Chapter Four: Pandemonium
"—it's Pink Diamond."
Garnet's words hang over them, as commanding in their presence as the hands of the temple when he's out playing on the beach under their shadow. Shifting in her arms, Steven squints, the reveal holding far less meaning for him than he imagines it does for everyone else. Did the Gems mention a Pink Diamond before? Sure, he knows a little bit about the so-called Great Diamond Authority, mainly how they tend to colonize and destroy all life on whatever fertile planets they come across— and thanks to Peridot he's actually seen Yellow Diamond— but Pink? It doesn't ring any bells. To be fair, they're still not super transparent about much of their involvement in Earth's history, but if it's supposed to be important—
"And how is that even possible?" Bismuth outbursts. Like an overfilled balloon, the tension pops. "We knew Rose, we- we all fought with her against Pink, she—"
As the others continue to tussle over this revelation, Steven realizes with a jolt that Pink Diamond's existence has been staring him in the face this whole time. "Holy moley," he breathes to himself, eyes wide as saucers. Of course! The symbols on the ancient sky arena bear a fourth diamond, where more recent Gem structures do not. What color is it? Pink. Back in August, just past his birthday, they popped up to the moon base on Lion's back. On the bottom floor of the base, the Diamonds are depicted in monolithic murals that are like, fifty feet fall. And how many does he remember seeing? Four. Blue, Peridot's Yellow, White, and...
The last mural is Pink.
And somehow, according to Garnet Pink Diamond is... Rose? Is his mom? And so then as the recipient of her gem... so is he...? In a way? Geeze, this is so confusing.
"Garnet?!" Pearl calls, and he realizes then that the fusion's body is quivering. Her arms still wrap protectively around him, but their hold is progressively weakening. Her mouth contorts into a painful grimace.
"Garnet, what's wro—" he reaches out, intending to affectionately pat his guardian's hair, but then her form begins to glow white. All at once, she loses control.
He's unable to hold back his yelp when her grip on him gives up, unable to heft his weight in this state. Bedspread and all, Steven tumbles to the hard stone. The blankets unravel around him like a ball of yarn. Pearl is at his side in a flash, one hand on his back and the other protectively cupped around his gem. With her help he pulls himself to his knees, limbs shaking with the effort, and turns to set his gaze on Garnet. His throat grows dry at the sight of the agony she's in.
She's bent over, arms desperately clinging to herself as if this is the only way she can avoid splitting into two. She clenches her teeth, practically seething as she rides the waves of instability.
"Not the time, not the time, not the time," she chants to herself. Her body morphs, almost pulling apart into smaller halves.
Almost.
Moments pass, only noticeable via the frantic beating of Steven's heart, and miraculously Garnet is still together. Her breathing stills as she stabilizes. The two gems on her hands stop glowing. Slowly but surely, a wide eyed Bismuth approaches and supports her by the shoulder.
"You okay?" she asks, genuine concern tinting her voice.
"I—" Garnet pauses, her mouth falling slack. "For now. But don't think this changes anything," she adds quickly, shrugging away and piercing her with the same sort of intense look that he's on the receiving end of whenever he's in trouble.
She holds her palms outstretched in defense. "Just tryin' to help where I can, no need to cut your facets down a size."
"Believe me, you've already done enough."
Pearl taps her foot impatiently, still clutching the inert gemstone. "The fountain is just around the corner," she says. "Steven, can you walk?"
His brow creases in concentration. That's a good question, can he? Carefully, he moves one bare foot under him, and tries putting a little weight on it. It's a little wobbly, his system still acclimating to being entirely without the gem side of his physiology, (a problem which they'll hopefully fix soon), but not entirely unstable. He shrugs.
"Uh... maybe if I'm leaning on someone?"
"Excellent!" she says, with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Here, take my arm, and I'll lead you the last few steps."
"And you," Garnet growls, striding across to Pearl.
She flinches, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks in the shadow of the fusion's anger. Steven's gut twists at the sight. Suddenly he's unable to shake the memories of the last time the two of them fought.
"Wha- me?"
"You knew, didn't you?"
Her ivory cheeks flush bright blue. "I—"
All further words are cut off as she slaps her palm to her mouth. She trembles violently, her horrified gaze snapping to that hand as if it's something invasive and doesn't belong there.
Bismuth also advances upon her. "You did seem rather calm about all this earlier," she points out, crossing her arms.
This comment is enough to drive Pearl to channel all her nervous energy elsewhere. She takes a bold step in front of him, no longer hindered by that mysterious invisible force. "And for someone who tried to shatter the most important person on this planet to me, you don't seem panicked enough," she spits.
"Save your words!" Garnet says, jabbing her finger at her. "Admit it. You knew, you knew Rose was Pink Diamond, this whole time!"
"Y' guys!" Steven croaks from his position on the rough stone, watching in dismay as the two of them devolve into conflict. Kneeling there behind them, he can't help but feel a cold dread climb deep into his skin and seep through his veins— an immobilizing sense of emotional helplessness that rivals that which the loss of his gem gave —or is that merely the morning chill seeping through the legs of his jeans? It's hard to tell.
"You lied to us. To your friends! To me, to Amethyst… to Steven…"
Rapidly, Pearl shakes her head. "It was never my intention to—"
"But you know what the worst part is? I trusted you so implicitly that I never saw this betrayal coming, not ever!"
"Garnet, please," she begs, "you have to understand, there are some things that are impossible for me to explain!"
"Try anyway," she snarls, and summons a gauntlet over her ruby gem.
"I'm trying to tell you, I literally can't!"
"But why not?!"
All that helplessness builds and builds within him as he watches this shameless display, until suddenly something in his mind shifts like the tumblers inside a lock and those feelings turn inside out. Frustration is the only fire burning within him now— frustration that no one's listening to each other, that everyone is yelling, that every minute they spend arguing over the unchanging past is another minute his gem is damaged and entirely removed from his body, frustration about the disastrous circumstances that threw him into this whole ugly mess in the first place...
Steven slams his eyes shut.
"STOOOP!" he hollers.
He frantically hobbles across to Garnet on his knees, the patterns of the stone's grain distinguishable through the fabric of his jeans. As he throws his arms around her leg, she lowers her gauntlet... ever so slowly. Pearl breaths a visible sigh of relief. Even Bismuth, standing close behind, turns her gaze in interest to what he has to say. In a perfect world he'd have the strength to literally stand his ground while securing their full attention, but for now he'll have to improvise. He hugs her leg tighter.
"Come on, stop fighting," he begs, blinking up at both of them through wide, red rimmed eyes. "You two love each other! And if you love me..."
He pulls away, and gestures towards the gem in Pearl's grasp. His fingers open wide, ready to take hold of it himself. Ready to feel halfway whole again.
"Let me have it, please."
She's about to do just that when the bridge of Bismuth's nose crinkles with alarm. "B-but wait," the rainbow haired Gem butts in, pushing her broad figure between them, "if we fix the crack, when Pink reforms, how do we know she won't—"
"It's not her anymore," Steven says insistently, fighting to keep the full intensity of his frustration with her out of the micro expressions of his face. "It's me! You all saw him." Taking a deep breath, he sits back on his heels and takes this moment to make eye contact with each one of them in turn. "Listen, I know there's a lot you're upset about, and a lot we still don't understand. I mean, I barely know who this Pink Diamond is! But all the arguing's gotta stop. If we're going to figure this out, it has to be together. It has to. Okay?"
Pearl gives a tight nod, her mouth pressing into a thin line. She silences any further argument from Bismuth in a single acerbic glare, the stockier Gem backing away as if standing on hot coals, and suddenly he understands why people used to call her the 'terrifying renegade pearl.' Her expression softens when she turns to him. She extends the gemstone to him like an offering, gently guiding it into his hands. They held it together for a moment, and as his quivering thumbs stroke its glassy surface he swears he can sense faint vibrations from within. Damaged, but inside, still so very much brimming with life.
"It's not about us," she says, and releases the gem to his care. She peers up at Garnet, inclining her brow pointedly. "It's about him."
At hearing her earlier words thrown back at her, the fusion sighs wearily. She drops her gauntlet laden arm, and lets the weapon phase back into her gem. Like steam dissipating with exposure to chilled air, it's clear all the fight's been drained out of her. "You're right, Steven. Of course you are. We're wrong to jump to conclusions with so little information to work with."
"Yeah, exactly!" he chimes, lifting his pink gemstone to eye level and admiring the way the light refracts through its facets— though this refraction is of course thrown off by the jagged gouge marring its flat pentagonal center. "For all we know, maybe you got a bit carried away and this gem's just a regular ol' rose quartz after all!"
"No, that's definitely a diamond."
The bluntness of this statement wipes the faint smile off his face.
"...oh."
"But you made a good point," Garnet says, and at noticing his stress ruffles his hair. "No matter what we feel, it's not her. It's your gem now. So, we're gonna mend it."
Pearl loops her arm through his, helping him up. For the first time since all this madness began Steven plants his bare feet on solid ground. His knees wobble under his body weight, and he inhales sharply, an intrusive image of him collapsing, dropping his gem, and watching it shatter into a zillion tiny shards zipping through his mind like lightning. But his guardian holds tight, keeping him from toppling over.
"That's it, small steps," she whispers, guiding him. "We'll walk slowly, okay?"
Garnet promptly falls in line behind them, and he can only assume Bismuth tries to follow as well because Garnet barks for her to stay back. He swivels to match eyes with the one who cracked him— a flurry of complicated emotions swirling within him all the while that he's definitely not ready to unpack— and watches her face crumple as they leave her behind. The foliage thins. Soon enough they reach the vast, glittering basin, filled to the brim with his mom's healing tears. Adorning the central platform of the grand fountain, that familiar ringlet laden statue looms over them. Steven thought it almost ethereal the first time he came to this place, but seeing it now just serves to leave him with a knot in his stomach, right in the hole his mother's gem left. Knowing the bitter truths they do now, the peaceful smile painstakingly etched across her stone visage feels like a mockery.
Pearl leads him to the fountain's edge and helps him sit on its rim. Both her and Garnet join him on either side. Basking in the morning sun's warmth, it's easy to forget that it's like one am back in Beach City, and that he's not supposed to be awake right now. His eyelids droop. Hopefully soon this nightmare will all be over so he can collapse in his bed, cuddle with one of his stuffed animals, and have the deepest, most dreamless sleep of his life. His glance drops to the diamond in his hands.
"Well," he says, a noticeable shake in his voice. "Here goes nothing."
Slowly and oh-so-carefully, he plunges his gem under the water's surface. The other two watch, enraptured, as its surface glows with a shimmering brilliance. Simultaneously the deep crack splayed across its pentagonal facet begins to recede. He counts three seconds… then five… by eight, the gouge is gone entirely. Eyes sparkling, he lifts the gem into the air. Now he can barely tell it was damaged in the first place! Maybe he's reading into things too much and it's nothing more but the manifestation of sweet, sweet relief, but Steven wonders if fixing his gem is to thank for lifting the cloud over his mind. He already feels ten times more alert and able than before. (Although he still doubts his ability to walk. Should he be concerned how physically weak he is on his own, completely human?) Nevertheless, he clutches the repaired diamond to his chest, grinning at his guardians.
"Maybe we should come here more often, 'coz I think this is the shiniest my gem's ever been," he jokes with a weak laugh.
"Oh, thank goodness!" Pearl sighs, and throws herself around him.
Garnet joins her in the embrace, and with a sniffle, Steven buries his face in the crook of her arm. His eyes flutter shut as he allows his worries to momentarily melt away. The faint vibrations of their hard light bodies thrum steadily in time with his heartbeat. Gems may not have a physical heart like humans or other kinds of organic life, but Pearl taught him their gemstones constantly refresh their forms through the channels of light running from their core outward, and that in practice it's pretty similar to the blood pumping through his circulatory system. In any case, it's a comforting reminder that he's safe.
"Now can we talk about this peacefully, without yelling?" he says softly.
"Of course," Garnet says with one of her customary half-smiles, and after giving him one last squeeze pulls away. "Bismuth!" she calls. "Your damage has been fixed. You can come out from the tree you're sulking behind now."
Still clutching him tight, Pearl stiffens. "Wha-! After what she did to Steven, you're just going to let her—?"
She tips down her visor, regarding her directly. "Believe me," she mutters, voice brimming with a rock solid assurance that could only come from future vision, "she won't be trying that again."
Pearl helps him sit with his back against the fountain's lip as the other Crystal Gem rejoins the group. Bismuth's fingers fidget almost hyperactively, clasping and folding over and over in front of her blacksmith's apron. Steven watches her glance drift to the gem he now holds in his lap, and while she's calmer than before now that it's mended, there's an undeniable fear lurking underneath as well. His shoulders hunch. Is that what his mother's shadowy past evokes in everyone? Fear?
He's beginning to wish he never popped that bubble in Lion's mane in the first place.
"Pearl, can you tell us anything about Pink Diamond and Rose?" he asks, opening the conversation.
She bites at her lip, glancing between the three of them. Garnet regards her with an especially careful focus.
"No..."
He frowns. "But you want to, right?"
"More than anything," she whispers, her blue irises glittering.
Apparently her words enclose some sort of hidden meaning, because the tenseness in Garnet's expression begins to fade away, a wave of understanding crashing onto shore to replace it. "Gag order."
His nose crinkles. "What's that? It doesn't sound very nice."
"That's because it isn't. The diamonds have the capability of giving irrefutable orders to Gems who are bound to them," the fusion explains, crossing her arms. "Such as, individuals in their court who were given as gifts, or... personal pearls. Pink Diamond must have commanded her not to speak of her true identity."
"So hold on. Lemme see if I can get this straight. You think," Bismuth begins, and points directly at Pearl, "that before the rebellion she was Pink Diamond's personal pearl? Our lone Pearl?"
The Gem in question shifts uncomfortably at their discussion, clamping her lips together. Silently, Steven hugs her from the side, pressing his cheek against her upper arm. Her form quivers.
"Yes, I do."
"And then somehow all along, Rose Quartz, respected leader of that rebellion, was actually the diamond were were supposedly fighting against all along? Was fake? Just some created persona? But why would some spoiled, imperialistic upper crust do that in the first place? None of this makes any sense!"
"If I could actually explain anything, it'd make more sense than you'd expect," Pearl says.
"Maybe she just wanted to be Rose Quartz," Steven shrugs. "Is that so bad?"
Garnet adjusts her opaque glasses. "Depends on what her motives were. See, I thought I knew Rose. Knew what she stood for. Now I have no way of being sure." She pauses, gazing vacantly between him and Bismuth. "None of us do."
The group lapses into uncomfortable silence at this, their sense of morale deflating further and further as the moment stretches on. That sick, twisted feeling in his gut returns with a vengeance. Talking is still leagues better than fighting, but… now his family is suspicious and tense, battered and broken. He doesn't want this. Desperately, he looks to Garnet.
"But… Pearl can find a way to get around that gag order eventually, can't she? Then she can tell us everything herself!"
"I've tried," the lithe Gem blurts out, hugging her knees to her chest. "Ever since you were born I've tried everything I could think of to get around it, but it's been a part of me for so long that I don't know if I can."
"Tampering with a Diamond's commands is too risky," Garnet says. Delicately, she rests her hand on Pearl's shoulder. "I've lost too many friends to this war. As much as I want to know the truth, I won't risk another."
Tears bud at the corner of Pearl's eyes, which she quickly dabs away with the butt of her palm. In the lush garden around the fountain, a flurry of birds begin their morning songs, their lilting chirps meshing together into more complex melodies until they coalesce into a grand symphony. It's achingly beautiful, and since song birds like this don't nest near his home Steven is mesmerized. There's a bizarre dissonance, however, between the content mood their singing encourages and the dour shadow he can't seem to escape from under. A golf ball sized lump catching in his throat, his attention returns to the pink diamond in his lap. The diamond that should be sitting flush in his belly right now, its weight as ordinary and familiar as the clothes on his back. He splays his hand over his stomach. Even if he's beginning to recover from the initial shock by now, the absence of his gem still haunts him to his core, still feels like someone's reached into his chest cavity and yanked out one of his essential organs. It's always been a part of him, ever since he was born, but now, because of what Bismuth did, because he wasn't careful enough...
His eyes burn, growing damp.
"So... does this mean I'm just. Human, now? Forever? Is that it?"
"Oh, Steven," Pearl breathes, and pulls him tight into her embrace. The dams break, and hot, sloppy tears roll down his cheeks.
"No matter what, you'll always be a Crystal Gem to us," Garnet says softly, tracing abstract shapes on his back as he cries.
"But I won't have my shield!" he blubbers, voice thick. "Without my gem I won't have any of my powers! And- a-and if I'm completely human now, and humans can't fuse with Gems, then how—"
"We wait and see. You'll be alright, I promise."
"I hear footsteps approaching," Bismuth says. Bounding in front of them with the force of a door slamming shut, she morphs her fist into a mallet.
Sure enough, true to her claim he hears movement nearby— and as it grows closer, wonderfully familiar voices too. His heart soars. When did they miss the sound of the warp pad activating?
Pearl bristles. "Put that away, it's just Amethyst and Greg."
"Greg? What kinda Gem's a Greg?" she asks, brow creasing.
"He's not a Gem, he's my dad!"
Fresh tears spring forth as he catches a glimpse of the pair approaching from the distance at a generous clip. They emerge into the clearing, forms no longer obscured by the trees' shadows. Amethyst's features are wide and frantic, and his dad hauls the bedspread they left behind midway to the fountain. He's breathing heavy as he plods along, nearly wheezing. They match eyes simultaneously.
"Dad!" he cries, hoarse.
"Steven! I'm coming!"
His dad hastens his pace, scurrying across the remainder of the clearing on his last burst of adrenaline quicker than even Amethyst. He almost trips on a dangling edge of the comforter but catches himself a heartbeat before disaster. Shaking his head he tosses the whole mass of blankets to the ground and keeps running. Steven thrusts his gem into Pearl's care and daringly, on his own strength, pushes himself to his feet. His knees almost buckle, but through either a miracle or sheer stubbornness he somehow manages to carve his way across the rough hewn stone to the one person he needs right now more than anyone in the world. With all the rest of the Crystal Gems in witness, he bounds towards the promise of his dad's cozy embrace. He gasps in alarm when his legs finally give out at the last step. Unable to stop himself, he starts to crumple…
"Whoa-ho there!" Dad exclaims, catching him just as he's about to crash knee-first into the rocky ground. "We don't need you hurting yourself again…"
"I'm okay now!" Steven says, swaying unevenly in his hold. "I'm- I don't know how much Amethyst told you, but I'm okay."
The rigidity in his dad's body increases tenfold as he pulls him even tighter, pressing his tear stained cheek against the hem of his sweaty old tank top.
"She said that- that you'd split apart or something, and your gem was cracked, and—"
"Dad, you're squishing me," he says, voice muffled against his chest.
"Oh, whoops!" he chuckles, and eases up on him. "Guess I'm just really glad to see you moving and alert. Sorry we took so long, Schtu-ball. Your ol' man ain't as agile as he used to be."
Steven flashes him what he hopes is a reassuring smile, and wipes his face dry. A hand lays itself on his shoulder then, and he turns his head to find Amethyst peering at him in interest.
"Yo, where'd your creepy twin go?"
Pearl crosses her arms. "Amethyst!"
"Did you guys, like, deal with his crack yet?" she asks, completely ignoring the other Gem's chastising. He has to admit, ignoring the jab she made at the other Steven, the level of concern etched upon her face is genuinely touching.
"Uh, he kinda poofed?" he says, gesturing towards the rest of the Gems. "But the gem's fixed! Pearl has it."
Pearl lifts the diamond so they can all see. Its facets catch the sun's glow, scattering the light in all directions. His dad's face grows pale at the sight.
"Man, and here I thought you were exaggerating," he mutters to Amethyst.
She shrugs widely. "Maybe about everything else, but not when it's actually serious."
"What I don't understand is how it happened. That gem's huge! And it's not like it's gonna fall right out. How on Earth did you lose it anyway?"
Garnet and Pearl shoot a poisonous glance in Bismuth's direction. If it were subtle that'd be one thing, but it's blatant enough that all other conversation runs silent. His skin nearly crawls in the awkward silence. He can feel sweat bead on his brow as he watches his dad's expression grow taut.
"Whoa," Amethyst says, holding up her hands. "I'm, uh, feeling some real uncomfortable vibes here. What'd I miss?"
Steven gives a nervous laugh, and runs his hand through the curls at the nape of his neck.
"Well... that's kinda a long story."
AN: A few meta notes on all the pandemonium that took place this chapter:
Pearl's gag order still stands even after the reveal because that mental lock has not been undone yet. I headcanon that it would take an individual actually crossing through her memories ala in canon to unlock that door. But since "Hey Steven, climb through my head and find my phone" is such a bizarrely specific idea, it won't be something Pearl will consider as a potential solution for a long while.
In the end, I chose to interpret the order this way because it allows Steven to still have a mystery to unfold. As a writer that's far more fun than an info-dump.
Garnet, as unstable as she currently is, was letting her anger get the best of her in her fear of the fact that she never saw this possibility coming, and took that out on Pearl. If she stopped to think she would've realized the reason why Pearl couldn't provide any information much earlier.
At this point, Bismuth is super lucky that her rash attempt at shattering Steven isn't the headline right now. Everyone's still so focused on the Pink Diamond revelation that nobody's quite gotten around to dealing with that issue yet. Her time is coming, though. It's just not currently a priority.
