Jc ended up persuading everyone (except me) that he should be in the water fight with us, I was strongly against this but I had no say in it apparently. The boys went into their bedrooms to get changed but I went into the bathroom, I got changed and looked at myself in the mirror. I had never felt the need to wear make-up or loose weight or change my hairstyle or anything like that but when I looked into the mirror everything I missed out on came down on me. I thought I was fat, I thought I was ugly, I thought I needed to cut my hair, I felt ridiculous and stereotypical. I picked out flaws about myself for no reason at all, I laughed it off and went out of the bathroom. I realized this would be the first time that Jc would see me like this, this made me feel worse about myself. I played angry birds while waiting for the boys, Jc came out first and sat next to me.
"What are you playing?" He asked, I ignored him. "I know you were jealous of Rosa but I don't understand why. You're my friend-" I walked into my bedroom and shut the door. Those words were painful even though I knew it was true, we were just friends and that was all we ever would be, I knew I needed to accept that. I came out of my room and tripped over Jc.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! You were spying on me?! You pervert!"
"No, you've got it wrong, I wanted to see if you were alright," He said. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea but we're just friends, Holly."
"I know that, I just thought I had a chance to be more than your friend."
"Well, I'm sorry if I gave you mixed messages," He said and took my hand. "I can't go out with you, Connor's one of my best friends, I can't do that to him."
"It isn't his life, it's mine," I said and kissed him, after a while he kissed me back.
"What the fuck Jc?"
Connor had come out of his room and Ricky and Kian were with him, they were all staring at me like I was a slut or something, I felt sick to my stomach, but Jc held onto my hand to support me.
"You can't control Holly's life, Connor, she's 18. She can make her own choices."
"She's making a mistake," Connor said.
"That's a bit harsh," Ricky said.
"Yeah...it kinda is," Said Kian.
"Look, you already broke her heart, I'm not letting you do it again."
"Well, that's tough Connor, you don't get a choice," I said. "And how dare you all judge me, Jc is the only one who's hung out with me no matter what everyone else said, you only hung out with me out of pity. When you saw us kissing, I looked at you and I felt like a slut even though that was my first kiss. How do you feel, Connor? You're the one who's breaking my heart now, you're my only family I trust and now you can't accept me. Jc is apart of me now."
"Wow, Holly, I never thought you felt about me in that way," Jc said, he put his arm around me.
"Can we please have that water fight now?" I asked.
I didn't want to just wear a bikini so I put on one of Jc's over-sized tops that he didn't mind me wearing, I got a water gun and filled it up, we all got into the garden.
"Alright, ready?" Kian asked, we all nodded. "3...2...1...GO!" I shot Ricky and did a ninja roll over to Kian.
"Prepare to die mother fucker," I shot him, he shot me back.
"Nice wet t-shirt, it's sexy," He said, Jc shot him.
"Don't you dare," He said, I smiled at him and he shot me. "We're still against each other," Connor threw a bucket of water over Jc so I shot him.
"Hey, we're cousins!"
"You don't act like it," I said, Ricky threw a bucket of cold water over me and laughed, Kian was staring at me.
"What?" I noticed everyone else was staring at me too. "What?!"
"Your bikini came off," Connor managed to say, I covered my chest and ran inside, blushing like crazy. I ran into my bedroom and got changed, that was so embarrassing, Jc saw me...that was the worst thing, someone knocked on the door.
"Hey, Holly, you alright?" It was Jc.
"I'm fine, Jc."
"Can I come in then?" He asked, I hesitated.
"Sure," He came in and sat on my bed.
"About what happened-"
"Don't," I said. "Just, don't."
"But, I don't care about what happened."
"What are you gay? You saw me..."
"If we have sex I'll see you like that, if we get married I'll see you like that every other day, it doesn't matter Holly," He said, holding my hand.
"I don't want to talk about the future, Jc," I said, looking into his eyes. "I don't know if we'll live that long."
"This is about your parents," I took my hand away. "It's natural to feel that way, Holly, don't worry about it. We are going to live that long."
"You don't know that! I thought my parents would live long enough to see me with my first boyfriend, with my first family, I wanted to look after them when they were old and grey, but I couldn't."
"I will stay with you for as long as I can and you stay with me for as long as you can, that's all that we can do," He kissed me.
"I can't do this."
