Sorry this took so long but once again my beta has remained offline for an extended period of time therefore this chapter shall be unbeta'd until I can reach her.
Enjoy and sorry it's late...again.
Chapter Two – BBQ Beginnings
Watching from the shadows she waited, two months since her initial visit and Dean looked, normal. The man looked genuinely content with his apple pie life, if you discounted the deep sorrow hidden in his eyes. Amearielle knew he still thought of Sam, but he was doing it for Sam, for both of them. Sammy's dying wish.
She felt a connection with him, she understood him, they shared a common ground he and her. Fathers who abandoned them when they needed them most, losing their brothers, not being able to be the warriors they are, should've been, were. Yet despite that night two months ago Amearielle hadn't gone out in search of Sam, too afraid of what she would or wouldn't find. Her thoughts filled of the time when she would have given my grace for any and all of her siblings, even Lucifer. Not that it had been an option over a year at that time, mostly because she hadn't a grace to give.
Burning curiosity filled Amearielle's vessel, a sense of longing, needing to know what a normal life felt like, true she didn't have the time but when would she ever, a fallen angel, cast out. In truth she shouldn't have felt any duty at all, had it not been for the promise she had made Gabriel she wouldn't have been standing outside the pub the Winchester frequented every Saturday with his friend. Against her better judgment – her angelic judgment – she decided she wanted to see what it would be like, if only until the turn of the year. Five months she gave herself, perhaps eight if things went well. Turning her back to Dean she left the suburbs to return to Gabriel's old apartment.
Using what was left of Gabriel's money she bought a small house on the edge of the suburbs and new clothes, even though she couldn't bring myself to throw any of his out. Boxing more or less anything her brother had touched and having developed a shocking sweet tooth, packaging all his sweets and left the apartment, door open for whoever needed it.
Settling pretty quickly for an angel, two weeks and she had a job in the local, Elementary School helping out in the library, spent countless hours poring over the knowledge between the covers of endless books, old, new, fairy-tales, anything Amearielle could find in her spare time. Then she met who she had been referring to as "Dean's boy", Ben, he came and asked if she could help him find a book to read. Pointing him to a series of action books, he smiled a smile of total innocence and suddenly she wasn't in Battle Creek, Michigan, Amearielle was back in her Garrison, her home, with…Castiel.
"Amearielle, Amearielle, Amearielle," the whining voice called to her.
"Yes Cassie," Holding her twin brother close to her chest, wrapping her fledgling ebony wings around her counterpart, wondering what had caused this kind of stirring in her normally stoic angel. "Is something the matter?"
Castiel looked up at her with such admiration, she was slightly taller than her twin, always had been, ever since their grace had split to form the pair of them a decade ago they had been the closest of all the angels, his look of admiration was mirrored on her own features.
"Gabriel won't give let me have my own blade." The angel looked heartbroken, Amearielle knew that look, it was the look Gabriel gave his brother Lucifer when he refused to pay him attention.
Smiling at him she pulled out the "angel blade" Lucifer had given her the first time they trained together, he stared at her in wonder, pure love on his face, a sweet smile of innocence plastered on his strong fledgling features.
"Love you Amearielle." He whispered against her shoulder, "Thank you."
"Always brother, Castiel, I love you too," carding her hands through his hair.
The next she saw Ben was a fortnight later, he had finished his books and wanted some help with his maths class. Fortunately for Amearielle the first thing Gabriel had done for her when she arrived at his house after a warm bath and clothes they played catch up, he told her everything she would ever need to know about their father's creations. Maths was one thing that would never change, not something she enjoyed but she knew she could help Ben out.
That same day, the Principal told all the staff that there would be a Parent Meeting for all the 5th graders moving to Middle School, Amearielle, or Amy Lawrence as she was rebirthed through one of the fake ID's Gabriel had given her, for the long run, if it came to that. She had been among the chosen to assist the Principal. Spotting Lisa Braeden's name on the list she immediately agreed, even though a choice hadn't been presented to her, Amearielle wished to know if Lisa was taking care of Dean, making his limited time worth it all.
So she went home, analysed herself in the mirror.
"What's that saying, first impressions stick, something like that." Going to her wardrobe she thought of all the different ways she could present herself, then she remembered the way Gabriel always made sure he was comfortable and "to Lucy's room with everyone else." Sniggering at the memory, she rummaged through mountains of fabric until she found exactly what she was looking for.
Contrary to Amearielle's belief, Lisa felt like she already knew her. Ben had been talking about her quite a bit since that day she introduced him to his first major book series, they always spoke when he went to the library, helping him with homework or answering his questions. If Ben liked her then Lisa had no doubt she would too, after all, children can be great judges of character.
Dean on the other hand knew more about "Miss Lawrence's" appearance than anything else, Ben was going through that, awkward questions stage and the boy noticed every female within a hundred miles of himself. The fact caused a true Winchester smirk to grace Dean's face, Ben had turned out to be quite similar to him in more ways than is normal, but then, what Winchester could ever define normal wasn't a true Winchester at all. Oh, the eldest of John's boys had heard of the "coppery red, curly, uber long" hair and "sparkling puddle blue" eyes of Miss Lawrence. He was curious about the women though not in that way, not when he was with Lisa but more for the other reason Ben told him so much about the women. The way she spoke. Things like…
"So how are babies actually made, Miss?"
"Through the copulating of a man and a woman, Ben."
Or
"Is there really a god?"
"Of course there is, he is my father and although he is not visible it doesn't mean he isn't there. Just like you can't see the air we breathe but you know it's there."
The most memorable one to Dean however, supposedly asked by Ben after one of his friends made a strange comment about angels…
"Can angels be gay, or attracted to humans, Miss?"
"They are indifferent to sexual orientation as they are celestial beings, and sort of. Fallen angels feel human emotions so they can, I have never known an angel to be attracted to a mortal, what an odd thought."
Angels were a touchy subject for Dean, Castiel's "death" then his disappearing act hadn't helped him cope with Sam's death. He had nightmares of what was happening to his brother and wasn't comforted by the idea that he might not even be close to knowing what his Sammy was going through as he was having barbeques and playing family. The things Ben told him about Miss Lawrence reminded him of Cas, the blue eyes, the way she spoke, the way he always made her seem so…human.
Nodding and smiling to Lisa as she went out the door to the Meeting Dean wondered if he were to pray if Cas would come to him, the slight fear of rejection stopped him from doing anything more than turn on the sports channel and lounge back with his beer.
"Yeah, all I need now is pie." Dean laughed monotonously to himself.
"There's pecan in the fridge Dean." Shouted Ben as he sat next to the only father figure he had ever known, Dean Winchester, ex-hunter, ex-ladies' man, ex-alcoholic, father figure.
He saw the small angel statue on the windowsill in the kitchen, his mother's sweet words in his head, "Angels are watching over you," and they were.
How can people drink this much coffee? They're worse than Gabriel with candy, or Castiel with humans… Amearielle thought as she wished she still had her wings for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night, as traveling back and forth on coffee runs would be infinitely easier. Setting yet another stained cup of coffee before the English teacher Amearielle wailed over to the entry doors to welcome the last of the parents in. Spotting Lisa was easy as pie, what she didn't expect was to be the one spotted first.
"Are you Miss Lawrence?" asked Lisa.
"Yes, which makes you Ben Braeden's mum, Lisa right?"
"Yes, Ben told me all about you."
"Oh I know all about you too."
True enough Lisa didn't know the entirety of what Amearielle's statement actually involved, the fallen angel literally knew all about her, she had done her homework, Dean had to be safe after all.
The meeting flew by relatively fast, Lisa spoke to Amearielle and Amearielle fuelled the conversation with innocent little probes about their life, Dean, Ben, Lisa, what they did etcetera. By the end of it the two women exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up for coffee once a week on a Sunday when Dean took Ben to baseball practice. That was the first step the angel took into forgetting her true purpose wasn't to live a normal life but to save the Winchester's so they could save the world.
A month and half, six coffee chats with Lisa and one promotion later Amearielle felt positively human. She was now the schools Librarian, she spoke to the children, the parents, the staff, she felt like part of a community, something she hadn't felt since she lived in her Garrison. Thoughts of angels and family were never too far from her thoughts but they were further away than they ever had been.
It had been a hard week for the fallen angel, hauling home another cardboard box of books she looked to the dark starlit sky and let loose a slight sigh. Tackling the task of unlocking her white front door without dropping her cargo onto her feet, as she once had, with the expert skill that came only from extensive injury and practise only to be stopped by a voice.
"More books Amy?" Came a voice from her left.
"Why does it surprise you any-more Stuart?" laughed Amearielle heartily.
Stuart Greene was her next-door neighbour, he was sweet but a stereotypical man, barbecues every other weekend and Amearielle had seen more women enter and leave his house than books that entered and left her house, still he was always nice to her, like everyone else in the suburb.
"I'm having a barbecue tomorrow to celebrate the Kansas City Royals winning the league. You gonna come over?"
Stuart was born and breed in Kansas and he and his Dad were massive City Royal fans, though Amearielle preferred the Los Angeles Angels herself she had never been to a barbecue, she had however been over to Stuarts house for a few cooking lessons.
"Okay, but please don't cover everything in chilli, I don't care if your mother swears by it, my father would swear that it burned hotter than the fires of hell!" Although she said it in jest, she did mean it, Stuart loved chilli and his chilli burgers were about as safe to eat as a vat of toxic waste was to drink.
"Actually I'm not the only one cooking; it's one of Sid's mates."
"You're letting someone else near your barbecue?" Though Amearielle had never seen the barbecue in action, she knew Stuart never let a soul touch it, bar himself.
"Yeah well I tasted one of the guy's burgers and they are almost as good as my chilli burgers. See you tomorrow at five, Goodnight Amy."
"Goodnight Stuart." Amearielle chuckled as she slipped into her house.
Have a shower, brush her teeth, get dressed, before standing before her mirror, simple full length and the one thing that would never lie to her, she stared at herself. Naturally curly auburn locks that hung bellow her chest, pale heavily freckled skin, a symmetrical piercing blue gaze, analysing herself, curves where they should be Amearielle felt comfortable in this vessel, not for vanity's sake but it was quite true to her own form.
She wore the same as she had the night she met Lisa. One of her brother's black leather bomber jackets, something she had grown accustomed to wearing and never really took it off. A pair of sturdy –if slightly heeled- laced black boots, a simple pair of dark blue denim jeans that were ripped above her right knee, left thigh and below her left knee and a well-worn, elbow patched grey cashmere jumper, a present from Gabriel.
She could hear Stuart and Sid from her window, loud and raucous from behind their fence. Giving a slight laugh at how homely all those little things were, Amearielle quickly put on some mascara and flicked out eyeliner, remembering Gabriel's advice that most women wore at least some form of make-up and his sister's new eyes were her best feature. "Window's to their souls, they say. So what do we say, maybe our eyes are microscopes, putting their essence under scrutiny."
By the time the fallen angel had left her house there was quite a crowd in Stuart's garden, and all toasting to the Kansas City Royals, just as a toast was being raised…
Stuart began, "To the best team in the world, the…" but was drowned out by Amearielle's, "LOS ANGELES ANGELS!"
Most laughed while others commented on the falsity of her statement, but the loudest reaction was from the man standing over the barbecue, "Right whoever said that there burger's gonna have an accident!" even laden with laughter Amearielle still knew who that was.
"Mr. Winchester didn't Ben show you that book on manners I gave him," mock serious she continued, "and anyway, Lisa's told me about how proud you are of your burgers sooooooooo, no, I trust you with mine." Amearielle sauntered up to the man and offered her hand, Dean wiped his on his jeans before shaking her hand.
"So you're Amy. Nice to meet the celebrity in the flesh, Lisa and Ben have practically formed a cult." Dean said, she knew he was slightly suspicious of her, Amearielle took now offence, after the life had had left behind, suspicion was Dean's second nature.
"Don't worry, I never demand any sacrifices…other than the occasional burger." Dean seemed to ease after that, to him the woman in front of him, though he did think she was a little young to be a librarian, she looked to be in her early twenties, discarding her familiar eyes. Blue, ancient, he felt like she was trying to get a glimpse of his soul, which was not as rare a sight as he would have liked.
"Nah, but I'm warning you, one of my burgers and you'll never look back."
Thing was Amearielle knew she never would, looking back was hard, but going forward was even harder. It was a good night, jokes and drunken men stumbling home. Lisa, Dean, Sid, Stuart and "Amy" talked, ate and laughed their way through the night. Lisa saw a slight connection between her boyfriend and her new best friend, she knew it wasn't romantic even though it did put her on edge in the beginning, it just shocked her how much the pair got along. Dean was always friendly with their neighbours and she loved that, but it startled her how well "Amy" seemed to know Dean, how to make him laugh, what to say and even changing the subject of the conversation when Dean looked uncomfortable. On the way home she asked Dean if he had meet the girl before, he said she just reminded him of an old friend and left it there.
Amearielle and Dean always made small talk when they passed each other in the street, often about Ben or what they had been doing, work, sport –or what little Amearielle could gather- and other useless things. Soon it reached the six months anniversary of Castiel's death and Amearielle came straight from work to the bar. Copious amounts of alcohol being the only thing she wanted and maybe a friendly face. She found both with Dean Winchester.
They shared a booth at the back in silence, seven bottles of beer and five shot glasses between them and a comfortable blanket-like silence, until the eldest Winchester broke it.
"Who was it for you?" He had known from the get go, the look on "Amy's" face gave it away really, he had seen it before in the mirror when he woke up, so he let her share his booth, glad of the company of a friend who seemed to understand.
"My brother," she choked out.
Dean, taken aback, the girl beside him had lost her brother too, he felt the need to say something, hold her and tell her she would be fine and that he truly understood her pain, he wanted to have a chick flick moment because for once he had someone on the same boat as him. He didn't, not because he couldn't, but because if he let the tears fall they would drown him before the alcohol did.
"Same here." sucking the dregs from a random bottle as a bottle of whisky arrived.
"He was my twin, little twin brother, lost my older brother too, and my dad." Her words slowed at the end, drink kicking in but neither cared, drunk meant numb and numb was good.
"Yeah, dad's gone too, my fault that one, couldn't protect little Sammy either." A sob pulled free of Dean's throat and Amearielle put her hand on his shoulder.
"I din save em' eiver," Dean had no idea how but his drinking partner had finished a third of the bottle of whiskey as they spoke.
Both gave up on conversation after that, they felt safe that someone understood their pain, their silent tears, that unbearable self-loathing for not being able to save their siblings. Amearielle knew she couldn't have saved Gabriel, at least they had parted on good terms, the last words she had spoken to her brother, Castiel, had been born of wrath.
"He's gone Castiel, I can't swear loyalty to him if he doesn't care whether you live or die!" Amearielle shrieked, charcoal wings spread in rage as she tried to make her brother see sense.
"You blaspheme, of course he cares, but you just do not see it!" Castiel too unfurled his wings, using his height advantage to try and intimidate his sister, he knew where this was going and was desperate to stop it, to stop himself, he couldn't.
"HE LEFT US TO ROT!" Heaven gave a slight tremble such fury was not meant for the place of paradise.
Castiel felt betrayed. He had unyielding faith in their father, he felt hopeless, pained that his sister couldn't see. His next words were not meant to cut as much as they had, he would never have said them if he had been in control, but ever since their father had left all the angels were starting to gain snippets of emotions and Castiel couldn't rein his in yet, "You are tainted Amearielle." He whispered.
Amearielle looked in shock at her brother, tainted, as Lucifer had been? Does he wish me gone, banished.
"You do not belong here, not anymore, you are tainted." Castiel said aloud, not registering the whole of what he was saying, the accusation he was making, or who was listening.
"I agree." Raphael boomed, grabbing Amearielle, "You will be cast from here Amearielle, you will fall."
Everything happened too fast for the twins, Castiel barely saw anything, while Amearielle saw everything. Raphael savagely wrenched Amearielle's grace from her body, scattering her wing feathers all ways, "I hate you." She screeched in defeated agony, not at Raphael, but to Castiel for betraying her this way, boring her eyes into his she glared before the archangel threw her from heaven like discarded trash.
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Love J x
