A/N: Written for four challenges on the HPFC Forum:
Prompts Galore! by Sable Supernova. Prompt: 'mirror'
Fill the Calendar Challenge by Fire The Canon. Prompt: write a story about the Malfoys (March 22)
The Beginning and the End Challenge by alyssialui. Prompt: 'I am always with you'
Birthday Fic Exchange by SiriusMarauderFan. Prompt: Lucius/Narcissa. Dedicated to alyssialui
Malfoy Misgivings
'I am always with you.'
The shallow words, however genuine, did not convince Narcissa Malfoy as she stood in front of the full-length mirror, the five words echoing in her head as she stared without seeing at her own reflection. If she shut her eyes, she could almost believe he stood beside her, his hands around her waist, his slick blond hair glinting in the shadowy lighting of their home.
That was what he'd said to her, his last words, just before he left for the Ministry. Since then, Azkaban had claimed another: first Bella – though she'd escaped – and now Lucius. She could not bear to think of losing her only son too.
Aristocratic features and an artificial smile. Some thought it strange how Narcissa alone of her immediate family did not don the silver mask, had never pledged loyalty to the Dark Lord in a vow sealed by a mark on her forearm and a fear in her soul. It was a line she would never cross, because it meant putting aside her dignity to serve a master who could and would throw her aside at a moment's notice. If choosing family and honour meant renouncing the man her husband served, it was what had to be. She was not a Gryffindor; she held no high ideals of blind loyalty – hers was a personal kind, a fire burning beneath her icy exterior.
She drew the line at one boundary; Lucius had drawn it at another. Never mind; they had to stay together or risk everything they had worked for. Albus Dumbledore was wrong. There was no choice between right and easy. There was only a choice between death and life, hunter or hunted, stalking or surviving.
She could only hope her husband and son chose the same as she.
Narcissa loved Lucius, of course, but that was not to say that she agreed with all of his choices. When she heard how he had fallen out of favour with the Dark Lord by throwing away that confounded diary on the Weasley girl, she nearly went wild. How could he be thinking of buying favour when there was so much at stake, so much left to chance? Of course, the Dark Lord was growing powerful now, but he'd been defeated before – there was no reason why it should not happen again. And Lucius was too short-sighted to see that, but instead purchased power at a high price, one that she did not care to pay.
There were many times – long, lonely nights – when she doubted whether he loved her in return.
'You're such a softy, Cissy!'
They were careless words, ones that Bellatrix had forgotten next moment, but ones that cut deeply, for even Andromeda had laughed and agreed – Andromeda, whom Narcissa had not thought of in years – Andromeda, whom Narcissa had once counted as her favourite sister. Back then, she had looked upon the words as deeply unfair; now, years later, she saw them as more unjust still.
Perhaps she was a softy – what a silly word! – but all the same, that didn't mean that she couldn't change the course of the war, or even the deadly course she and her family were taking. To do that, she had to protect Draco.
When I was sixteen, she thought, with a twinge of regret, I thought I was invulnerable. And she knew her own son well enough to fear the same in him.
'There is nothing I wouldn't do anymore!'
So she made the Unbreakable Vow. Perhaps this, if nothing else, would ensure he emerged from the war unharmed, even after being punished for his father's mistakes. Oh, Lucius, what have you done?
'Is Draco alive? Is he in the castle?'
His whispered 'Yes' was reason enough for her to spare his life. She straightened and cried the words of the Dark Lord's apparent victory ('He is dead!') while calculating desperately where to go from there.
It's over, she thought, it's finally over. The Potter boy's alive, and he just may win the war after all … but I don't care what happens as long as we stay together. Whatever happens, we will survive.
In his usual slippery fashion, Lucius would manage to escape conviction, and she, Narcissa, would forever be grateful to one Harry Potter for his testimony in her and Draco's favour. But that was all in the future. Now, she permitted herself to imagine a Malfoy Manor untarnished and whole again, free from the taint of torture and containing a happy family: Lucius, Draco and herself. Someday, she hoped, it would be a reality.
And then, and then, she'd no longer have to imagine Lucius's arms around her, and those longed-for words, true at last, would not just be recounted in her head, but on his lips as well:
'I am always with you.'
