4.
The brawl was over but the damage was still being tallied.
"He's dead, Jim. The other one is just unconscious." It seemed the 2 security officers that had run in had tripped and hit their heads, and one didn't survive. Then the phaser on the survivor exploded. Sighing, McCoy announced he was now dead, too.
Kirk, awake now, glared at the Robinson family, also awake. "I invited you on my ship, and you bring death! I won't stand for it!"
Maureen tried showing there was a bright side to things, even death. "Well I'm sure someone else could use a job anyway. And look, both the shirts of the security officers are red, so those should be easy to clean."
Kirk was not mollified. "Bones, get these people into the brig! And my treasonous first officer, too!"
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a security officer!"
"I gave you an order, Bones!"
"I'm afraid you hit your head a little too hard, Jim. I'm temporarily relieving you of command."
"Relieving?" He caught himself before he repeated the rest. "Bones, are you mad?"
"You pull these people aboard, try to jump into the pants of the young lady, probably mindless of things like shotgun weddings, and then after getting the whupping you earned you tell ME to put them in the brig when I have 2 dead security officers and injured guests to take care of!"
"Red shirts, like the lady said, we'll just get more at the next starbase."
"Dammit, Jim, life isn't that cheap! Even if they lost their lives in a way that makes me think humanity is better off without them reproducing. I won't take these decent people to the brig, but I'll return them to their ship and if you can keep your pants on, maybe we'll try it again more civilized on THEIR ship."
"No, Bones, the brig."
"You're relieved of command. Doctor's orders."
Kirk's hands balled up into fists and he began counting backwards from 10.
"Captain," said Spock, "to make up for my pinching them, I will take them to their ship and apologize on behalf of our ship."
"Apolo...Spock, what's gotten into you? They started it!"
"They were unaccustomed to your, shall we say, vigor to embrace anything with breasts that move. They should be more comfortable on their own ship and then we can try to mend relations and repatriation more slowly and without your usual display of testosterone. Since you are relieved of command, that leaves me in charge." Glancing at their guests, he said ever so politely, "If you please, follow me."
They followed him back to the transporter room.
