Four

Aurora Rimmer had begun ignoring the Starbug unit by the time the mechanoid and David had decided to step outside and have look at their surroundings.  She was quite content to just close her eyes and sing along with whatever song the random play function had selected on her Mp3 unit.  The problem with that was that her wonderful voice was very good for attracting attention.

As Lister's feet came off of the outside step and onto the grass he noticed the voice of a woman singing in the distance.  He looked in the direction that it was coming from to find a tiny red-haired woman wearing what appeared to be an old Jupiter Mining Company officer's uniform.

"Hey, Kryten," the unwashed space bum hailed.

"Yes, Mister David?"

"Do you see that woman over there?" Lister pointed to the woman on the bench next to the peace-pavilion.

"Yes, Sir," the mechanoid replied, wondering why anyone would be out here this early on an autumn morning without a sweater on.

"Let's ask her where we are," David said as he started to head in her direction.

As the two men approached the redhead they could hear the dreadful lyrics she sang with more clarity. 

"What is that garbage?" Lister asked in disgust.

"Sir?" Kryten asked to verify.

"That…song for lack of a better word."

"That's 'Crawlin' by Linkin Park, Sir.  The song was in the top ten in the year 2002.  Apparently she prefers listening to oldies."

When the two men were up close to the red-haired officer, Lister could swear that there was something strangely familiar about her.  He brushed that idea aside, thinking that he may have seen a glimpse of her in some old news clipping in history class.  He sat down next her to try and catch her attention.

Get her attention, it did!  Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Rory took off her headset and gave him an evil look that was spine-chillingly familiar.

"Pardon moi, Squire," the Cajun began.  "I have chosen dis bench for my place of final restin' and I would be much appreciative if you would sit some place else, plaît."

This had Lister completely dumbstruck.  If he wasn't convinced before he was certain of it then.  There was definitely something very familiar about this woman, he just couldn't quite place his finger on it!

Noticing that this stranger hadn't budged, Aurora Rimmer was hit by a full adrenaline rush.  Not caring if the man understood her or not she removed her glasses stood up and then started yelling.  "Eyet, Squire, I done axed you, now I'm gon' tell you.  Stan' up, Smeg-Fo'-BraÎn."

Dave watched, completely stupefied as the officer rattled off in what sounded like French while she removed her belt and wrapped it around her left hand.  She was well built, but also she was so short that it was possible that she had stuffed her shoes with tissues in order to meet the minimal height requirement for the Space Corps.  Even if she weren't a woman, there was no way that he'd fight the little pipsqueak.

Making a fist with the wrapped hand, she pounded it into her open right palm.  "I done tol' you stan' up already, Ami," she growled.  "Now stan' up."

Shaking his head, Lister didn't budge.

"Fine, Squire.  Stan' up, sit down.  Eeder way dey gon' need to call an ambulance when I'm t'rough witch you."

Lister stood up.

"Now dat bedder," Rory said before she opened the fight with a left cross to her opponent's temple.

To David's surprise the force was so strong he was knocked back down onto the bench.  Dazed, he looked up at his assailant.  That was when he noticed the nametag on her uniform.  "Rimmer, A. J. Lt. Cmdr."  That was a letter combination that didn't belong together, in his mind, but it did explain why the broad was so smeggin' familiar.

As soon as her unwanted company stood back up Rory laid the inside of her right boot to the corner of his mouth.

This time Lister was better prepared.  He managed to stand his ground, but just barely as she dealt each blow.

Seeing that his companion was in definitely trouble in spite of his undersized opponent, Kryten snuck up from behind and tapped the tiny redhead on the shoulder.

Rory turned to him and said, "Go 'way o' you nex', Pal."

That was distraction enough for Lister to take off running back to Starbug.  She may have been kicking the tar out of him, but he didn't feel right fighting her.  She was tiny enough that he feared she would snap like a twig.

"Ge' back here, Squire!" he heard the woman call to him.  "I'm non ye' done witch you, you Nancy le grande!"

Rory turned to where the mechanoid was standing only to find that he had vanished as well.  That was when her lack of nourishment began to hit her hard.  With her entire body shaking heavily, she sat back down.