I Do Not Own Twilight or anything associated to Stephanie Meyers. I own only my original character.
Emma's (POV)
I seriously cannot believe that I gave Paul my phone number!
I don't know what I was thinking…actually wait, I do know. It's that I wasn't thinking at all.
A rational thought process is proving to be impossible when I'm around Paul.
But I mean, can you blame me? He is seriously HOT! And I mean it's not just that, there's something about him. He does something to me that I just can't explain.
I'm getting off track… He's getting me off track.
Focus
Right.
I've still got 3 sets of 50 crunches, 10 sets of 10 squats and 5 sets of 10 burpees to do before I get ready for this bonfire thing.
Wait… am I really going to this bonfire?
Yes. Yes I'm going. I need to branch out and be around people.
No too much though, obviously, because then they may start to get suspicious.
This is just normal socializing. Not about Paul at all.
Paul…..
Emma….. Focus.
Okay okay. Focus. Got it.
I begin my work outs and go over everything I've done up until this point today.
First thing this morning as soon as I got up I ran downstairs to step onto the scale. Last night was a good test to see roughly where my starting point is, but no weight is as accurate as first morning weight. I was surprised to see that instead of the 113 that haunted my nightmares last night, I was welcomed with 112 lbs.
Unfortunately, 112lbs still puts me into the normal BMI category of 18.6.
When I was in hell my doctors told me that BMI wasn't important.
"It's nothing to obsess over Emma." They used to tell me.
Right. Because doctors know best.
They 'knew' that I was 'recovered'.
Boy were they all wrong.
The thing about being in treatment and then coming out is that everyone expects you to go about living your life as if nothing ever happened.
They don't view it like they should.
If you say the right thing, act the right way, eat what they give you and are a good little girl, then they think they've "cured" you.
They honestly don't know anything.
But I got out. I did as I was told. I was a good patient, doing everything by the book. Now that I'm away I can be who I need to be. Who I truly down deep within want to be.
After I finish my work outs, I run upstairs to take a shower, and then start getting ready for the bonfire Paul invited me to.
I put on a black (because it's the most slimming color) long sleeve pull over with some black skinny jeans and my maroon vans.
As soon as I'm dressed and my hair is air dried, I walk over to check my phone for any messages.
Nothing.
Maybe he was just being polite when he was asking me and he didn't actually want me to come.
Just as I'm contemplating changing my clothes and going for another run, I hear a knock at the door.
I run down the stairs, open the door and none other than Paul is standing there with this sheepish grin on his face.
I almost want to chuckle.
"I thought you were going to text me the details" I say with a grin.
"Well I thought about it, but I realized since we live just 2 houses apart, why not go together?" He tells me looking a little awkward.
Together.
That word just melts me.
What I wouldn't give to be 'Together' with Paul…. And I don't even really know him.
What the hell is happening to me?
Emma if you were with Paul the way you want to be, he would notice you're not eating and all of the exercising you do. He would want to put you back. Do you want to go back? Or do you want to be thin and beautiful and perfect?
I will never go back. I will be thin and beautiful. Whatever it takes.
"Is that okay?" he asks me softly.
"Oh uhm yeah… sure." I say giving him a small grin hoping my silence wasn't noticed.
I grab my royal blue sweatshirt in case it gets too cold and we head out the door.
"So how far away is your friend's house?" I ask trying to fill the silence.
"Oh it's not far, just up on the next street." He says.
We walk in silence the rest of the way. I can't help but glance over and gawk at him when I think he isn't looking.
He is a beautiful man. It actually kind of hurts my eyes to look at him.
There's no way he would be together with me.
He looks to be in amazing shape and me…. well I'm nothing but a standing piece of fat.
Everything about me is fat.
He'd never want me….
"Here it is." He says gesturing to a little red house behind some trees and pulling me from my thoughts back to reality.
It's a really quaint place and I can see over in the clearing next to the cottage the bon fire that they've got going.
I stop dead in my tracks when I smell it...
Food… my greatest enemy.
It's like I'm frozen… I can't move any closer.
No one said anything about food. It's a bonfire…. I figured they'd have some smores maybe but not actual food.
Sweet things are easy to say no to.
But actual food is another ball game.
I'm suddenly feeling very nauseous and light headed as the smell of hot dogs fills my nose.
I haven't eaten anything solid since I left Georgia to come to Forks.
I can't break my resolve now. I clutch my stomach and think I actually might pass out.
You can't let this get the best of you Emma. Show them you're stronger than their fatty food. You ARE strong enough to get through this. You will say no at all costs. You will not eat anything tonight.
Right. I'm strong enough for this.
Of course I am.
"Emma you okay?" I hear Paul ask me.
I hadn't realized that he was staring at me while I was having my tiny little breakdown.
"Yeah yeah I'm great." I say giving him my most convincing smile.
He eyes me suspiciously but starts walking and leading me to the bonfire.
Once we get there I can see quite a few people all sitting and talking.
"Everyone, this is Emma." Paul tells them smiling the widest smile I've seen yet.
"Hi." I say sounding a little shy.
One by one Paul's friends come up and introduce themselves to me.
They are seriously all HUGE. If I didn't know any better I would think they were all related.
"Freaky huh?" A beautiful girl comes up and says sitting next to me on my tree stump.
"I'm sorry?" I ask her confused.
I turn around to look at her and I want to curl up into a ball and be done with my life.
She has got the smallest arms I think I've ever seen. She's toned in all of the right places and her legs are so dainty and beautiful.
This girl has just become my inspiration.
She is so skinny.
"Oh sorry, I'm a little weird. You'll have to excuse me haha. I'm Renesme, but you can call me Nessie" She says holding her hand out to shake mine.
I hesitate not sure if I want to shake her hand. My fat fingers and wrists might literally break hers.
"Emma." Is all I respond.
I continue to sit there while she babbles on about all of the guys and girls I'd met tonight while I "mhmmed" and "ahhed" pretending to be listening to what she was saying.
She acts like I'm part of their little friend group even though I literally just met them.
The only thing I can think about is the food everyone is now putting on their plates.
I can't hear anything else or see anything else but that food.
It's taunting me I know it….
I'm pulled out of my daze just as Paul is walking up to me with 8 hot dogs on his plate.
"Hey Emma, you hungry? There's plenty of food over there." He tells me pointing to where the devil food is.
I want to cry looking at him.
How can he eat that much and be as in shape as he is?
If I took even one bite it would be over for me.
I would instantly gain a pound.
It doesn't seem fair.
I can't do this.
My hands are shaking and I'm feeling light headed from the smell of the food on his plate.
I can't afford to make a mistake.
No mistakes Emma. You say no. Always. Do you want to ruin your fast? You're 2 days in. Are you going to let those nasty fat filled hot dogs ruin everything?
No of course I'm not.
"Oh no thanks. I'm fine." I say smiling.
"Are you sure? These thing are delicious." He says in a taunting manner.
"I'm sure. Plus I'm a vegetarian anyways. No meat for me." I say clasping my hands together to will myself some control.
"Oh. I'm so sorry. If I would've known I would've had them make something else for you." He says apologetically.
"It's fine really. I ate before I came here." I lied.
He scrunches his eyebrows together for the smallest second before his face evens out.
We sit there for awhile longer talking about everything.
I told him about my parents and my old friends (that I made up on the spot)
While he told me about his friends and his family.
I swear I could talk to Paul for hours about nothing.
It felt so simple sitting here with him.
I'm fairly certain I could tell him just about anything.
Not anything Emma. What are you doing? Are you trying to let him get so close to you that he ruins everything we're working for?
No. Of course not.
But I can still be his friend. I had friends before you know.
Don't let him destroy you. Don't let him put you back.
I won't. I'm never going back.
It became late so we started to head back to our houses.
We walked in silence mostly except for the occasional question we didn't get to before.
I learned a lot about Paul this evening.
For one he REALLY likes to eat. Which could absolutely pose a problem to our new budding friendship.
He's also extremely loyal to his friends, who are basically his family.
Every time they were brought up in conversation, he spoke so highly of all of them.
Don't get me wrong he harped super hard on most of them but it wasn't in a malicious way, it was in an admirable way.
It just made me want to be his friend that much more.
I've never really had any friends. They complicated things too much.
We made our way down the street and up the walkway to my front door.
"I'm really glad you decided to come tonight. It was great having you there." Paul said.
"Yeah. I had a great time. Thanks for inviting me." I replied.
"Maybe we could hang out again tomorrow?" He asked with hope in his eyes.
"Uhm… sure that sounds great." I said with a smile.
What are you doing Emma? You need to be planning out your exercises for tomorrow. Not planning on being with some boy who eats WAY too much food. He's going to make you slip up. Or worse yet you'll stay strong and he'll start questioning you.
I won't let that happen. I'll be smart.
"I'll call you tomorrow sometime then?" He asked as he turned away to head to his house.
"Sure sounds great." I replied giving him a wave and shutting the door.
I turned around, ran into the kitchen and filled a cup full of ice to eat so it would help the hunger pains that at this point, are taking over my whole body.
I didn't let myself truly feel them when I was with Paul, but now that I'm alone…. I let them consume me.
That's good Emma. You have to feel every ounce of the pain to be able to overcome it.
I know.I remember.
Sorry for the late update again! I was hoping to have this chapter up yesterday but I didn't like how it was laid out so I basically re wrote the whole thing.
Please feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think so far!
