House rubbed his thigh as he looked down, "For me, it was a lot more than sex. I've had sex with people I cared about and strippers I didn't. I felt something with us, and I don't know if I can forget that; I'm not sure if I want too forget it."
Wilson felt his heart beat faster at the news that House felt more for him and he sat back down watching the TV as he bit his lip. He wasn't sure if it was because it was moving to hear House say he cared or if it was because he was scared to admit he had too. With any other man the choice would be clear, say you didn't feel anything and walk away, but House wasn't any other man. Wilson was seeing him open up about his feelings for the first time since Stacy left and it had caused him and House to grow closer than he's ever expected. "I felt it too and even if we never spoke about it again, I would always remember it for the best of reasons."
House eyes were glued on Wilson as he spoke, "Then why do want us to pretend it didn't happen."
"I don't WANT it. I just think it's the best solution," Wilson said.
House looked down, "I'm sorry Wilson, but I can't do that. I can't live with you and act like I don't have any feelings for you other than friendship, not after what we shared. I can't watch you go on dates and hear them come and go from you're bedroom and pretend it doesn't matter to me. I'm done with ignoring my feelings and pretending I don't feel." He said looking up at Wilson, "So, I think it would be smart if I moved back to my own apartment."
"What?!" Wilson said, his head jerking to look at House, not believing his ears.
"It makes sense and at least there I could relax instead of dwelling in the tension that's between us, or what could have been." House explained.
"Last night you had planned to kill yourself and NOW you think it's a good idea to move out of here and into the place were you were seeing hallucinations and almost over dosed on Vicodin! I thought you were suppose to be a genius, it doesn't take an idiot to figure out that's just stupid." Wilson said with panic as he looked in House's eyes.
House frowned hearing the logic behind his worry. "You can control the Vicodin, just give me four pills to take home after work."
Wilson shook his head, "No, that's not going to happen, because you aren't going to move. Last night we got into a argument and because of that along with the pain you decided that best solution was to try to end your life."
"I'm not staying here because you're afraid I'm going to off myself. I promised you that I would come to you if I started feeling like that again and I will, but," House's eyes saddened, "I can't live here with you and pretend I don't feel the way I do, I've done that long enough. I can't listen to you pleasuring yourself to the thought of me and then watch as you deny yourself and me the chance at something more."
"You really think that's the only reason I don't want you to move out?" Wilson said with a frown. "Don't get me wrong, of course I don't want to you hurt yourself, but House... that's not the only reason I don't want you to move. I like having you here. You're not the only one that gets lonely or depressed, I do too and living with you helps." He sighed, "I liked what we shared last night, and I'm not just talking about the physical aspects of it. I think you're right, we should give it a shot."
House rolled his eyes, "This isn't some kind of ultimatum Wilson. You can't just date me to keep me from moving out. We both knew this would happen at some point, most of my stuff is still at the apartment anyway, this was never meant to be permanent. We can still hang out every now and again and we'll still see each other at work. It doesn't mean we aren't friends it just means that after what happened that we need some distance from each other in order to get things back the way they were."
Wilson leaned in and kissed House soft and sweet, to which House pulled back looking down and catching his breath. "That's why I want to date you, because yesterday you kissed me and then you let me into you're heart and we shared something... that was incredible."
House's eyes meet Wilson's, "Obviously it wasn't that incredible or you wouldn't have said that it was best we forget about it. We work as friends. I'd rather have that then for you to suffer through a romantic relationship that is sure to fail because the only reason you're trying it is because you don't want me to move or because you're afraid I'll commit suicide."
Wilson kissed House harder and with more passion, but stopped when he felt House's hand on his chest pushing him away, "Did it sound like I was suffering when you listened at my door tonight? I want this, I want you."
House closed his eyes. He want this so bad, but Wilson was doing a complete turn around from what he'd said at dinner. He licked his lips tasting where Wilson had kissed him then opened his eyes looking at the man. "It doesn't sound like you know what you want. I'm going to go to bed, maybe you should spend some time thinking about it." He said and stood up, he could see the surprise in Wilson's face. "Don't worry about me, I will be fine either way, but you need to think about what you really want and are capable of. I'm not going to be the dirty secret, there was a time when I would have been even if it tore me apart from the inside out, but not anymore, not after Mayfield. All I'm going to ask of you is to think about it and make a choice, because honestly," he looked down, " I can't handle going back and forth, it's been hard enough with Cuddy but with you... I just can't."
Wilson watched as House walked to his room with the cane and took a deep breath when he closed the door. He'd thought that House would jump at his offer to date, but evidently he really had changed from being in Mayfield. House was using his brain and really thinking about the choices he made in his personal life and how those choices would effect not only him but Wilson too. Wilson got up and heard the pills move in the bottle in his pocket, which reminded him that House might need one if his leg was still hurting too bad get to bed or might wake up and need one. He stopped at House's bedroom door and swallow as he knocked.
"You need to think about it longer than that Wilson," House said laying in his bed.
"Can I come in for a minute?" Wilson asked.
"I don't know, can you?" House said looking at the door.
Wilson opened the door and walked in a step or two, "I thought you might need some of these to get through the night." He said pulling out the orange bottle from his pocket.
House looked at them and then Wilson, "What if the pain is in my head? What if it is psychological? The pain was bad in Mayfield but it's gotten so much worse since I left, but it's not like anythings been going all that well since I got out."
Wilson frowned, "You've also been a lot more active than you were at Mayfield." He could still the worry on House's features, "Hey, it's not you're fault. You suffer from chronic pain and I was over prescribing Vicodin for you. I should have been more careful, and I will this time. I won't let that happen to you again."
House swallow looking at the pills, "I lied to you."
"About what?" Wilson asked a little caught off guard by the statement.
"It wasn't Kutner I was seeing," House said meeting Wilson's eyes, "it was Amber."
Wilson searched House's eyes, "Why did you lie to me?" he said with a edge in his voice at the still sore subject of his dead girlfriend.
House looked him straight in the eyes while he frowned, "Because it's my fault she's dead, and you loved her so much. I was afraid if I told you the truth you wouldn't help me, because you'd hate me even more, which I know I deserve. I am so sorry Wilson, but I thought you should know the truth before you make a decision about us. There is nothing I regret more than calling you that night, not diagnosing the leg too late or Stacy leaving; nothing compares to how bad it felt to know that something I did, hurt you."
Wilson could tell that House had meant every word that he'd said, but those words still brought back a lot of feelings. It reminded him of his loss and the anger he'd held for House because of his involvement. He felt his eyes water up and looked at the door he'd come in through. "I just came in here to give you the pills." He said and put them down on the end table then walked out closing the door behind him.
House didn't even glance at the pills, instead he turned off the lamp by his bed and laid on his back looking at the ceiling. His leg was still throbbing from the day and the pill he'd had at dinner had only made is bearable but it had worn off an hour ago. He figured he deserved to feel the pain even if it would never be as much pain as he'd put Wilson though, by being part of the cause in Amber's death.
Wilson turned off the TV, locked the doors, and got ready for bed. He laid there thinking about Amber and the discussion he and House had when House had found out. He remembered telling House that they should date because their screwed up relationship worked and how unreadable House's eyes became as he just listened with a slightly awestruck hanging mouth. He still missed Amber so much and he would be lying if he said that he was over her or how her end came to be. It wasn't really House's fault, he knew that but still House was a variable in the equation that equaled a world without his Amber and that haunted him.
He could feel the anger and resentment grow in his heart, it hurt and felt so unnatural for him to harbor such emotions about his closest friend. He was even mad at himself for having the feelings, because he really wasn't resentful, he couldn't be. He couldn't be mad at House for living because Amber died, that was just... it wasn't him. He still was being plagued by seeing House's body shake uncontrollably during the end of the DBS treatment and had worried him about House's recovery, keeping a close eye on his progress from far away. And with that thought the guilt came, he'd asked House to do the DBS even after he'd gotten the head trauma, a concussion, vomiting, passing out, and cardiac arrest from over dosing on Alzheimer's medications and what was even worse was that House agreed. But House hadn't immediately said yes, no, he'd straight up told Wilson this could kill him and asked the hard question, did he want him to risk his life for a maybe, to which Wilson said yes.
That was a guilt he knew he would probably always carry with him and it was completely his fault. He should have never even suggested it because as loyal as House had always been he knew that as soon as he did House would do it. House was a huge patient advocate, he would lie, cheat and steal if it meant saving a life, and had done so on many occasions. He'd risked his medical license several times in attempts to save his patients life, which sadly Wilson was pretty sure he valued more than his life. Most just thought of him as reckless or rebellious against any from of authority, but that wasn't it. House cared, more than any doctor he'd ever met, he honestly felt like not doing absolutely everything you could for a patient was the same as having not done anything at all. He was obsessive about his work and would stay up for two or three nights in a row trying to figure out what was wrong with his patient, even when he went home he worked on it.
There had been many cases that Wilson had worried about House and conveniently stopped by unexpected to find House staring at a white board with symptoms on it, around him lab results and medical book scattered about. House didn't know how to really shut his mind off... it just kept on going no matter how exhausted he got and even if one night it gave him a break his passion wouldn't. To many times Wilson had thrown all the papers aside, forcing House to eat, shower, take some sleeping medication then he'd sit in the room until he was sure House was in fact asleep.
He swallowed as he thought about what House had told him; he'd been seeing Amber in his hallucinations not Kutner. The most worrisome question was why? It was probably guilt from having some small part in her death and him blaming House surely didn't help, it probably made things a lot worse. Wilson frowned as for the first time he contemplated his part in House's emotional grief, that ended in House having hallucinations of the woman he had ask his best friend to risk his life for. Then he'd walked away from House, claiming that they were never really friends. Cuddy and Cameron kept him informed of how House had tried to pretend he was okay, then tried and failed to make friends with some of the other doctor, and last he'd hired the private investigator to do some spying and be his friend.
Wilson tried to put his feelings aside and imagine things from House's point of view and the more he thought about it, the more he realized he had been brutal and spiteful. His eyes watered at the amount of pain and unjustified blame he'd pushed on House, of course he's actions had played a part in House's emotional state before House lost it. He was disgusted with himself by how he'd treated House and knew it was unfair to ask House to forgive him when he hadn't completely forgiven House yet. He closed his eyes concentrating on the anger he'd been holding on to for so long and he breathed out letting his anger go with his breath and with that he felt lighter and happier than he had in months.
"Amber," Wilson said softly, "I think it's time, time I finally let you go." He said feeling a little sad but relieved at the same time, "House is right, I never expected to lose you like I did and when it happened... I wasn't ready. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to hang on like I have but not everyone is as strong as you." He said smiling a little as he thought about how much of a fighter she was, "It's time to join the world of the living again. Thank you for your love, your patience and for always listening," he ended and swallowed.
11111111111
Wilson woke up then looked at the clock it was 5:38 and even though it was early he felt the most well rested he had in over a year. He got up and opened his door to see light from the TV illuminating the ugly couch that House had bought with the man himself laying on it. Wilson walked down the short hallway then turned going into the kitchen to make some coffee. "I didn't think you believed in getting up before McDonalds stopped serving breakfast," he said glancing at the back of the couch.
House rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket over his leg, "And I thought you would be able to sing decently until that time you got drunk I found out I was wrong."
Wilson frowned, "Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but then again look who I'm talking to, you live on the wrong side of the bed."
"Well not everyone can be fucking Mary Poppins like you are. Why don't you just take a leap off the roof ," House said feeling some sweet run off his brow from the pain in his leg, "I'm sure the hot air you're full of will keep you from getting hurt."
Wilson gritted his teeth, he'd woken up in a good mood and House was ruining it. "Fine, I'll jump off the roof next time you go for a jog. How does that sound?"
"I'd tell you to go fuck yourself if I didn't already know you had last night," House said loudly as his hand massaged the offending muscle.
Wilson felt his face redden some, "Sounds like you're the one who needs to get some, then maybe you wouldn't be such an ass."
House wished he would just go and get ready so that he could sneak back into his room. He heard Wilson take a step toward the couch, "You didn't seem to mind my ass last night, as I recall it was all you moaned about."
Wilson stopped feeling horrified and then something hit him. The only times that House was that harsh was when he was trying to push him away. His embarrassment was quickly over shadowed by concern as the thought about the suicide letter he still had tucked away in his wallet. He slowly took another step, then another.
House felt his heart race, "Dammit Wilson that wasn't a fucking invitation! I hear you're closet calling you, do us both a favor and stay inside it." He heard Wilson feet quicken but instead of going towards his room they were going toward him. He looked down at the blanket as he heard Wilson stop in front of the couch. "No means no Wilson, now leave me the hell alone."
Wilson didn't even notice House's remark instead gazing at the sweat on the other mans brow and rigid posture. "You're legs hurting," he said softly.
House rolled his eyes, "Wow, I didn't know I was living with my very own Sherlock Holmes. My leg is always hurting, now leave me alone!" He yelled looking at him.
Wilson didn't even acknowledge House's remark as he saw the redness of House's eyes and the bags that told him House hadn't yet been to sleep. "You haven't slept."
"Well you're on a roll Captain Obvious, now can you tell me what color my hair is and then leave me alone," House said dripping with condescension and sweat.
"Let me see," Wilson said his worried eye on House's leg.
House frowned looking at the blanket covered leg, "I'll be fine, just go."
Wilson sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch by House's torso and put a soft hand on the leg, "It's okay, just let me see." He said and House looked away without a word, but Wilson knew that was the closest the man would come to saying he accepted Wilson's help. He pulled the blanket away , a little surprised House was only wearing his boxer briefs and a shirt, he looked at the black bruise that covered the leg and frowned, "Where's your Vicodin?"
"In the bedroom," House said biting his lip some.
Wilson nodded and got the medicine but counted the pills before bringing them to House. "Here," he said holding out two pills, which House took and chewed. "You didn't take any medication last night, you want to explain that to me?"
"No," House said rubbing his leg.
Wilson sighed looking down at House, "You've got to quit doing this, quit punishing yourself." House looked up at him and nodded some looking away. "Why were you doing it this time, what did you do so bad that you thought you deserved to suffer in pain all night?"
"I hurt you, it's at least partly my fault that she's dead," House said looking at the blanket.
"You didn't do anything wrong House, all you did was call a friend when you were in need, that's what friends are for. You didn't ask her to come and pick you up. You didn't make her get on that bus, and there was no way that you could have predicted that the bus would crash." Wilson said slowly, giving House a chance to absorb what he was saying. "The only reason I ever blamed you was because I was just angry about what had happened and it was easier to blame you than to admit that sometimes things like this just happen." He said watching as House's eyes met his, "But I'm not blaming you anymore. You were there for her during the crash, she said you comforted her and bandaged her. She could have died and I would never have known if it hadn't been for you tying that scarf around her leg and stopping at nothing to remember what had happened. Your only crime was being there and considering me a friend you can call when you're in a time of need, and for that, I can forgive you because I'm glad you were there and you are a friend. I'm sorry House... I never should have put any of that on you and I shouldn't have asked you to do the DBS. I hope someday you can forgive me."
House looked at Wilson, "I agreed to the DBS, hell I'm the one that had suggested it earlier. You don't have anything to be apologetic for, you lost someone who meant a lot to you and I was a part of that even if it wasn't intentional." He said swallowing, "When I was in the coma... I saw Amber sitting on a bus with me, just us. She told me to get off that it wasn't my time and I told her that it should have been me and that I didn't want to get off because there was no pain there and I knew you would hate me." He smiled some thinking about it, "She smiled and said I kind of deserved it, then I got off and saw you standing there then walk away."
Wilson's eyes dropped, "I was mad about what happened and I took that out on you, but I've never hated you House, not really," he said meeting his eyes again.
House nodded, "The medication is starting to work. Could you hand me my cane so I can get some sleep?"
"Sure," Wilson said and bent down picking up the cane then handing it to House.
House moved his legs out from under the covers and over the edge of the couch. He looked at Wilson who stepped back to give him some space and wondered if he would ever meet someone else who would understand his looks like Wilson did. He heaved himself off the couch wishing his leg felt more stable, then started walking.
Wilson opened his door and walked over to the window drawing the blinds and curtains closed. He wanted to be close in case House fell but when he looked back House was in the bed pulling the covers over him. He wanted to talk more to him about how he thought his blaming House might have had some effect on him losing his mind and his hallucinations but he could tell House was tired so he didn't.
House already had closed his eyes and laid there for about five minutes, "You going to watch me sleep?"
Wilson blushed some, "No, just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine Wilson, wake me up at noon," House said and yawned.
"Noon it is, night House," Wilson said walking out.
"Thanks," House whispered at the exact moment Wilson walked past him.
Wilson smiled as he barely heard it then left closing the door behind him. He took a bath in his canoe tub and thought about the morning, laughing at House's harsh remarks. He had to admit he'd missed how blunt and cutting his friend could be and then suddenly Amber popped in his head because she could be the same way, especially when she was sick or tired. House and Amber had always been a lot a like, but it wasn't until then that Wilson discovered that the qualities that they shared were the ones he loved the most in Amber. The blunt honesty, even if it wasn't a attractive trait, made him feel secure because he knew that she wouldn't lie, it wasn't in her nature, or House's. He leaned back in the tub imagining that day in front of his office door when House had discovered he was dating Amber, finding truth in the words that were meant to be just a joke when he was saying them.
Amber and his relationship had been different from all the other women he'd dated and so far had seemed to have the most potential. They check out women together, made fun of their incompetent co-works and she could out drink him. She could be just as cunning and harsh as House was and yet she would do anything to make him happy, actually she cared more about his happiness than any of his wives ever did. She really was the female equivalent to House and if he could have a shot with her again there would be nothing that would stand in his way, so why wouldn't he jump on the chance to date House. He smiled as he made up his mind once and for all, he was going for it, so what if people thought he was nuts or made fun of him, he wasn't going to pass up a chance of real happiness because of them.
"House wake up, it noon now, so get up," Wilson said nudging the mans arm.
House pulled the covers tighter around himself, "Go away," he mumbled turning away from Wilson.
"You're the one that asked me to wake you up," Wilson reminded him.
"You ever wonder why I don't have an alarm clock?" House mumbled.
"Because the leg wakes you up before it does anyway?" Wilson said flatly.
"That too, but another reason is that I always hit it so hard or threw it so many times they would break. Don't end up like my alarm clocks Wilson, leave me alone." House grumbled.
Wilson sat down on the bed and shook House's shoulder, "Get up, don't make me do something you'll regret."
"I swear if you pour water on me I won't be the only one regretting it," House said in a deep warning voice.
"Fine," Wilson said and grabbed House's side tickling it.
House jerked as he giggled grabbing Wilson's left hand and tugged him so hard he was on his back and with in seconds House had rolled on top of him, the covers that were once on him now on Wilson. "You're an annoying little bastard, anyone ever tell you that," he said glaring at the man.
Wilson was a little stunned by how fast House was, "What do you plan on doing about it?" he asked finding the situation a little hot.
House narrowed his eyes on Wilson grabbing his right wrist with his left hand and pulled both wrists to rest on the pillow Wilson's head was on as he began to smirk he let the right hand go now holding both in this right hand. "Payback is a bitch," he said and saw Wilson shake his head as he figured out what House was going to do, but it was too late and House's hand was tickling him. He watched the man struggle underneath him with satisfaction.
Wilson was laughing so hard, as he tried to get loose, that he could hardly breath. "I give (laughing) up. (laughing) Please House, (laughing) have mercy," he said as tears rolled down his cheeks.
House stopped looking down at Wilson with a smirk, "I'm not sure you've learned your lesson."
"I have, I have, please," Wilson said trying to catch his breath.
House slid off of Wilson, sitting on the edge of the bed still holding the wrists firmly. "If you try anything I'll make this look like a slap on the hand." He warned and let go of Wilson's wrists and standing up with the cane in hand. He grabbed out a pair of underwear, socks, jeans and a tee shirt then started toward the door.
"You can use the tub if you want," Wilson offered as he pushed the covers off of him and sat up.
House stopped with his hand on the doorknob thinking it over. Wilson was pushing a certain level of intimacy by the tickling stunt and now offering up his tub which House wanted but he didn't want to have the rug yanked from under him. "Have you thought anymore about what kind of relationship you want us to have," he asked looking at the door.
"Yes," Wilson said with a smile.
"Good, I'll want to hear it when I get out of the tub," House said and left.
Wilson was a little disappointed that House hadn't wanted to his answer now but he knew House probably wanted to ready himself in case it was bad news. He got up and walked to his bathroom just as House was taking off his shirt and swallowed.
House let the shirt fall to the ground and was about to pull down his underwear when he had the feeling he wasn't alone and looked through the doorway to see Wilson watching him. He raised his eyebrow, "Is there something you needed."
Wilson shook his head as his eyes scanned House's body, "I uh... was wondering what you wanted for lunch. I could go and grab something while you soak in a hot bath." He said licking his lower lip.
House had planned on heating up some of the Indian food but thought it might be better to have Wilson out of the condo while he bathed. "I could go for some Blue Fish, that sound good to you," he asked as the cool air made his nipple harden.
"Yeah, sounds great. What do you want," Wilson asked looking him in the eyes.
House thought about closing the distance between them and pressing Wilson against the wall then swallowed, "I'll have a Philly Roll, a Volcano Roll, and some Garlic Ginger noodles if you'll promise to help me eat them."
"Sure, I love to help," Wilson said letting his eye wonder over House's mostly naked body.
House was usually more modest especially about his scar but Wilson looks didn't make him feel ashamed, instead he felt wanted. "Was that all," House asked slipping his fingers in the waist band of his underwear.
Wilson just nodded as he licked his top lip as he watched Houses fingers disappear in the underwear all but the thumbs that were hooked around the fabric, ready to take them off.
"So, are you going to go? It's a good twenty minute drive there and another twenty minutes back if you miss traffic," House said.
"Hm... oh, yeah. I should get going, have a good bath," Wilson said and walked out of his room closing the door.
House smiled a little and pulled his underwear down, letting them pool at his feet when heard the door open again and looked up to see Wilson look at his nude body then to his face. He's eyes were guarded at he looked back at Wilson with questioning eyes.
"I didn't get what kind of soup you wanted," Wilson said keeping his eyes on House's.
"Hot and sour," House said wondering if it had really been an accident of if Wilson had planned this.
Wilson smiled, "Yeah, I should have guessed, it fits," he said looking down at Houses body and pausing a couple of seconds on his length. "Well I should get going don't want to take to slong..." he said looking up with a mortified expression, "long.. I meant long. Bye," he said and practically ran out of the room.
House wasn't sure if Wilson closed the door behind him or if the wind did from how fast he was going. He started the water then sat on the cool rim of the tub as it filled. He could have covered himself when Wilson came back in with his hands if he'd wanted but he didn't partly because he liked the way Wilson looked at him and partly because it would feel like backing down. He poured in some of the bath salts Wilson had that smelled of wood and musk, enjoying the aroma. Soon the tub was half full and he slipped into the hot water, feeling his skin tingle and ache a little from it. He let his right hand rub his leg and moaned at how good it felt, smiling as he smelled the ceder and musk as the steam from the water warmed his face. He closed his eyes leaned his head back against the cool tub and continued rubbing the leg and letting out satisfied sounds for a good ten minutes.
Everything felt so good that behind his eyelids he saw Wilson, his cheeks blushing some as he felt for the already soaped rag and started dragging it across his body. His dilated eyes opened as he cleaned his penis and he panted some then he moved to his legs imagining Wilson's tongue on the inside of his thighs, then on his hips and then on his tight hole. He let his fingers rub around his ass wanting more but denying himself the pleasure. He licked his lips and let the water start running down the drain then stood up and got out of the tub. He looked in Wilson's room imagining himself laying there naked sporting the rock hard erection he had and Wilson's reaction when he came back home. House bit his lip some as he stroked his erect penis then stopped, only teasing himself enough to frustrate him. He dried off with Wilson's towel thinking about how it had covered Wilson's naked body.
House dressed then slowly walked with his hard on pressing against his belly. He opened the door from the bedroom to the rest of the condo and listened. It was quiet, no sign of Wilson. He slowly limp over to Wilson's bed and picked up the pillow with his left hand, bringing it to his nose to smell; it smelled like Wilson's hair. He closed his eyes his right hand sliding under his clothes to stroke himself as he imagined having Wilson bent over his desk at work and pounding his ass, as he leaned over the man, kissing his neck and ears. He moaned loudly and stopped himself before it went to far. He licked his lips putting the pillow back and sliding his hand back out to grab the cane with. He knew he needed to stop this, because Wilson would be back soon. He made his way to his room slipping on his shoes trying to calm down, but his mind kept going back to this morning when he was straddling Wilson's sexy body as he struggled. He shook his head clearing the image from his mind then limped off to the kitchen and brought out two spoons and two bottles of water sitting them on the table. He sat down rubbing his thigh absently as he contemplated what Wilson's decision would be.
Wilson ran into the elevator to see the woman from 3B and gave her a polite smile.
"You must be excited," She said.
Wilson was confused for a moment and then remembered the proposal, "Oh, yes. We're both very excited."
"So have you two decided on a date yet?" She asked with a big smile.
"Not yet, we're both still a little shocked," Wilson answered and then to his relief the door opened at his floor and he got off. "Have a great day," he said leaving her and going to his door. He opened the door to see House's looking at him with anxious eyes as he walked over to the table. Wilson unpacked the food, "Here's your rolls, the soup and noodles," he said putting the containers in front of House who was sitting across from him, then pulled out his food and sat down. "I'm starving, how about you?"
"Chopsticks?" House asked.
"What?" Wilson responded confused and then looked in the bag to find the two pairs of chopsticks and he took one then handed one to House. "Damn, they never give me spoons at that place," he said standing.
"I already got the spoons and drinks," House said only meeting his eyes for a moment before he concentrated on his food.
Wilson looked down to in fact see the two spoons along with the bottles of water on the table and smiled. "Thanks," he said and watched as House just shrugged his shoulder in response as he sat back down. He opened his containers and took a bite of food looking up at House who seemed all consumed by the meal. "Why did you tell me about seeing Amber in your hallucinations?" he asked trying to sound casual.
House looked up just in time to see Wilson look down at his food. "I don't like lies and I wanted to remind you of the worst thing I did. You're an emotional man and I wanted to make sure that you didn't make a decision based on just the last couple of days, or even months." He swallowed looking back down too, "I've hurt you over and over again through out the years of this friendship and I sure I will continue to hurt you even if we were more."
Wilson gave a sad smile looking up at House, "And I've hurt you. People hurt the people they love the most House, getting hurt is always a risk in any relationship and should be expected." House nodded at the statement keeping eye contact. Wilson swallowed, "Why do you think you saw Amber instead of Kutner or your father?"
House coughed while eating a bite of volcano roll and took a moment to recover. He'd been happy enough avoiding any meaningful talk about Amber since her death, and as much as he wanted that to continue maybe Wilson needed this. "I liked Amber, I even picked her to be on my team instead of Thirteen, but Cuddy didn't think she was feminine enough to balance out the rest of the male team."
Wilson looked up in true awe, "You picked Amber? Why did you change to Thirteen for Cuddy?"
"Because I'm not good with people and she is, not to mention that was the only way I would get three new people since Foreman came back," House said then sighed. "When the wreck happened... we were pushed against window and we both reached out for each others hand," he said looking to the side. "I grabbed her hand but... her hand slipped out," he was silent for a good fifteen seconds, "maybe if I had been able to hold on but..." He looked back at Wilson.
"The crash wasn't your fault and I'm glad you were there for her. Is that why you saw her in the hallucinations, because of the guilt?" Wilson asked softly.
"I think it had a lot to do with it," House said flatly shifting in his chair some. "Why are you asking all these questions about Amber and me?"
Wilson sighed, "I came by your second day in Mayfield. Dr. Nolan had a restriction that before anyone could see you they had to sit down and talk with him. He said you called for me in your sleep and kept asking me not to leave, and wanted to know if I could explain why. I told him about Amber and how I handled the situation, then he asked me about any other traumas / loses, and what I knew about your family life." He could tell House wasn't happy about this, "I'm sorry, but after the hallucinations and seeing you scared out of your mind when Cuddy brought you up I was more worried about your mental health than keeping secrets. The point is when we were done talking Dr. Nolan wasn't convinced that the hallucinations were a result of the Vicodin, and that's when he told me that he thought it would be reckless to release you after just the detox and that it might be better if you didn't see me until released."
"So you knew he was going to blackmail me?" House asked and swallowed.
Wilson looked guilty, "Actually I suggested he blackmailed you because I knew there was no other way you would really do the therapy. House I think the blame I pushed on you after I lost Amber and then me walking away from our friendship was a big reason you had the hallucinations."
House chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought about it. "Wilson you want to know why I had the hallucinations? Because I kept numbing myself up with pills instead of dealing with my issues or the consequences of my actions, part of it was the medication and the other part was my issues," he said flatly. "Everything you did was because of my actions and I deserved it and worse so don't make this anymore complicated than it is. I lost my mind because I'm screwed up and an addict, it's that simple."
Wilson could see that House honestly believed that and didn't blame him or anyone else for what had happened to him. He looked down to notice that House hadn't eaten as much as he needed to and started eating his own food to which House followed suit with. The quiet stretched and when Wilson was done eating he looked to see House playing with his soup. "I want to date you."
House's wide eyes met Wilson, "Why?"
Wilson gave him a confused look, "Oh you know the normal reasons. I like you and you like me."
House frowned, "And those things were true yesterday. Listen if this is just because you feel guilty because you think you're some how responsible..."
"That's not what this is," Wilson said adamantly. "I've made a lot of decisions and limited myself based on what other people might think or say and none of those decisions have made me extremely happy. When I think about the decision's I've made that truly have changed my life for the better and made me really happy, they're the decisions that most people thought were crazy. Like being friends with you, moving from my private practice to this hospital to work because you thought I'd like it, and dating Amber. The BEST things in my life have come from decision's I made in spite of what people thought and instead based on how I feel."
"And what do you... feel about me?" House questioned.
Wilson smiled warmly, "As far as personalities go... I like you."
"That's because there is something wrong with you," House said with a small smirk.
"And physically, I'm very satisfied with you," Wilson said blushing some.
House gave him skeptical look, "Which means we need to get your eyes checked," he said jokingly.
"And emotionally," Wilson said reaching out some to touch House's hand, "I find you intriguing, which only leaves mentally and you know I love your mind, I always have."
House felt the hope filling him up and swallowed, "Are you sure about this? I mean saying you don't care about what other people think is great, but do you really think when it comes time to tell people or they figure it out that you'll be able to handle it?"
"That depends on us. If I'm as happy with you as I think I could be, then I don't think I'll have any problem with what everyone else thinks because my happiness is more important to me," Wilson said.
"What if you're not happy with me," House asked low and soft.
Wilson felt his heart ache at how House had asked that, "Greg I'm not just going to give up on this without giving it a real shot. I expect this to be complicated and have it's bumps, which is why in the beginning I think we should keep it private, but if neither one of us is happy and it's more trouble than enjoyable then I don't think we should try to force it."
House kept his face neutral even though he had his doubts that Wilson would be happy with him. "Let's do this then," he said looking back down and taking another bite of the noodles.
