Greetings pansycakes! Chapter four has arrived! But first and foremost, I'd like to mention a few things…. Number uno! Please continue reviewing and leave a message to Carina begging her to read Divergent! Everyone else I've told is either planning on reading it or reading it now, but it figures that my bestie is the one who won't read it. Please review so I can con her into reading Divergent! Also, I'd like to shout out to JezaBelle7! Happy birthday! So you can review for her too. And finally, the MOST IMPORTANT THING! I was getting reviews talking about how confused you guys were about the last chapter (By the way White fox XD, you were spot on. I had to check to make sure I didn't summarize it at the end!). I apologize for that. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this, but my main reason for writing fanfiction (after venting the fangirl) is to improve my conventional writing skills. I was working on some abstract writing inspired by Fahrenheit 451 (Have you guys read that? It's a classic sort-of.), which involves TONS of high-level metaphors. But truth be told, the readers were supposed to be confused at some level, just like Tris was. I was trying to show you guys how confused she was. The first half of this post is going to be a play-by-play author's comments on the last chapter. Even if you understood it, I recommend you read it just so we're are on the same page for this chapter. Ok? Ok. Please review for Carina, JezaBelle7, and ME!
-OnCloudTen
Soft fluttering's, landing on my face like snowfall. Delicate tendrils of mist, spiraling down and tattooing my eyelids with light. This is not what death is supposed to feel like. (Tris knows that she was about to die, but can't understand why "death" is this peaceful.)
My false reality shatters. Not snow, but the faceless words around me. Not mist, but blue fluorescent light. Not death, but pain. Numbness. And a new emotion. Blinding, suffocating. Confusion. (Tris realizes that these peaceful feelings were just whispers, light, pain, and confusion in disguise.)
Light stabs through the relative darkness, and I cringe away from the intrusion. Until I realize it was just my eyes opening. (Tris realizes that she wasn't dead, and just had her eyes closed. Am I the only one who finds this funny? Probably.)
My body feels like it weighs ten thousand pounds, and I can hardly move. I'm carrying invisible baggage, like a ghost sitting on my shoulders. And when I turn around, nothing is yielded. I can't read the story of the apparition. (I think this is where people started to get confused. TRIS IS NOT DEAD. Yes, I realize now that this seems quite confusing since ghosts are associated with the dead. But this ghost is representing her memories, and I picked a ghost in particular for a few reasons. So she can feel the weight of these forgotten memories, but can't see, hear, touch, or feel them. Much like a ghost. Makes sense?)
Slowly I sit up, and the ghost pushes down on my shoulders. The sight around me adds flame to the fog filling my head. (So as her body is becoming more awake the "ghost" of her memories is getting heavier and starting to could her mind. The things she is seeing are just confusing her more.)
Hundreds of people on the Pit floor. Some sitting, wandering, laying motionless on the floor. Faces blank and devoid of all emotions. What happened? (If this wasn't clear, I don't know what is. Basically the entire Dauntless population is in the Pit doing nothing meaningful and looking like zombies. Which they are not. This is not a Walking Dead crossover.)
I blindly fumble through the fog, but all I can grasp is feather dusted snow and misty teardrops. (So Tris is trying to remember why everyone is like this, but through her clouded mind all she can recall is those first thoughts about snowfall and mist. Almost like everything before was erased *hint hint cough cough*.)
What happened? (Repetition for emphasis!)
There are about five cots pushed up by the cafeteria, but everyone else lies in heaps on the floor. Discarded garbage, I among them. (So there are only five people with high enough positions to deserve beds. The Dauntless leaders, of course. All the other bodies were dumped on the floor like garbage, including Tris. Notice how she isn't "highly respected" like she was before. This will be somewhat explained in chapter four.)
As if in a trance, I slowly stand up on wobbly legs. The ghost swims close enough for me to read the tag around its neck. (Tris stands up. Yay! This ghost is once again being referred to, and still represents her missing memories. What I mean by this statement is that Tris can somewhat see now what is causing her to feel so heavy and empty.)
Physical memories. Places. But real emotional ones have been ripped from my head. Events. Why am I here? And basic faces. I see Dauntless spread around, but can only make the name to face connection. I'm looking through the eyes of another being, only given words. I'm looking through the eyes of a robot, cold and icy to the very core. (But somewhat isn't the same as completely. She can recognize basic faces, and has all of her previous knowledge, except emotional memories. So basically Tris feels like she's watching someone else's life, knowing all the people and places, but not knowing that person's individual memories or thoughts on them. The robot is just the synonym for this "person".)
Who needs memories if you can't feel emotion? (Another robot reference. So she's saying that robots don't need memories, since memories practically mean emotion, which machines lack.)
"Tris Prior?" The ghost shoots off my shoulders, scared away by the sudden noise. I don't doubt that I'll be seeing him again. My feet turn towards the voice. It belongs to a pretty woman, with waist length brown hair and ice blue eyes. Something about the color causes the ghost to scream. Screaming mindless garble, patterns of sounds that could be another language. It's like when you hear two people conversing in a foreign dialect. You know that it is a different language, but there is no why of identifying it. (More ghost confusion! So a woman calls out Tris' name, which causes her to forget momentarily about these missing memories, which is why the ghost leaves. Get it? I do. Anyways, her eye color triggers a small memory, which causes Tris' mind to go on overdrive trying to identify the face, that her gut is telling her is a threat. But all she can come up with nothing, and compares it to two people talking in a different language, because you know it means something but can't decipher it.)
She smiles, and the ghost melts away again. Her grin makes a slow molasses like warmth spread through my body. Why was I every afraid? (So it is apparent to the reader, but not exactly to Tris, that this woman has a certain way with people that makes them loose all apprehension. THIS IS HUGE BY THE WAY REMEMBER IT!)
"Your memories." She states simply, gently holding out a vile with a liquid the same color of her eyes. It's something about her demeanor that portrays a lower levels schoolteacher, but her eyes convey a steel strength barrier, protected from the outside and within. (So she is handing her a vile of light blue liquid, which is presented as her "memories". Tris is cautious of this, and says how her smile and demeanor is very open and inviting but something about her eyes is off.)
Cautiously the ghost takes the vial, leaving dust cold fingerprints on my skin. It's tipped up, and it slides down my throat. (So this was Tris taking the vile, but she felt detached, like it wasn't her.)
Everything goes dark. (Cue darkness.)
Images flicker in rapid succession on my eyelids. A black and white film reel, ticking through the frames at a speed too fast for the human eye. I can hardly focus my eyes before the image flies away and is replaced with a new one. I recount no details, but they flood into my head. (So this is like one of those old flipbook style animations, but instead "photos" that are her "memory". She doesn't really know what she's seeing, but it's like the liquid is seeping into her head and filling the empty spaces that the "ghost" occupied.)
Memories. Pouring in my head like a busted dam, extinguishing the fire and fog clouding my head. (The memories are coming faster, and extinguishing the ghost. So her "memories" are back.)
My brain tells me my life. (Her brain is telling her the facts, what her life was.)
My heart shows me the emotions. (Her heart is connecting emotions to specific memories.)
But my gut twists, a violent feeling, like it's trying to force something foreign out. But these are my memories. (The telltale gut feeling is telling her something is wrong. HINT HINT COUGH COUGH.)
Aren't they? (HINT HINT COUGH COUGH NUDGE NUDGE)
My eyes flash open. The woman smiles at me, and turns to the motionless body at my feet. (So Tris opens her eyes and rejoins the world. The woman then moves on to the next memory receiver.)
Clarity Ruyei, Dauntless leader. (This is whom her subconscious is identifying her as. Keywords here are Dauntless leader…REMEMBER THAT TOO!)
My mind fills in the empty gaps, clarifying what I cannot. (So her brain is telling her this is Dauntless leader, Clarity. Those are all the memories she can recall of her.)
My heart reminds me how well suited she is to be a leader. (The emotions connected to it are that she is a great leader, and nothing more.)
But my gut flips. The ghost rams into my back, and my knees falter. Shattering noises, screaming and mindless garble. "No! No! That's not the truth!" (Once again, the "ghost" is back. Her gut feeling is screaming that these memories are false, and what she's being told isn't true. Are you guys getting the point? Or do I have to have another coughing fit…)
Her smile leeks into my head, soothing the nerve endings like morphine. These memories are mine. (Once again, Clarity's "way with people" sooths Tris. I find it ironic, considering the insanity that I dumped into her character last chapter. Fun fact of the day – Clarity's real life inspiration is JezaBelle7! At first I was going to include her just as a small character, but an amazing plot took over. If you guys want I can post "Interviewing Real Life Clarity"!
About half of the Dauntless around me have regained the light in their eyes and are slowly moving out of the Pit. My eyes drift up to the cots by the cafeteria. I don't remember moving them; they pulled themselves like a magnet. (About half of Dauntless has received their memories by this point, and Tris feels her eyes being pulling up to the cots.)
A large man sits up in one of the cots, his back turned to me. (Know who it is? I do.)
From the loose collar of his shirt, I can see some black ink peeking out. My eyes drift up to his hair, which is a dark brown, almost black color. His ears stick a little off of his face, but this slight imperfection only adds to his idiosyncrasy. Black color twists around his wrist, in the form of a small bird in flight. I can't tear my eyes away. I'm glued to his image. (Basically Tris is describing him, to try to jog her memory. The tattoo around his wrist will be mentioned later.)
Abruptly, he whips around. Almost like he could sense me staring at him through the pinpricks in his neck. Two navy blue orbs find mine. (So this dude also feels the strange magnetic pull. If you don't know who it is by this point, shame of you for considering yourself a Divergent fan!)
Tobias Eaton. Leader of Dauntless. (Once again Tris' mind is informing her on this face. Nothing new here, as I briefly mentioned that he was a leader.)
Engaged to Clarity Ruyei. (Oh I just have to torture you guys don't I! So this is what her mind is telling her. So if you haven't caught on, Tris was given false memories. Hope I explained everything well enough :D)
Chapter four! Hey…FOUR :D
Screams of silence. That's all that has filled my head for the last few days. Immobilizing, paralyzing. Silence. Silence, defined as the complete absence of sound.
But this silence is louder than one thousand voices, rising louder and louder to be heard above the rest.
There's only one star in the sky. One star, but not a star. It's the one lower levels children draw in the corner of their pages, perfectly round with extending arms and a bright smile. The star that epitomizes life.
"Tris." A gruff voice comes from underneath me. It doesn't question, doesn't convey any emotion. Just a voice, ostentatious through the screeching silence.
I feel like I should be started, but the homogeneity of it rocks me closer into oblivion.
A voice familiar, but so new. It's a kind of familiarity that feels like it's from a different time, a different life, a different world.
I've never believed in living multiple lives. But woe God, that thought feels more real than anything else.
The net sags on my right side.
"Tris." The voice repeats, closer than this time. I finally open my eyes.
There they are again. Those navy eyes, with a sky blue ring around the pupil. God, those eyes.
Those eyes. The sole source of the screaming silence. It's been a week. A week since these memories have found me, and these eyes has haunted me.
A week since those eyes have been married to Clarity Ruyei.
The eyes close, and along with them my memories. Apparently the day of "water compromisation" is a good day for a wedding.
A wedding I didn't attend.
Compromised water. A pretty sad excuse for a collective memory wipe.
"I used to lay up here a lot." Four whispers, his voice distant. I watch as he lazily stretches his arms out above his head, and lets the sun beat down on his face. I don't know what it is about him, but I just can't seem to look away. A ring glosses on his finger in the light.
"At least, that's what they told me. Do some of these memories seem artificial to you?" He looks over at me when he says the last part, frowning slightly while gazing deeply into my eyes. Their depth, their sincerity, is enough to make me speechless. I feel like my brain, my body, my soul, has been set aflame.
What is wrong with me?
"Yes." I manage, looking back up at the sky. The sun had moved far enough to where it wasn't directly over the entrance to our world. I could see straight up without tattooing patterns of light into the back of my eyes.
"Some things feel off. Like you, for instant." Four pauses, and in the corner of my eye see him shift. "I can't place it. It's like I know you better than myself, but can hardly say a thing about you. You know?"
I do know. That's exactly what I'm feeling.
"I'm comfortable around you. More so than most people. It's just odd. I feel closer to you than I ever have to Clarity."
What could I possibly say to that? Silence is my best option. As despicable as it is.
"I'm blabbing. It just feels good to have someone to talk to. Clarity is probably looking for me. You know how relationships are." I freeze, and stare straight up into the sky while eschewing the awkwardness. Four doesn't move a muscle, but I can feel the heat radiating from his body as he lies peacefully next to me.
"Are you dating someone? Sorry if that's intrusive. I just…can't remember." That's a peculiar question. Especially from a married man.
I sigh, and the words come plummeting out of my mouth. "No, I entirely understand. Honestly…no. And I don't think I ever had either." I bite my lip and stare up at a drifting cloud. It almost looks like a bird. A big, white, lumbering bird.
Four is silent. Slowly, he breathes and speaks. "I find that really surprising. Well, I have to go. See you later, alright?"
Surprising? What is that supposed to mean?
But before I can ask, the net springs back up and he's gone.
"Yeah." I whisper to the cloud.
"See you later."
Hello once again! Does everything make sense now? I hope it does…please review pansycakes! I'm going away for the weekend, but I will try my hardest to write and maybe post something Monday night! Happy birthday to all the people I know having birthdays today and tomorrow! There's like eight of you! Enjoy your labor day everyone!
