***Wow! Thank you guys for your great feedback! I will finish Inferno, my muse just kept me up all night and now this is totally writing itself (4 chapters in one day!). Weird. I can't wait to find out what happens either. lol. I have to add a warning, this chapter is emotionally intense and there is some talk about suicide (I promise no one dies.) Thanks for reading and your kind comments.****

Mac looked sucked dry of energy physical and emotional. More worrying, he stopped talking altogether, instead of drifting into space. When Jack or Bozer would touch him to bring him he would startle, and look around him looking for threats. His breathing would speed up and he would shake. Jack saw it was taking more and more time to relax. Jack frowned as he and Bozer helped Mac back into bed. The blonde didn't complain like he would normally. He absently nodded his thanks then flipped on his side, his back to the room.

Jack and Bozer shared a worried gaze. The good news is that Mac felt safe enough to turn his back to the door. The bad news was he didn't feel safe enough to face his friends. Jack gently covered him and sat in the recliner. He looked at Bozer and nodded at the cot. Bozer looked like he was going to protest, but he yawned and conceded defeat. He slipped his shoes off and curled up on the cot. Jack yawned and reclined the chair back. He put his arms crossed behind his head. The room was quiet, he could tell Mac wasn't sleeping. His body was too stiff, and Jack could visibly see him jump at any noise. Jack sighed wondering what else to do for his friend.

Jack opened his eyes and blinked. He'd fallen asleep. He turned to Mac to see him curled into a ball in the corner between the bed and window. His knees were pulled up and he was rocking. Mac's eyes were staring into space, wide and he was almost gasping for air. Jack sat up before he could say anything he heard a scream from down the hall. Jack jumped to his feet. He crossed to the door and looked down the hall.

The nurses were ducking in and out of the room. Jack smiled. He'd been with his sister for three of her four children, he knew the sound of birth, although the mother down the hall was using a lot less swears and the threat of bodily harm to her husband than Jack's sister had. A minute later a different scream pierced the air. Jack smiled. The baby sounded healthy and feisty. Jack glanced at his watch and frowned. They hadn't seen the second shift nurses much, probably because of the new mom. It was time for Mac's pain medicine and a sedative probably wouldn't hurt either.

He glanced back seeing Bozer sit up bleary eyed.

"I'm going to the nurse's station," Jack said softly. Bozer held out a thumbs up. Jack glanced at Mac worried, then shut the door behind him as he walked to the nurse's station. There were no nurses but Jack was relieved to see Dr. Mendez frowning over Mac's chart. "Hey, Doc," Jack said. Dr. Mendez looked up and smiled.

"How is he doing?" Dr. Mendez asked. Jack described everything that happened that day and how Mac was sitting in the room now. Dr. Mendez sighed.

"I'm not surprised, the next week or two is going to be very dangerous for Mac." Jack leaned forward alarmed.

"I thought you said he's doing ok."

"Physically he is, he'll have pain and it will take time for him to heal, especially those feet. We still don't know what the extent of nerve damage we're dealing with. But emotionally, he's very fragile." Jack nodded. This he knew. Dr. Mendez reached out a hand to Jack and stood up. "We have to make sure he doesn't harm himself." Jack stared at the man, his mouth hanging open.

"Oh, Mac would never do anything like that," Jack said. Dr. Mendez sighed and ran his hand through his thinning hair.

"I read Mac's file, and I know some of what he's survived. He has a strength and resiliency that is off the charts, really." Dr. Mendez looked seriously into Jack's eyes. "But this is different, he complied with his torturers."

"He had no choice," Jack said feeling his hackles rising and his hands rolled into fists. Dr. Mendez held out a hand.

"I know that, and you know that, but how do you think Mac feels?" Jack looked down the hallway and felt like he'd gotten kicked in the gut. He realized the doctor might be right. Jack felt more afraid than he had the entire time Mac was captured. He knew how hard Mac took things that went wrong on their missions, the guilt and pressure he put on himself even when it was extremely undeserved.

"So what are we going to do?" Jack asked, his voice a tight whisper. Dr. Mendez sniffed.

"He's going to be riding an emotional rollercoaster, he's going to feel out of control mentally and physically. Just do what you normally do, support and protect him. The best therapy would be finding out what this whole 13 business is about and letting Mac help end whatever it was they made him do." Jack nodded.

"That we can do." Jack's voice had a sharp edge of determination and threat in it. Dr. Mendez touched his arm. Jack looked at him, not liking the look on the doc's face.

"It may mean helping him to relive...to regain some of the missing memories." Jack closed his eyes in pain and ran a hand through his hair. He shook his head automatically protesting before he could form words. "I believe in the long run it will help him...keep him from obsessing or being lost in his own head." Jack breathed out and nodded at the doc turning to return to Mac's room. He saw Rachel, the afternoon nurse hurry down the hall. Jack stepped in her path making a firm request for Mac's meds. She looked annoyed and nodded. Jack growled. He had a great respect, no love, for nurses but some...He shook his head cutting off his harsh judgment. He didn't know what was going on down the hall. That didn't mean Jack didn't desperately hope Diane and Heather were on again tonight.

When he opened the door, Jack found himself smiling. Bozer had climbed up in Mac's bed and was sitting cross-legged in front of him reminding Mac of some of the adventures they'd had as kids. Mac had stopped rocking and at least looked like he was trying to focus. He jumped and skittered back when Jack walked in. Jack paused allowing Mac time to adjust to his presence. Mac offered a small smile.

"Hey, am I missing out on more Mission City gossip?" Jack said. Bozer grinned.

"Yeah we were just talking about the time Darlene Martin actually cut their frog's head off accidentally and Mac had to fix it so they wouldn't fail biology lab." Jack chuckled. Mac tried to smile, but his face flattened to a blank sadness.

"She's the prom queen right?" Jack said. Mac's eyes dropped, he didn't answer. Bozer shot Jack a worried look. Jack came over and sat on the arm of the recliner facing Mac. Mac turned away and Jack could see tears streaming down his face. Mac angrily wiped at them. Jack reached out and gently pulled on Mac's arm until the younger man turned to face him. Jack tried to meet Mac's eyes, but Mac wasn't having it. Jack kneaded Mac's shoulder not liking how bony it felt. "Hey, hey! Look at me. Mac, look at me." Mac reluctantly looked up trying to blink away his tears. "I just talked to the doc. Your emotions are going to be all out of whack for awhile, ok? And that's ok? It's nothing to feel ashamed of, you got me?" Mac looked down and absently pulled at the dressing around his left foot.

Jack was alarmed to see some reddish yellow discharge seeping through. He schooled his face not showing it.

"We're going to be here, every step of the way, Mac?" Bozer added. Mac looked up at him and they could see his Adam's apple bob from the emotions running through him. Jack stood and half leaned on the bed, putting his arm around Mac and pulling him closer. Mac didn't fight, but he didn't give in to the hug either.

"That's what brothers do, right bro?" He said softly. "You'd say exactly the same thing to me, right?" Without looking up Mac nodded. "Of course you wouldn't have the depth of wisdom or awesome delivery that I have." Jack was pleased to see a small but fleeting smile. He sighed. It was a start.

There was a knock on the door. Mac jumped and scooted closer to Jack. Jack smiled and wrapped his arm around his partner tighter. He doubted Mac was even aware of moving closer. The door opened and Rachel came in holding a clear cup of pills and a cup of water. She didn't pause, she strode up to the bed held out the meds and glared at Mac. Mac shrank back, breathing fast.

"Time for meds, take them," Rachel demanded her voice hurried and flustered. Mac shied back reacting to her body language and tone of voice more than her words. Jack could feel him reach out and cling to Jack's shirt.

"Why don't you leave the meds and we'll give them to him." Jack offered, his careful tone trying to avoid the fury he felt inside.

"I can't that's not how we do it here. Now take the damn pills." The woman huffed. Jack was up and moving before he consciously thought about it, he grabbed the woman by the front of the shirt and walked her none too gently out the door and into the wall across the hall. The woman looked up at him scared. "I'll get security…"

"Don't ever approach him like that again," Jack said his voice soft and low, and incredibly chilling. The woman blanched. Before she could stutter out an apology or excuse, Dr. Mendez was at Jack's side.

"What's going on?" The doctor asked his voice angry. Without turning away from the nurse, Jack carefully, in clipped tone told the man exactly what had happened. Dr. Mendez straightened. He put a hand on Jack's shoulder. He could feel the shaking in Jack's muscles as he fought not to strike out at the woman. It took a minute, but he was eventually able to gently pry Jack away from Rachel. Dr. Mendez took the cups away from the woman and handed them to Jack. "Go ahead and give these to Mac. I'll handle this." Jack looked at him, the muscles of his jaw clenching. He gave a curt nod and returned to Mac's room. At the door he gently called to Bozer, he handed Bozer the meds and water then turned to stalk off the floor.

Jack knew that Mac would instantly pick up the rage radiating from him. Mac always could, and in his hyper-aware state...Jack was barely aware of his surroundings or where he was going as he stormed out of the unit. He was dimly aware of others scurrying out of his path. Jack was so upset he didn't notice two of the people he blew past were Riley and Matty. Riley shared a worried look at Matty. Matty frowned.

"Go see Mac and Bozer, I'll handle this," Matty said. Riley nodded and went to the elevator. Matty followed Jack at a distance. The man stormed out across a parking lot to a small grassy area where he paced back and forth. Matty could see his flushed face and waving fists. As she drew closer she could hear the constant swears descend into animal growls and angry snarls. Matty waited until he slowed, then crossed to him.

"Hey, Jack." She said as if she didn't know how pissed off the man was. Jack whirled and Matty thought he was going to swing at her. She smiled sweetly unafraid. She'd dealt with a swinging Jack before. It took some time but Matty waited patiently as Jack reigned in his temper. He huffed and ran his hands over his warm face. He breathed out and forced his muscles to relax.

"Sorry, Matty." He said softly. He sighed and plopped down on the grass. Matty sat beside him seeing the invitation for what it was. She waited. When he didn't speak, Matty prompted,

"Doctor?"

"Nurse...Nurse Rachel...should be nurse Rachett." Jack scowled looking away. Matty smiled waiting. Once he got going Jack ranted angrily until he ran out of air or energy. Matty sat and quietly listened. Jack told her about what Dr. Mendez had said. Jack went silent, his bottom lip trembling, just a little. Matty waited. When nothing else came out, she spoke.

"I'll take care of it. Tell me who's good with Mac and I'll make sure they are the only ones he sees." Jack blew out and smiled down at Matty.

"Thanks, that'll help a lot." Matty shrugged. "Did you find anything else?"

"We have the DNA samples of the other blood found on Mac's clothes running, the results should be back later today or tomorrow. Riley found out the clothes he'd been wearing were actually standard wear for Oregon's mental hospitals." Jack turned and raised an eyebrow.

"They couldn't have done this in a fully functioning one." He said.

"That what we thought too, Riley is making up a list of private and public ones that have been recently closed or have a closed wing."

"Finally!" Jack said jumping to his feet. He was ready to kick some ass. Matty stood up. "Bozer and I will stay with Mac." She offered. Before she could say anything else she found herself swept up in a hug and lifted off the ground. Jack put her down, smiled then strode toward the hospital. Matty shook her head and straightened her suit jacket, following at her own pace.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mac was having trouble following what everyone said after he heard Jack say he was leaving. Mac stared at him, panic on his face. It took Jack a minute to notice. Jack sighed and asked everyone else to step out. Mac watched his lips move, his eyes try to be reassuring, but Mac only felt a black hole inside. Jack was leaving. Mac pulled his knees to his chest and laid his head down on his crossed arms. He was dimly aware of Jack trying to talk to him, trying to explain...Mac felt like the whole world became dark. He was alone, more alone than he was when they….Jack was leaving. He heard other voices, other people around him, but they seemed to echo off the walls of a deep cliff he was falling off of. He had to get out.

Mac pushed himself out of bed and stalked to the door. He dodged all of the arms trying to capture him. He was barely aware of the dizziness or pain as he walked. He had to get out. He couldn't breathe, he was trapped, he was alone...the word echoed alone, alone, alone...he found himself on the stairs going up. He always ended up alone...he realized this time he deserved it. He had done a terrible thing...he would be responsible for a lot of deaths...he was useless to stop it...he should have let them kill him...was his pain worth innocent lives...alone, alone, alone…

Mac found himself on the roof. He crossed to the highest edge and scrambled onto it. He looked down. He didn't feel the breathless fear he normally felt. He looked at the ground, seven? Stories below and watched cars and people the size of ants move below him. Going on about their lives, oblivious to the dangers around them, the danger he'd made...one step...alone, alone, alone…

"So, uh Mac, what are ya thinking here?" Mac turned toward the voice. Riley stood behind and to the side of him. He glanced behind him, Jack, Matty, and Bozer stood silently, fear in their eyes. Mac turned away and looked down.

"I'm tired." He finally whispered wincing at the dry scraping of his throat. Riley took a step forward.

"I get that it's really been a hell of a shitty week." Mac felt tears run uncontrolled down his face. One step…"So Mac, what happened? What got you upset?"

"Jack's leaving." Mac's voice was flat, dead. Riley glanced back at Jack who turned away agony on his face as he ran his hand through his hair. "Everyone leaves, I'm alone…" Mac continued, feeling oddly detached, floaty.

"No, no you aren't." Riley said firmly, "Do you know how freaked out we were when you disappeared? Do you know how hard Jack looked for you, how we all looked for you?" Mac looked down feeling more guilt over the pain he'd caused his friends, again. "We were so happy when you called when we had you back. You are a part of us, you're our family. Don't make us lose you again. Do you know how much that would hurt?" Mac turned to look at her, and his heart broke at the pain in her eyes and the tears streaming down her face. Mac looked back at Jack whose face was pale and he looked terrified. Mac frowned. He'd never ever seen Jack that afraid. Mac realized that Matty was holding Jack back by a hand on his arm. Mac wiped at his face and took a breath. He felt wobbly, his feet announced the furious blaze of agony he'd been ignoring. Mac felt stupid.

"Jack.." He said softly. Jack pushed past Matty and caught Mac as he slumped off the ledge to the roof. Jack squeezed Mac tightly. It hurt but Mac didn't fight it hearing the fast beat of his friend's heart against his ear. Mac's knees gave out and Jack eased him to the cement roof and leaned back. Mac wiped his face, annoyed to find it wet again. He looked up at Matty and Riley who knelt beside him then down, not wanting to meet Jack's eyes.

"Hey, hey it's ok, bud," Jack said softly. Mac slowly looked up, instead of the hurt or anger he expected, Jack smiled in relief. He wasn't so pale. Mac took a deep breath.

"S...sorry...I didn't mean…" He whispered. He looked over at Riley and gave her a watery smile. "Thanks, Ri...I don't...I don't know what...what I was thinking…" Riley hugged him.

"It's ok Mac, just promise you will never, never, never do anything like this again." Mac leaned his head against hers and patted her shoulder.

"Ok." He said weakly. He looked up at Matty and frowned. It was never good to crack up in front of your boss. He looked down again wiping at his tears. He didn't even know why he kept crying. Everything inside was a stormy sea and he had no lifeboat or raft.

"Mac," Matty said at his elbow. He braced himself and looked up. "You ever do anything like that again you're fired, got me?" Matty gave him a caring smile to take away the sting of her stern tone. Mac nodded and lowered his eyes. He looked at his feet and winced. There was blood seeping through the gauze on both. Mac was feeling lightheaded. Everything seemed to sway. His stomach suddenly revolted and he jackknifed to the side heaving painfully. He had nothing to expel. His arms shook and couldn't hold him up anymore. He was dimly aware of flopping to the cement. The others faded into blurry shadows, their voices into static...he was floating…

Mac gasped as hands lifted him and he was sat down in a wheelchair. He felt flushed and leaned forward dry heaving again. Hands kept him from taking a header over his feet to the ground. He felt hot, sweaty. He glanced down. His feet were dripping a thick trail of blood. He could feel his heart race. He felt his eyelids droop. Then he was being lifted and laid flat on a padded gurney. A cool cloth was put on his forehead. Faces blurred in and out of his vision. His eyes blinked slowly. Everything seemed to be floating far away, he closed his eyes and floated with it.