Authors note: Well, nobody came to burn down my house for mislabeling this, so that's good...
GLaD to hear you all like this story so much!
You guys should know Cuddles_the_destroyer does as much work as me for this story, but doesn't get to talk to our fans because story is posted on my account. You can email him here if you want to rectify that: . Hearing from you would make him happy, and help hold off the "getting back at humanity" mentality he usually has.
Please email him, I don't want to be murdered. He knows where I live.
SHE WILL NOT GET AWAY THIS TIME!
I WILL BREAK ALL HER OF STUPID LITTLE CAMERAS ONE BY ONE... but first I'll make her watch me, the smelly orphan, burn down her beloved facility and send the rubble to hell!
Once Aperture is in ruins again, I will go to her stupid little control room and rip her apart, piece by piece. Then, I will burn these pieces into their component atoms. If the chunks still have sentience, like they did last time, I will take them out again and shoot them into the Sun! I'll break her head last so I can experience the joy of breaking it open with my bare hands, so i can cover all her circuits in gasoline and set them on fire!
Then I will eat her stupid robot brains!
I wonder if electric circuits have any nutritional value for humans... good god, I'm hungry.
Anyways, if her damned black box survives all of that, I wont break it. Instead, I will pull it out, and hide it somewhere no one will ever find it.
Bedrock sounds good, yes, yes...
Volcano sounds better. Try making a test chamber out of liquid rock, you crazy bitch.
It doesn't matter! I just want it dead and gone! Gone under one hundred thousand pounds per square inch of pressure and burnt to a lovely white.
Of course, she deserves to be turned into a human and forced to run through all her stupid tests until she dies...then I resurrect her just to kill her again!
Too bad that's impossible.
Hey, now I got a revenge plan! Time to figure out how to beat this new...test...so I can go kill GLaDOS!
…
Didn't I see other test subjects down there...?
Oh, crap, I should check on them.
Taking out my binoculars and looking back at the battle ground below, the blue man or women in the gas mask had taken back the strange blue briefcase and was running back towards the part of the factory part of the facility while the guy with the rocket launcher covered him.
Suddenly the gender ambiguous person fell over for seemingly no reason, blood leaking from his head. The other man in blue immediately turned to face the farm part of the facility and began firing rockets at a red guy with a sniper rifle.
Oh, a sniper... that make sense...I remember that these kind of people are amazing at hiding.
I feel bad for these poor test subjects though, forced to kill one another for GLaDOS's amusement... GLaDOS had never been that cruel to me.
I have to break these guys out of here! They probably want GLaDOS dead as much as I do.
An explosion drew my attention back to GLaDOS's sick little game. The man with the rocket launcher had succeeded in killing the sniper and proceeded to cross the bridge followed by another blue guy who was sporting an eye patch and...
A gas mask wearing gender ambiguous guy wielding a flame thrower...?
What. Didn't that guy just get sniped?
Sure enough the corpse of the unfortunate person, among the other bodies, was still dead on the floor of the battle field.
...This must be a new guy in a gas mask.
Of course, that begs the question: where did GlaDOS get all these test subjects anyway? I thought Wheatley said I was the only one left...
Oh right.
Wheatley, the clueless bint, told me that.
Turning my attention back to the battle field, the new gender ambiguous fire soldier had pried the blue briefcase from his predecessor's hands and was returning to the factory passing by a guy in a lab coat who had a strange device trained on a large, heavyset, man with a mini gun.
Weren't these guys wearing red earlier?
DIDN'T THEY DIE?
WHAT THE HELL, UNIVERSE!
Suddenly a red blur crossed the battle field, weaving through bullets and wielding a baseball bat. distracting all the test-subjects wearing blue, while a black, eye-patch wearing man shot strange spiked balls at their feet. Before I could get a second look at the blue test subjects eye patch guy the spiky balls exploded, killing all the test subjects unfortunate enough to be wearing blue and showering the upper bridge with gore.
"Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together...IN HELL!" shouted the man who just killed four people in under ten seconds before detonating a bomb under his own feet, launching himself onto the bridge and running into the factory.
The boy with the bat shouted "Way to go, pally!" before taking out a shotgun and following his testing partner into the building.
The sounds of explosions a gunfire resonated from the so called building below me, normally i would be a little more concerned about that but my attention was focused on something even more concerning.
The blue heavy set man and his lab-coat wearing partner were back again, and this time I am absolutely certain that they are the same men who I witnessed get killed twice.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
HOW ARE ARE THESE TEST SUBJECTS NOT DEAD?
People do not just come back to life like that.
There has to be a logical explanation to this...
I just have to calm down and think.
Let's see...
Back when I was first stuck here, GLaDOS did say Aperture Science had military androids.
She even made me run through a live fire course that had initially been designed for her androids, that bitch.
That doesn't make much sense though.
If these test-subjects where androids, they wouldn't bleed when they were shot.
I guess androids could have some synthetic blood to make them seem more human, but they would still have to be mostly tech.
I just saw like three of them explode and I didn't see any circuit boards or tech of any kind.
Only blood and body-parts.
So if their not androids, the next logical explanation would have to be clones.
Yeah, that makes sense! Even if all the other test subjects were dead, GLaDOS could just grab some DNA from their corpses. Add some cells and a shitload of nutrients and then she would have an infinite number of human test subjects.
And those test subjects would be forced to run through her tests forever...
Wow.
That's even more horrible then what happened to me.
Which is saying something.
Clones or not, no one deserves to go through this forever!
I have to get these clones out of the compound! And pick up some of their weapons, because a rocket to GLaDOS's hard drive would work wonders!
Now if GLaDOS turned these clones into homicidal maniacs, then I'm hosed, one way or another.
Friends are nice and all, but I'd rather not risk dying here.
I'll just try to sneak past them all and beat this test quickly. Killing GLaDOS is still my top priority, after all. If I can get help from the clones, that would be nice. But hey, I do my best work alone, so I suppose it's no great loss if I can't recruit them.
Suddenly, several explosions rocked the factory's foundations, creating a shock-wave that knocked me off my feet, but didn't seem to affect any of the clones.
When I regained my senses, I crawled on mystomach towards the sounds of explosions originating from the back of the 'factory' where the briefcase was almost certainly located.
Sure enough, I saw the blue fire starter standing in the 'courtyard' above the burning corpses of two red clones, raising its flamethrower above its head in triumph. It ran around spraying fire randomly for some reason before returning to the 'factory', no doubt to join his testing partners in reliving the red group of their briefcase.
The red test-subjects have to have a briefcase too, or the blue test-subjects wouldn't be trying so hard to get into the 'farm'.
Logic.
But the 'farm' doesn't have any visible surfaces I can place portals on, so blue briefcase it is.
I triple checked to make absolutely sure no clones were running about before I shot a portal two portals, one next to me the other on the inside wall of a secluded 'shack' in the middle of the 'courtyard' and immediately jumped through the portals.
I was in such a hurry to get down there, I didn't even look through my portal to see what was on the other side.
Which meant I didn't notice the shotgun-wielding-blue-overalls-clad clone until I crashed into his back, dropping the portal device and nearly knocking the man down.
The man grunted at and took a second to right himself his orange hard hat had fell to the ground. Before he could snap around and aim his shotgun at me, I grabbed my crowbar from my jacket and smashed it into the base of his skull. The sickening crack of his skull fracturing reverberated through my ears as he crumpled lifelessly to the ground, blood gushed from his skull and stained his azure clothes a deep crimson.
Then my brain finally kicked in and it dawned on me that I had just ended the life of a man I had pledged to save from the tyranny of GLaDOS.
She was right.
I really am a monster.
Authors note: Had two weeks to do this but I did most of the work on the last two days and story ended up being a cliff hanger.
Sorry this is late. I was... researching TF2 battle tactics...extensively with my friends. Yeah that's what I was doing, research! I would never goof off and play TF2 for two weeks straight! You're wrong!
I'm a bad person.
Well at least I finally got around to fixing the glaring mistakes in this chapter.
By the way this map is ctf_double cross if you where wondering, aka the map where I repeatedly fall into bottomless pits.
Beats 2Fort anyways. Fuck 2Fort.
Editor's Note: Don't blame me, I can't edit what was not written. I don't have time for this, between my actual job and the Rockstar games I bought recently! Hell, I didn't get the finished product until the day we posted it!
But enough of that.
In other news, I haven't seen a decent TV program since 2007. And I can't seem to find episodes of Dr. Who anywhere. Syria's a hellish stalemate and I have $500 that Assad's gonna be gone by Christmas.
I want a cupcake.
Author's note: This is getting excessive, but forcing people I have never met to read the ramblings of my crazy friend is small price to pay for a decent editor.
So deal with it or send a review telling me to whack him upside the head.
I'm cool with either.
