(Roxas POV)

How could I have been so blind?

I knew Axel hadn't been happy for a long time, but I never really thought it was serious. I mean, he was always just there. Always making supper for me whenever I got home, always washing the dishes and fixing anything that needed fixing.

It's so strange. When we first met, I loved everything about him. I loved that goofy grin of his, the way his green eyes sparkled when he was happy. I loved the way he could do voice impressions and the way he could make even the simplest story so funny. I even loved how he would tell me a story then forget he'd told me it and retell it until I punched him in the shoulder and told him he was like an instant replay. Then we'd both laugh and get some ice cream.

Then I took him to meet my parents and god. Was I in for a shock. How could I have known the guy I was romancing and being romanced by for a whole year was a half-elf? And I had no idea what that meant until my parents told me. I couldn't believe them at first when they told me that if Axel mastered his magic and the power inside himself, he could become a Daoine Sidhe, an elf warrior. And if he did, he would be extremely dangerous. It just didn't seem possible that Axel and dangerous could fit together in the same sentence. Worse yet, I was completely forbidden from telling him anything about magic.

My parents didn't want me to be anywhere near him, but I resisted them for the longest time. But I remember the day I clearly saw Axel's dark side. We were having a fight over something stupid and Axel was holding a glass of water. The glass suddenly shattered when he yelled something at me, and that shocked us both out of our anger. He was surprised but laughed and made a joke about squeezing things too hard. I got a rag to clean up the water and that's when I realized it wasn't just the squeezing. The water was boiling hot. That was why the glass had broken… and Axel hadn't felt the heat at all. I'd seen him shaking water off his hand, he should have been badly scalded but he didn't feel a thing. And there was a haze of magic in the air.

That was when things started to change. I talked to my parents about it and they told me what to look for to see if Axel was ever changing. They got me advanced classes after work so I could monitor him more closely. Of course, Axel didn't understand why I was working so much and I could hardly tell him. We fought a lot about that for a while, but gradually the fighting stopped.

At first, I was doing it all for him, but it didn't stay that way. I love magic, I always have, and I wanted to get better at it for myself. I wanted to be the greatest wizard in my generation and I couldn't share that dream with Axel. I confided everything in my parents and they introduced me to Demyx. Demyx became my best friend, the person I could confide all my worries in. And Axel… god, this hurts to say. He started to annoy me. That stupid grin, the way he kept repeating his stories, everything about him was getting on my nerves. I-I sometimes wonder if my parents made me feel that way. They always made their disapproval quietly clear and would sort of point things out to me. Things that Axel could do better if I just brought it to his attention, you know? You probably don't know. I'm not sure I do. But it feels like they were involved somehow.

It doesn't matter. I made the choice to act the way I did, and I thought Axel would just be there for me the way he always was. It never occurred to me that he might just toss it all and vanish into the night, and it should have. I should have realized that would be a very Axel thing to do. And now that he's gone, all I want is to see that goofy grin again and hear one of his stories. Feel those warm, callused hands on me. After reading his letter I realized it had been almost a month since we made love. An entire month, and he hadn't complained at all. How could I not have noticed? What kind of crappy lover have I been to him?

I have to find him. I don't know if he'll forgive me, but I at least have to apologize. I don't know if he'll accept it but I have to try. Didn't he leave anything personal in the house? I can't find a thing with enough of his aura on it for a trace. Damn. I guess I'll have to try Reno first, then maybe Sora and Riku.

"Hey, is Reno in?" I ask the girl manning the front counter, and she nods, pointing at the back.

"Somewhere in there." I hesitate, then venture into the back of the auto-shop. I haven't been here very often. I finally spot Reno working hard on a car.

"Hey, Reno?" He looks up from his work with a scowl and definitely doesn't seem pleased to see me. "I'm looking for Axel, I really need to apologize. Do you know where he's gone?"

"Apologize? It's a bit late, don't you think?" I wince, looking down because I know he's right. I've really, really screwed up. "I don't know where he's gone. He said he wasn't even sure." Oh god. That sounds like Axel alright.

"Oh, thank you then." I quickly leave, trying to figure out what to do. I try calling him but he must have turned his cell phone off. Of course, it couldn't be that easy. I try calling Sora but can't reach him either, that's odd. I'll go check out their place. The last thing I expect to find is their place completely cleaned out. What is going on? Then my phone rings.

"Hello?"

Roxas, can you come home? There's some trouble with your brother we need to discuss. Oh no. What has Sora gotten into this time? Or rather, what has Riku gotten him into? Riku has always been trouble, with his talent for dark magic and glamours. Mom and dad can't stand him either, but Sora handled that by not going to see them except when he had to. Maybe I should have done the same.

"Sure dad, I'll be right there." I need to find out what's going on. Going home takes about a half hour, and when I get there I marvel at the house for a moment.

It's actually more of a mansion. It's been in the family for generations and it shows. Sometimes, the weight of all the history feels like a burden. I wonder if Sora has ever felt that way? Probably, but he's so focused on Riku that it doesn't seem to matter to him. I wish I could be that intense with Axel. If only I'd been able to teach him how to use his magic the way Sora taught Riku… but it was impossible. And it's hard to be that tight with someone when you can't share half your life with them.

I'm woolgathering again. Time to concentrate. Dad and mom are waiting for me in the study and I pause a moment, just looking at them. Dad is older and still good looking, with very blonde hair and a beard. Mom is petite and brunette, a lot like Sora. It was an arranged marriage, most are, but they seem to really love each other. They certainly share most of the same attitudes.

"Roxas, good. Have you seen Sora recently?" My dad asks. I shake my head and he sighs. "It was too much to hope. Roxas, I'm afraid that Sora and Riku are in a great deal of trouble."

"Oh?" I say neutrally and take a seat. This doesn't sound good. Everyone has always been down on Riku since the moment he joined us. Dad nods soberly.

"I'm afraid so. There was an ancient sidhe artifact in the armory, and it's gone missing. It was meant to bond to an elf fit to wield it and we're afraid Riku has it. Given its purpose it's difficult to imagine what he would want it for, so he probably just doesn't know how to remove it, but he hasn't come to anyone for help." Oh really? Can't imagine why not. The way you tried to kill him in front of Sora that one time should all be forgiven! "He's far too independent." Heh, really. Imagine that. "So we need to find them so this object can be removed from Riku."

"Without killing him?" The brief silence makes me thing the worst, but then mom clears her throat.

"Of course, we'll attempt to remove it safely. But there might be side-effects." That's something you really don't want to hear in regards to removal of magical items. It could mean everything from a migraine to leaving part of Riku's heart and soul in the object permanently. Not good. "But first we need to find Sora and Riku. We've already tried a searching spell for Sora with your father's and my blood, but we haven't found anything." Woah, really? That shouldn't be possible unless… Sora's dead. But that can't be true, can it? "We're relatively certain they're both alive but confusing our searches." I frown at that. It would take something really powerful to confuse a blood trace, but then Riku is amazingly talented. So is Sora, in a completely different way.

"So you want me to add my blood and magic to your searching spell." A triple focus would be really potent. But something else occurs to me. "What will happen to Riku after the artifact is removed from him?"

"Well, the Council wanted to have him executed of course." Like always. Poor Riku, I really do feel for him. He didn't ask to be born with elf blood and a gift like the sun. "But they've agreed to spare his life if he takes a blood bond to Sora." Oh, well. That's reasonable and they'd both probably agree to that. I'm sure they've been thinking of doing it just because they love each other. "And a geas of obedience to the Council." Well, Riku won't like that. But if it gets them off his case maybe…

"Okay, I'll help." It's not like I really have a choice anyway although it's nice that dad is pretending I do. He could have just ordered me to join the spell and I'd have to obey or risk my position and I really don't want that. I've worked very hard to get where I am, and it's more than just a position. Getting to work on the hardest enchantments is almost like a drug.

Soon we have the search spell set up and I add my own blood to the web, then my magic. God, this is a powerful spell! But then, my dad made it and he's the best. Power seems to warm and then-

What the HELL? I feel the aura rising around me but it's not Sora. It feels like-like so many things all at once. I can taste fruit, smell smoke and feel the earth under my fingers. I can hear a sound like a crackling fire or maybe a babbling brook and it's all overwhelming but beautiful. I want to love it, want to just experience it but I can't because I recognize it. I've only felt a faint taste of it before but I know what it is, I know who it is. Axel. I almost say it out loud but remember myself in time as my father swears.

"When I find the elf that is doing that I'm going to kill him!" Kill? Axel? Oh god, has Axel learned magic? Sora, Riku, what have you done? "I thought for certain we would punch through that aura this time. It's just too potent."

"Have you tried searching for the location of that aura?" Oh shit, I shouldn't be giving them ideas! But dad nods.

"We've already tried but it's very difficult to pin down." That's Axel alright. "The question is why an elf is hiding them. Blast it." He thinks the aura is pure elf? That's a bit strange.

"You're sure Riku took the artifact and not this elf?" Mother says and I want to curse. If Axel took the artifact he really is doomed. But dad is shaking his head.

"Riku's signature was all over the armory. Most likely the brats have found an elf somewhere and convinced him or her to aide them. But the cost… we have to find them!" I bite my lip as mom looks ready to cry. I understand where they're coming from. The truth is that elves are so very dangerous. I don't agree with how half-elves and elfbloods are treated, Riku, Axel and Reno certainly deserve to live, but real elves can be a different matter. The kinds of things they would demand for their help aren't to be thought about.

I'm almost tempted to tell them it's Axel. Then they wouldn't be so afraid for Sora. I know they don't really care about Riku. But if I tell them, Axel will be in so much trouble. He is already and he probably doesn't even know it. I have to find him and warn him! What in hell were Sora and Riku thinking, involving him in this?

"I'm going to go look through Sora's and Riku's house again, see if I can find anything." Dad waves me off and I get out quickly. I'm actually going to go home to my house and see if there's anything at all there that can serve as a focus to find Axel. Maybe whatever spell they're using to obfuscate his aura won't work if I'm searching for him directly.

I'm not sure, but I can hope.


"What are we going to do Riku?" Sora sounds close to tears again. What's gone wrong now?

For the life of me I can't see it, but I'm not doing so well at my magic lessons. Actually, I'm failing hard. The book was hard to get through, it read like a math primer and I hate math, but I managed it. Riku's lessons are just frustrating though. I can't get the hang of anything, no matter how many magic types he exposes me to. Makes me wonder if they're wrong about my talent but Riku swears I'm easily as strong as he is.

"I don't know Sora." Riku sounds discouraged and I finally sigh.

"Would someone explain to a confused pyro what the problem is?" I say plaintively as Sora looks down and Riku grimaces.

"There are wizards at the border crossing." Riku explains. "We can hide from their magic but they might know me and Sora by sight. And we can't glamour them, they'd see through that for certain." Ohhh. Haha, I see!

"Well, why didn't you say so? That's easy to take care of." They both stare at me like I've lost my mind and I grin. "Disguises! Physical disguises, that's the ticket. And I know just the kind of disguise we want. Not only that, I know who can do it for us!"

"You do?" Riku is clearly lost. I grin at him.

"Sure do. Remember how I told you about Reno and me being on the run from the mob for a while? Well, we jumped the border back then too and we did it by getting in touch with some friends of Reno's." I pause for a moment. "Promise you won't blab about this?" Sora nods as Riku frowns, then nods. "Reno's kinda a freak. He likes chicks with dicks."

"What?!?" Riku stares at me as Sora blinks, and I shrug.

"Hey, I'm bi, I got nothing to say about his fetishes. But he's totally plugged into the tranny community and it wasn't hard for him to get in touch with a guy here in El Paso who made us look like the prettiest pair of redhead girls you ever saw." I eye them for a moment and grin. "He'd have NO problem making you two into dream girls." Sora is gaping now and Riku looks like he swallowed a bug, hah! "That long silver hair is oooh nice and Sora's got a total babyface. This is perfect."

"No, it's not! I'm not dressing up as a girl!" Riku sputters and I roll my eyes. "I could never pass for a girl, I don't have tits!"

"That is why god gave us padded bras." I say serenely as Sora bursts into half-hysterical laughter. "Believe me, it will work. And what do you have to lose besides your dignity?"

It took me a while, but I finally convinced them that this was really the best idea. Then we made our way to the place I remembered, a little store that sold wigs, make-up and ladies shoes in amazingly big sizes. You get the drift.

"Axel! Why, it has been forever!" The woman at the counter stood up to greet us with a smile, and Riku stared. It isn't hard to tell that Mia is a transvestite. Her face doesn't look quite right and she's got a bit of an adam's apple. Although it doesn't detract much from her stunning good looks. "You and Reno never come to visit."

"We've both got businesses these days, Mia. Sorry." I said apologetically. For years Reno had come back all the time, but now he was tied down with the auto shop. She sighed, then laughed.

"Reno! We do miss him. Well, what can I do for you Axel? Do you want me to make you beautiful again?" She's teasing me but I grin.

"Actually, yes I do." She looks surprised and I explain. "We're trying to get into Mexico without anyone noticing. My friends here have eloped and Sora's family is really pissed over it, and willing to stoop to anything to get him back. I was hoping you could make us all beautiful?" She looks at them both speculatively and smiles.

"I most certainly can, but it will cost you." I nod. I'd expected that. The sum she names makes me wince but I pull out my card. I have more than enough to cover it. "Excellent. Axel, perhaps I can give you a bit more cover." Oh? I give her a questioning look. "Several of my girlfriends were planning an outing to Juarez for some fun. Perhaps you could join them. I'm sure no one would think to look for you in a group of transvestites."

"That's a wonderful idea!" It really is and I beam at her. "Thank you so much Mia." She waves it away.

"It is nothing. Let's get started." Calling one of her employees to man the register she takes us into the back for some serious make-up work. By the time she's done my hair has been curled into a style that makes me look a bit like Orphan Annie, but is really feminine. Along with the makeup I'm really looking good. The special padded bra I put on gives me a decent cup size. Of course, I can't wear any low cut tops but Mia has perfect dresses for this. The one she gets me is a green that matches my eyes, sleeveless but with plenty of coverage. Then I'm banished to the bathroom to shave my legs properly. Ah, what fun. By the time I get out Sora and Riku are both looking like new women. Riku's hair has been gently curled and dyed a light blond to give him a bit of extra protection. Silver hair isn't very common. Sora is wearing a dark brown, really long wig. Along with his big blue eyes, makeup and the soft pink dress he's in he looks like a really convincing girl. Riku is scowling in a light grey gown that really suits his aquamarine eyes, although he probably wouldn't believe it. Hey, why do they have floor length gowns so they don't have to shave their legs? Oh. I can't help but blush when Mia hands me some pantyhose with a honeycomb pattern on them. That makes my legs look a lot better too, less muscular and more feminine. So do the bright green, high heeled shoes. I take a few tentative steps and it all starts coming back. "Good, I see you haven't forgotten how to manage those."

"How could I? We spent so long dressed up that I learned to put on my own makeup." I say ruefully. Those were good times but damn. I was a girl for so long before we got the whole thing settled that I was afraid I might end up being a girl forever.

"How long were you pretending to be a girl?" Oi, Sora would ask that. I grin at him as he looks at me curiously.

"Off and on, for about three months. The mob started catching on though. Remind me later and I'll tell you the whole story." Reno hates it when I tell that story since I make him sound like a tool, but hey, he was a tool so that works. And he's not here to object anyway. Sora smiles at me and damn, he is a cute girl. "Thanks a ton Mia. When are your girls going to come over? Should we meet them somewhere else?"

"They're coming here. Most of them ride motorcycles, in fact." Riku frowns, looking down at his gown as he clearly considers riding a motorcycle in a dress. I scratch my head. Yeah, that's not going to work. "Yes, I know, the dresses are for the club later. For the trip across the border put these on." Mia has a whole 'nother set of clothing ready for us, and I grin as I get into jeans and a frilly, girly t-shirt. I'm a little worried but Riku and Sora still look very girlish in jeans and t-shirts. The Hello Kitty picture on Riku's chest and the "All this and more" caption on Sora's definitely help.

"Wait, a club? What club?" Mia smiles and I grin at Riku. He looks a touch alarmed at that.

"Did you think we were just going to skip out as soon as we crossed the border? Heck no! We're going to have some fun." I say playfully as Sora goggles. Then I get a bit more serious. "And we don't want to light off on our own right away. Let's act like what we're pretending to be for a while so no one suspects anything."

"Oh. Okay." Riku doesn't look too thrilled but he's accepting. "Axel, you're a lifesaver. What would we do without you?"

"Without my stunning personality and charm? Wither and die most likely." Sora laughs as Riku shakes his head with a smile. "Too bad Roxas didn't see it that way." Oh shit, I didn't mean to say that. And it came out really sad, too. Sora grips my arm for a moment and I manage a smile for him.

"I'm sorry Axel." He says softly and I shake my head.

"Nothing to be sorry for. This has really been getting my mind off him." Although nothing could take him off my mind entirely. I think I still love him. Oh well.

I'll get over it eventually.