The ride went well (which in Logan's mind equaled silent) until James had devoured all of his food. He dutifully stowed his trash away in the empty plastic bag Logan had tucked under a seat for that specific purpose, then tilted the seat back further for what Logan hoped would be a nap. Instead, James reached for his phone and tapped at it for about a minute before groaning in frustration.
"What's wrong?"
"I have no service out here! This sucks!"
"Did you expect to?"
"I don't know, I didn't think much about it. How long until we're at the next town?"
"Twenty miles, but we're not stopping there. We're driving through until Montevideo."
"Is that still in Minnesota?"
"Yes."
"How much further?"
"A little over two hours."
That brought another groan from James. "This is bullshit. I hate technology."
"I think you mean that you hate a lack of technology."
"Same difference." Tossing his phone down into the cupholder, James sighed deeply as if being denied his favorite toy. "Now what am I supposed to do? I'm so bored, and you won't even let me turn on the radio."
"I doubt we'd get a signal out here anyway."
"So? I have music on my phone. Do you have an aux cord?"
After hesitating, Logan finally answered, "Maybe."
"So can we listen to music?"
"No."
"Fine." James crossed his arms over his chest and sighed again, then glanced across at Logan. "If you won't play any music, let's talk."
"Do we have to?"
"Yes, because I'll go crazy if we don't. Tell me why you've never had a girlfriend."
"That's too personal. Let's talk about you instead."
"No way, you said you'd talk about your life."
"If you talk about yours. That was the deal."
"Right. So you go first."
Cautiously, Logan asked, "What do you want to know?"
"I just told you. Why haven't you had a girlfriend?"
"Never wanted one. Your turn. How many girlfriends have you had?"
"Uh..." James pursed his lips as he thought about it, and after three seconds of silence Logan interrupted.
"Never mind, I get the idea. If you had to think that hard, it's obviously a lot."
"It's not that, I was trying to figure out if you could really call them girlfriends."
"What else would they be?"
"Hook-ups? Just girls to make out with for the night at a party or something? Or like...if Shelly went on a date and didn't want to go alone, she'd make me ask a girl out and double with her. But to me, that's not a girlfriend. It's more of a...what's the word?"
"Convenience?"
"Yeah, I guess. Why are you judging me for it?"
"I didn't even say anything," Logan argued.
"I heard it in your voice, you don't approve. What's wrong with convenience?"
"Nothing. It's just not the way I'd treat a girl."
"You act like I abused them or something," James complained. "They didn't mind it."
"No? So none of them wanted a second date?"
"I don't know, maybe. But I didn't want anything serious, so it never happened."
"At all?"
"Nope."
"So then the answer to my question," Logan mused, "if you don't consider them girlfriends, is zero. You've never had a girlfriend, either."
"Not technically, I suppose. If that's how you mean it. I thought you were just asking about girls I've been with."
"I was, but in my mind there isn't a difference. Did you ever fall in love with a girl you couldn't have?"
"Ah ah ah, my turn to ask a question."
"Oh, is that how we're doing this?"
"Sure, we'll make it a game. Like truth or dare, only without the dare. Unless you want to do dares?"
"Absolutely not," Logan answered immediately. "I refuse to play that game for a reason."
"Really? What reason?"
"Because I'm not stupid. I'm not putting myself in an embarrassing position."
"It's just me, what harm can we do in a moving car?"
Logan directed an accusatory glance at James before turning his eyes to the road again. "Oh, I'm sure there's plenty of damage you can find to do. And I'm not taking that chance, especially with you."
"What does that mean? What's wrong with me?"
"You're not the most upstanding citizen, James. You already almost got me arrested."
An eye roll preceded James' reply. "You're overreacting about that. I admit it was stupid, and I promise I won't do it again, but nothing happened. Nobody got in trouble."
"That doesn't lessen the severity of it. It was a very big deal."
"Only if we'd been caught. Which we weren't."
"You mean you. Don't make me a party to this."
"I don't even know what that means, but whatever. Whose turn was it to ask a question?"
Knowing it had been James' turn, Logan suggested, "We could just play I Spy instead."
"What's that?"
"A game where one of us sees something and the other person has to guess what it is. By color."
"That sounds lame."
"Okay. Twenty Questions?"
"That might be more exciting. How does it work?"
"Have you never been on a road trip before?"
"Not unless you count field trips at school."
"Really? You've never traveled?"
"Not in a car."
"No wonder you're so excited to be doing this. Okay, you think of something and I have twenty questions to figure out what it is."
"That's dumb. There's no way in hell you could figure out what I'm thinking of in twenty questions."
"I'm kind of a genius, James. There's no way in hell I wouldn't figure it out."
"Oh, you're on. Let me think of something."
Relieved that he'd steered James away from asking personal questions, Logan nodded.
James lifted his seat until he was upright again, or at least closer to it, as he thought it over. "Okay, got it. Go."
"Alright. Is it a person?"
"Nope. Question two."
"Is it an object?"
"No. Can you only ask yes or no questions?"
"Yes. I forgot to mention that, it's part of the rules."
"Really? Yeah, there's no way you'll get this then," James chuckled. "So...what question are we on?"
"That was two. So...is it an idea?"
James considered that. "I...hmm. Not really. I mean, you can get the idea to do it, but it's more than that."
"So it's an act," Logan grinned. "Something you can do."
"Damn, I gave that away. Question...three?"
"Four. And because it's you, I'm going to ask if it's sex."
"Why would you think I'd be thinking of sex?"
"Seems like something you'd come up with."
"Well, Mr. Judgmental, it is not sex. So take that."
"Oh, another nickname. Why are mine always derogatory?"
"One more word I don't understand. Number five. Go."
"Four," Logan argued.
"No, you just asked if it was sex. That's number four."
"That wasn't a question, it was a guess."
"What are you talking about?"
"If I ask a question about it, that's what it is. If I'm actually taking a guess, that's different and doesn't count as a question."
"You're making that up."
"I'm not, James, I promise. It's in the rules."
"Which you're also making up as we go along," James muttered. "Fine, go on."
"Okay...is it stealing?"
"Wow, really, Logan? I said I was sorry. Can we just let that go?"
"Hey, I have to take into account the person thinking of the thing. So the answer is no?"
"Yes, Logan. The answer is no. You've already wasted four questions."
"Three, I'm still guessing. And they weren't wasted, I've narrowed down a lot. Is it something that can get you in trouble?"
James suddenly cracked up, startling Logan. "What? Why is that funny?"
"Because it got me in trouble once. Had a black eye for a week."
"Oh," Logan said knowingly. "But it's something that doesn't necessarily get you in trouble? Just...if you do it in a certain way?"
"Yes. And that counts as a question, so you're down four."
"Okay, let me think," Logan replied. "Something you've done and it got you in trouble. Is it something you enjoyed?"
"Most of the time. Sometimes it sucked."
"Is it something you'd do again?"
"With the right person, absolutely. That's six questions, you're slacking."
"Doesn't matter, I already know the answer."
"Ha! You're such a liar! You think you're so-"
"It's a kiss."
James' jaw dropped. "That's not fair! How the fuck did you figure that out from asking me six questions?"
"I told you, I'm a genius. But honestly, your comments gave it away."
"It could've been anything! Grabbing a boob or making fun of someone or-"
"But you've got girls on the brain, James. And yes, it could've been grabbing a boob, as you so delicately put it; that was my next guess. Six questions," Logan added smugly. "That might be a new record."
"Oh, it is so my turn. And no cheating this time!"
"I didn't cheat. Besides, there's no way I can cheat on this, I'm just thinking of something."
"Yeah, but you can't think of something crazy like thermonuclear dynamics or like...a Jedi force field."
Raising one eyebrow, Logan commented, "I'm impressed you know the term thermonuclear dynamics."
"Heard it in a movie. Don't ask me what it means, because I couldn't tell you."
"Okay," Logan chuckled. "Give me a second of silence to think of something."
"Nothing hard! It has to be something I know."
"Relax, I won't make it hard. How about..." Logan bit his lip while changing lanes to pass a slow-moving car, trying to think of something that would stump James but not so much he could be accused of cheating. "Okay, got it. Go."
"Alright, this is gonna be good." James actually rubbed his hands together in excitement, making Logan glad he'd suggested the game. "Is it a person?"
"Technically, no."
"What? It either is or isn't."
"It's...not a human, we'll put it that way."
"What is it, an animal then?"
"No, and that was question two."
"Bullshit! That was clarification of question one!"
"Nope, you specifically asked if it's an animal. That counts as a question."
"Oh, you are such a cheater."
"I am not!" Logan laughed. "You asked if it was a person and if it was an animal. Clearly two questions."
"Fine. I still have eighteen to go. So it's...aha! I'm so good! I got this in two questions!"
"Doubt it, but go ahead and guess."
"It's a robot!" James shouted triumphantly.
Logan made a buzzer sound. "Not a bad guess, though, based on my comments. Go on."
"Damn, really? I thought I was onto something. So it's...kind of a person but not a human?"
"I never said that." It made Logan nervous how close to the truth that was, though. Maybe James was better at this than Logan realized. Or maybe he'd chosen an easy object. "And that's question three."
"No. No way, dude. That was clarification."
Logan debated before nodding. "Okay, I'll give you that. So you're down two."
"Okay. Um...is it a statue? Wait, do my guesses count as questions?"
"They do not. Next question?"
"Oh. Right. So...is it made out of plastic?"
"No. At least...you know, part of it might be. I'm not too sure about that, to be honest. So maybe a piece of it is."
"Ooo, I'm getting closer," James grinned, voice full of glee. "So it's a blow-up doll?"
"What the..." Shaking his head, Logan said, "No, James, it's not a blow-up doll. Where do you get this stuff? Wait, do you have a blow-up doll?"
"I'll ask the questions around here, thank you very much. But no, I don't. Sometimes I wish I did."
Logan barely stifled a laugh. "I shouldn't be surprised."
"Hey, a guy gets lonely. So how many questions have I asked?"
"It's hard to keep it straight, because of all your guesses and clarifications," Logan teased. "But I think three."
"Hot damn, I still have seventeen to go. Let me think about this. It's not a human but you didn't actually say no to that question. So kind of human. And part of it's made of plastic."
"Not for certain. I'm not positive about that."
"Okay. And it's not a statue."
Logan hadn't technically answered that question, but he wasn't going to remind James of that.
"Oh! Is it a painting?"
"All you're doing is guessing now, James. You would do better to ask me actual questions about the object."
"Would I? I just got you to tell me it's an object without even asking a question, Logan. Who's the genius here?"
Opening his mouth to argue, Logan realized James was right. "You're sneaky. And you accuse me of cheating?"
"Not cheating, buddy. So it's an object, partially plastic—maybe-and it's human-like. But you never told me, is it a painting?"
"No."
"So. Three questions in. Is it...wait, if it's only partially plastic, that means it has to be made of something else, too."
"Good deduction, James. Once again, I'm impressed."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No! I'm honestly impressed. You have the ability to think logically. That's a good thing."
"Okay, good." James slid his arms behind his head, Logan remaining quiet to let him think. "What's the rest made of?"
"Not a yes-or-no question."
"Oh, right. Is it also made of...metal?"
"Yes."
"But it's not a robot? You're sure?"
"Positive."
James' eyes narrowed as he concentrated. "Person, metal, plastic...is it big or small?"
"Yes or no, James, what part of that don't you get?"
"Fine, is it small?"
"In comparison to what?"
"Come on, now you're cheating again!"
"I am not, it's a legitimate question. Size is relative."
James let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine, compared to a human, is it small?"
"Yes."
"What is that, five questions?"
"Yes."
"Okay, awesome. So..."
As James put the pieces together, Logan grew nervous again. There was no way James could beat his record. Not James. James wasn't even smart, not in the sense Logan was.
"Small person, metal, plastic," James muttered. "Oh my god! It's an Academy Award! An Oscar!"
Logan shook his head. "You cheated."
"Ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!" James enunciated each word, not as laughter but an interjection as he poked Logan. "I beat you! I beat the genius!" Then he began to sing the words. "I beat the genius, I beat the genius..."
"It's only because I purposely tried to make it easy for you by choosing an object you'd be familiar with."
"So what? Like you're not familiar with a kiss?"
Logan glanced into the rear view and side mirrors before making a lane change, effectively ignoring the question.
"Oh my god. Logan. You've never been kissed?"
"We're not talking about my personal life right now, we're playing a game."
"Don't give me that crap. How have you never been kissed? What are you, nineteen?"
"Eighteen."
"How in the hell have you never kissed anyone?"
"I told you I've never had a girlfriend."
"So? Kiss a girl. You don't have to date a girl to kiss her."
"I do. I don't hook up with random people, that's your thing."
"What's the harm?"
"James...can we just stop talking about kissing? Or girls?"
"Fine, let's talk about boys."
"Boys?"
"Yeah. You and Kendall seem pretty close, why haven't you kissed him?"
"Kendall?!" The words that came out of James' mouth made Logan's head spin sometimes. "Why would I kiss Kendall? Neither of us is gay."
"So? Experiment a little. I bet he's kissed a guy."
"He has not. I'd know if he did."
"Not if he didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"What?"
"Well, he's your best friend, right? So if he was gonna kiss a guy, wouldn't it be you?"
"I don't know. Why are we even talking about this?"
"Because it makes sense."
"Do you kiss your best friend?"
"I have, that's how we met. We kissed at a party when we were thirteen."
"Thirteen? Isn't that a little young?"
"We were ready. And we even went on two dates but then we both got the hots for a high school boy, so she tried to date him instead."
"At thirteen she was dating high school boys?"
"Well, he was only fourteen, so...not really that much older. But we ended up best friends over it, because we were trying so hard to outdo each other and impress him. I won, naturally."
"Won...wait, what?" Logan's brain was in a fog trying to keep up. "You won...the guy? Are you saying you tried to date a guy?"
"Yeah. But once I had him, I discovered he was boring. So we never really dated, just made out a few times. He knew how to kiss, though. Taught me a lot."
All Logan could do was blink rapidly, mind trying to grasp everything that James was divulging.
"Oh, no. Don't tell me you're homophobic."
"What?" Logan spluttered.
"Am I gonna have to deck you?"
"I don't...no."
"You don't know? Are you serious?"
"Wait, no, I didn't mean know. I meant no."
"Dude, you are seriously not making any sense."
"Shut up for five seconds to let me think!" Logan yelled. "Just...give me a minute."
"Okay. But if you have a problem with-"
"I don't. I just...I didn't know. So are you gay?"
"I'm bi. Doesn't really matter what sex a person is; if they're attractive, why not go for it?"
"I have a hard enough time dealing with one sex. I wouldn't even want to think about guys in a romantic sense."
"Guys are actually easier, Logan. You don't spend all your time trying to figure out what they want, because you kind of already know. You can just tell, because you're a guy."
"So...wow. You've made out with girls and guys?"
"Yep. Does that bother you?"
"Not really, I'm just kind of...how do you do it?"
"Which part, exactly? The sex? Because everything else is the same."
"No!" Logan exclaimed. "No, please don't give me details. I just wondered how you...how is it so easy for you to just..." Searching for the right words that wouldn't make him sound completely pathetic, he failed. "How do you talk to people?"
"About what?"
"Anything. I can't even strike up a conversation with a stranger without freaking out," he admitted. "Being around someone I don't know makes me so uncomfortable that I can hardly breathe. I can face anything except...people."
"Really?" James asked, and there wasn't a hint of judgment in his tone. "So you can sit in a classroom and take the hardest test, or figure out how to build a spaceship, but saying hi to a stranger makes you want to pee your pants?"
"I...yeah. Basically. Please don't make fun of me."
"I'm not, I can see that you're already sweating just talking about it. Wow, dude. How did you end up with Kendall?"
"He felt sorry for me," Logan admitted. "I moved to Minnesota in fifth grade and sat at my desk for a week without talking to anyone. The kids started making fun of me and he made them stop, kept annoying me until I finally talked to him. He wouldn't give up. He just...wouldn't leave me alone. Literally never left my side even though I was too afraid to say anything." Shocked to feel tears crowding his eyes, Logan tried to focus through blurred vision until he finally had to pull over at the side of the road. "Fuck! This is so stupid."
James reached into the console to pull out a tissue from the travel box he'd spotted there earlier. "Dude, it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."
Logan angrily snatched the tissue from James and wiped at his eyes, which were now leaking steady tears. "I'm so pathetic. What am I crying about? I never cry."
"You've been holding it in and couldn't do it anymore. That's how it happens. But you were fine until I mentioned Kendall. I mean, you were nervous, but Kendall's what set you off. Are you in love with him?"
"No," Logan answered, shifting the car into park. "It's not like that, it's...dumb. It's so dumb."
"It's not dumb if you're feeling it. My acting coach told us that, that emotions are the most powerful tools we have. It's what helps us become someone else easily, being able to feel what the character is in order to make it real. I've cried a ton of times in class and on stage, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Yeah, but you were supposed to be crying. It wasn't you, it was a character."
"You think I don't cry as myself?" James made a sarcastic noise. "You don't know how many times I've prayed that I could just stop feeling. It's why I got into acting, because I can channel those feelings into something else without being laughed at or feeling stupid. I can be emotional and it's a good thing."
"We need to keep going." Logan cleared his throat and tossed the tissue into the trash bag before putting the car in motion again.
"No, I think we should talk. You need to talk, Logan."
"I'd rather not. This isn't the time to get emotional."
"It's the perfect time to get emotional. Just you and me out here, and I swear to you that nothing you tell me will leave this car. You can get it all off your chest before we get to Los Angeles. Make a fresh start and leave all the fear behind."
"Not going to happen."
"Look, why don't we stop at the next town and get some food? An actual restaurant, we can sit and talk."
"Didn't you just eat?"
"We'll find a diner and get coffee, then. Just...Logan, come on. You need to talk about this."
"I'd rather not stop ahead of schedule."
James studied Logan's profile, which gave away nothing, and sighed heavily; Logan wasn't going to budge. "How long did it take Kendall to make you talk?"
"What?"
"In fifth grade. How long did he stay at your side and keep trying before you caved?"
"I don't remember."
"You're lying. Just tell me."
"A week."
"And it was because he stayed at your side that long without budging that you finally gave in, didn't you? Because he'd proved that no matter what, he wasn't going anywhere."
"Not exactly. I mean...to a degree, yes. He'd proved that much. But my fear now is the same as it was then."
"Which is?"
"What if I opened my mouth and said something so stupid he walked away and never came back?"
James' gaze narrowed on Logan. "That's what it is? Why you're so afraid to talk to people?"
"I can talk to them. I'm much better about it, I don't have an issue with just talking to random strangers the way I used to. It's more just...people I have to see often. Potential friends or dates. I can usually talk to classmates now with no problem, it's not until they express some sort of interest in me as a person that I close up."
"Because you're afraid you'll say something stupid to push them away," James clarified.
"I guess."
"You know, Logan..."
Logan's hands tightened on the wheel, his palms growing sweaty again.
"You're a handsome guy. I bet a lot of girls have tried to get close to you. Maybe even guys."
His throat was closing up, chest growing tight.
"And you've probably driven them all away because you're scared to take a chance. Everyone except Kendall, who doesn't let you do that. Who didn't run from the start."
"Can we not talk about Kendall?"
"And that's why this is so hard for you. It's the first time since fifth grade he hasn't been at your side, to protect you and be your friend. To show you that you're worthy of having a friend."
Logan said nothing.
"Are you afraid he'll make a new best friend?"
It was harder to breathe suddenly. "I don't want to talk about it."
"I know, but you need to. And the truth is, he may make new friends out in...where is it he's going again?"
"Texas."
"For hockey, right?"
Logan nodded, attempting to swallow over the lump in his throat.
"But I want you to remember that he stuck by your side for...give me a second, math isn't my strong suit." James used his fingers to count. "Nine years? He didn't leave your side for nine years, not in junior high or high school, where I'm sure he met a ton of new people."
"But that's because I was always right there next to him. Now I won't be. What if he's been waiting for this for nine years? The chance to escape me without feeling guilty about it?"
"Logan, I don't know Kendall as well as you do. We've only met a handful of times, but he seems like the kind of guy who's going to do what he wants. Doesn't like to be told what to do. Is that correct?"
"Yes, but-"
"But nothing. If he didn't want to be around you, he wouldn't be. He would either ditch you, or-"
"But he wouldn't," Logan argued. "That's what I'm saying, he's too nice. He'd feel sorry for me and stay with me just so I wasn't alone."
"Nope. He'd find someone to dump you on."
"What?"
"Think about it. If he really hated having you around, and he's too nice to just walk away, he'd dump you on someone else. Someone he knew would take care of you, but still someone else. That way he doesn't have to worry about you. Now has he ever done that? Tried to make you hang out with someone else, or encourage you to be friends with someone in particular?"
"No," Logan sighed. "He never forces that on me, other than trying to make me open up. But not...it's not like he's trying to dump me on them. Even when he had girlfriends, he made sure I was included in things."
"So why would you think he didn't want you around?"
"Because who would? You've said it yourself, I'm uptight and cranky. And judgmental."
"Yeah, but you just need to live a little. You're not that bad. And you're kind of hot."
"Oh, thanks. The 'kind of' really sells it."
"No, Logan," James chuckled. "I only meant that hot doesn't really describe you. But that doesn't mean you're ugly by any means. You're...cute."
"Cute? Like a puppy dog?"
"No, like a cute guy. You've got a great smile, when you use it. And I've been dying to touch your hair, but I think you'd punch me if I tried."
"My hair? Why would you touch my hair?"
"Because it looks soft. You know how some girls are hot and others are cute?"
"I...guess?"
"It's like sexy as opposed to pretty. There's a difference. Even ugly girls can be sexy."
"I've never really paid attention."
"But you see my point. You're not ugly, and I think you have sexy potential, but the world will probably never see that side of you. You've got really cute dimples and gorgeous eyes."
"I...really?"
"Yeah. I could easily make you look sexy, if you wanted."
"No, that's okay," Logan said in a rush. "I don't need to be sexy."
"There's nothing wrong with being cute. You just naturally are. Like me, I'm naturally hot. Very sexy when I want to be."
"I'll trust you on that."
"So can I touch your hair?"
"No."
"Worth a shot." James shifted in the seat so that he was facing forward again. "My whole point here is that Kendall would've ditched you a long time ago if he wanted to. Paired you up with someone else to look after you so that you wouldn't be alone. And he didn't, did he?"
Their phone conversation from earlier flashed through Logan's mind.
"Do you have any idea what you signed me up for?"
"A companion."
"Allow yourself to make a new friend."
Suddenly feeling sick to his stomach, Logan remained silent.
"Logan? He didn't do that, right?"
"Guess not."
But he had. Kendall had found someone to dump Logan on, and he'd done it so smoothly Logan hadn't even been aware of it. Fighting the hurt and desolation running through him now, he forced himself to focus on the road.
"See, Logan? Everything's gonna be okay."
The worst part was that he couldn't even break down and cry about it-not while driving, and certainly not with his new "companion" sitting next to him.
"Logan?"
"Hey James, can we um...I just need some quiet. Can we not talk for awhile?"
"Yeah, I guess," James answered, and Logan ignored the hurt he heard in the reply. Without another word James pulled out his ear buds and slipped them in before plugging the cord into his phone and drowning himself in music.
Once James' eyes were closed, Logan let the tears flow and made as little noise as possible while reaching into the console for the tissue box. Their next stop was an hour away, and he hoped to be rid of the pain by then.
