Chapter 4: Fun In The Sun
Jared had told himself that he wouldn't give up on Jensen, but saying something was a heck of a lot easier than actually doing something. He tried to find things that the both of them had in common, but it was hard when Jensen kept on being so mysterious about his life. The only thing that Jared knew for sure, was the Jensen was a surfer and that he seemed above average perception about people. He was obviously intelligent and Jared was pretty sure he was artistic as he had seen Jensen with paint on his hands. But how, how on earth was Jared supposed to make a conversation out of these things?
"Jesus H. Christ, Shaggy," Streak said one night when they were closing shop, "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you." Jared looked up from the papers he had been arranging and gave her a confused look. "What?" he said and she shook her head. "Don't 'what' me so innocently," she said and locked the front door. She went over to him and smacked him on the head and folded her arms across her chest. "Give me a valid reason you haven't asked Jensen out," she said and raised an eyebrow to him. Jared rubbed his head and sighed, "I just don't know how to talk to him," he said and he heard Streak sigh.
"Jared, I don't know what else you want from this situation," she said and Jared exhaled heavily. "A manual would be good," he said and Streak gave him a look that could roast a chicken. "In case you haven't realized, Yoda, love doesn't come with a How-to book. If that were the case, you wouldn't have so many lonely people in the world," she said and walked to the light switch to turn off the lights. "Just promise me one thing, Shaggy," she said and looked at Jared, "Promise me you won't let this go without at least trying." Jared bit his lip for a moment and nodded his head and she turned off the lights.
Jared had been wondering where exactly Jensen goes to surf as he could never find him on the beach, but when he asked Samantha, she wouldn't say. All she said was, "Ask him." So one morning, Jared looked into his bathroom mirror and said, "Today, you will ask Jensen where he surfs. You will get the balls to do it and you will do it."
"Terrible thing to have lost you balls," came a voice and Jared froze. He turned and saw Jensen leaning against the door frame with his arms across his chest. He had an amused expression on his face, but he tried to cover it up with clearing his throat. "So… I hear you wanted to ask me something?" he said, but Jared was having trouble forming words not. Screw Jensen for being so damn breath-taking. Then Jared remembered that he was wearing nothing but his towel. He looked down and back at Jensen, suddenly aware that the only thing saving him from complete nudity was a piece of fabric.
"Uhh… I…" he said and Jensen unfolded his arms and stepped further in. Jensen came right up to Jared and tilted his head up at Jared. Jensen's lips were inches away from Jared's and Jared studied each freckle and line on Jensen's face. He realized that Jensen was just the perfect height to look down at and he had the almost impossible task of controlling his hands from doing something he would regret. "C'mon, Hotshot," Jensen said in a low voice that shot right through Jared's spine right down to his nether regions, "Gonna ask me or what?"
Jared could feel his heart hammering and he was realizing that he was really going to do something he is going to regret, but Jensen was right there. He was right there and he was so amazing seductive that if Jared didn't do something, we would explode. Jensen smirked at Jared, almost reading his mind and leaned in, lips almost brushing Jared's. "You want me, don't you?" he said and Jared closed his eyes. Everything was going fuzzy; all Jared knew that there was Jensen and after that the world ended. Everything was Jensen. Jared nodded a little but he heard Jensen say, "Say it, Jay, don't nod it." So Jared opened his lips an inch and was about it say it when he felt Jensen's lips touch and cover his. Suddenly there was fire shooting through his body and mind. Everything woke up and started working in overdrive. There were a trillion thoughts and a billion emotions, there was a universe of neurons firing and ever cell in Jared's body was reacting to this one simply touch.
Jared kissed back with hesitance first, fearing that this may all be a dream, but Jensen was there to make it real again. Jensen's hands found their way to Jared's hair and he weaved his fingers through Jared's wet hair. Jared's arms went around Jensen and pulled him close, making their bodies go flush against each other. Everything was perfect in that one second of eternity, everything made sense and Jared felt like he had the answer for every question ever asked. So when Jensen pulled back, Jared felt the high crash back down again and they were standing in Jared's bathroom in an apartment owned by an eccentric tattoo artist.
Jensen was giving Jared a look that could mean a thousand things but Jared couldn't even define one of them. Jared looked down at Jensen, breathing a little hard but he didn't let go of Jensen. It was Jensen that slowly unfurled Jared's arms from his body and took a step back. "I… I'm sorry, Jay, I shouldn't have," Jensen said and turned to go, but Jared quickly caught Jensen's hand and Jensen looked back at Jared. "I wanted to ask you where you surfed," he said and Jensen shook his head. "And here I was thinking that you wanted my hand in marriage," he said and Jared's eyes widened. Jensen laughed, "Joking, Shaggy, just joking. I can show you if you want," he said and Jared nodded.
"Okay, put some clothes on and we'll go okay?" he said and Jared smiled and nodded. Then they realized that they were still holding hands and Jensen smiled at Jared and let go of him. When Jensen had left the room, Jared exhaled heavily and turned at looked at his reflection in the glass. What the hell was that? Jared asked himself, but he could come up with no conclusive answers. He wanted Jensen, yes, and Jensen obviously knew that, but there was something else – the way Jensen had looked at Jared when he had pulled back. The way his eyes seemed to want it too, but how they had gone dead, like he was telling himself no.
Later in the kitchen, Jensen made no comment about what had happened earlier and Jared tried not to say anything, but the static in the air was present… and Streak noticed. "So," she said, holding her mug of coffee up to her lips and sipped once, "Fucked yet?" Jared's spoon fell into his bowl of cereal and Jensen choked on his own coffee. "What the hell, Vic," Jensen said, wiping his mouth but shot Jared a look. Jared wiped his t-shirt where a little milk had splattered and scowled at her. "Don't you have a shop to open?" he said and Streak smiled at him toothily. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the nest today," she said and got up to wash out her mug. Jared and Jensen exchanged a look when her back was turned and Jensen shook his head. "Nothing happened, okay?" his eyes said and Jared nodded.
"Well boys, I'm out," she said and opened her door to the downstairs, "Try not to get into too much trouble, huh?" When she was out, Jensen sighed and put down his mug. "Jay-" he began but before he could continue, Jared cut in, "Don't worry, Jen, I know it didn't mean anything," he said and smiled at Jensen. "Don't worry." Jensen sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. "It's so much more than that, Jay," he said and looked at Jared with knitted brows. "I want to too," he said, "But… I mess people up, and I don't want to mess you up." Jared didn't know how to react for a moment, but he stood up and deposited what was left of the cereal into the waste bin. "We'll see whether you actually do mess me up, Jen," he said then stopped himself and looked at Jensen. "You don't mind me calling you Jen?" he said and Jensen shook his head. "No, why?" he asked and Jared put his arms on his hips and thought about it for a moment. "Huh, cause I could have sworn that you didn't like people calling you that," he said and Jensen smiled softly and said, "You're different," and finished his coffee. "So are we going or not?" Jensen asked and Jared nodded. "You're not going to mess me up, Jen, you're not," Jared told Jensen silently.
The beach that Jensen surfed on was amazingly beautiful. It was in a secluded part that required a jeep to get to and it was cut off from the commercial parts. Getting out of the car, Jared looked around with an awed look. "This place is beautiful," he said and looked at Jensen. Jensen set his board down and looked around. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?" he said and smiled at Jared. "I found this place about three years ago by accident, and well, no one else has found it, so yeah."
Jared found a comfortable spot on the sand to sit and laid out blankets and the icebox of food and drinks they had brought with them. Jensen helped Jared and once everything was set up, he smirked at Jared and looked at his board. "So, wanna see me shred some waves?" Jensen asked and Jared nodded at him. So Jensen changed to his surfing gear and took up his board. Jared looked at the waves and then back at Jensen. "Aren't the waves a little high?" he asked and Jensen laughed. "The bigger the better," he said and ran into the surf.
Watching Jensen was like watching a bird of prey going in for a kill and like watching the greatest dancer perform the hardest dance. Jensen was beautiful as he sliced through the waves like a knife would to warm butter. Everything he did was so graceful and well executed that Jared wondered if Jensen was part fish too. The waves seemed to bend to Jensen's will and he seemed to understand what the waves wanted him to do.
After a while, Jared got out his sketch book and began sketching the waves and Jensen. He sketched out Jensen riding the waves and was even able to catch Jensen when he flipped his board on purpose and dove into the sea.
An hour passed and Jensen finally came in from the sea, hair glistening with water and body dripping. Jared threw him a towel and Jensen gratefully accepted it. Jensen playfully shook his hair out, causing water to fly everywhere. "Hey!" Jared said and covered his book, laughing, "You're gonna ruin my drawings!" Jensen got out of his surfing gear and only put on his shorts again and crashed down next to Jared.
"Let me see," he said and Jared looked at him, suddenly shy. "They're not good," he said but the book was snatched from him. "Let me be the judge of that, huh?" Jensen said and flipped through the book. Jared looked at Jensen intently as Jensen studied the drawing, trying to discern what Jensen was thinking. "You're right, Jay. They aren't good at all," Jensen said and Jared sighed, but Jensen smiled and ruffled Jared hair a little. "They're not good cause they're amazing, I love them," he said and Jared beamed at him. "Really?" he said and Jensen chuckled. "Really. You've got a real gift, Jay," he said and laid down, stretching himself out on the blankets.
Jared smiled at Jensen and pulled him up, much to Jensen's disdain. "You're not falling asleep until you get some food in you, Mr." Jared said and Jensen shook his head. "Yes, MUM," he said but smiled at Jared.
After a meal of sandwiches and salad, Jensen laid back down, closing his eyes and putting an arm over them and Jared awkwardly sat there, not sure about what to do. Jared saw Jensen's lips twitch up and Jensen said, "So you just gonna watch me till the sun sets?" Jared chuckled and Jensen removed his arm from his face and smiled up at him. "What?" he said and Jared shook his head. "You're so hard to read sometimes. I just don't know what to do around you, that's all," Jared said.
Jensen looked up at the sky and then back at Jared. "You really want me to tell you what to do, Jay?" he asked and Jared shrugged. "Maybe you could give me hint?" Jared said and Jensen patted the space next to him. "Lie down," he said and Jared did as he was told. When he was comfortable, Jared felt Jensen take his hand and twine their fingers together. Jared didn't look at Jensen, choosing to look up at the sky and the lazy clouds and soon, both of them fell asleep side by side, hands never leaving each other.
Jared woke with a start a few hours later, not remembering how he got to the beach, but Jensen was there to help him remember. Jensen put a hand on Jared chest, just like he had done at the pier and Jared smiled up at him. He sat up and Jensen smirked at him. "Good evening, sleepyhead," he said and Jared rubbed his eyes. "How long have we been asleep?" he asked and Jensen shrugged. "Few hours," he said and looked out to the horizon. "This is what I wanted to show you, Jay," he said and as Jared turned to where Jensen was looking, his breath was yet again, taken away.
The sunset in front of them was beautiful. It was like the sun had set fire to the sky and those streaks were fighting their way across the universe. Everything was thrown into a warm glow and it made everything beautiful. Yet nothing was more beautiful than Jensen. His green eyes turned into golden spheres, his subtly blonde hair turned into a golden field of grass and his skin glowed. Jensen glanced at Jared with an amused smile. "I was talking about the sunset, y'know," he said, but Jared smiled and shook his head. "Nothing could be more beautiful than you right now, Jen," he said and Jensen turned at him with a look that Jared had only seen him give Samantha. "You're a hopeless romantic, you know," he said and nudged Jared playfully.
They watched the sun going down in silence, but after a while, Jensen broke it quietly. "I don't know how to love people," he said, still looking out to the sunset and Jared breathed out a little. "To be honest, neither do I," Jared said, "But we'll learn. You love Samantha, that I'm sure of, and one day, you'll learn to love someone else." Jensen slowly took Jared's hand in his and Jared looked at him. Jensen licked his lips, not looking at Jared and said in an almost inaudible voice. "I want to love you," he said. Jared had never seen Jensen so completely open and vulnerable before and was curious as to how much Jensen actually showed people. Jensen looked up at Jared and shook his head and was about to let go, but Jared held on tight.
"I want to love you too, Jen," he said and Jensen was a little taken aback. "You don't have to do me any favors, you know," he said. Jared couldn't believe it, Jensen thought that Jared felt nothing for him. So Jared did the only thing that he knew would make Jensen believe him.
"Will you go to dinner with me, Jen?" he asked and Jensen cocked an eyebrow at him. "What…" he said and Jared raised his eyebrows at him. "What, never been asked on a date before, Jen?" he said and shook his head. "You tell me not to do you any favors, then fine, I won't. But I do love you, and I'm gonna show you how much I do. So come on, dinner or not?" Jared said and Jensen didn't know what to do. He didn't like being put on the spot like that. "Okay," he said and Jared smiled. "Good," he said and leaned in a little. "And just for the record, Jen, you're buying," Jared said and Jensen laughed. "Oh, am I now?" he said and tackled Jared.
They rolled in the sand, laughing like crazy and when they finally stopped, Jensen was on top of Jared and as Jared looked up at Jensen, Jensen leaned down and kissed Jared again. It wasn't like the first time; this was something totally different. Jared actually felt the love that Jensen felt for him. It was soft, yet wanting, and Jared knew that Jensen was holding back a lot. He would find it, he promised himself that.
When Jensen leaned up, he groaned and slumped against Jared's chest. "I've got to stop doing that," he said and Jared laughed. "I don't mind," he said and Jensen looked up at Jared with narrowed eyes. "I'm sure you don't," he said and put his head back down on Jared chest. Jared automatically put his arms around Jensen and Jensen held on to Jared. "Just for the record," Jensen said, "And I will deny this if you ever bring it up; but I like this." Jared smiled to himself and said, "I'm sure you don't."
Today was a good day, Jared knew that. Then dread hit him. "Oh my god," Jared thought to himself, "I'm going on a date with Jensen."
