If I Lose Myself

Chapter 4

(Gilbert POV)

I woke that morning with a slight headache from the previous night's endeavors. I lay on my bed for a bit, waiting for the slight pulsation to pass. I wasn't in hurry to get up this morning so I didn't worry too much.

After a while I decided to get up, the pain almost gone. I stretch and hear pops and cracks emitting from my arms and legs. My head turns towards the alarm clock by my bedside, reading five minutes after one. God, how long did I sleep for?!

If it was this late, bruder and Opa were up a long time ago. They are up and raring to go by 7 no matter what. Truthfully, I like my sleep. Like a normal teenager.

I changed into a random pair of dark jeans and shirt on my floor, too lazy to find something else in my dresser or closet. I didn't plan on doing anything sociable the rest of weekend, so why should I care? Besides, I look awesome in anything!


The afternoon went by quickly as it always does on Saturday. Funny how the week goes by at the pace of dripping molasses and when the weekend hits, it's like BAM! And it's over. God, I hate it. Though it's not like I did anything awesome today. Sitting around flipping through lame channels is so un-awesome.

Remembering yesterday of the violet-eyed teen, I make the decision of going to the park. Who knows? I may catch him again.

Slipping on an old pair of Converse, I push the screen door open and leave to the old park. From my house, it's about mile, two miles away- so a 45 minute walks for me. Head phones in, I find the song I heard yesterday. I put it on my player earlier after I found it on the music store. Now that I can listen to it in peace, it's a really awesome song! I touch the button that puts the song on constant replay. Sometimes after listening to a song for a while, I start memorizing the notes and to play it on my guitar. And I hope to learn this one for sure.

The tapping of my feet against the concrete soon turned into a soft thudding signaling the new, earth terrain. I was finally at the park again. Making my way to the large maple tree where the guy was probably up in, I notice a speck of blue and red. Ha! That's got to be him!

Instead of running like a crazy person, I trot slowly to the base of the tree and inspect the person more. Yep, definitely him!

His light, golden blond hair was shining against the sun that was preparing to set. The thin-framed glasses are slightly down his petite nose, blue-violet eyes extremely focused on the task at hand. Which at this point, was sketching something based on the sounds. There was a wire down the front of him. He must be listening to music because that's the only he would have heard me by now.

I reach up to tap him on the side of his leg. He jumped so much that he fell out of the tree. Good job, Gilbert. Now go catch him.

I reached out just in time to have him fall in my arms, him now in a bridal-style hold. His eyes were wide, just realizing what happened. Then he looked to me. The teen's face started turning to a harsh red. You have no idea how adorable this kid is right now. Though having him in my arms, you see how weightless he is. It's practically unhealthy.

Words started escaping from his mouth but I couldn't understand him. "W-what? Why a-are you h-here? I'm s-so sorry! Th-thank you f-for catching me!"

He started climbing out of my arms and I let him down gently. His face was still pretty red, too. "No, it's my fault that I made you fall. You okay though?" He nodded in reply. "Hey, who are you by the way? I believe it was you who dropped the sketch book on me yesterday and the guy I was chasing at the party. I'm the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt by the way!" I slapped a hand to my chest in emphasis.

His head turned to the side. Man, this guy is shy! He finally said, "I-I'm Matthew Williams…" Matthew, huh? I thought about it and I never heard that name at school.

"You go to the academy in town? I haven't heard of you before."

"O-oh…Well, Alfred J-Jones is my b-brother…I'm s-sure you know him." This is Jones' brother? I guess that explains why he was at the party. Plus, I don't think a normal teenager would run into someone else's room. And they do look similar…

"Yeah, I know him. I just didn't know he had a brother. I'm an awesome senior so it's kind of hard to know who some of the lower classmen are. So, are you a sophomore or what?" I asked.

"I'm a junior, actually…" Well that's surprising. You would think I would know him then but I suppose not.

"Really? Huh," I put my hands in my pockets and felt paper. Throughout the day I was looking at the sketch and I left it in my pocket. I thought that if I caught him here, I could ask him if it was his for sure. I took it out and unfolded. His eyes widened slightly. "This is yours, right? It was in the sketchbook and I really liked it and I'm sorry that I took it…"

"It's okay."

"What?"

"I said it's okay. I draw these things a lot when I come out here. You can have it if you want…" I was surprised he let me keep it even though I took it without asking. I wouldn't like it if someone took something of mine anyway.

"Seriously? Dude, you're freakin' awesome! Not as awesome as me though. No one is as awesome as the great Gilbert! Kesesese!" I hugged him spontaneously. It took me a second to register in what I was doing and I pushed him back by the shoulders. Now it was my turn to blush. "Wow, I didn't mean to do that! God, you just looked so cute and I was happy you let me keep it." Whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Where did that come from?

A rosy tint was still dusted on his cheeks but it got darker once Matthew understood what I just said. Stuttering some more, he managed to release an intelligible sentence. "T-that's okay… No o-one's e-ever said that t-to me. Ah, thank you, I guess." Look there! A smile! I got him to smile at me!

(Matthew POV)

That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. My heart is on a high at this point and I hope it won't crash and fall. He was smiling this bright smile and it made me want to smile too. And strangely enough, I did. Gilbert looked even more jubilant than before if that's possible. For him, I'm sure anything's possible.

Including taking your heart and breaking it in two? Ha, I'm sure~

And there goes the crash and burn of my heart in a fiery blaze of despair.

I put my head down. I cannot succumb to these thoughts! No, Gilbert wouldn't do that! It's not like we're dating anyway! Though I wouldn't mind if we did…

Shoo, shoo you other thoughts! Go away; I don't need to hear that.

While I was talking to myself in my mind, Gilbert spoke up. "Y-yes?" I said.

He shuffled his feet in the ground, hands tucked away in his jean pockets. He had this nervous look on his face. What did he say? "U-um, I was uh, wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime… Y'know, like during school or something. My lunch is 6th period and I have a free period 8th too."

Well this is a new experience. A guy, who I'm starting to like, is asking me to hang out. And do I accept? Why yes I do. "O-oh, sure! My lunch is the same time. See you then?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will. Well, I guess see you Monday, Birdie." And he turned and walked away.

Life sure is going to be a little different now.

"You can feel the light start to tremble,

Washing what you know out to sea,

You can see your life out the window, tonight…"


Whoo! It's done! It's short. but it's done! Thank you, friends, for patiently waiting. I appreciate it. A lot has happened in these past months. Just recently, my friend's grandmother died. She treated me like a granddaughter and I talked to her a lot. I was devastated to know that she passed away. But God bless her soul, she lived much longer than expected with the lung disease. And yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my baby cousin's death. He was 6 months old when he died, suddenly in his sleep. The first time I held him was the day of his baptism, which was about a month before his death. We all miss him.

So, please review! I love to know what you think! Thank you vey much for reading.

Also, if you like Spamano, check out my newest story, "A Weighted Love"! It features a Chubby!Romano by the way. Go Spamano! Thank you again~! :D