A/N: Back by popular demand, for one chapter only, Diagnosis Love. This was actually written ages ago and will probably be the last chapter you'll see on this story for a very long while. Sorry folks.

Elise stared into the mirror making sure 'the twins' were situated right in her dress, and that her makeup had no streaks. She wasn't one to really primp but this was important. She tried looking at the back of her head with two mirrors and didn't see any huge lumps in her dark brown hair so she was satisfied.

"Can I squeeze in here a minute?" Tess said and saddled up next to Elise. "I have a date tonight too you know."

"Yeah, sure." Elise backed away and disappeared into her room. "I'm almost done anyway, just got to grab shoes." she called back.

"You might want to wear something easy to move in, he might take you dancing." Tess said as she put on her last green earring that perfectly matched her dark green blouse.

"Uh, dancing's pretty much out of the question, so I suppose I can wear heels. He's tall so Ill need the extra height." she said coming back in. "One thing I didn't tell you about Greg, he's got a slight disability." she sat down on the toilet and started fastening the buckle on the side.

"Well, don't stop there…" Tess turned around. "What is it? Is he blind…in a wheel chair?"

"Nothing that major." Elise grinned. "He just has a slight limp. He has to walk with a cane."

"Oh…thank goodness you had me worried a secon…" Tess stopped mid sentence. "Wait a minute…."

"What?" Elise looked up at her friend.

"He's tall, hangs around the hospital, walks with a cane, and he's named Greg…as in Gregory?" Tess said slowly.

"Oh God." Elise said reading the look on her face. "He's a psych patient, isn't he?"

"He's not a psych patient. He probably should be though." This was just to good to be true, her roommate had managed to land a date with House.

"I'm not following." Elise looked ill.

"He's DR. Gregory House, the head of the diagnostics department."

"The guy everyone hates?" she remembered their conversation from a few days before.

"That's who it sounds like."

"That's not possible…" Elise started but was interrupted by the doorbell. "Ohmigod that's him!" she jumped up.

Elise opened the door , Greg was standing there leaning on his cane. "Hi!" she said sounding happy and relieved at the same time.

"Hi." he echoed and handed her a small bundle of flowers. One purple rose surrounded by a few other small yellow ones.

"Oh wow you didn't have to do this…" she said.

"I almost didn't. Its a lot harder buying flowers for people who actually sell them."

"So, you researched color meanings on the net before heading to the floral shop?" she laughed, his slight eye roll told her she had guessed right. "Well, come on in and Ill put these in some water." Elise left for the kitchen.

House peered into the room, as though slightly unsure about entering the female dwelling, alone and unsupervised. In the corner, he spotted a piano, nothing too fancy but a piano just the same. Leaving the front door open, just in case he needed an emergency exit, he casually limped over to it, checking out the photos on the wall as he went. He sat down in front of it, and began fingering a few keys. The piano was so out of tune it sounded slightly like a dying cat. Elise stuck her head out of the kitchen in time to see Greg grimace.

"Are you serious?" he snapped at her.

"No one here actually plays." she shrugged. "I got it when my grandmother passed away."

"Is her body still inside it?" he asked incredulously.

"Actually, no…" Elise started but was cut off by a knock on the door frame. She looked over to see Dr. Chase standing there holding about 8 red carnations.

"Is Tess here?" he asked . House looked up from the piano the second he heard the Aussie's accent, but Chase hadn't noticed him yet.

"One sec…" Elise was disappointed her conversation with Greg had been interrupted.

"Tess! Your male stripper has arrived!"

Tess entered and walked right over to Chase, but not before giving Elise a 'you'll regret that' look.

"Here, these are for you." he said with a smile and handed her the bouquet.

"Aww. They're awesome." she grinned ear to ear. "Ill go put these in water, make yourself at home. That's Elise and I think you know Dr. House."

Chase's face fell, as he slowly turned around to see Dr. House sitting at the piano staring back at him.

"Yes. We've met." House deadpanned.

"I have an idea…" Elise said once Tess had reentered the room. "Why don't we double date?"

"No." Greg and Chase said in unison.


The tension could've been cut with a knife. House sat trying his best not to make much eye contact with anyone, his tie itched his neck, and his subordinate being there put a damper on him trying to be flirty with his date. The waiter approached grinning ear to ear and said in very limited English "What you like?" House snatched up the sushi menu and proceeded to order about 90 dollars worth of sushi…in Japanese. Tess's mouth dropped open, as did Elise's. Chase seemed to be non-plussed, he'd heard him talk in other languages before. Elise scooted a little closer to Greg.

"This stuff is raw. Do you have any idea what can happen to you when you ingest raw fish?" Chase had to stop himself from rattling off a list of possible outcomes that included but was not limited to mercury poisoning and tapeworms.

"Not all sushi is raw." Tess comforted. "You can have the smoked salmon roll." Chase didn't seem too relieved.

Tess and Elise tried a few times to start up a conversation but to no avail. House and Chase just sat there on the verge of seething at each other. Both the girls were thankful when the sushi arrived, on about 12 different little plates. It almost looked like House had ordered one of everything.

"There's no way I'm eating any of this stuff." Chase said as he looked at the various pieces of sushi.

"Oh grow up." House said and used his chop sticks to pick up a piece of an eel roll covered in avocado. He downed it in one bite. When he had swallowed he looked at Chase expectantly.

"This is a competition now?" Chase asked.

"Yep, if I win you cover my clinic duty for say 3 hours. You win I'll tell Foreman, seriously, that you're one of the best doctors I've ever seen, even better than him."

"Fine." Chase set his jaw, he wasn't about to be one upped in front of Tess. "This one looks like octopus?"

"Squid." Elise answered for him.

Chase grimaced and went to put it back but House stopped him. "No way. Put up or shut up." House egged him on.

"Fine." Chase said and put it in his mouth. He tried chewing but it just seemed to grow in his mouth, after about 20 seconds it finally went down. "Now you." he said after coughing a few times.

"Which one should I eat, oh disgusted one?" House said maliciously.

Chase scanned the table looking for the most hideous one. "That one." he said pointing at the roll with little legs poking out of it.

"Spider roll." Tess grinned, wanting Chase to win.

"Simple." Elise said to Greg. "Its only soft shell crab." Greg smiled back at her and then stuffed the roll in his mouth chewed it half up then stuck his tongue out at Chase, who squeamishly looked away.

"Delicious." he said once he had finished, and winked over at Elise.

"There's no way you're winning this, House." Chase said with renewed vigor. "I'm Australian, had grub worms for breakfast! See this…big swab of nasty green stuff? I don't even know what it is but…down the hatch."

"Oh no!" before Tess could stop him Chase stuffed a big wad of wasabi paste into his mouth. Chase looked fine for about 2 seconds before the burn of the wasabi caught up.

"Yep, I win." House said and grinned, enjoying the torture Chase was going through a little too much. The two girls began laughing too but Tess did offer him some water and patted his back.

"I think I just had a grand mal seizure." Chase said once the burn had subsided.

"But I bet it was delicious." House grinned.

"Yeah, cant wait to do it again." Chase said breathlessly.

House laughed in spite of himself, he was actually having a good time.

"So what are we doing after this?" Elise asked as she finished swallowing some white tuna.

"We could grab a burger." Chase sighed.

"I think…" a secret smile crossed Tess's face, "…mini-golf."

Elise's grin faded.


"Are we sure we want to do this?" Elise said as she and House caught up with Chase and Tess, who were already standing at the window to get their balls. "I mean 5 dollars a person… that's just highway robbery." Tess noticed Elise was doing her best to get out of this, but it served her right for laughing like that at Chase. Elise grabbed Houses hand and squeezed it looking up at him. "We could…bowl! Bowling is cheaper and you get to wear cool shoes."

"There are two flaws with that logic, for one, bowling is not cheaper than mini golf, and two…" House steeled his gaze at Chase. "He insinuated I couldn't putt, and as a doctor, I cannot let that pass." He walked up to the clerk and asked for two, motioning to Elise behind him. Upon seeing the look on the clerks face he added. "It's her birthday, we've been planning this for months…she's so excited." He grabbed the blue ball and started picking out a putter, even though they were all exactly alike.

Elise sighed, she had lost the argument, "Mini golf it is." She grabbed her red ball and faked a smile.

House stood with the score sheet in hand and began writing, "Blue, that would be the dashingly handsome medical genius. Green, the pretty yet obviously visually impaired file clerk. Red, the very pretty yet manipulative salesperson…and"

"Mines the color of vomit." Chase said looking at his ball. It had once been yellow but the paint was fading to the original orangey brown beneath it.

"Vomit, the lowly subordinate with the amazing hair." he finished.

"Awh, Ill trade with you." Tess said handing Chase her green ball.

"Too late, I already wrote you down as green." House interrupted.

"It's fine." Chase said.

"Which of us goes first?" Elise asked nervously.


Elise bit her lip and tried again, and missed yet again.

"I'm starting to suspect you weren't kidding when you said you weren't any good at this." House said. Elise shot him a told you so look, then a I hate you look to Tess. "Here." Gregory sat his cane down on the nearby windmill and limped over behind her. He put his arms around her, she un-tensed in his grip. He pulled back and with a slight tap the ball went rolling down the course coming to a halt halfway between them and the hole.

"Now all you need to do is swing for her every time." Chase said, clearly annoyed House was taking the time to help someone.

"I've got this one." Elise said and walked up to where the red ball had halted. She aimed up the shot, but her mind was far elsewhere. He was just pressed up against me, oh my god! he felt good. He's watching me now…I can not mess this up! She swung back, and got a little too carried away. The ball shot off the course and into a nearby decorative goldfish pond.

"Well, that's certainly an improvement." Chase sarcastically remarked.

"You're kidding me." House said as he picked up his cane and his putter then went to Elise. "If you got a hole in one for the rest of the game you would still come in dead last. That means now you are demoted to caddy." he took Elise's putter and threw it over to the goldfish pond with her ball. Elise opened her mouth to say something in protest but House cut her off with a "Hold this." and handed her his cane. He leaned over his ball and popped it in.