Disclaimer: Hm...If I owned Red Dwarf and Doctor Who, we would be watching this on TV rather than reading a silly Fanfic. :P
"Oh, Mr. Rimmer, sir, thank goodness you're back. You really shouldn't go off on your own. Mr. Doctor wants us to stay put. Look what happened to Cat."
"What did happen, Kryten?" Rimmer's voice was sterner than usual.
"He's lost his vanity."
"This is your fault you know."
Kryten stopped short as he was checking on Cat. "M...m-my fault?"
Rimmer was positively fuming now. "Yes, your fault. You let Cat run off alone. He trusted you. Now look at him."
Kryten was obviously pained by this statement. "I didn't mean to..."
"But you did."
"Oh, I feel so...so..."
"So...GUILTY?" Rimmer punctuated this last word by transforming into the Polymorph, sucking the guilt right out of Kryten before switching to the form of a snake and slithering away.
"No sign of Rimmer," the Doctor shouted as he rounded the corner, "We'll have to--oi! Wonderful. Something tells me this crew is one banana short of a bunch. Well..." he pulled out the sonic screwdriver, "looks like old Krytie has lost his guilt. Oh, that can't be good." Just then, both Cat and Kryten began to stir. "Right then, you two. I'm putting you in the sleeping quarters until I can work this out."
Cat nodded, rubbing his head. Kryten followed, but with his guilt gone, he couldn't resist letting out a "screw you, hadron-head!"
Meanwhile, the real Rimmer was still on his own. He decided that since he couldn't find Cat, he should at least check on Lister in the medical bay. But what he found was a little more than he bargained for.
"Mother?"
"Hello dear!" There was his mother, laying on the table next to Lister, looking altogether too comfortable.
"WHAT are you doing?"
His voice echoed down the hall, and the Doctor closed the sleeping quarter's door as fast as he could to run and see what was happening. He got there just in time to hear Rimmer's "mother" say, "Darling, I wish you could have seen him in action. He was like a set of pistons in an ocean liner engine room." The Doctor looked back and forth, trying to work out what emotion the polymorph was going for here.
"You just had my mum!" Rimmer shouted at Lister, who had woken up and was lying listlessly with the polymorph.
Anger, the Doctor decided. "Listen, Arnold, don't get mad. That's what it wants. Just stay calm. Rimmer? Breath. Deep breaths."
Rimmer took a couple of breaths, but couldn't hold in the anger. He ran towards the table, but before he could reach it, the polymorph sucked the anger out of him. Being a hologram, he didn't really lose consciousness like the others had; just sort of stood there dazed for a minute. The Doctor wanted to help him, but he was focused on catching the mutant stealing people's emotions. Unfortunately, it had chosen the form of an insect and scuttled into the ventilation system. Running his hand through his hair, the Doctor thought about what to do next. "Well, Lister, let's get you and Rimmer to the sleeping quarters with the others."
