Again, these characters belong to someone else, we're just friends.
Chapter Four-Baptizin'
Kitty knew she was being completely irrational about having the kitten baptized, but she didn't care. No, that wasn't it, really. She finally realized, now that the funeral was over and she'd had a good cry to get it all out of her system, and a good night's sleep (somewhat shortened by her efforts to make up to Matt for everything she had put him through that day), that baptizing a kitten, or any other animal for that matter, was a pretty stupid thing to do. But was she about to admit that to Matt, or anyone else? Of course not, she was much too stubborn for that. No, she had put both feet into it good, and she couldn't see any other way to get out of this with her dignity intact other than to just let it play out. Right now, that meant getting ready for the baptism. Matt was probably already downstairs wondering what was keeping her. No...he probably wasn't wondering, he'd know, but it still wasn't fair to keep him waiting. She was already wearing the new dress she would have been wearing for Matt's homecoming the other day if...if...Stop it! she told her reflection, and put the finishing touches on her makeup and hair, just the way Matt liked it.
Matt was waiting downstairs, as impatiently as if he hadn't just left her room two hours ago. He raised an eyebrow as she made her way down the stairs. "Another new dress?"
"Just for you, Cowboy." She took his arm and they left for Doc's, where he, Festus, and Pumpkin Pie, the man, er, kitten of the hour were waiting.
Doc and Festus, both asked to be the kitten's godfathers by Matt, thinking it would please Kitty, stood in Doc's outer room with Matt, watching Kitty cuddle and coo over the kitten for an interminable length of time. Doc, seeing the look of pride on Matt's face as he watched her, guessed that he would be happy to stand there watching her no matter how long she played with the kitten. She had not actually had much opportunity to get acquainted with Pumpkin Pie, what with funeral preparations and the funeral itself. Seeing how exhausted she was after the funeral, and surmising that she hadn't handled things well, he'd offered to kept the kitten overnight, to give Kitty some much-needed rest and possibly some time alone with Matt. In fact, he planned to make the same offer for tonight, because, if the night before was any indication, their alone time was about to become a memory, at least for awhile. The kitten wanted plenty of attention, and if Doc knew Kitty, she'd be happy to give it. Doc hoped Matt's patience would hold out.
It was time to begin the ceremony. Kitty took one of her thimbles out of her bag and Doc filled it with water. As they gathered around Pumpkin Pie, Kitty marvelled that none of the men were so much as cracking a smile. She had expected some gentle teasing from her friends and her man, but, perhaps due to her conduct the last couple of days, they all wanted to be careful not to set her off.
Matt lifted the kitten in one hand and the thimble-full of water in the other and began, all thoughts of personal embarrassment gone from his mind. If Kitty wanted a baptism, that's exactly what he was going to give her, and he was determined to do a better job than he had the day before with the funeral. He began. "Pumpkin Pie Russell, I baptize thee in the name of the Father (shaking a little water over his head) and of the Son, (shake) and of the Holy Ghost (shake). Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Wait, that wasn't what he meant to say, at all. What God hath joined together-er, NO! Jesus wept? To make matters worse, the kitten chose that moment to loudly register his opinion of the proceedings, which was, apparently, that they shouldn't continue. Kitty stood next to Matt, biting her tongue and the insides of her mouth to keep from laughing, because no one else was, and prayed for him to find his train of thought and finish as quickly as possible, so she could leave the room before she embarrassed herself in the worst way, or even worse, hurt Matt's feelings, which he did not deserve after spending the last two days indulging her foolishness. Thankfully, Matt finally thought of something that wasn't completely inappropriate. "For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever, Amen."
"Excuse me," Kitty choked, and escaped into Doc's water closet, slamming the door behind her and covering her mouth in an effort to stifle her giggles. Matt handed the kitten to Festus and started to follow her.
"Hold on, Matt." Doc grabbed his arm. "How do you know she isn't using that room for its intended purpose?"
"Oh." Matt stopped short, his face beginning to flush at the thought of the three of them thinking of Kitty in those terms. They all moved to the furthest corner of the room to keep from embarrassing her when she came back out.
When she finally exited the room, her face was slightly red but her eyes were dry and Matt was able to guess what she'd been doing in there. He was filled with relief and admiration that the sadness of the last couple of days hadn't been able to destroy her laughter. He approached her with his hat in his hand.
"Miss Russell, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to lunch?" He was pleased to see the smile return to her face.
"Why, I would be delighted, Marshal, "she replied, offering him her hand. He lifted it to his face and kissed her fingertips. Her face became serious again. "Can I have a word with you in private first?"
Doc grabbed Festus by the arm. "Can you come in the other room and help me with something for a minute?"
Festus resisted. "Help you? Help you with what? Cain't it wait until later? I'm gettin' powerful hungry my ownself."
"Wait? Well, no it can't wait!" Doc barked at him. "I've got a window in there I can't get shut, and it's going to rain this afternoon!"
"Well, no it ain't, Doc! The sun's a shinin' out there and it's a plumb beautiful day! Purt near as beautiful as Miss Kitty over there!"
"Well, that is exactly what I'm talking about! Now just come on and...bring that kitten with you."
"Well, alright, Doc, but he ain't gon ter be able to do nothin' to help…" Festus was saying as the door closed behind them.
"Kitty?" Matt looked at her questioningly.
"Matt, there's something I need to tell you." She swallowed hard. Matt took her in his arms. "I know, Kitty." She looked up at him, feeling a bit cornered.
"You know? Well, what, exactly, is it that you...think...you know?" Oh, Lord, she was going to hurt him if she didn't control that tongue of hers, but she wasn't ready to play all her cards until she knew exactly what he was holding.
Matt hesitated for a moment, touching her cheek. "I know we were burying more than kittens out there yesterday." A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Coming from Matt, this statement was almost poetry.
"How-when did you know?" she asked, bewildered.
Suddenly, Matt felt so ashamed of himself he almost couldn't speak. He held her tighter, hoping she would continue to allow it once he told her. "I-I was going to ask you about it when I got back from that trip. I could see that your body was different, and you were sick all the time. And you're never sick. But it was too late, and I just couldn't make you tell me. I couldn't hurt you like that. But I'm so sorry I didn't ask you before I left." Sorry I never got to see the look on your face when you told me. We should have had one happy thing to remember about it.
He couldn't even look at her. But she had to know before they could continue. "Is there anything...else...you think you know?"
Matt looked at her, not understanding what she was asking him. "Kitty? Is there more?" Were there more, is what he wanted to ask her. He pictured her sitting on the storeroom floor, cradling the kittens in her lap. Had she been crying over four kittens yesterday, and on that long-ago day, not just one?
Kitty clutched his hands as tightly as she could, Looking into his eyes, she whispered "Yes, there's more." But please don't ask me, she begged silently. Please don't ask me to explain, I couldn't bear to see the look in your eyes once you knew. Now it was her turn to look away. He would know anyway. He would figure it out, was probably figuring it out right now, because he could read her face when no one else could, just like she could read his. They had to, there were so many times when that's all they had.
Matt had already been turning things over in his mind since his moment of understanding yesterday afternoon. The lost baby had been hard on them both, in spite of trying to protect each other from it. He wanted Kitty never to have to go through that again. And of course, there was his long standing policy about not having a wife and family to be left alone if anything happened to him. Had he really been that ignorant all those years, believing that he'd kept it from happening through sheer force of will? He and Kitty had never tried to have a baby, but they seldom did anything to try to keep it from happening, either. He knew there were things to do to try to keep babies from happening, and he supposed if he'd ever thought about it at all, he'd assumed that Kitty did some of those things. Sadly, he knew there were also things that could be done once a baby was on the way, and that a lot of women died trying to not have their babies. He guessed that some of the women who didn't die, might have gotten hurt enough to not have any more babies. And he guessed the women who would do that didn't have much choice. After yesterday afternoon, he was more convinced than ever that the Kitty he'd spent the last ten years with was not one of those women. He knew any other lost babies would have happened before he was a part of her life, and he had no right to question how they might have been lost.
"Cowboy?" She searched his eyes for his answer.
Matt bent down to kiss her. "It'll keep," he said softly. His eyes said more. It's all right. You're still my girl.
I'll tell you someday, if you want me to. I promise, her eyes answered.
"No need." He'd said it out loud.
Kitty gave him a long look. "Well, Marshal, is that offer to escort me to lunch still open?"
"Well, it would be a shame to let that pretty new dress go to waste."
