Father Complex

4.

Zero awoke to a dark room.

The scent of roses flooded his senses, and he realized that he was tucked into an extremely comfortable and large bed, and that his body felt so good it almost seemed like a dream.

Zero sighed, sitting up a little, relishing in the comfort he felt - it was so real; he was starting to wish he could live in this dream forever.

He caught himself being silly, and shook his head to clear his thoughts.

At least it wasn't another restless night filled with nightmares and twisted fantasies of tearing people's throats out and bathing in their blood.

His feet touched the cool marble floor of the room, and he realized that the large elaborate windows were actually heavily draped as he looked about some more, taking note of the vivid sharpness of this dream. He made his way to the closed door on the left, somehow knowing that it led to a hallway. The place looked familiar.

He was in the hallway now, his bare feet hardly making any noise on the cold floor, and he stopped at the door of the room next to the one he was in, peering in. The room was dark, and in it was a bed, not unlike the one he was in, but slightly smaller. In the bed was a man; asleep, because Zero could hear his soft, steady breathing, creamy limbs tangled in dark red sheets, chocolate brown hair peeking out from under a toned arm. Zero stepped past the door frame, tentatively making his way into the room. He stopped short of the bed, still unable to see the man's face, he continued to stare, and the figure on the bed, as if feeling his gaze, shifted.

If Zero had any doubts that it was dream, it was banished when he saw the man's face.

"...Kana...me..."

His voice sounded hoarse to himself, and the sleeping Pureblood stirred to the sound of his name, dark lashes fluttering open to reveal those stunning auburn orbs.

The man on the bed sat up quickly, his full attention now on the man standing by the bed, before he relaxed and ran a perfect hand through his hair.

"Zero," Kaname was surprised that the priest had found him; the Pureblood prince had spent the night in the guest room and let Zero take his bed, not daring to stay by his side in case the priest didn't want to see him when he woke.

He knew he had screwed their relationship up; he had totally destroyed the fair-haired man's life. Because of him, Zero was now a Level D that was in danger of falling to a Level E. The Kuran had been stupid enough to kill Riido before letting Zero drink from him in his fury. Kaname's fist clenched around the sheets, his expression turning dark as he mentally cursed himself for failing to protect the priest, for being rash and impudent and foolish. He almost forgot that the man he was worrying about was standing next to his bed.

"Kaname?" The priest sounded unsure, an expression of confusion on his perfect features. He still had trouble believing that the Kaname in his dream could be so real. Every detail on his face, every strand of hair was so clear and defined and beautiful.

He couldn't help but reach out to the figure.

Kaname didn't think - he immediately reacted to Zero's action, meeting that wonderful outstretched hand and intertwining their fingers so that even their palms touched, he gently tugged the fair-haired man closer.

He pulled the slightly smaller man against him and wrapped his arms around him. There was nothing going on in his brilliant mind right now, it was solely concentrated on the person in his arms now, the person that was safe in his arms now. He breathed the scent that was Kiryuu Zero, but somehow, it had changed.

This was not his Zero.

Zero nearly gasped as the Kuran touched him, reveling in the warmth and how real it felt. Would the real Kaname do the same if they met again? Or would he pretend he was a complete stranger now that he was one of those things? Would he kill him?

Zero knew.

He knew that it couldn't be real, the Kaname that was holding him, the comfort the man provided, the warmth. He was probably lying in his bed at the back of the church, now padlocked to keep people out and himself in, so he wouldn't turn into one of those monsters. He knew he was going to eventually, and he prayed for death or some miracle or for it all to be a horrible nightmare, but nothing ever happened, so why would it matter now? He was going to die a monster, he was going to die alone. God would no longer accept him into His ranks, he was defiled and damned. He was going to become a Monster and no one would save him.

Not even Kuran Kaname.

Hot tears started to fall from the priest's eyes, shaking his still malnourished frame. The brunet holding him shifted a little to give the crying man space, saying nothing as he ran a gentle hand through silver strands and drew circles on that beloved back.

The priest wanted to give in to this sweet illusion, too good to be reality, because Kaname had left him, Kaname had let him become -this-. His heart ached, as he continued to cling to the figure he thought was a dream, and the figure simply held him tighter, pressing light, cautious kisses on his hair.

"I hope I never wake up..."

The figure holding him stiffened, but still said nothing, instead pulling away gently so he could look at that lovely face.

A shaking hand cupped the fair-haired man's cheek, thumb swiping at the tears that fell. Soft lips pressed against Zero's, muffling his soft sobs. A warm hand massaged his scalp, moving on to his nape, kneading and stroking. It felt good, it felt like he was a child again, in the arms of someone who could keep him safe and loved him. He felt vulnerable, and he cursed himself for it, because it had been so very long since he was this shaken, so very long since he had shed tears of self-pity. But then again, this was his dream; no one would see him crying.

"This isn't a dream, Zero."

Zero opened his eyes. He didn't know when he closed them, but the man was still holding him, the man was still warm.

Kaname was still there. The scent of roses was so strong, so comforting. Kaname pulled away from him a little, now pressing him down onto the bed, fingers lacing with his own. The brunet loomed over him, obscuring what little light came in from the windows.

Zero didn't know why, but he didn't feel intimidated; the feeling that assaulted him was something he didn't recognize. The brunet continued to study him with that amber gaze, strong and quiet, beautiful and kind. Zero didn't know what to say.

It had to be a dream.

"You don't believe me," the pureblood whispered, more of a statement for himself than Zero, and he sighed, a small sad look reflected on his perfect features.

"I don't blame you." Zero closed his eyes as the older man kissed him again, on the forehead this time. Strong arms slid under his neck, pulling him into an awkward and uncomfortable embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Zero."

Something in Zero clicked.

"You're real." it was no more than a whisper, something to convince himself that he wasn't in a dream, that he was actually by Kaname's side, and that Kaname was here, now, hugging him.

It was surreal.

But it was reality.

Anger flooded him then, an inexplicable, terrible anger filled his whole being. He shoved at the man holding him, tears filling his already puffy eyes, only quieting down when the older man didn't release him after five minutes of struggling.

He tried to control his voice as he spoke.

"Why did you leave?"

The Kuran didn't answer. He didn't even move.

Zero glared at the man's shoulder, the only part of the Pureblood in his line of sight.

"Why did you leave?" he asked again, his voice slightly harder and louder, demanding an answer from the brunet. Again, the pureblood did not speak.

A fair hand clutched at the pureblood's back, passive, but ready to pull the older man off him. Zero's voice was shaking.

"Why did you leave if you were going to come back?"

The priest took a deep breath before continuing, shutting his eyes tightly.

"I missed you."

Kaname froze, stunned. He hadn't expected Zero to be so frank, nor so honest. He thought the priest would hate him now, for allowing all those things to happen to him.

The priest's voice pulled him put of his reverie.

"You left me."

The three words were full of accusation and something that Kamame couldn't quite place.

"I'm sorry." that was all Kaname could say, all he could give right now. As much as Kaname hated to admit it, he wasn't god - he wasn't powerful enough to reverse everything that had been done.

Zero didn't reply, he just kept looking at the defeated pureblood, his anger threatening to dwindle into nothing as he watched the deep regret on Kaname's face.

Zero remained silent as he moved closer to the brunet, tentatively resting his chin on the pureblood's shoulder, somewhat accepting the embrace now. Kaname thought he would die of happiness. That Zero had forgiven him so easily for all that happened seemed completely beyond him, but the fact that he did made him want to treasure the younger man for the rest of his life. Zero was so strong, he was so very strong - Kaname felt himself in awe. Whatever had happened to him would have broken any other human, but not Zero, his beautiful, precious Zero.

Then he realized that he had been wrong since the beginning.

Zero wasn't his weakness; he was his strength.

A strength that was void of darkness, manipulation, and influence. It was pure light. Zero couldn't be tainted by darkness, the idea of it seemed absurd now. Zero would save him from his darkness; he would be his means of salvation. Zero would be his, and his alone -

"May I have you?"

The voice that spoke was trembling, and Zero was honestly surprised that the pureblood could sound that way, so desperate and yet calm. He was confused, because what Kaname was asking didn't make sense.

"Don't you already?"

The Kuran lifted his head then, to stare at him, his amber eyes glowing slightly in the darkness, and Zero felt a violent shiver run down his spine.

The slightly smaller man jerked, turning away as he tried to push the memories that image triggered back to the depths of his brain, whispering a harsh

"Don't,".

Kaname didn't move though, he kept his eyes fixed on the priest, who was now squirming uncomfortably. The memories were winning.

Zero started struggling, trying to push the brunet off of himself, desperately fighting to regain composure. Kaname said nothing, but held the priest in place, slowly leaning in again, watching the fear build in those beautiful violet orbs.

"Stop it," the priest's voice was small and trembling. The hands clutching his arm tightened to a point that was uncomfortable even for the pureblood.

He felt horrible as the fair haired man kept trying to push him away, as the man he now knew he wanted kept trying to distance himself from him.

But this was necessary.

Kaname put an elegant finger on his lips, bidding the priest to be silent.

"It's me, Zero. Kaname. I'm not going to hurt you," the pureblood whispered.

I've done enough of that.

He guided the priest's hands to his face, having a little trouble getting the man to let go of his arm, but leaning into the warmth of those wonderful hands when they finally made contact. The fair haired man was still clearly alarmed, lilac eyes wide and blind, trying to wrench himself out of the pureblood's grasp. Kaname didn't budge, despite how his heart ached.

"It's Kaname," he repeated, hating his uncle, hating the fact that Zero was seeing that bastard instead of him when he was right in front of him - he kept his hold on the priest's wrists, leaning closer so that their noses touched.

"It's your Kaname, Zero."

The glowing eyes frightened Zero, but in them he didn't see the crazed bloodlust, the twisted amusement: all he found in these eyes was sadness and regret.

The priest quieted, taking long, deep breaths, his fingers slowly moving on their own to run over what soft skin they found.

"Kaname," he repeated, as Kaname released him, pressing light kisses onto his eyelids and cheeks. Zero was still shaking, unable to stop himself from remembering in those short hours Riido had him in captivity how many times Zero was reminded of Kaname, how many times he kept telling himself that Kaname would never do this to him, would never let this happen.

He was wrong.

It was as good as Kaname doing the deed himself.

Zero pressed back against the pillow, shaking his head weakly, covering his face with his hands.

"No," he choked, his breaths short and labored.

"My Kaname left me."

Kaname's heart was crushed.

His insides felt as if they had been turned to ice - he couldn't breathe, he didn't trust his voice to speak. His chest constricted with a pressure that scared him.

…There was nothing he could say to defend himself.

He quietly got off of the priest, his brain racing as he thought about what had happened - what he had caused. It was unforgivable. He couldn't forgive himself.

He sat at the edge of the bed, hands clasped near his lips in thought and self-blame.

The soft sobbing from behind him was breaking his heart.

Kaname stood, not turning he whispered an apology, taking a shaky step toward the door. The second step was more controlled, and he found himself outside of the room soon enough, his thoughts plagued by the images of Zero's pain.

The agony he had helped cause.

He didn't know what to do – he had never been in a predicament this complicated, he had never actually felt so much in all his existence – it disturbed him a great deal how close he allowed the priest, how much the other man's pain was taking its toll on him as well.

It confused him.


For the next three days Zero did not see Kaname.

The brunet had sent someone named Seiren to "take care" of him, to see to his daily needs – his meals, his entertainment – to just watch him.

"Where's Kaname?"
The woman simply looked at him, silent. There was something in her eyes that was akin to pity, and Zero simply didn't know how to react to that. The only answer he managed to squeeze out of her the single time she opened her mouth in three days was "Kaname-sama is attending to something important."

Zero didn't know how to feel – he felt worse as each day passed, and Kaname was avoiding him. He certainly didn't blame him, after what he had said, but as he kept rewinding things in his head he realized how insensitive he was, how blatantly cruel.

Kaname saved him.

His heart throbbed every time he thought of what had transgressed in that room, and he wanted to apologize, to try and make things better.

The door opened.

Zero didn't look up – it was probably Seiren; but when the person entered the room, Zero knew immediately who it was.

"Kaname!"

The priest rose from his position by the window, his book now forgotten on the just-vacated seat.

The brunet had an unreadable expression on his face, and in his hand was a box of something that looked like pills and a glass of water. The taller man moved over to the table silently.

His eyes hadn't meet Zero's since he entered the room.

Zero's thin ray of hope was reduced to a dull glow.

"These are chemical substitutes for blood, they should sate your thirst. Of course, they will never be as good as the real thing, but in the case of an emergency they come in handy."

Zero was puzzled, watching Kaname drop a white pill into the glass of clear water, and watching that water morph into a crimson that reminded him of Kaname's eyes.

Zero wanted answers.

"I don't understand."

Kaname didn't turn to face him – the older man just paused in his actions, the only hint that he was even listening to the priest.

"What emergency? Why haven't I seen you at all in three days? Where have you been?"

Kaname's sigh was almost inaudible.

"In the case that I'm not available and you are hungry, you should consume these." Kaname turned towards the door.

"As for where I've been – I don't believe it to be your concern."

Zero's heart froze.

"…What?"

Kaname didn't answer, but he took a step to the door.

Zero was outraged.

"What do you mean by that?"

The priest couldn't keep his voice down, he was angry, and he wanted answers, and most of all, he wanted Kaname. He didn't understand why Kaname was behaving the way he was: why he was avoiding him, why he refused to look at him, why he was pushing him away.

…Did he hate him now?

Zero's heart broke.

He covered his mouth to try and muffle the strangled whimper that escaped his throat, his other hand clutching at the dull ache in his chest.

Did Kaname hate him now?

If the brunet detected the change in the priest he didn't show it.

The older man had reached the door and was about to touch the handle when the other person in the room stopped him.

"…I don't want any replacements."

Zero's voice was cracking. Soft. Unsure.

Kaname's heart ached.

"All I want is you, Kaname."

Kaname couldn't believe his ears.

He didn't dare to turn around; he didn't even dare to lower his hand from the door handle. He merely stood there, frozen and rooted to the ground, trying to internalize what had left Zero's beautiful lips.

He heard the priest move closer, before two hands touched his shoulders, sliding down to hold his arms.

"I'm…I'm sorry."

The brunet had turned, swiftly pulling the fair-haired man into his arms. Kaname's brain was on autopilot; he crushed their lips together, ignoring the surprised gasp from Zero, he pulled away and buried his face in the crook of the younger man's neck and just breathed.

"Don't be sorry, Zero. I…"

Kaname's grip started to loosen.

"I…I don't deserve it."

Kaname pulled away, and for the first time in four days he looked into Kaname's eyes.

Sadness: that was all that he found there.

Kaname raised a hand as if to caress the priest's cheek, but stopped short, forcing himself to pull away, his eyes cast to the floor.

"I don't deserve any of this."

There was a soft click, and Zero was left alone again, with nothing but his sorrow and confusion to keep him company.


A/N: Hello again! I'm very sorry I took so long to update this time as well. I haven't read through it, so any mistakes are my own. It's getting terribly dramatic and increasingly filled with angst isn't it? –kicks self-

The next chapter'll be along in a while I guess. I've started school again and I have a good many commitments so I may not have as much time to write. But then again if you've stayed with me until now I suppose you're quite used to me taking a long time, huh. –gets shot-

Well, until next time then! Drop a review please!

~forbiddenist.