Edward dropped to his knees and then to his stomach and began rooting under his bed. Nothing. Where the fuck were his pills?

And then suddenly a memory flashed through his head. He'd been sixteen the last time Esme had cleaned out his pill stash. He'd been so angry with her that he couldn't believe she'd attempt it again.

"Esme!" he shouted as he charged down the stairs.

Esme, who sat in the kitchen looked at him, fear evident on her face. "Edward, baby…"

That was all he allowed her to get out. "Where the fuck are they?" he shouted.

This scene was familiar to Esme. Edward had frequently gotten upset over tiny things. She tried to stay calm as she asked, "Where are what?"

"Don't play fucking stupid with me!" Edward shouted charging toward her. He stopped an inch from his mother. "You were in my room!"

He lowered his face so that it was mere centimeters from hers, "Why the hell were you in my room? Why did you fucking touch my fucking things?" he accused through gritted teeth.

"I didn't," Esme answered.

"Liar!" he screamed in her face before backing away. His hands raked roughly through his hair. "Where are they?" he yelled, dumping the trashcan on the floor and kicking through the garbage with his foot.

"What are you looking for?" Esme asked quietly. She was sure she knew, but she hadn't gone into his room. She'd learned her lesson on that before.

Edward didn't answer her. He began opening cupboards and drawers, frantically searching through them. Finally he stopped and looked over at Esme who was sitting perfectly still, watching him with wide eyes.

They stared at each other for a moment before Esme said, "Edward…"

But the sound of her voice set him off again. He was in her face again. "Stay the fuck out of my room," he said in the coldest voice Esme had ever heard. Then he pushed past her and threw everything off the kitchen counter with one swipe of his arm, including a vase of fresh daisies. The vase hit the ground and shattered into a thousand pieces.

Edward turned and stormed out the sliding door, slamming it on his way out. The door hit the frame and bounced back open. And Edward was gone leaving Esme, who fell to her knees with her head in her hands and began sobbing.

"Maybe you should stay home, Jasper," Bella said. She figured it would be awkward for him being the third wheel and all. "Or maybe you could call and see what Charlotte or Maggie are doing tonight," she suggested.

Charlotte and Maggie were two of Jasper's exes and he knew what Bella was doing. She was trying to get rid of her older brother. Little did she know he'd like to try the same thing on her.

"I don't want to contact either of them. They're exes for a reason. And yes, I'm going. Someone has to watch out for you," Jasper lied.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm almost 20, Jazz. I don't need you to look out for me."

"Ha, that's what you think. I hear this Edward Cullen is strange and unpredictable." It didn't sit right with him even as he said it.

"Jasper! That's not true. He's a perfectly nice guy. People just don't bother to try and get to know him."

"Which is exactly why I'm going with you, to get to know him. And besides somebody has to be there to pick up the slack in the conversation when you two decide to stare at your feet."

Bella sighed. She realized she wasn't getting ride of Jasper tonight.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jasper told her.

"Yeah, yeah," Bella said. She wondered why Jasper was really so intent on going with her. For some reason she didn't buy that he just wanted to look out for her. If that were the case, why was he so opposed to bringing a date? At least it would be a decent ruse. But no other situation made sense in Bella's head.

She watched as he left the room and headed toward the bathroom. And the feeling that something was different about Jasper hit her again. She just couldn't put her finger on what it was.

Bella shrugged and headed to her room to get ready. She didn't have time to think about how weird Jasper was acting right now.

After Edward had stormed out of the house, he'd gotten in his car and driven in blind fury. He didn't realize where he was heading until he was almost there.

He parked his car at the end of the dirt road and got out of the car. He went around to the trunk to grab his flashlight. It was still light now, but even in his rage he had enough foresight to know it would probably be dark when he came back. He wasn't afraid, but he wasn't stupid enough to be in the forest at night without some source of light.

He shoved the flashlight in his back pocket and began his trek into the woods. There was no path, but he didn't need one. He knew exactly where he was going.

After a good twenty-minute kike he finally came to a clearing. The meadow. The only place on the entire planet where he felt some semblance of peace.

Edward had discovered it when he had first been brought to Forks. He'd gone out hoping to get lost in the forest and maybe eaten by a bear or something. Instead, he'd found the meadow.

It was beautiful, all green grass and wildflowers. There was a small brook that flowed just on the outskirts. And it was all his. He'd sit there for hours just staring up at the sky. And it would calm him. When he was here he felt as if the rest of the world didn't exist. He didn't have a past, there was no future, there was only this moment. It was just him and the meadow. There was nothing bad, nobody to hurt him. He was safe here.

Edward sat down in the grass and then laid back, his hands behind his head. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He already felt better, his mind more clear. The haze of anger was subsiding. He knew he was going to have to apologize to Esme. He had acted poorly.

He knew Esme didn't deserve to be treated that way. He was a fuck up. But he'd think about that later. This place had the effect of drugs on him. It mellowed him completely. He laid there with his eyes closed for sometime when suddenly he had a mental image of Jasper.

Edward bolted in to a sitting position. How long had he been out here? He'd been here for a long time and he was certain it was almost six.

He was late for his…. He didn't know what to call it. But at any rate, he was going to be late.

Edward scrambled to his feet and bent down to pick up the flashlight he'd dropped in the grass. He flicked it on and rushed back into the forest in the direction where he'd left his car.

Jasper pulled into the Cullen's driveway. It was a massive house. He'd driven by it a few times, but he'd never been this close to it.

He and Bella got out and head toward the door. He was nervous. He knew why, but he couldn't really justify it. Just as he couldn't justify why he was here in the first place. He shook his head to clear the negative thoughts and rang the doorbell.

He and Bella stood next to each other in silence for several moments before someone answered the door.

It was Mrs. Cullen. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy. "Can I help you?" she asked looking back and forth between Bella and Jasper.

It was Bella who answered. "We're here to pick up Edward," she said with a smile.

Mrs. Cullen looked at her with surprise in her sad eyes. "I'm sorry. Edward is not home," she told them.

"But we were supposed to got to Seattle," Jasper protested pointlessly as he felt his heart sinking. He knew he'd been looking forward to seeing Edward again. But he hadn't realized how much until there was no possibility of seeing him.

Mrs. Cullen shook her head. "I'm sorry. He's not home," she repeated.

At that moment Edward's sliver Volvo roared into the driveway and lurched to a stop. In a flash Edward was out of the car and jogging up to the porch.

"Hey," he said as he approached Jasper, Bella and his mother. He was relieved to see they were still there. "Sorry I'm late," he said as casually as possible glancing first at Bella and then Jasper. "Can you give me just a few minutes and I'll be out?" His heart was pounding in his throat and he wasn't sure why.

"Sure thing," Jasper said as Bella nodded. "We'll meet you in the car."

Edward nodded and then walked past his mother into the house.

Esme closed the door behind him and stared at him. She was about to say something but Edward spoke first.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier. I was angry, but I didn't handle myself the right way."

It always amazed Esme how calm Edward was when he came back from wherever it was he went. She'd always assumed he was going to Tanya's house when he got that upset. But now she realized that wasn't where he went.

But even still, this was the first time Edward had ever come home and apologized for his actions. And Esme was in shock.

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets and waited awkwardly for his mother to say something.

She didn't. She just stared at him. Edward didn't blame her. He was an awful person and he'd behaved terribly earlier. He felt the black cloud rolling over him again. And not even the impending trip to Seattle could fight it off. He clenched his jaw and his hands balled into fists at his side. He wished he had gotten lost in the woods or eaten by a bear. It would be so much easier than this existence.

Esme stepped toward Edward and wrapped her arms around him. She held him tightly for a minute and then she finally spoke. "Your friends are waiting," she said softly. And then she added, "Go have fun." She put emphasis on the word fun.

Esme squeezed Edward one last time and then released him. "Go," she said. "Be careful.

Edward nodded and then headed toward the front door. When he looked back Esme had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. Edward gave her a small smile of his own. A real, genuine smile. And Esme must have realized this because her smile grew even wider as she watched Edward head out the door to the waiting car.

Maybe they'd finally reached the point where Edward could begin to heal.


A/n: Okay,so if anyone is reading this let me know what you are thinking. I got zero comments on the last chapter. So if I get zero again I'm going to assume nobody is reading and I will not continue to post.