Stop flaming my story preps ok! The only reason the Abbott swore is because he had a headache!

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The Abbot made and Matthias and I followed him. I started to cry and Matthias comforted me.

"You ludicrous fools!" Abbot Mortimer kept shouting at us all the way back to Redwall.

When we got back to Redwall Constance Badger and Foremole were standing in the Great Hall.

"I caught these two preparing to have intercourse in the forest!" The Abbot told them.

"Whoi did ee doo such a thing, yew mediocre dunces?" Foremole shouted.

"How dare you?" demanded Constance.

And then Matthias shrieked, "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everybeast was silent for a moment. Father Abbot and Foremole still looked angry but Constance said, "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

We started to go but Abbot Mortimer called me back into the room as everyone else was leaving.

"Ramona, Ranoma," he said sadly. "When will you learn to walk with humility and dignity, as befit's a creature of Redwall, rather than strutting about like a cheap hooker all the time?"

"You're just jealous because I'm so cool and gothic!" I angried back at him.

He led me over to where a tapestry of a heroic mouse was hanging on the wall. "This is Martin the Warrior, the first great hero of Redwall," he said. "When Martin first came to Mossflower, the land was controlled by an evil cat named Tsarmina and her vermin horde. But Martin led a courageous fight against Tsarmina with his mighty sword and liberated the woodlanders. After the battle he hung up his sword and led a life of peace, and now nobeast knows where his sword is. Why can't you be more like him?"

Abbot Mortimer sighed. "Well anyway, it's time for you to go to bed now."

So I went up to my bedroom. I changed into a gothic floor-length red dress that had "bich" and other misspelled swear words written on it kinda like a dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Then Matthias appeared in the doorway of the room, looking just like a pentagram between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. I was very flattered even though he wasn't supposed to be there.

"Ramona, I don't care what anyone else says about you. I love you no matter what. I just want to be with you!" And then he started singing "My Immortal" to me. (We considered it our song now because we fell in love while Evanescence was performing it at the concert.) We kissed some more and then he went back to his room.

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The next morning, I woke up in my coffin again. I went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I ate some more Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk. Suddenly somebeast bumped into me from behind and made me spill it all over myself.

"Thanks a lot! That was a brand new dress!" I shouted.

"I'm terribly sorry, wot wot," said a voice with a sexy English accent. I looked up and saw a hot gothic hare. He had died his fur black now and he was wearing a black ripped up suit with Vans.

"Hi," I said flintily. "I'm Ramona Darkfur Shadow'ness Ebony Lee."

"My name's Basil Stag Hare, although everybeast calls me Vampire these days, wot," he grumbled.

"Why?" I interrogated.

"Because I love the taste o' blood, don't ya know!" he answered.

"Well, I am a vampire," I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah!" I roared.

We talked to each other in silence for a few more minutes, and it turned out we had a lot in common!

"Do you like Good Charlotte?" he asked me.

"Yeah do you like MCR?" I said.

"Yeah."

Then Matthias came. "Come on Ranoma we have to go now," he said.

"Ok bye Vampire," I said and waved to him as we went up to Matthias's room.

Vampire Stag Hare stared after us with a sad kind of look on his face. He was probably jealous of me because I was going out with Matthias.

Well anyway we came up to Matthias's room. Then we started to make out passively. Matthias got all aroused and started to take of his shirt but then I saw the tattoo on his chest. On it were the words… Vampire!

I was so mad and sad. "Matthias how could you cheat on me with Vampire?" I cried.

"No! Wait! It's not what you think!" he said but it was too late. I already knew too much.

"Leave me alone, you idiot!" I screamed as I ran nakedly out of the room and down the hall. "You probably have rodent AIDS anyway!"