I looked behind me and I saw the big kisses on my night stand. I don't remember putting it there but it's there. "You didn't eat it."
"I should put that in the fridge." I got up and put the little kisses in my mini-fridge next to my laptop on my desk.
"You actually thought I meant a real kiss, didn't you?" Gamzee rambles.
"Wha-?"
"When I said how about a kiss, you thought I was talking about a real motherfucking smooch." He says with a hint of a smile on his lips.
"That was you? At the cafe? You work there?"
"Yes, yes and motherfucking yes."
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. Then my face grew all hot again.
"You okay, sis? You're turning all red."
I nodded.
For the whole day, Gamzee and I started to talk about things we like and things we disliked. He loves making pies and eating them. I thought it was kinda cute. I could imagine him in an apron and baking some delicious pies. I told him that I liked to watch rom-coms and I named all the rom-coms I've ever watched and liked. He said that I was like a fangirl of romantic comedies which is not fucking true. We talked and talked and talked. I knew where he lived... well, the number of his dorm and he knows mine. Just in case we wanted to hang out, we gave each other our phone numbers. We had nothing in common but for me, he was interesting.
I lie in bed awake. I checked my phone and it read 4:50 AM. Oh, my god! Ugh! This is bullshit! I can't fucking sleep!
Maybe if I closed my eyes, and so I did. This is kinda peaceful. It's almost like I can just sleep...
My eyes shot open and I look at the time. It's 5:00 AM. Was my window open because I could feel a cold breeze just come into my room. I turned to my side and I saw a figure. I sat up, curious to know who the fuck was in my room. The person turned and it's eyes glowed blue. Instant, I knew it was John.
"John." I spoke.
"Karkat." He whispered.
"Are you really John? Like, not a figment of my imagination. I've been seeing things lately so I'm not fucking sure if you're actually here." I say, but laughter broke from my lips when I realized that I might be talking to myself. I felt something wet on my face when I noticed that I was crying.
It hurt. He wasn't even real.
"I'm just fucking crazy." I say, aloud.
"We're all a little crazy." John spoke.
"Yeah, a little." I pouted.
"Karkat, I'm closer than you think." John says, close to a whisper.
His body started to become blurry then I realized that he's fading... or I was waking up.
"Wait," I reached out, "what do you mean?"
His mouth formed a smile, the one he always gave me to assure me that he's okay. This time it wasn't okay. I wasn't okay.
"John, wait!" I exclaimed, jumping out of my bed. Biting my bottom lip, I cried once again. I held my knees to my chest as the sadness drowns me into the abyss. I guess I'll never escape that place.
I laid on my bed for what seems like hours, I finally get up. I should visit Dad today. It's been forever.
